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Conflict and Resolution

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Get better conflict resolution results with science-based, field-tested conflict resolution strategies and inspiration from this professional mediator, conflict resolution teacher, coach, and author.

Get better conflict resolution results with science-based, field-tested conflict resolution strategies and inspiration from this professional mediator, conflict resolution teacher, coach, and author.
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Location:

United States

Description:

Get better conflict resolution results with science-based, field-tested conflict resolution strategies and inspiration from this professional mediator, conflict resolution teacher, coach, and author.

Twitter:

@tammylenski

Language:

English

Contact:

603-203-6630


Episodes

The body in the suitcase and the conflict stories we tell

10/16/2018
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When we get into a conflict with someone, it’s natural to replay our experience of the conflict, both in our minds and as we tell others about it. Over time, this replay can begin to feel like The Truth About What Happened. But it isn’t. Want a transcript of this episode? Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.

Duration:00:05:03

The type of problem that makes conflict resolution harder

10/2/2018
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Gravity problems make conflict resolution more difficult because they sidetrack us from actionable problems. Here's how to recognize gravity problems when you see them, why they're troublesome, and how to prevent them from hijacking resolution. Show notes Designing Your LifeDave Evans on the Hidden Brain podcastWant a transcript of this episode? Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.

Duration:00:11:08

A visualization for letting go of things you can't change

9/18/2018
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There are some problems and squabbles that aren't worth our effort to pursue. Maybe we're never going to see that person again, or it's a small enough problem that we know we won't care about it in a few days, weeks or months. If your mind keeps chewing on little problems like these, try this brief meditation for letting them go. Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.

Duration:00:04:38

Turn adversaries into problem-solving partners

9/5/2018
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Most people don't want to be wrangled into doing something you want but they don't. Here are three ways to turn them into your problem-solving partners and dissolve resistance. Show notes Why Decisions Fail by Paul C. Nutt

Duration:00:08:56

How to express a concern without making things worse

8/3/2018
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When I ask clients why they let a problem go on for so long before addressing it, a common reply is, "I was afraid I'd create more conflict by raising it." It's an understandable fear. Here are some tried-and-true ways to raise an issue for discussion without making matters worse, along with additional tips for mediators and managers. Show notes How to confront someone without being confrontationalThe problem with reflexive loopsSource of Krista Tippett quoteBenign intentions don't cancel...

Duration:00:08:44

Ask yourself this kind of question when an argument rattles you

7/2/2018
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When a difficult conversation rattles you, using a centering question can help you get your balance back. Here are favorite centering questions I share with my clients, along with guidelines for developing your own.. Show notes Psychological distancingCognitive reappraisalChoice pointsWhat would love do now?It's real, but is it true?What else could this be?What is the problem we're trying to solve here?

Duration:00:09:48

Replay: Simple phrase to de-escalate anger

6/19/2018
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When someone is emotionally swamped by anger, it can be helpful to redirect them temporarily away from their feelings and engage their cognitive capacities. The following invitation helps de-escalate anger particularly well and deserves a permanent home in your conflict resolution toolbox. This episode is a replay of a 2017 episode. I'll be back with new episodes in a few weeks. Show notes Why you can’t just reason someone back into reasonablenessWhy focusing on angry feelings can...

Duration:00:04:07

Replay: A ridiculously simple way to be more persuasive

6/5/2018
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Failing to ask effectively for what we want is the stuff of low-grade irritation that, over time, can become a source of chronic conflict and tension. Here s a ridiculously simple way to ask more effectively, be more persuasive without manipulating, and increase the odds a small favor will be granted. This episode is a replay of a 2016 episode. I'll be back with new episodes in a few weeks. Show notes Langer's copy machine experiment

Duration:00:06:00

3 everyday practices that will make you a good listener

5/22/2018
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It’s hard to get better at listening during conflict by practicing during conflict. If you want to be a better listener, practice outside of a difficult conversation. The stakes will be lower and it’ll be easier to be on top of your game. Here are three simple ways to practice being a good listener in everyday life.

Duration:00:06:33

The gift of anger

5/8/2018
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What we believe about anger has an impact on what happens during emotionally charged conflict. Relief from the suffering of conflict can come from them changing how they act on their anger, of course. But it can also come from us changing how we think about anger. Show notes Anger as a signalWant a transcript of this episode? Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.

Duration:00:04:44

This common (but faulty) reasoning leads to bad decisions

4/24/2018
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We like to think of ourselves as rational beings, and yet we act irrationally in all sorts of ways. One way we act irrationally is with a type of faulty reasoning we use for decisions both large and small, influencing not just the agreements we reach, but also the process we use to reach those agreements. Show notes My agility dog, ChicaOne circumstance in which sunk cost thinking may have some useSource of Danial Kahneman quoteWhy it’s difficult for someone to quickly regain their...

Duration:00:11:59

5 impactful questions for handling difficult moments

4/10/2018
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Most difficult conversations ebb and flow between good progress and difficult moments, those times it’s a challenge to access our best selves and skills. Here are five common difficult moments and five powerful questions to help you through them. Show notes The value of silence in difficult conversationsHow to politely stop long-winded talkersAbout deep listeningSeparating intention and impactKeeping yourself (and others) out of conflict corners“How can” questionsWhy it’s so hard to reason...

Duration:00:07:20

Is the overconfidence effect sabotaging your communication?

3/27/2018
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The overconfidence effect is a natural bias toward believing that we’re better at something than we actually are. The overconfidence effect can distort belief in the accuracy of a strong memory, estimations of how long it will take to get things done, judgment about our intelligence compared to others, and even the reliability of eyewitness accounts. It can sabotage communication during conflict, too. Show notes Lowest level of intervention firstDo we ever really know our loved...

Duration:00:05:48

An effortless way to more accurately discern others' emotions

3/13/2018
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Being able to accurately discern someone’s emotional state is an essential conflict resolution skill. But even with both good will and skill, we have a fair chance of guessing wrong. Recent research suggests that when it comes to accurately figuring out what someone else is feeling, there’s one thing we can do that boosts our ability to get it right. Show notes The original researchQuick summary of the researchWant a transcript of this episode? Transcripts of podcast episodes are...

Duration:00:08:10

How to backpedal after saying the wrong thing

2/27/2018
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When words come out of your mouth that you instantly regret, here are some ways to recover from your faux pas and minimize the impact of ill-chosen words. Show notes About trigger stackingBad TammyThe time I cursed at a mediation clientWant a transcript of this episode? Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.

Duration:00:04:25

Can this key ingredient protect your marriage from relationship conflict?

2/13/2018
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Couples can have big fights, frequent conflict, and even bicker all the time and still have healthy, fulfilling, and lasting relationships. How so? Recent research suggests that one factor in particular plays an important role in protecting a couple from the negative effects of relationship conflict: How well you think your partner “gets” you. Show notes Do you get where I’m coming from?: Perceived understanding buffers against the negative impact of conflict on relationship...

Duration:00:06:28

The communication method that makes disagreements worse

1/30/2018
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For almost two decades I’ve advised clients to avoid email and texting when tension grows in their important personal or business relationships. Is my advice still credible in an era permeated by technology? A new study offers updated insight. Show notes Allen Gannett’s “call me” experimentThe humanizing voice: Speech reveals, and text concealsThe difficulty of decoding email sender’s intentionWant a transcript of this episode? Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my...

Duration:00:04:55

Spark a shift in perspective with this question

1/16/2018
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It’s hard to get fresh perspective about our situation or the other person when we’re trapped inside a conflict. This simple question is excellent for tempering our certainty, engaging our curiosity, and sparking a shift in perspective when we need it most. Want a transcript of this episode? Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive them automatically by email. Subscribe for free here.

Duration:00:03:08

The Picasso trick for better problem solving

1/2/2018
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When we become too wedded to our own solutions, conflict resolution conversations can get pretty stuck. Here’s a trick of the mind to help us stay flexible (even when we’re sure our solution is brilliant), courtesy of Pablo Picasso. Show notes PDF download of the Picasso quoteThe groan zoneThe pain of anticipating painThe conflict replayManaging cognitive load during conflictWant a transcript of this episode? Transcripts of podcast episodes are available to my subscribers, who receive...

Duration:00:06:22

When it seems trivial, pay more attention

12/19/2017
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When you’re tempted to dismiss someone’s concerns as trivial, or roll your eyes at the things people find to fight over, it’s time to sit up straight and pay attention. Because you’re missing something…and it’s worth your while to figure out what. This episode is brought to you by The Conflict Resolution Toolbox. Reach inside a professional mediator’s toolbox to spark breakthroughs, build consensus, and preserve important relationships at work and home. Want a transcript of this...

Duration:00:04:11