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Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

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Eight Minute Standing Ovation

Pitney finally saw the Child’s Play remake and boy does he have thoughts. Neither of us saw the new Joker movie, and boy do we have thoughts. The whole Batman universe? Thoughts. Movies that suck? Guess what. More thoughts. Ladies, you have more power in your vagina than you knew. Behold the power to control men’s minds and turn them into zombie slaves. Promo: 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us,...


Pitney's Ghost Adventures!

If you missed our guest spot on One Giant Leap for Geeks, you can check it out HERE! It’s Halloween again, and Pitney is getting ready to move back to California, so apart from one last Samhain ritual at his place, he’s focused on purging and packing. Amelia is gearing up for the hundreds of trick-or-treaters that will converge on her house, and this year she’s rallying her neighbors to get more involved in Halloween festivities. She’s learned what trunk-or-treat is, and she’s...


House of TV Terror!

Welcome to our contribution to All The Horror 2019! We hope you check out episodes from the other shows participating this month. It's been a blast! Check the #AllTheHorror hashtag to find more! This week, we're talking about made-for-TV horror. First Pitney tells us about a few films of Lucio Fulci, the master of giallo horror, and how much he hates Italian children. (This can't surprise you, honestly.) And then we remember our favorite horror from American TV! And later, we dissect...


Farting Confetti

Pitney's dog Joxer had a lot of fun running around the room while we recorded this week's episode. Hope you like puppy noises! Pitney went to Candytopia with some friends and swam in a sea of marshmallows! Amelia recalls a ridiculous business where people pay money to take photos of themselves. Really. It's a thing. Pitney tells a story of random angry women yelling in public, which is one of his favorite things. Amelia gets an x-ray on her foot and encounters a super-rude nurse, which...


Bye Bye Podcoin!

Ah, Podcoin, we hardly knew ye. So, this is really for the people who listen to us on Podcoin, but the rest of you might want to hear it, because it's goofy as hell. The couple hundred of you who subscribed on Podcoin were loyal and awesome and we're really sorry that app is kaput in about a week, but we're hoping you hear this before it's all over! Please come find us on, like, ANY OTHER PODCAST PLAYER, because we're on 'em all. Thanks for all the fun, and cash in those coins!!!


Bedbugs in the Bathhouse

Remember when The Fabulous Steve was here? Well, we chatted with him about the days of personal ads, and how low-tech things were compared to the hookup apps of today. Pitney said he'd never used any of those apps and was pretty adamant about it. Then suddenly, his inner sex monster awakened and his phone was burning up with Grindr and Scruff! I know you want to hear why he says Grindr is the "armpit of the gay world." Hear the story of one especially trashy hookup he had to send packing,...


Midsommar: The Pagan Perspective

Itching for more horror content? Well, mark your calendars, because ALL THE HORROR 2019 IS COMING! Sometimes horror movies come out that modern pagans are afraid will tarnish their reputations. Midsommar was one of those movies. But Pitney saw it and it's totally fine. Weird and freaky, but not offensive to his Wiccan sensibilities! Hear what he thought about its creepy themes and supposedly feminist outcome. Then we also talk about the movie The Witch, which Wiccans had issues with, but...


You Shall Not Fan!

Have you ever felt like you don't belong? Nerds feel that way a lot. But what if the fandom you're into isn't into you? Or what if you love a band/movie/show/etc but can't get down with the other fans because you're not extreme enough? This week, we talk about not fitting in with superfans. Vaginal flora! It could save your life! Learn all about your junk's awesome bacterial colony. Promo: #AllTheHorror! (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a...


Something Tweaky This Way Comes

It’s another episode featuring The Fabulous Steve! This week, Pitney and Steve tell Amelia stories about the fun they had at the Kerrville Folk Festival. Imagine camping in 100 degree weather for weeks on a ranch. Amelia CANNOT. I mean, the toilet situation alone! Would you go to a music festival if you weren’t interested in the music? Pitney almost never pays attention to the music at KFF, and he goes every year. And laugh along at stories about Kim or Yip or Eek or whatever that tweaky...


When Friendship Ends Ugly Part Two

(Go listen to our last episode if you didn't hear the first part of When Friendship Ends Ugly. We'll still be here when you're done.) This week picks up where last week left off, after Amelia talked about using a guided meditation to help her say goodbye to the friend who dumped her, with more talk about the usefulness of those sorts of recordings. Then, of course, we talk about guided meditations that completely suck in the most awful ways. Remember that time in our first year when we...


When Friendship Ends Ugly

Pardon the background noise in this episode. Amelia drove down to San Antonio to hang with Pitney and a bunch of doggies, and we recorded a long conversation that's going to stretch out over two episodes! (Sorry things cut off so abruptly there at the end of this one!) Pitney hosted a Litha gathering at his house on the night of the Solstice, so we talked a bit about writing rituals and what an outlet that can be for Pitney's creativity. Then we reminisced about the coven he used to be...


It's a Gay Riot!

Happy Pride, y'all! It's the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots, which were just shy of a month before Amelia was born! COINCIDENCE? To celebrate that bit of LGBTQ history, we'd like to share some of our own history, with our good friend The Fabulous Steve! Steve lived it up in the 1970s and 1980s, and we recorded hours and hours of conversation with him. (Much of it will be featured in future episodes.) The early years of the AIDS crisis, back when nobody really knew what was...


Beep! Beep!

Pitney recounts a funny article on the 2 Skeptical Chaps Facebook page (you really should be following them!), which kicks off a discussion about the types of bumper stickers that idiots put on their cars. Then Amelia vents about how nobody knows how to drive any more. Do people still take driver's ed? Because they sure don't act like it. Also, a quick story about the disgusting hovel where Tricia Von Liechtenstein lives. Plus, for your Year of the Vagina pleasure, a visit to the...


Our Addiction Stories

It's the third anniversary of our first episode! We're amazed we're still here, and we've got all of you to thank for that. Drop us a line so we can thank you individually! This week we're talking about addiction. We've mentioned before that Pitney has had some battles with alcoholism over the years, and Amelia was a problem pill popper. We're going to tell you about all of it. What it's like to be an addict. What it's like to be close to an addict. what it's like to lose an addict you...


Texas Frightmare Weekend Special 2019

It's that time of year again: Our TEXAS FRIGHTMARE WEEKEND SPECIAL! As always, we recorded in the car on the drive home from Dallas, and reminisced about the great time we had at Texas Frightmare Weekend. Hear all about us meeting Tim Curry (yes, THE Tim Curry) and how amazing the con staff was at handling the enormous crowds who showed up to get a glimpse of his greatness, and some crazy stories from the bar at the Hyatt Regency, one of our favorite places on Earth. Enjoy this week's...


You Don't Know Me!

First up, have you heard of the new Podcoin app? It's pretty damn cool. Sign up using our special code, BITCHENPOD, and start your account with 300 coins! Then every time you listen to our podcast (or anyone else's), more coins! And during weeks when we're designated as a "bonus" podcast, you can earn those coins at an even faster rate, then cash em in later to buy gift cards or donate to charity. The app is free on iPhone and Android, and it only takes a minute to register. And don't forget...


Adios Delusionville

We did it. We finally watched the Leaving NeverLand documentary. We weren't sure how it would affect us, but it definitely changed our minds about a lot. Some things, though, haven't changed a bit. Hear our history with Michael and the Jackson 5, the music and the hoopla; our opinions about past allegations and where we sit now with the history of the families damaged by the desire to be close to celebrity. (And can we talk about Oprah's hair a minute? Because what's going on...


Not Into Dips

Pitney and Amelia and flora and fauna. Amelia likes nature, as long as it’s not too natural. Pitney’s Easter lily has been resurrected from the dead, in fulfillment of the scriptures. Amelia wants people to stop giving her orchids. Pitney wants all sunlight to be banished from his home. This episode’s YOTV segment actually features Pitney. He saw a coochie once, and it scarred him for life. Amelia provided him with visual aids to help him help her imagine just what he saw. Trust us, you...


Bleeding Out My Face

We had a whole show ready to go, and then Amelia had to be rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance! Of course we had to quickly record her telling Pitney all about it. So the first 30 minutes of the show were tacked on at the last minute. (Sorry the sound is a little tinny on this segment. And the rest was recorded over Skype. We make do when it's not ideal!) Pitney accidentally offends the old ladies at work. Our impressions of Drs. Phil and Laura and the people who actively screw up...


Annie Sprinkle's Cervix

This week we tend to hover around the crotch area. We swear it wasn't intentional. First up, Amelia shares the story of a weird chocolate treat with Pitney. Edible anuses. Yep, that's right. Then Pitney brings up the insane and splattery idea of enema-themed performance art, which reminds Amelia of the time Annie Sprinkle toured the country inviting audiences to view her cervix. You already know Pitney's dad is a creep. But now you get to hear an especially creepy story about him. It's so...