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The Tipsy Testament

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Ep 37 - The Bible had a Red-Light District??

Welcome back to the Tipsy Testament, folks! This time around, we're talking about the harrowing story of Rehab and how she helped the Israelites get to the Promised Land. You know who didn't get to go? MOSES! It's probably for the best cause we know that dude is nasty. And if YOU'RE nasty, you'll know that Rahab invented the red-light district and you should probably be ashamed of yourself. Also: It may seem like Jonte falls alseep at the end of this but he totally doesn't. Don't ever listen...


Ep 36 - Was King Solomon really all that wise?

Think of the wisest and smartest person you know. Now multiply that by 100 fold. Still with me? Now imagine that person told you to chop a baby in half and share it with a friend. Congratulations! You just imagined King Solomon; the topic of our episode today! And I know exactly what you're thinking and the answer is a resounding "yes"! We DO discuss getting the butt-end of the baby. You know the Tipsy crew is always here for ya. King Solomon is the ultimate in decadence. He's got a whole...


Ep 35 - Moses Family Drama: Why Has God Forsaken Miriam?

Hahahahaha! Oh! I didn't see you there. I was just laughing at the latest installment of the Tipsy Testament where we discuss more adventures of the Israelites wandering in the desert!!!! We're in the book of Numbers this time which, contrary to what Veronica believes, is NOT a biblical phone book. But hey, she can try calling some of the numbers anyway. Listen in horror as we recount the time Moses committed the most heinous sex-crime ever recorded - wearing his own son's foreskin! Don't...


Ep 34 - Revelations Part 4: Who is the Whore of Babylon?

Uh oh, everyone! Looks like we've come to the end of our Revelation series where we finally talk about The Whore of Babylon, Veronica's favorite Bible character. It combines V's favorite things, possible harem action and...definite harem action. Also: Willie joins us once again as we plead with Jesus to refrain from taking the wheel any longer cause he definitely can't drive and talk about Christians who like to gingerly pick out the Bible verses they want like a picky child sifts out the...


Ep 33 - Revelations Part 3: Shit-talking Montsers in the Bible??

Revelations part 3 is here folks, and this one has real monsters! Yup, that's right! WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS HOT MESS OF A CHAPTER! The guys teach Veronica the indisputable fact that the mark of the beast = not eating Chic-Fil-A. The tipsy crew also have a revelation of their own when we realize that Alex is the ACTUAL anti-christ. The guys have a serious chat about the lack of guidance they received while in church and how they dealt with not having a place to turn to address doubts...


Ep 32 - Book of Revelations, Part 2

We’re back again with more of Revelations! But not before Veronica regales us with her findings from her 23 and Me testing. What sort of genetic mysteries will she uncover!? And will it explain why she suddenly disappears for the latter half of the episode!? The narrator of this book, John, is most definitely tripping balls and convincing himself he’s seeing some divine visions but these visions are hella boring. Just a bunch of lampstands, old people, and chairs. John needs some better...


Ep 31 - Books of Revelations Part 1: End of the World or Just a Bad Trip?

Alright, Tipsy Disciples. It’s time we delve into the trippy, symbolism-laden world of Revelations, the last book of The Bible. And we’ve got our friend Willie as a special guest that we’ve dragged into our drunken nonsense. Veronica expands her wine tastes into the sparkling variety while Jonte busts out his best Dave Matthews (the greatest artist of our generation) impression. Buckle up though, folks! This episode goes a bit long and gets a bit serious as we discuss more about the trials...


Ep 30 - What is the Most Female Friendly Story of the Bible?

Awwwwwwww heck (pardon our language)! Are you guys ready for another "feminist" story from the bible? Moreover, by "feminist" we mean a woman is in it, and that is the best this terrible book has to offer! Well, here's the story of Ruth, a lady just trying to get a husband. So, you know, super progressive. Ruth touches a weird guy's feet which we learn later is supposed to be his dick! Gross. But, also, why?? Don't worry though we look up some SEXY renaissance paintings of Ruth to help wash...


Ep 29 - Exodus, The Finale!: Why Did We Need 10 Commandments?

Gird your loins and slap your thighs because this is the exciting conclusion to the Exodus story! A momentous episode like this needs a little extra so enjoy this extended session. We had to accommodate Veronica's version of the ten commandments somehow! SPOILER ALERT: They're super lenient. Expect no less from V. Except she wants to crucify Moses. So there's that. You know an easy way fool people into thinking you're you're divinely chosen? Spend a lot of time talking to a cloud and tell...


Ep 28 - Why did the Israelites Throw a Golden Calf Rave?

We're baaaaaack!!! We know we've been back several times before but we mean it this time. We swear! This episode we continue with the harrowing adventure of 'Moses in the Desert: This Time it's Personal' Moses disappears, and everyone goes apeshit while Aaron uses it as an opportunity to realize his calf fantasies. Also, the Tipsy crew is left in horror when Alex reveals his sordid middle school world of trading cards. Enjoy!


Episode 27 - Was the Jesus birth really an immaculate conception?

Happy Holidays from The Tipsy Crew! The Christmas season is here and you know what that means… we’re finally covering the story of Jesus’s birth! Let’s be real, Mary was trying to pull the wool over people’s eyes; don’t give me this Immaculate Conception nonsense! If only Maury were around during this time. We chat a bit about the “War on Christmas” and how there have just been too many casualties already. SUPPORT OUR YULETIDE TROOPS. Also: everyone be sure to note that Alex forgot to turn...


Ep 26 - Why did Moses Take the Longest Route to the Promised Land?

Here's our latest entry in the Moses Saga: 2Moses2Desert. The Israelites have finally made it out of Egypt only to find themselves wandering an uninhabitable desert! Yay! Luckily, God provides the breakfast, lunch, and dinner of champions: quail and "heaven flakes" (Copyright belongs to God). Listen as Veronica is SUPER pissed about slaves having slaves (slaveception) and then Alex, prompted by a discussion of the Netflix movie "Little Evil", tells a bizarre story about what we assume are...


Ep 25 - Why were there 10 Plagues on Egypt??

Have you been waiting with bated breath for more stories about Moses and his weird, magical adventures!? Well, you’re in luck! This is part two where the Tipsy Crew talks about the plagues of Egypt. God was kind of a dick, huh? But, according to Veronica, he wasn’t even a very effective dick cause his plagues apparently sucked. Gasp in awe (and disgust) as Veronica details the horrible, horrible plagues she’d inflict if she were God. Let’s be glad that she doesn’t have divine powers…


Ep 24 - Why was Moses raised by the Egyptians?

Awwww yeeeaaaaah! After a long hiatus, the Tipsy Crew is finally getting around to covering Moses, one of the most major players in The Bible and a certified adopted river baby! You may think you know him but did you know he was an expert at uncircumcised fellatio? Probably not, idiot! We cover the very beginning of his journey all the way up to that time God decided that temporary leprosy and snake-sticks were a good way to convince Moses to challenge the Pharaoh. This one’s gonna be a...


Ep 23 - Did Jesus always put Parable Mustard on his Sandwiches?

Get ready for another heaping helping of parables from our old buddy Jesus! Jesus sure does talk a lot about mustard seeds, huh? Not as much as Veronica likes to regale the Tipsy Crew with songs she barely remembers. You know, like the popular hit song “Buck The Knuck”? Also: we realize that Jesus was just saying pretty much the same thing in different ways cause he was kinda out of ideas. At any rate, this is the episode for you if you wanna hear about yeast-plumped vaginas. Don’t ask. Just...


Ep 22 - Why Did Jesus Speak in Parables?

Oh yeah, Tipsy Disciples! In this episode, we’re bringing back our boy Jesus or, as the Tipsy crew decides to call him, Daddy Jesus. And don’t worry, the episode only gets sexier from there! We cover a few of Jesus’s very didactic but also sometimes pretty good parables but not before Jonte is forced to watch a trailer to a weird and seemingly blasphemous video game that pits the world’s deities against each other in what looks to be a series of death matches! Also: this is the official...


Ep. 21 - Did Joseph Write His Chapter Himself??

In this week's episode, we continue with the exploits of Joseph, the guy who used to own a Dreamcoat. Veronica grows increasingly skeptical of the validity of this story while also growing more pretentious about her wine selections. Alex and Jonte sing quite a bit in this one folks....


Ep 20 - Joseph and his Obnoxious Gaudy Dreamcoat

Have you ever wanted to hear a Bible story about an insufferable snitch wearing a very cool jacket? Well, have we got the story for you! This is part one of Joseph and his coat of many colors/long sleeves/stripes/Member's Only jacket. We learn that being the favorite son of your father is tough since your brothers will undoubtedly want to kill you! Also: more dreams! This time of the narcissistic variety! We also learn that Alex is an unrepentant Lothario while a particularly wealthy and...


Ep 19 - King David, The Peeping Tom

This week's episode features everybody's favorite rock-throwing hero, David! After slaying the Goliath, ripping off foreskins, and marrying into royalty, Kind David decides his next great feat will be spying on women bathing from the roof of the palace! Since being a hero wasn't enough for him, he decides to add rapist and bungling idiot to his resume. Listen as we discuss how horrifying God's punishments are and the logic behind people picking and choosing stories to believe from the bible....


Ep 18 - Book of Esther should be called Nasty Vashti, Haman's vengeance, and the fashion makeover

In this episode, the guys try to convince Veronica that the Book of Esther is a feminist story but all Veronica wants to discuss is Alex's spank bank. Music - Ryan Little