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LIW The Twilight Zone Review

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91: One More Pallbearer (TZ 317)

Cut the last 2 minutes and this episode is amazing. For once the twist endings got in the way of our enjoyment. Either way, witness the most pathetic person ever scream out the most pathetic dialogue ever. Witness two podcasters do the same. Or something. Whatever makes the joke work.


90: Nightmare As A Child Redux (TZ 129)

Another redux episode. Somehow Frank doesn't love this one as much as he does the one where the guy lays on a couch and goddamn dies. Is this the creepiest episode of The Twilight Zone ever? The guy admits to having a crush on a 10-11 year old when he's easily 25 years older than the girl. He also still carries around a photograph of the girl from that age. He then has the balls to show the grown up the photo of her a a child. So yeah, it's pretty creepy.


89: Nothing In The Dark (TZ 316)

Rod ruins this episode several times before the reveal even happens so why bother watching this, right? Actually it's a sweet episode with a nice little lesson in it. It's not terribly exciting but if you're a fan of antiques then this is your goddamn episode. Fan of hoarding? Your episode. Fan of murdering old ladies? Please stop listening to our show and go turn yourself in.


88: A Quality Of Mercy (TZ 315)

Racist or nah? Phoenix and Frank come up with several different ideas of how to do this episode in a better way. We don't think the actor himself had to turn Japanese. We really think so.


87: Five Characters In Search Of An Exit (TZ 314)

If you've ever wanted a Toy Story / Saw crossover then you're in luck. These toys have souls and are tortured by that fact. The toy gods over at Mattel have some explaining to do. Oh shit, they sponsored this episode. Those toy gods over at Mattel have some great products. If you buy your child a homelessman action figure then you hate your goddamn kids. At least give them to the orphans. As if they don't have enough problems.


86: Once Upon A Time (TZ 313)

All the best stories revolve around elderly janitors. It isn't depressing as shit or anything. Phoenix and Frank start off talking about having to masturbate to VHS porn before the internet was around. It's a rough life, folks. Oh yeah, we also discuss this episode of The Twilight Zone.


85: Perchance To Dream Redux (TZ 109)

Another redux episode where Frank gets to chime in on a season 1 gem. This is one of Frank's favorite episodes and Phoenix couldn't give a shit less. Phoenix tries to argue about what changes he would have made but Frank argues that what you see is what they did so that's that. Phoenix uses this logic to describe how much Frank should love Kid Rock if that's the way he's going to argue. It's messy.


84: The Jungle (TZ 312)

So. Here we are. Another shitty TZ episode. It hasn't been long since the last one. This one features a man that has to conscious when it comes to tearing up the African jungle. Except the longest scene in the episode where he clearly has a problem with it. Whatever. He befriends a homeless superhero and his wife turns into a wig and a wax hand. Something like that.


83: Still Valley (TZ 311)

This episode is not worth describing in here. Something about a guy screaming at civil war mannequins. And a witch but then nah, no witch. Burn book. End.


82: The Midnight Sun (TZ 310)

Vasoline: The One Act Play. Imagine a world where the world has stopped spinning and is moving toward the sun. Can you imagine the chaos with the loss of gravity? The tidal waves! The destruction! Well, nope. Earth just slowly gets warmer while our main character paints murder landscapes.


81: Deaths-Head Revisited (TZ 309)

This isn't the typical LIW The TZ Review show. We are actually serious for some of it and you'll see why. Show this episode to your high school kids. Show this to anyone you can. Not our podcast but the actual TZ episode. Not even going to end this with a joke. Just going to leave it sad.


80: It's A Good Life (TZ 308)

A problem so tough it could be solved with a happy thought and a hammer. Seriously, kill the goddamn kid already. I don't feel bad for you people at all. Either way I want a prequel and a sequel to this episode. A sequel where we see the awesome freak party in the cornfield and a prequel where we see what horrible shit the parents did to get this devil child. Someone did something wrong and I want to see it.


79: The Grave (TZ 307)

We are back from our mini-break with the first of hopefully a long series of plays. Phoenix and Frank take turns swapping roles out to reenact The Grave almost word for word. Well, close enough. They MIGHT have said 'cunt' a few less times in the actual TZ episode.


78: The Mirror (TZ 306)

Vivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivavivaviva.... Apparently, all you need is shoe polish and a Scarface level terrible accent and you're Cuban. Or as Phoenix made up: Canadian. They didn't say what country it was so he made up his own story. Frank also adds more fuel to the future podcast The...


60: The Rip Van Winkle Caper (TZ 224)

Stealing money and essentially time traveling to the future is a stupid idea. Guess these guys never heard of inflation. Also if you have the technology to use gases to keep yourself alive for 100 years in a glass casket....just sell your idea and avoid robbing trains.


59: A Hundred Yards Over The Rim (TZ 223)

In this episode man defeats a rim. Defeats it by about a hundred yards I'd say. Then he is transported to 1961, he gets modern medicine for his dying child and then he goes back over the rim only to find the skeletal remains of his family, untouched by modern man. What? That's how it should have ended. Why does the Twilight Zone keep insisting time travel is a two way street?


58: Long Distance Call (TZ 222)

This episode has the biggest sack of shit character in Twilight Zone history. Second only to Phoenix. Have you ever loved a child so much that when you died you wanted the kid to murder himself so he could be with you again? You have? Then you're a goddamn psychopath.


57: The Prime Mover (TZ 221)

Remember when you were a kid and always talked about what your super power would be? Invisibility? Nah, you still make noise. Flight? Nah, you'd crash and die. Super human strength? Nah, you'd rip your dick right off like Mr. Dingle. Telekinesis? YES! You could be a super hero from afar without getting into the actual danger. You could stop bullets like Neo. You could crumble whole buildings if you wanted to be evil. You part-time at a run down diner and just... make your...


56: Static (TZ 220)

Who the fuck are these people and why do they all live together like an elderly hostel? Another question, why is watching tv an insanely stupid thing to do but laying around listening to the radio all day every day is 100% the right thing to do? This main character is a real asshole. Also, if you're going to have an episode where the main character time travels back to a happier time, make sure that time isn't when he was still elderly. It's just sad. I think I spent more time writing this...


55: Mr. Dingle, The Strong (TZ 219)

What does it take for grown men to stand next to each other, get inside a large box on wheels, superglue tiny unicorn horns to their heads and yet spout out insults to a legendary actor that's right in front of them? Phoenix and Frank break down this and more in this charming episode of The Twilight Zone.


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