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Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

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Judgey McJudgerson

How dare people think they have the right to judge us! Seriously, though, Amelia had two really gross encounters with waitstaff at Applebee’s where they treated her as a “fat customer” instead of a “customer,” much to Pitney’s surprise. She talks about how she often gets treated horribly for daring to exist in public as a fat person, and how fat people, women in particular, get misdiagnosed by awful doctors who see the fat and assume it’s the cause of every malady. Then Pitney talks about...


Tale of the Snail

This week, Pitney and Amelia talk about some of their past relationships, particularly the moment they knew it was OVER. Sometimes it sneaks up on you, and sometimes it hits you like a ton of bricks, but that moment comes when the relationship just can't go on any longer. And sometimes the relationship shouldn't even happen to begin with. There are an awful lot of rom-coms where the guy and girl hate each other in the beginning and get married at the end. What a dumb message to send to...


American Hate: Then and Now

Have you seen Wild Wild Country on Netflix? It's a documentary about the hubbub surrounding the commune of the followers of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (now known as Osho) in Oregon. Everybody's talking about it, including us! Amelia hasn't watched the series yet, so Pitney told her all about the events that happened back then, and how many parallels there are with the way things are now. Hate, intolerance, anger, discrimination, violence. None of that has gone away. And in the middle of it...


Not 2 Shabby: Our Second Anniversary!

It's our SECOND ANNIVERSARY! Time really flies, doesn't it? This year, instead of doing a clip show, we decided to give you a semi-normal, but still kinda special episode to celebrate the end of our second year. Am I hyping it too much? Probably. First, Pitney tells us how frustrated he is with how Kerrville Land Rush will be handled this year, and how fun it is to hang out around a bunch of parked cars in 95 degree weather for a day and a half. Amelia doesn't understand it. Then we...


The Best Laid Plans

This is a tough one, but we promise it's worth it. We didn't go to Texas Frightmare Weekend this year, so you know we had to have really good reasons. Oh boy did we. Pitney's reason is kind of hilarious. Itchy, but hilarious. Amelia's reason is terribly sad. And even though she was only barely ready to talk about it, she wanted you to know what's going on with her, because this show is nothing if not real as hell. Promo: None this week...didn't seem right. (Want to swap show promos?...


Ten for a Dollar

(Warning: the old mic was in bad shape and we didn’t realize it, resulting in some un-edit-out-able clipping. It only happens a few times. It’s awful. We apologize.) This week, Pitney and Amelia reminisce about the glory days of fanzines and a dear lady who wrote terrible poetry about TV characters she loved. What the most extreme “con people” think is funny versus what we think is funny. When you’re nu and aspire to be tru. Verity Noslen never got enough food. The art of gardening and...


HavenCon Special!

This was our first time attending HavenCon http://www.havencontx.com, a LGBTQIA+ geek & gaming con in Austin, and it was so fabulous we have to talk about it! Hear us gush about the con's inclusivity and diversity, the wonderful people we met, how much we love hanging out with furries and the fur-adjacent, the Grand Illusion drag pageant, the incredible cosplay, the fate of Pitney's Skyrim costume, the incredible hotel, and the delightful guests, including Daniel Newman, Tracee Cocco,...


Beauty! Beauty! Look at You!

We've learned some important stuff as we've gotten older. Like, spend a little extra on the things you use every day, because you get what you pay for. And surround yourself with things you find beautiful and pleasing, because it'll change the way you feel about your home! OMIGOD YOU GUYS IT'S EPISODE 50! We've got exciting news in this episode that I won't spoil here, including the details of this year's listener contest! Promo: The Forgotten News Podcast...


Love Ewe Too

Did you know it's almost Episode 50?? So much stuff is about to happen when we celebrate this milestone! If you haven't subscribed or added us to your favorites yet, do it now so you don't miss a lot of fun, important news, and a chance to WIN STUFF! This episode is definitely NSFW. It starts with Amelia reading an article to Pitney about a man getting wanky with something weird. This inspires a lengthy discussion of masturbatory aids and other things into which one might stick one's...


Zees Ees Boolsheet!

Before we get started here, Amelia would like to apologize for the occasional sound of her phone vibrating from time to time during this recording. It was on a completely different table and alerted her over and over to texts from her sisters and she didn't hear it until editing time, and obviously we were just stuck with it. And have we mentioned before that if you don't listen all the way to the end of the podcast, you're missing primo stuff? It's true! And with this episode, you won't...


Amen, Brother Ben

This week’s episode has been combobulated from two recording sessions. Pitney and Amelia discuss laughing at things other people are meh about, becoming our mothers, crazy shit old men say, Skyrim mods that annoy Pitney, and Amelia remembers some cool women who used to share a house with the Worst Person in the World. Then Pitney and our friend Cel chat about the WellRED show in San Antonio (featuring Corey Ryan Forrester, Drew Morgan, and the "Liberal Redneck" Trae Crowder), which Amelia...


Adventures En Bolsa

Join us on a trip down memory lane, as we reminisce about our time in Guatemala! Learn a little about local customs while you laugh at us for being so ridiculous. Food, shopping, "chicken buses," bad plumbing, the most comfortable AND uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, machine guns, and pee. Lots and lots of stories about pee. Plus why Amelia is so attached to a damn stick. ps: "Xela" (pronounced "shayla") is what locals/Mayans call Quetzaltenango. We don't call it that because it's an...


Superfluous Ethnic joke

As we hung out on New Year's Eve, awaiting the frustration of neighborhood fireworks, we talked about how our holidays went, since we hadn't seen each other since our families spent Thanksgiving together! Neither of our Christmases went as planned, but they were still reasonably okay. Hear about Pitney's new obsession and Amelia's Christmas win! Then we fantasized about the best lives we could imagine, pretending that at midnight we could flip a switch and live exactly the life we wanted....


The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Chafing

Did you ever regret not buying something that you never saw again? We reminisce about some really good stuff that got away. Then a quick Hatin' on Satan that goes easy on the hatin'! And finally, we talk about genetics vs history. Nature vs nurture. Your DNA vs your family tree. Which is most important? And why do people get them confused? And shouldn't Ben Affleck just nut up and let people hear about how his family had slaveowners in it? And should Pitney get some lederhosen? They ARE...


Jackin in a Winter Wonderland pt 2

Don’t assume that because we don’t agree with you or because you think we’re being callous that we haven’t experienced assault. Because we both have. Multiple times. We share some of those stories in this episode to illustrate various points. TRIGGER WARNING, because we do go into detail. We talk about the difference between men and women, in particular the difference between how gay men approach men vs how straight men approach women. And Pitney even tells a story of the former Doctor Who...


Jackin' in a Winter Wonderland pt 1

There’s a lot of talk, pretty much everywhere you look, about sexual assault, sexual harassment, pedophilia, and general creepiness. We can’t seem to stop talking about it either. This turned into a two-part discussion about all of that, the way it’s being handled in the media, the different ways of looking at the different types of incidents, and the danger of seeing the world in black and white. We touch on (eww) Weinstein, CK, Spacey, Franken, and Roy Moore. (You’ll notice this was...


Fudgin' Fudgey Fudge!

Some of those conversations we had for the last episode went on for so long we haven't stopped talking yet! First, a little more about Walking Dead, Xena, and Star Trek. Then dumb people who get offended by cussing. (Fuck them.) The time Pitney called hotel security on his own party, and that other time his bare ass upset a sensitive soul. "A little drag, a little Star Trek." Then we can't help but break into some really old Doctor Who filk songs. Also, Amelia loves Jeff Goldblum and the...


Thankful 2: Electric Boogaloo

It's Thanksgiving time again, and we've got some new tales of gratitude for you! Amelia talks about the radio program that's been inspiring her for almost a quarter century, and a TV show that finally lived up to its potential. Pitney talks about how being fabulous enriches his life and how his friends are the most supportive family anyone could ask for. And we give huge props to the #PodernFamily. They know why! And then somehow there's a story about partying with the Soviet track...


Losing My Head

This week is a bit of a mishmash. First, Pitney tells Amelia about the new Kingsmen movie and how the theater he went to was also a church begging for congregants. Creepy. Then Amelia unloads about the new kind of stupid people she's been dealing with at work and how they make her stabbity. And Pitney had a dream so strange it freaked out his therapist! what do YOU think it means? All that and a quickie about Verity Noslen? It feels like Christmas! We love you for listening! Please take...


Danse Macabre - A Halloween Special!

Happy Halloween and a Blessed Samhain to you all! Get ready for an episode jam-packed with Halloween goodies! Amelia teaches you about why stereotypical witches wear pointy black hats, have brooms and cats, and boil things in cauldrons! And Pitney teaches us all sorts of crazy things about bats! Plus we debut two new semi regular segments: Hatin' on Satan (a look at people who blame Satan for everything they don't like) and Bitchen in the Kitchen (an exploration of recipes and cooking...