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Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

Comedy Podcasts


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God Damn NaMAHste!

Welcome to episode 100 of the Bitchen Boutique! We can hardly believe it ourselves. This week, a couple of whiny twins who want us to believe they don't know which twin they are. Amelia isn't buying it. And we break down a list of reasons why some guy claims he "left the New Age." And in the Year of Woo, we talk about Amanda Chantal Bacon, the utterly woowoo founder of Moon Juice. Be sure to check out Jarrett Sleeper's awesome ACB video! Promo: 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap show...


Boundaries Are Love

Emotional abuse. How to spot it and how to deal with it. Setting boundaries to protect yourself. Amelia has had a rough time in recent months, and she's telling you how she put a stop to being used and abused. She also talks about metta, the Buddhist practice of loving kindness and compassion, and how it's kept her from being consumed with anger through all of this! And in the middle of it all, Pitney gives a Valentine's Day message of self-love. It ain't all hearts and flowers. Promo: 2...


Famous Dames in Mink

The Fabulous Steve is BACK, and we've saved his best stories for last! Highlights: Tim Curry live in concert. Maurice Chevalier was a creep. Singin in the Rain was a masterpiece. MGM ruined people. Amelia’s mildewed theater program collection. Steve and Pitney and Jerry Herman and Lauren Bacall and Carol Channing. Shelling out big bucks for Hamilton. Peter O’Toole on the West End. Noises Off and the immediacy of live theater. Plus, in the Year of Woo, Amelia talks rocks! Promo: Things Joe...


Hello Finland!

We apologize for the sound mix in this episode. We’re on a new learning curve. Bear with us. This week, we’re talking Netflix’s Dracula and a story about Lestat and Louis that only Pitney could tell. Then a review of The Witcher and whether or not Henry Cavill is hot. The answer might surprise you! Pitney gets hit on by a human toilet. And Amelia has a bad case of the sniffles. Plus, a new page in Pitney’s diary, and in the Year of Woo, he gives us an oracle card reading for the new...


Offer Her an Orange!

(The sound is off. Apologies. Also, Amelia has cedar fever, so excuse her stuffy nose.) Happy New Year! This is the last episode Pitney recorded in Texas. A couple days after this, he loaded up the truck and moved back to California! Hear us talk about the experience of packing up your life and going home, what he’s excited about and what he’s leaving behind. Within all that, though, there’s some of the usual randomness: Pitney’s love of Robert DeNiro, Amelia’s pride in navigating sans...


Year of the Vagina Year-End Wrapup

The Year of the Vagina is at an end. We have compiled all 26 segments, from Yay Therapy through Dreaming of a Black Christmas, into a bonus episode as a gift to you. Please be sure to share this 90 minute bit of edutainment with your friends! Quick note: There is a SECRET CODE WORD tucked away in this episode. When you hear it, put it in an email and send it to PitneyAndAmelia@gmail.com. One lucky winner will receive a copy of Jen Gunter’s awesome book, The Vagina Bible, plus a little bit...


Dreaming of a Black Christmas

Happy Holidays! Celebrate a low-key Christmas with us as we talk about the Black Christmas reboot and a bunch of weird Christmas facts Pitney found on the internet. (For example, did you know that some devout Christians once made celebrating Christmas ILLEGAL? Oh, Christians. You so silly.) This episode features the first chapter of Pitney's New Life Diary, and the very last installment of the Year of the Vagina. Hope you like musical numbers! (Don't forget, on 12/27 we'll release a...


Something Something, Silent Bob

2019 is almost over, y'all! When we recorded this episode, Pitney was gearing up for his big move back to San Jose, CA. We talk about new segments being planned for the new year, audiodramas Pitney is excited to listen to in the car, a magic wand made with rubies, and a computer programmer who won't leave Amelia alone. Our last guest segment for the Year of the Vagina comes to us from the ladies at Everything is Awful Forever! Learn all about what Satan has to do with your naughty...


Thankful 4: The Revenge!

Happy Thanksgiving! Once again, we're here to talk about gratitude, and list some things we're extra grateful for this year. We're also gonna tell you about what next year's theme will be, so you don't want to miss that! And in Year of the Vagina news, pubic hair. It's awesome. Shoutouts to @DavidMillsDept and @BlaineStewart! Promos: FriGay the 13th and 2 Skeptical Chaps (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us, and...


Eight Minute Standing Ovation

Pitney finally saw the Child’s Play remake and boy does he have thoughts. Neither of us saw the new Joker movie, and boy do we have thoughts. The whole Batman universe? Thoughts. Movies that suck? Guess what. More thoughts. Ladies, you have more power in your vagina than you knew. Behold the power to control men’s minds and turn them into zombie slaves. Promo: 2 Girls on a Bench (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review us,...


Pitney's Ghost Adventures!

If you missed our guest spot on One Giant Leap for Geeks, you can check it out HERE! It’s Halloween again, and Pitney is getting ready to move back to California, so apart from one last Samhain ritual at his place, he’s focused on purging and packing. Amelia is gearing up for the hundreds of trick-or-treaters that will converge on her house, and this year she’s rallying her neighbors to get more involved in Halloween festivities. She’s learned what trunk-or-treat is, and she’s disgusted....


House of TV Terror!

Welcome to our contribution to All The Horror 2019! We hope you check out episodes from the other shows participating this month. It's been a blast! Check the #AllTheHorror hashtag to find more! This week, we're talking about made-for-TV horror. First Pitney tells us about a few films of Lucio Fulci, the master of giallo horror, and how much he hates Italian children. (This can't surprise you, honestly.) And then we remember our favorite horror from American TV! And later, we dissect...


Farting Confetti

Pitney's dog Joxer had a lot of fun running around the room while we recorded this week's episode. Hope you like puppy noises! Pitney went to Candytopia with some friends and swam in a sea of marshmallows! Amelia recalls a ridiculous business where people pay money to take photos of themselves. Really. It's a thing. Pitney tells a story of random angry women yelling in public, which is one of his favorite things. Amelia gets an x-ray on her foot and encounters a super-rude nurse, which...


Bye Bye Podcoin!

Ah, Podcoin, we hardly knew ye. So, this is really for the people who listen to us on Podcoin, but the rest of you might want to hear it, because it's goofy as hell. The couple hundred of you who subscribed on Podcoin were loyal and awesome and we're really sorry that app is kaput in about a week, but we're hoping you hear this before it's all over! Please come find us on, like, ANY OTHER PODCAST PLAYER, because we're on 'em all. Thanks for all the fun, and cash in those coins!!!


Bedbugs in the Bathhouse

Remember when The Fabulous Steve was here? Well, we chatted with him about the days of personal ads, and how low-tech things were compared to the hookup apps of today. Pitney said he'd never used any of those apps and was pretty adamant about it. Then suddenly, his inner sex monster awakened and his phone was burning up with Grindr and Scruff! I know you want to hear why he says Grindr is the "armpit of the gay world." Hear the story of one especially trashy hookup he had to send packing, as...


Midsommar: The Pagan Perspective

Itching for more horror content? Well, mark your calendars, because ALL THE HORROR 2019 IS COMING! Sometimes horror movies come out that modern pagans are afraid will tarnish their reputations. Midsommar was one of those movies. But Pitney saw it and it's totally fine. Weird and freaky, but not offensive to his Wiccan sensibilities! Hear what he thought about its creepy themes and supposedly feminist outcome. Then we also talk about the movie The Witch, which Wiccans had issues with, but we...


You Shall Not Fan!

Have you ever felt like you don't belong? Nerds feel that way a lot. But what if the fandom you're into isn't into you? Or what if you love a band/movie/show/etc but can't get down with the other fans because you're not extreme enough? This week, we talk about not fitting in with superfans. Vaginal flora! It could save your life! Learn all about your junk's awesome bacterial colony. Promo: #AllTheHorror! (Want to swap show promos? Email us!) We love you for listening! Please take a...


Something Tweaky This Way Comes

It’s another episode featuring The Fabulous Steve! This week, Pitney and Steve tell Amelia stories about the fun they had at the Kerrville Folk Festival. Imagine camping in 100 degree weather for weeks on a ranch. Amelia CANNOT. I mean, the toilet situation alone! Would you go to a music festival if you weren’t interested in the music? Pitney almost never pays attention to the music at KFF, and he goes every year. And laugh along at stories about Kim or Yip or Eek or whatever that tweaky...


When Friendship Ends Ugly Part Two

(Go listen to our last episode if you didn't hear the first part of When Friendship Ends Ugly. We'll still be here when you're done.) This week picks up where last week left off, after Amelia talked about using a guided meditation to help her say goodbye to the friend who dumped her, with more talk about the usefulness of those sorts of recordings. Then, of course, we talk about guided meditations that completely suck in the most awful ways. Remember that time in our first year when we did...


When Friendship Ends Ugly

Pardon the background noise in this episode. Amelia drove down to San Antonio to hang with Pitney and a bunch of doggies, and we recorded a long conversation that's going to stretch out over two episodes! (Sorry things cut off so abruptly there at the end of this one!) Pitney hosted a Litha gathering at his house on the night of the Solstice, so we talked a bit about writing rituals and what an outlet that can be for Pitney's creativity. Then we reminisced about the coven he used to be in,...