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The Last Testament - A Memoir-logo

The Last Testament - A Memoir

God

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era. Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament. As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith's. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL. But The Last Testament doesn't just look back. It also offers God's perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as: • Why he loves America • What he listens for in a good prayer • Which sports teams he really roots for • Which celebrities are totally gay Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It's the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers," but to anyone who's ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era. Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament. As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith's. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL. But The Last Testament doesn't just look back. It also offers God's perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as: • Why he loves America • What he listens for in a good prayer • Which sports teams he really roots for • Which celebrities are totally gay Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It's the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers," but to anyone who's ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.
More Information

Genres:

Humor

Description:

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, god has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era. Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament. As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft. For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith's. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL. But The Last Testament doesn't just look back. It also offers God's perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as: • Why he loves America • What he listens for in a good prayer • Which sports teams he really roots for • Which celebrities are totally gay Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It's the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers," but to anyone who's ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.

Language:

English

Narrators:

David Javerbaum

Length:

9h 28m


Chapters

Introduction
Introduction

00:23


Chapter 1
Chapter 1

06:36


Chapter 2
Chapter 2

04:36


Chapter 3
Chapter 3

06:34


Chapter 4
Chapter 4

03:29


Chapter 5
Chapter 5

03:08


Chapter 6
Chapter 6

04:30


Chapter 7
Chapter 7

03:46


Chapter 8
Chapter 8

04:46


Chapter 9
Chapter 9

04:40


Chapter 10
Chapter 10

03:20


Chapter 11
Chapter 11

04:14


Chapter 12
Chapter 12

05:17


Chapter 13
Chapter 13

04:44


Chapter 14
Chapter 14

03:51


Chapter 15
Chapter 15

05:05


Chapter 16
Chapter 16

04:32


Chapter 17
Chapter 17

03:56


Chapter 18
Chapter 18

04:48


Chapter 19
Chapter 19

03:30


Chapter 20
Chapter 20

00:36


Chapter 21
Chapter 21

00:07


Chapter 22
Chapter 22

03:36


Chapter 23
Chapter 23

04:04


Chapter 24
Chapter 24

03:35


Chapter 25
Chapter 25

03:49


Chapter 26
Chapter 26

03:04


Chapter 27
Chapter 27

03:37


Chapter 28
Chapter 28

02:21


Chapter 29
Chapter 29

02:27


Chapter 30
Chapter 30

02:33


Chapter 31
Chapter 31

04:17


Chapter 32
Chapter 32

05:38


Chapter 33
Chapter 33

04:37


Chapter 34
Chapter 34

03:27


Chapter 35
Chapter 35

04:12


Chapter 36
Chapter 36

05:38


Chapter 37
Chapter 37

02:39


Chapter 38
Chapter 38

03:47


Chapter 39
Chapter 39

05:34


Chapter 40
Chapter 40

04:06


Chapter 41
Chapter 41

03:40


Chapter 42
Chapter 42

02:42


Chapter 43
Chapter 43

03:10


Chapter 44
Chapter 44

01:33


Chapter 45
Chapter 45

01:07


Chapter 46
Chapter 46

02:02


Chapter 47
Chapter 47

04:47


Chapter 48
Chapter 48

03:06


Chapter 49
Chapter 49

02:26


Chapter 50
Chapter 50

03:38


Chapter 51
Chapter 51

01:58


Chapter 52
Chapter 52

02:17


Chapter 53
Chapter 53

01:35


Chapter 54
Chapter 54

05:52


Chapter 55
Chapter 55

05:27


Chapter 56
Chapter 56

04:39


Chapter 57
Chapter 57

03:54


Chapter 58
Chapter 58

04:46


Chapter 59
Chapter 59

03:22


Chapter 60
Chapter 60

04:05


Chapter 61
Chapter 61

04:05


Chapter 62
Chapter 62

03:15


Chapter 63
Chapter 63

02:31


Chapter 64
Chapter 64

02:58


Chapter 65
Chapter 65

02:05


Chapter 66
Chapter 66

03:46


Chapter 67
Chapter 67

01:26


Chapter 68
Chapter 68

01:13


Chapter 69
Chapter 69

04:00


Chapter 70
Chapter 70

03:15


Chapter 71
Chapter 71

04:33


Chapter 72
Chapter 72

00:46


Chapter 73
Chapter 73

02:50


Chapter 74
Chapter 74

03:53


Chapter 75
Chapter 75

03:10


Chapter 76
Chapter 76

02:56


Chapter 77
Chapter 77

03:29


Chapter 78
Chapter 78

02:28


Chapter 79
Chapter 79

04:25


Chapter 80
Chapter 80

04:07


Chapter 81
Chapter 81

06:49


Chapter 82
Chapter 82

03:44


Chapter 83
Chapter 83

04:16


Chapter 84
Chapter 84

02:25


Chapter 85
Chapter 85

04:42


Chapter 86
Chapter 86

01:08


Chapter 87
Chapter 87

01:18


Chapter 88
Chapter 88

01:36


Chapter 89
Chapter 89

03:23


Chapter 90
Chapter 90

05:10


Chapter 91
Chapter 91

03:47


Chapter 92
Chapter 92

03:22


Chapter 93
Chapter 93

02:48


Chapter 94
Chapter 94

02:48


Chapter 95
Chapter 95

03:57


Chapter 96
Chapter 96

03:17


Chapter 97
Chapter 97

04:30


Chapter 98
Chapter 98

03:27


Chapter 99
Chapter 99

03:21


Chapter 100
Chapter 100

02:45


Chapter 101
Chapter 101

04:15


Chapter 102
Chapter 102

01:53


Chapter 103
Chapter 103

02:20


Chapter 104
Chapter 104

02:20


Chapter 105
Chapter 105

03:26


Chapter 106
Chapter 106

03:25


Chapter 107
Chapter 107

03:06


Chapter 108
Chapter 108

03:04


Chapter 109
Chapter 109

02:44


Chapter 110
Chapter 110

02:50


Chapter 111
Chapter 111

02:06


Chapter 112
Chapter 112

03:50


Chapter 113
Chapter 113

02:59


Chapter 114
Chapter 114

02:41


Chapter 115
Chapter 115

03:55


Chapter 116
Chapter 116

02:50


Chapter 117
Chapter 117

00:26


Chapter 118
Chapter 118

03:47


Chapter 119
Chapter 119

02:48


Chapter 120
Chapter 120

04:00


Chapter 121
Chapter 121

04:28


Chapter 122
Chapter 122

03:18


Chapter 123
Chapter 123

01:51


Chapter 124
Chapter 124

03:20


Chapter 125
Chapter 125

03:47


Chapter 126
Chapter 126

08:47


Chapter 127
Chapter 127

04:00


Chapter 128
Chapter 128

03:04


Chapter 129
Chapter 129

03:23


Chapter 130
Chapter 130

02:16


Chapter 131
Chapter 131

02:49


Chapter 132
Chapter 132

03:07


Chapter 133
Chapter 133

02:58


Chapter 134
Chapter 134

02:23


Chapter 135
Chapter 135

01:58


Chapter 136
Chapter 136

01:00


Chapter 137
Chapter 137

03:45


Chapter 138
Chapter 138

02:27


Chapter 139
Chapter 139

02:39


Chapter 140
Chapter 140

02:57


Chapter 141
Chapter 141

02:55


Chapter 142
Chapter 142

01:10


Chapter 143
Chapter 143

00:27


Chapter 144
Chapter 144

00:20


Chapter 145
Chapter 145

01:01


Chapter 146
Chapter 146

00:33


Chapter 147
Chapter 147

01:20


Chapter 148
Chapter 148

04:06


Chapter 149
Chapter 149

02:38


Chapter 150
Chapter 150

04:40


Chapter 151
Chapter 151

05:39


Chapter 152
Chapter 152

03:58


Chapter 153
Chapter 153

03:51


Chapter 154
Chapter 154

04:23


Chapter 155
Chapter 155

04:34


Chapter 156
Chapter 156

05:02


Chapter 157
Chapter 157

03:59


Chapter 158
Chapter 158

04:12


Chapter 159
Chapter 159

05:21


Chapter 160
Chapter 160

05:58


Chapter 161
Chapter 161

05:12


Chapter 162
Chapter 162

05:04


Chapter 163
Chapter 163

05:21


Chapter 164
Chapter 164

04:49


Chapter 165
Chapter 165

02:34


Chapter 166
Chapter 166

01:14