Ben and Molly weep, wail, and gnash their teeth through the massive mistake of a film that is Battleship (2012). Ben bemoans a dearth of on-screen breasts. Molly is forced to confront all of her deepest and most primal fears.
Things take a dark turn after a viewing of Furby Island (2005) brings Ben and Molly face to face with their own mortality. Ben grievously insults the entire Australian continent. Molly’s worldview is shaken to its core.
Molly’s wife Timber fills in for a truant Ben to participate in a marriage-testing viewing of the benign but bland Pokémon: The Movie 2000 (1999). Molly recalls a harrowing lube experience. Timber thinks that Pokémon should be able to vote.
Ben and Molly fail their wisdom saving throws against Dungeons & Dragons (2000) and are confused for the duration. Ben makes yet another unsuccessful attempt to sell Molly on Doctor Who. Molly embarks on an epic quest to find a piece of extremely obscure slashfic.
Like an angel of mercy, Robert McKee swoops down to bless Ben and Molly with the surprisingly enjoyable Barbie as Rapunzel (2002). Ben betrays a suspicious amount of familiarity with Sonic mpreg fanfiction. Molly finally gets to use her one semester of college German.
In this 420 friendly episode, Ben and Molly load into a comically oversized slingshot and launch themselves at The Angry Birds Movie (2016). Ben bravely soldiers on in the face of traumatic Emoji Movie flashbacks. Molly enters into an intimate contract with Sandra Bullock.
Ben and Molly come down with the psychological equivalent of a stomachache after consuming Candy Land: The Great Lollipop Adventure (2005). Ben composes a lengthy dissertation on his personal candy bar preferences. Molly performs an impromptu musical number.
Michael Bay is singlehandedly responsible for ruining this episode, in which Ben and Molly lose 143 minutes of their lives to the cinematic monstrosity Transformers (2007). Ben invents an effective but questionably humane form of euthanasia. Molly’s inability to distinguish white men serendipitously leads to an inspired recasting of a beloved ’80s property.
Ben and Molly metaphorically throw themselves out of the plane that is Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995). Ben discovers the next great visual artist of our generation. Molly dictates a legally binding letter of final wishes.
Ben and Molly perform a dark ritual to sacrifice 78 minutes of their finite mortal lives to the shifting, shapeless spectre of a film that is Barbie in the Nutcracker (2001). Ben astral projects for the first time. Molly endures a traumatic flashback to her Nutcracker performance days.
Dick jokes abound as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) gives Ben and Molly an unsolicited crash course in turtle puberty. Ben composes a set of exceedingly helpful mnemonic poems to keep the turtles’ names straight. Molly pitches a spec episode of Bones.
Still reeling from the previous episode, Ben and Molly look to My Little Pony: The Movie (1986) for mercy and find none. Ben recalls the first time he realized that love is dead. Molly acquires short-term amnesia as a coping mechanism.
Ben holds Molly at friendshippoint and forces her to watch The Emoji Movie (2017), a plan which backfires spectacularly. Ben makes a heartfelt personal entreaty to Patrick Stewart. Molly accidentally composes a stirring piece of poetry.
After suffering through an unbroken string of terrible films, Ben and Molly find respite in The Lego Movie (2014) and admittedly aren’t quite sure what to do with themselves in the absence of searing psychological pain. Ben confesses to several heinous childhood crimes. Molly doesn’t know how to play with herself.
Ben and Molly Lamaze breathe through all 45 minutes of Barbie and the Rockers and Barbie and the Sensations: Rockin’ Back to Earth (1987) – for science! Ben devises the perfect murder for Neil DeGrasse Tyson. Molly struggles to cope with two intimate betrayals.
Ben and Molly look on in bewilderment as Pokémon: The First Movie (1998) accidentally dismantles the very foundation of its franchise’s premise. Ben makes the best joke of his entire career. Molly is mostly just relieved at the absence of weird sexual overtones.
Ben and Molly put both their friendship and their general psychological resiliency to the test with a viewing of Super Mario Bros. (1993). Ben unlearns everything he has ever known about dinosaurs. Molly creates the best portmanteau of all time.
In this sophomore(ic) episode, Ben and Molly watch Masters of the Universe (1987) and make virtually no attempt to hide the fact that they would have much rather watched Flight of the Navigator. Ben tries and fails to rein in the sexiness. Molly witnesses her first collaring ceremony.
In this racy premiere episode, Ben and Molly watch Trolls (2016), a psychedelic fever dream of a film whose apparent directive is to incite in its young viewers as many kink awakenings as possible. Ben reveals a secret online double life. Molly can’t stop saying the word “genitals.”