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Are We All Missing the Point?

Several times a day I receive an email from a site called Help A Reporter Out or HARO. It is a site journalists use to find sources for their stories. As a subject matter expert, it is a great way to find opportunities to share your expertise. The majority of the articles I see being written are about fashion or sex. “Real Men who have waxed their testicles” or “Men in their 30s willing to talk about their foot fetishes.” Cheating, erections, and male anatomy are in heavy rotation. Here is...


Proposing Marriage: Before and After

Almost two months ago I proposed to my girlfriend. And while I was excited to plan this moment for the woman I loved the most, once I realized how much work was ahead of me, I became obsessed with the logistics. I wanted the ring to feel as unique and special to her as she is to me. I wanted to take her away to a place specific to our relationship, the exact spot to reflect the gravitas of the moment. There were so many details to figure out, in secret, without accidentally ruining the...


Yes And: A Conversational Strategy

After the 2018 U.S. Open women’s final, with accusations and blame being directed at both Serena Williams and the referee, I found myself agreeing with people on both sides of the issue. Of course, I had an initial snap opinion as I often do, but seeing as I am not an avid tennis fan, a person of color, or a woman, I was particularly curious to hear a comprehensive, fact-based conversation regarding what transpired. Almost every article I read argued a singular party was at fault. Some...


Finding Comfort in Love: The True Story of a Fart

I recently proposed to the only woman I have ever intentionally farted in front of. Amazingly she said yes. I certainly didn’t anticipate those two events would be correlated, but they are. And I don’t think it is a coincidence. Read the original article here:


Where Are The Abuse Victims In Congress?

The congressional hearing and confirmation process of Brett Kavanaugh was full of heightened and dismissive dialogue. The questions and accusations brought to the forefront were not treated with curiosity and a quest for due process, but an immediate and wild backlash that sought to paint Christine Blasey Ford as a liar and a pawn. It should come as no surprise as it is the way accusations of sexual misconduct are frequently treated in this country. Those in power often blame and shame...


What Are We Doing With All This Time?

In the last two decades technology has changed our world so dramatically that today, the idea of weekly errands seems so foreign to me. My adulthood is very different than my parents, mainly in my ability to accomplish so many of my “errands” from my computer. As I think about my lifestyle versus my parents at my age, I have tried to calculate the time I am able to save. It adds up quickly. Read the original article here:...


My Accidental Gender Stereotyping

The criticism of the way the media depicts gender wasn’t just something I was reading about, it was something I was inadvertently contributing to. By encouraging the women to behave in a more stereotypical feminine manner, I was fostering established stereotypes in representation. In times without significant forethought, it can be easy to default to some preconceived notions or behaviors. Just as I did. Read the original article here:...


The Way Men Do Not Share

While I didn’t always have the language for it, the intersection of masculinity and emotions has been something I have thought about since I was a child. From an early age, it was made clear any emotional expression beyond the norm would result in teasing or bullying from my peers. It was at least part of the reason I gravitated more towards friendships with females. Read the original article here:


A Subtle Shift for Healthier Masculinity

We are living in a very interesting time with regards to masculinity. The word itself is changing, doing its damndest to evolve out of the definition that has contained it for centuries: “The qualities typically associated with being a man.” That simplistic view is far too minimal to encapsulate the full emotional spectrum of what it is to be a man in today’s society. It is the reason so much is ignored or misunderstood when it comes to our role as men in creating and understanding a...


A Generalized Fear Regarding the Eventual Death of Everything

The problem with having a generalized anxiety about the impermanence of everything is it infiltrates every corner of my life. My awareness regarding the ephemeral nature of all things is a constant thrum. This fear may be irrational, but it is not unfounded. Everything does eventually expire. Read the original article here:


The Death of Should

I am constantly berated by the demands of my own idealized reality. The voice inside my head distorts how I view myself and the world around me. While I have done well to remove should from my daily language, it’s inclinations are still there, a fleet of small but determined mental whack-a-moles. Should is very much the guiding hand of our life choices. It pushes us forward, backward, and sideways, into scenarios we may or may not want. It obscures itself, masquerades as want. We should......


The Myth of the Supportive Woman

I was watching a YouTube video from a popular business coach recently. He’s a high-energy, alpha-male type who regularly releases advice videos. After watching several of them I came to one done by his wife. In it, she talks about their relationship and specifically the way she encourages him, cheers him on, and supports his career. It was a very specific example of how one woman supports her husband. I probably wouldn’t have thought about the video again had I not accidentally scrolled down...


Is It Time To Raise Your Voice?

After the 2016 presidential election, with the country in shock and deeply divided, I remember reading articles with topics like, “Now what? What can I do?” These articles recommended volunteerism, donating to worthy causes and paying for real, verified news sources. The general sense was yes, the ship may feel like it’s out of control, but we all have an obligation to make sure it doesn’t run aground. Two years later, the rhetoric machines of political news and social media continue to...


Straight Thoughts on Queer Eye

I recently spent four days binge-watching the reboot of “Queer Eye” with tears streaming down my face. I had started watching hoping to merely distract myself. Instead, I became immersed, plowing through all 16 episodes of the first two seasons in four days. And I can’t stop thinking about it. Read the original article here:


Terrible Things I Accidentally Said to Perfectly Nice Women

It is for this reason, in my 20s, I dated people I didn’t necessarily see a future with. A known average relationship was better than an unknown future of possible singledom. A lot of my time back then was spent ignoring realities, or otherwise disregarding them until they became unavoidable. Read the original article here:


Kissing Cheeks Until College

Around the time I was ten, as my height continued to climb, and the arrival of puberty became imminent, I started to feel uncomfortable kissing my father on the cheek, even if no one else was looking. And as I didn’t see my other male friends kissing their fathers on the cheeks, it felt more embarrassing. And my life to that point had been a careful endeavor to avoid embarrassment at all costs. Read the original article here:...


The Mole Man Cometh

Today, my body is no longer a smattering of small freckles, beauty, and birthmarks. The canvas of my epidermis has been struck with a scourge of melanin concentrated skin blemishes that arrive unbidden, seemingly overnight. They pop up with the speed of a pubescent zit, except permanent. It is not a hormonal change that has caused this pestilence to strike my human rind, but the simple and unavoidable act of aging. And while I am OK with aging, I am less than OK with all the moles. Read the...


Words We Overuse

The term millennial no longer means anything to me. It has become a default for people to describe the behavior of those significantly younger than them. Millennial is just another in a long line of words we as a culture have exhausted. I certainly am tired of hearing it. We are lazy when it comes to our language. We reuse terms over and over again until they become essentially meaningless. Read the original article here:


The Importance of Breaking Up

The first time I went through a real breakup I was 17. It was my first indicator of the emotional turbulence a romantic relationship could bring. The feeling of heartache was not unfamiliar but it was certainly unwelcome. I was naive in matters of the heart. I always have been. I did not realize breaking up meant mourning; actively participating in the processing of one’s feelings. Transitioning out of love, lust, or even companionship has always made me rethink at least parts of my life. I...


The Incessant Personal Radio

Every morning, when I open my eyes, it is like I am joining a radio program already in progress. A song I may or may not have heard recently is playing in my head, on repeat, like some sort of Manchurian Candidate type instruction directing me to assassinate my own sanity. The song varies as does the genre. Sometimes I know why the song is there. Other times, I have no idea why or how the song got stuck in my head, especially when it is a song I haven’t thought about in years. This music,...