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Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

Comedy Podcasts

We may be awful, but we're right! A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!

We may be awful, but we're right! A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!


United States


We may be awful, but we're right! A gay guy and his fat friend talking about everything! We've got over 30 years of stories to share about stuff we love, stuff that annoys us, people we've known, places we've been, and things we've seen. Geeky, silly, and always opinionated. NAMES ARE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY!






Thankful 5: The Gobbler Strikes Back

It's that time of year again where we talk about gratitude, and things that make our world a better place. Everything about 2020 has been crazy, but some good has come out of it. We talk about the people who are struggling to make it work (such as teachers and creatives) in contrast to things like the effects of working at home full time on Amelia's emotional health. Also: - The joys of therapy via Zoom. - Food delivery services providing new exposure to small local restaurants. - Xbox...


Call Me Auntie

Our best stories about our worst roommates. Breaking stuff, skipping out on bills, being generally gross - this one's got it all! And women who believe they've been pregnant for YEARS and doctors are just too dumb to agree with them. For real. The woo-woo world of cryptic pregnancies. And we know the title is weird, but if you listen, you'll understand. Promo: Invasion of the Remake (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and...


Pitney & Amelia's Spooky Stax

It's Pitney & Amelia's Spooky Stax! We're celebrating Halloween this year by sharing our love of Halloween themed records! Music, scary stories, classic sound effects, everything you need to set a Halloween mood! Plus, a bit of QAnon woo! Here are links to stuff we talked about in this episode! Scary Sounds of Halloween website A Night In A Haunted House/A Night In A Graveyard Disneyland Records' The Chilling Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House Haunted Dimensions Disneyland Records'...


Murderers, Malcontents, and Malignant Fiends: Trans Characters in Horror

Angela in Sleepaway Camp. Liz in American Horror Story: Hotel. Charlie in Hereditary. Three very different ways of looking at trans identities. Welcome to our supersized All The Horror special for 2020, featuring Dr. Leks Drakos, of The Geekly. Find him on Twitter at @leksikality and at leksikality.com. Follow #AllTheHorror on social media to find all the awesome episodes by participating podcasts or just go to the All The Horror website to access everything you need! Pick up a...


Urine Trouble

Don’t forget October is ALL THE HORROR month, and our next episode is a special supersized discussion with our friend Dr. Leks Drakos about trans characters in horror. Tell your friends! This week we kick it off with an all new Hatin’ on Satan, where we make fun of a woman who thinks wearing face masks and standing six feet apart to control the spread of COVID-19 is Satanic! Link to the full YouTube video! And then WAY too many stories related to urine. We apologize for getting a...


Not a Fan of the Lipstick

First a bit of catching up, talking about dogs, how insane the weather is, and how you used to be able to afford to live in Austin when you couldn’t pay your bills on time. Then a quick “woo” lesson in urine therapy. Yup, urine and the people who swear by drinking it. Pitney saw a couple movies, Resolution and The Endless, and they haunted him so much he had to tell Amelia about them. Then suddenly we’re talking about the Shakers and Pitney starts singing. You know, like a normal...


Birthday Parade

First off, we are SO SORRY about the weird sound issues in this one. It's been insanely hot in California and Pitney's mom's house had NO AC so there was a fan on full blast and we didn't realize the sound was picked up until it was too late! Beware when Facebook ads suddenly offer you everything you’ve ever wanted, like hot tattooed guys in linen pants. Online clothes shopping can be a nightmare, especially when the stuff comes from some company in China you’ve never heard of. Caveat...


Majors and Minors and Courts, Oh My!

This week we're talking tarot! Learn how tarot can be a useful tool, even for non-believers like Amelia. Learn about the structure of the tarot deck (major and minor arcana, suits, court cards), and how card meanings work based on their position and the intuition of the reader. Also, we discuss weird public perceptions of what tarot is about, and how to choose a deck that will work for you. And, as always, we laugh a lot along the way. No year of woo segment this week, because the whole...


Dreams Die Hard

This week, Pitney and Amelia talk about exciting careers we could have had if only we’d made more of an effort. Or any effort at all, in Amelia’s case. Then some talk about learning to type sends us on a tangent about a favorite KISS album, which reminds Pitney how he and Tricia Von Liechtenstein met. And this week in woo, Amelia discovers “flower essences.” You MUST watch the video that inspired this segment! Promos: 2 Skeptical Chaps and 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap show promos?...


Verity, a Corncob, and Snape

After a quick bit of catching up, Pitney and Amelia talk about Hamilton hot takes and how it’s not necessary to announce to the world that you don’t like a thing. All fandoms have this problem, but jeez people, just because someone likes a thing you don’t like doesn’t mean that person is WRONG. What can make or break a cast album. Memories of cute drag queens from back in the day. Has Amelia ever seen Firefly? The answer kicks off a discussion about stuff we don’t watch, and reasons why...


Reheated Remnants

Mmmmmm leftovers! This week we dug to the back of the freezer to pull out a few things that didn’t quite fit into other recent shows. Like just how much Skyrim Pitney REALLY plays. Amelia reading an excerpt from Jenna Jameson’s memoir to see if Pitney can guess which celebrity about whom she was spilling some rather interesting sexual tea. Then a bit of cattiness about some Rush superfans. And finally, Pitney takes us on a woo shopping trip through Target. Bon appetit! Promos: 2 Skeptical...


Pride in the Name of Justice

Happy Pride, everyone! This week we're teaching the kids about the fight for LGBTQ rights from the 60s through today, and how important protests have always been to this country. Stonewall, the White Night riots, ACT UP, all the way through today, when existing rights are being stripped; Pride has never been just a parade. And we owe the BLM movement our participation, because none of us are free until we all are. And JK Rowling? Like we weren't gonna talk about THAT. (Oh, you think we're...


Surgery, Sex, and Sunflower Seeds

HERE, QUEER, AND IN YOUR EAR -- NEW PRIDE GOODIES IN OUR ZAZZLE SHOP!PRIDE PROCEEDS GO TO THE ACLU! Amelia finally got to have her rescheduled hysterectomy! Hear all about the COVID precautions and protocols, cool tiny robots, and what it's like to find out you've been walking around with a freakishly gigantic uterus all your life. Somehow, while surfing the internet, an article about Wayne Newton selling his estate led Pitney to a wholly remarkable story about a wannabe porn star whose...



Our regular episode will come a little late this week. For right now, this is PODCAST BLACKOUT. We may not be able to do a lot, but we can do this. Here are a couple quick videos to get you thinking, and some good stuff to read. Hopefully after this, you’ll be ready to do some googling! Are you racist? ‘No’ isn’t a good enough answer. Inside the Mind of White America Showing Up for Racial Justice Let’s Talk About Whiteness – Eula Biss, On Being with Krista Tippett Citizenship and...


Ah Valley Fair

This week's episode has a healthy dose of the cattiness that we are known for! Explore the stinky bowels of Twitter as Amelia recounts her adventures with a couple of 20-something know it alls. Pitney and the Fabulous Steve are at it again, making fun of people, the President and reminiscing about how shopping malls used to be. And any fashion tips that are mentioned in that clip... please ignore to your peril! Promos: Promo: 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We...


Hints From Homos!

First of all, you need to know that Pitney’s mother’s house has no air conditioning, so he often records with the window open. Hence the occasionally really loud wind chimes. Reality is, like, so real. This week we are all about sharing our genius with you! Get ready to learn the proper way to use a plunger, the best way to clear a drain, the most creative ways to decorate your home on the cheap, and the number one thing you should be buying by the pound if you like being clean. And this...


The New Normal After COVID19

We swear we aren’t TRYING to do a bunch of shows about the coronavirus, but we talk about our lives, so there it is. We touch a bit on quarantine life and being “essential.” We wonder how long it might take to get back to normal, and what normal even is any more. We get philosophical about interconnectedness and wonder if the earth is knocking us down and resetting herself a little bit. Meanwhile, Tricia Von Liechtenstein hates technology. Are you surprised? And we have a bit of a woo...


Period Pads For Pee?!

Ever have commercials that just irritate the bejesus of out you? Well, we do too! Hear all about them on this latest episode of the BitchenBoutique! Learn all about how ultra-fans worship fictitious characters, and how Pitney and Amelia are coping with health challenges, and the weirdness of the world in general. Blue liquid for urine?? Nothing is too taboo for us! Listen to the newest episode of the BitchenBoutique and be enlightened. Promo: https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/florida-men ...


Zen Poop Garden

Break from the real world for an hour this week and learn all about Amelia’s hair dyeing adventures! Pitney also reminisces about having hair and being a truly awful, yet chronic, hair dyer. Dogs are funny critters with some very strange poop habits, and we sure do know about that. Travel with Pitney to Pantheacon, the wonderful and fabulous annual Pagan convention in the SF Bay area and learn all about people who just can never be happy no matter how good a thing is. PC righteousness or...


Next to Godliness

(Did you download the show on day one? you might have gotten only half of it. Please download again!) What a crazy week it’s been out there in the real world! But you’re getting a whole 'nuther kind of crazy on this episode. Pitney quit his job, Amelia was all excited about her upcoming trip to London, and Pitney suddenly has issues with the British but loves suicide cults for some reason. And then it’s about bathing. How clean is clean, especially when a filthy person claims they’ve...