Getting Rid of Matthew

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What to do if Matthew, your secret lover of the past four years, finally decides to leave his wife and move in, just when you're thinking that you might not want him anymore. Plan A - stop shaving your armpits; tell him you have a moustache that you wax every six weeks; stop having sex with him; pick holes in the way he dresses; don't brush your teeth, or your hair. Plan B - accidentally on purpose bump into his wife; give yourself a fake name and identity; befriend her; actually begin to really like her; buy a cat and give it a fake name and identity; befriend Matthew's children. Watch your whole plan go absolutely horribly wrong...
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