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Terrible Book Club

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Episode 80 - Bear by Marian Engel

3/17/2020
Listener Martin Ford recommended this to us and we had to read it because it seemed so absurd. How could a book like this win a literary award? A book about a librarian having sex with a bear can't possibly be good. ...but it was. This book was actually quite great, all things considered. Thanks again to Martin for the recommendation! Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, we're talking about bestiality, emotional trauma, eroticism, sexism, and associated topics.

Duration:01:36:21

Episode 79 - Museum of the Living Dead (A Plot-It-Yourself Horror Story) by Hilary Milton

3/3/2020
This week it's 1985 and we're two children in an off-brand "Plot - It - Yourself" horror story. Chris wants to die as quickly as possible while Paris chooses life. Paris's microphone is backwards, Chris can't stop creating new lyrics for a bad 90s song, and we play another round of Power Rangers Monster or Weed Strain? Content Warnings: Pretty sure we've just got our usual barnyard language for you this week and some mild violence. Audio quality warning: Chris accidentally positioned...

Duration:01:04:18

Episode 78 - Killer Chef: A James Patterson Bookshot by Jeffrey J. Keyes and James Patterson

2/18/2020
Chris asked a bookstore employee to take him to the worst book they had seen lately, so we ended up getting BLASTED by this BOOKSHOT from James Patterson. Audio quality warning: Chris accidentally positioned Paris's mic backwards so her audio is gonna' be a bit roomier than normal. Sorry! Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, we discuss murder, poisoning, use of the word gypsy, there are sounds of gunshots, and Paris gives a PSA about washing your goddamn hands...

Duration:01:17:46

Episode 77 - Control Everyone with Hypnosis by Dr. Jürgen Bauer & Jason Farley

2/4/2020
We learn to control everyone with this ONE WEIRD TRICK! Chris tries to hypnotize Paris into loving bad books. This material was so short and devoid of substance that we once again play a guessing game. This time, Paris creates a game based on Amazon book SEO for Chris to play that he christens Not on Top.

Duration:00:54:46

Episode 76 - Forests of the Night by S. Andrew Swann

1/21/2020
We begin this episode by arguing about tigers and lions and eventually make our way to discussing the mechanics of human and tiger-man mating. This book as a whole wasn't totally terrible though it does rely on a lot of noir/private eye stereotypes. Once again, friend-of-the-show Hillary spotted this book in the wild and donated it to us. Content Warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, we've got fighting, borderline beastiality, drug use, and racism.

Duration:01:06:42

Episode 75 - Maze by Christopher Manson

1/7/2020
Paris and Chris have had a long evening of crafting for the previous episode. They then try to work their way through Maze while in an exhausted, sleep-deprived state beginning after midnight. Chances aren't good for these adventurers. Will Paris and Chris solve the Maze, find Room 45, and escape back to Room 1? Or will they forever wander through this book as penance?

Duration:01:00:29

Episode 74 - The Big Book of Fabulous Fun Filled Celebrations and Holiday Crafts by Jim Fobel and Jim Boleach with Virginie Fowler

12/24/2019
T'was the week before Christmas and all through the house, could be heard Paris and Chris shrieking, and not from a mouse. The shrimp were speared on the cone with care, In hopes that Terriblo would soon be there. The roommates were nestled all snug in their beds; While visions from Lovecraft danced in their heads; And Paris in her hoodie, and Chris in his too, Continued to slice and spear as the Shrimp Tree grew. When out in the kitchen there arose such a clatter, The...

Duration:00:56:55

Episode 73: A Christmas Rescue (A Silver Bell Falls Holiday Novella - Book #4) by Samantha Chase *Amazon Book Club Crossover*

12/10/2019
There was so much Christmas cheer in this series that we had to call in our friends over at the Amazon Book Club to help us read it! Check out their episode that covers the first book, Christmas in Silver Bell Falls. A Christmas Rescue was so flavorless and dull that we ended up talking about other stuff for the latter half the episode. We play a guessing game Chris designed called Power Rangers Monster or Weed Strain? followed by giving summaries of our Thanksgiving breaks - including a...

Duration:01:08:29

Episode 72 - The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides

11/26/2019
This psychological thriller didn't so much thrill us as annoy and infuriate us. Diary entries read like screenplays, the writing is bland overall, and ultimately the framing and plot have major issues. How does this book have such good ratings and reviews? Thanks to Chris's partner Rebecca for recommending this and donating her copy to the show. Content warnings: In addition to our usual barnyard language, we've got descriptions of abuse, assaults, break-ins, drug use, murder, and flagrant...

Duration:01:46:30

Episode 71 - Moon People 2: Mars Reborn by Dale M. Courtney

11/12/2019
In this edition of Microwave Cooking for One in Space, we ascend with our arsenal of 200 microwaves. We're gonna' cook Mars just right. We read the original Moon People four years ago in Episode 14. Thank you to listener Daniel Canady for this recommendation. Content Warnings are light this week - just some mild sex and violence in addition to our usual barnyard language.

Duration:01:26:53

Episode 70 - Crimson Peak: The Official Movie Novelization by Nancy Holder, Guillermo del Toro, & Matthew Robbins *Special Guests D & Ken from Antiques Freaks and Patron's Choice*

10/29/2019
When D & Ken listened to 30 seconds of our podcast and told us we were good, we immediately invited them onto our show as guests and then got podcast married. Our ghost moms warned us to, "Beware the Old-Stuff-Weirdos," but there's no way that refers to the Antiques Freaks. D calls in their Patron debt and forces us to read Crimson Peak. We also watched Crimson Peak for Patrons. Paris has already seen Crimson Peak once before and hated it. After a week steeped in Crimson Peak, Paris has...

Duration:01:47:13

Episode 69 - The Haunted Vagina by Carl Mellick III

10/15/2019
Neither of us over at TBC are into "bizarro" fiction, but today we discover that this corner of literature exists and it sure lives up to its moniker. The weirdest and creepiest thing about this episode is that...well, there were actually redeeming qualities about this book. Yes - a book called The Haunted Vagina wasn't the worst thing we've ever read. The author somehow managed to create believable characters in a very unbelievable world. Content Warnings: Abandon all hope, ye who enter...

Duration:00:54:01

Episode 68 - The Skeleton Haunts a House by Leigh Perry (Book 3 in the Family Skeleton Mystery Series)

10/1/2019
It's October, so this episode is the first in our series of spooky books in honor of the season. After a long day of stocking up on fun size candy bars, putting together a cool costume, and decorating your yard with fake spiderwebs, you're just dying to curl up with a Halloween-themed mystery that stars a living skeleton, right?...right?...sure. This book was recommended by friend-of-the-show, Kristina! Thanks so much for recommending this and patiently waiting for us to read it for 2...

Duration:01:02:53

Episode 67 - Selfie Showdown: A Model Kombat Throwdown by Kelcey Coe

9/17/2019
Another week, another screenplay disguised as a book. This one is a real Russian nesting doll of poor choices. Thanks to Bob from Books, Beards, & Booze for recommending this one to us! Content Warnings: blood, death, fights between women, gore, injury, & misogyny.

Duration:01:28:32

Episode 66 - Contra Alliance: Shadows of the Past (Book One) by Tom Kolega *Patron’s Choice*

9/3/2019
Our Patron Jensina chose this book as their once-per-year reward! Check out our Patreon here to get this and other rewards for yourself. In addition to our usual barnyard language, Content Warnings this week include: generalized violence, guns, military stuff, murder, and some brief jokes with sexual themes. Chris and Paris become Blind Date and Merlot to fight a terrible book from another galaxy! This one made us feel like we were reading a knock-off G.I. Joe novel at a foreign airport...

Duration:01:21:53

Episode 65 - Final Fantasy VII: On the Way to a Smile by Kazushige Nojima *Special Guest Adam R*

8/20/2019
Someone cast Meteor on Chris's computer and this episode and the associated bonus Patreon content was almost lost. Luckily, his back-up Lifestream kicked in and saved the files, but not without sacrificing the computer itself to do so. Chris's brother Adam joins us as a guest today. Oops! When Paris says "Steel Magnolias" she actually means the movie "Magnolia".

Duration:01:39:06

Episode 64 - Pinklejinx by Tish Dahlby

8/6/2019
GET YOUR PINKLE JINXXXXXXED!!! This book came to our attention through an anonymous recommendation. Thank you, anonymous person, and we hope you enjoy this episode.

Duration:00:57:40

Episode 63 - Maradonia and the Gold of Ophir (Book 3 of the Maradonia Saga/Series) by Gloria Tesch *Patron's Choice*

7/23/2019
If you haven't listened to Episode 11 - Maradonia and the Seven Bridges by Gloria Tesch and Episode 62 - Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld (Book 2 of the Maradonia Saga/Series) by Gloria Tesch you can do that for more background info and to understand how we got here. However, it's definitely not necessary. This book was chosen by our patron Dari as part of her Patreon reward. If you, too, would like to force us to read a book, head over to our Patreon and select either the $5 or...

Duration:02:11:30

Episode 62 - Maradonia and the Escape from the Underworld (Book 2 of the Maradonia Saga/Series) by Gloria Tesch

7/9/2019
If you haven't listened to Episode 11 - Maradonia and the Seven Bridges by Gloria Tesch, you should do that for more background info and to understand how we got here. This episode is for Robert (Bobby) Kennedy, who rescued Episode 11 when we lost most of our first season of episodes. We know he wanted us to read the second book in the series, so here it is, at long last. July 2019 is the Month of Maradonia here at TBC. Our next episode will feature Book 3 in the Maradonia Saga - The Gold...

Duration:01:38:09

Episode 61 - All The Times We Were Wrong: Part 2

7/2/2019
We're roasting ourselves again! We decided that it was time to review past missteps and things we were wrong about on air. We try to keep this show conversational and familiar, but the consequence of that at times is that one of us will say something that isn’t quite right, downright false, or kinda cringe-y. It’s only fair that we re-evaluate ourselves on a show that centers on criticism. This is Part 2 of the retrospective and covers Episodes 31-59. Relevant links: TedEd's Brief History...

Duration:01:36:12