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Brand Spanking New Podcast

Arts & Culture Podcasts

A satirical look into the past week of sports, society, and culture.

A satirical look into the past week of sports, society, and culture.


United States


A satirical look into the past week of sports, society, and culture.




Leaks in the Boats, XFL No Shows, Westbrook is Toxic, Baseball Loves to Hate Itself

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why people might want to bail on the Clippers, why the XFL needs to get better uniforms, and why Westbrook is the toxic one in the relationship. I also unpack why baseball is littered with scandals, and why it loves to bring that upon itself for publicity. Also, no one cares that Santa Clarita Diet wasn't renewed, right?


Small-Balls, XFL & Applebees, All-Star Snubs, and Adam Sandler Blowing the Call

In this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Small Ball is not the best approach if you're walking into Cesar's Palace, why the XFL tastes like a watered down appetizer from Applebee's, and why Devin Booker has no right to be upset. I also unpack why one missed call should not be the blaming point for the derailment of an entire NBA season. Also, Canadians drink maple syrup instead of alcohol, right?


Super Bowl Meltdown, Barney Stinson for the NBA, Patriots on Shaky Ground, and Kobe v. Lebron

In this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Kyle Shanahan teams are getting a reputation for falling apart, why new is not always better, especially in All-Star games, and why the Patriots have a worse reputation than the Raiders. I also unpack why Kobe and Lebron will never be in the same category, at least when it comes to their generational differences. Also, Cheers was not shot in Vietnam.


Kobe Bryant

A brief synopsis trying to piece together the last 24 hours of the sports world.


The Mannequin Lamar, What If, Steph, Starkville v. Pullman, and Mr. Reed the Villain

In this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Lamar Jackson could be just a fad, why Hannah Brown needs less attention than Giannis teaming up with Steph, and why Mississippi State is not an upgrade over Wazzu. I also unpack why Patrick Reed is the greatest thing to happen to golf since the rangefinder. Also, remember when the mannequin challenge was a thing?


Goodnight, Foxboro, David Stern's Legacy, Next in Line in Dallas, and Bowling for Poop

In this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Tom Brady's time is up, why Adam Silver will never measure up to David Stern, and why coaching the Cowboys is not the most desirable job in sports. I also unpack why the bowl system in college football is flawed and is in desperate need of fixing. Also, James Harden needs to give up the headband.


Breaking the Curse, Jason Garrett the Yes-Man, On to Cincinnati, and How I Met James Harden

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Joe Burrow shouldn't believe in the Heisman curse, why Urban Meyer will never move to Dallas, and why New England should officially add the word gate to their official city name. I also unpack why the Houston Rockets need to quit complaining about how much they hate the ending of Seinfeld. Also, Grizzly Adams is a bald vegan.


Dadgum, Jimbo! Cowboys or Browns? Patrick Reed is the Devil, Bobby, and Time is Running Out

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Dabo Swinney should be shaking in his boots, why the Cleveland Browns and Dallas Cowboys could switch jerseys and no one would know the difference, and why Patrick Reed might be BFF's with Lance Armstrong. I also unpack why Lebron James may be on his last leg, and why the Lakers should be worried. Also, is Betty White immortal?


Vader v. Funshine, The Boy Who Tweets Wolf, Houston is a Problem, and Dissecting Brown-pocalypse!

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why nobody should jump on the Celtics and Lakers bandwagon just yet, why Antonio Brown is not the real deal, and why the modern media needs to stop think they're being witty with the Houston Astros. I also unpack the details of the Browns-Steelers brawl, and why everyone becomes armchair experts in heated situations. Also, bout to gas up the white bronco!


Jeaux the Geauxt, Harden on the Catwalk, Weekends with Johnny Football, and Kawhi Cupcake Leonard's Load Management

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Tank for Tua is no longer the slogan for the Miami Dolphins, why teams should invest more in strip clubs than perimeter defense, and why Colin Kaepernick's weekend workout will not get him a job in the NFL. I also unpack the idea of load management, and how Nicholas Cage movies are not the deciding factor in getting the Toronto Raptors an NBA title. Also, is Joe Burrow Ron Burgundy's idol?


Kyrie is Cray-Cray, Baseball is Dead, the NCAA is Jonestown, and the Golden State Warriors are not Ironman

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Kyrie Irving doesn't know how to use photoshop, brah, why people would rather watch The Masked Singer than the World Series, and why the NCAA likes taking M&M's from little babies. I also unpack the idea of how the Golden State Warriors are both the luckiest, and unluckiest team in recent history, and why they can relate to an intoxicated Robert Downey Jr. sitting in a jail cell. Also, no one likes steaks wrapped in bacon in Oklahoma City.


Patrick Beverly is Uncle Rico, RUDY! RUDY! How I Met the Big 12, and How the West was Fun

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain how Golden State recruited the YMCA team from Tampa, why Notre Dame comes up shorter than Tyrion Lannister, and why Big 12 coaches personify the version of insanity. I also unpack the idea of why the Western Conference in the NBA is the trending place to be, and why nobody wants to build an igloo in Toronto. Also, someone needs to tell Mike Gundy that mullets aren't ever coming back.


Lebron Shames, Shirley, You Can Beat Bama, Referees Feeling a Little Bangkok Dangerous, and the King of Khakis

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Lebron cares more about beating the Monsters than he does about actual human beings, why Bama and Clemson are the equivalent to Olive Garden and Buffalo Wild Wings, and why referees make us feel like Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad. I also unpack the idea behind the mayhem in Michigan, and why Jim Harbaugh is on his way out the door. Also, who decides where people sit on the banana boat?


Ben Simmons Wins in H-O-R-S-E, The Georgia Teacup Poodles, Dodge and Dodger, and Stranger Things in China.

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why no one cares that James Harden can shoot off one leg, why the University of Georgia Bulldogs can't defend Air Bud, the Golden Receiver, and why the Los Angeles Dodgers should try and recruit Jim Kelly. I also unpack the idea behind freedom of speech, and why Rockets GM Darryl Morey has the right to say whatever he wants on Twitter. Also, Winnie the Pooh should be the outright mascot for Panda Express.


Nick Saban's Grandson Wearing a Dog-Collar, Vontaze the Tin-Man, Fidget Spinners are Adam Silver's Thing, and Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous with Robin Leach

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why the NCAA needs to quit treating it's athletes like their under prohibition, why Vontaze Burfict should have been on the battlefield with William Wallace, and why NBA Commissioner Adam Silver wears Heelys in his spare time. I also unpack the idea of overpaying athletes and why Witches aren't crazy. Also, has anyone ever done Downward Dog while balancing on a giant pole?


Fear the Stat-Padder, Clemson Football=Top Gun, Ricky Bobby Hits Some Dingers, and Overhyping Downton Abbey

On this episode of Brand Spanking New, I explain why we should be more afraid of Kate Moss than the Houston Rockets, why the sequel to Clemson's national title and Top Gun 2020 are going to be full of hot air, and why Ricky Bobby should be the spokesman for the New York Yankees. I also unpack the idea of hype, and what teams and players get overhyped going into each season. Also, has anyone seen the Labrador hiding in the water closet?!


Member Berries in Michigan, Referees Getting Roses, Adam Silver's Tinder Profile, and Tanking for Tua.

On this edition of Brand Spanking New, I explain why Michigan needs to realize the band Hanson is not currently trending in the music industry, why football officials may have an ulterior motive behind why they throw so many flags, and why there will no longer be any pre-mature wooing done in NBA Free Agency. I also unpack the idea of tanking, and what drives teams to live their lives vicariously through George Constanza. Also, has anyone in Detroit heard of a Snuggie?


Atlantic Cupcake Conference, Aliens from Serbia, Come at me, Bro, and Big Little Wides.

On this edition of Brand Spanking New, we explain why Clemson needs to find a new home, why Serbia should be more proud of their home-grown raspberries, and why Brooks Koepka might have lost an award for his role in "Jersey Boys". We also also look into the conceited behavior of sports divas, and what drives them to stab people over a haircut. Also, I totally am on Team Tom.


Cupcake Tech, Zeke Gets Paid, AB Loves Himself, and Playing Hide & Seek With a Shotgun.

On this edition of Brand Spanking New, we dissect the return of Football in all of its violent glory, why Kelsey Grammar was cast in The Expendables 3, and why Nadal needs to see a gastroenterologist. We also look into the madness of Antonio Brown and the repercussions that could hamper his NFL career. Also, has your Father-in-law ever tried to hunt you down with an axe?


Out of Luck, Quit Scheduling Georgia State, New is Always Better, and Yes, Brad Pitt Takes his Shirt Off.

On this edition of Brand Spanking New, we dissect the ghosting of Andrew Luck, why Rick Moranis needs to reprise his role as the head coach of the Little Giants, and why the Golden Bear should be receiving career royalties. We also look into the madness of this past summer and repercussions that will change the NBA landscape. Have you seen the latest Tarantino flick yet?