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E70: Elizabeth Holmes Quaffs a Garfuccino! (feat. Andrew Goldman)

Just in time for spring, we managed to crawl out from underneath our weighted blankets to make sense of this horrible week. Together with Andrew Goldman, journalist and host of the podcast “The Originals,” we shut down the emerging sauce crisis on college campuses, the mysterious appeal of Theranos founder Elizabeth Holmes and Kellyanne Conway’s "husband from hell.” Also on the docket: a Garfield-themed restaurant from Dubai is coming to Toronto; Julianne Moore won’t cut off her (prosthetic)...


E69: Felicity Huffman Hatches a Mouse Mastodon!

Like a Netflix crossover special of Full House, Desperate Housewives and Orange is the New Black, the college-cheating scandal known as Operation Varsity Blues captivated and revolted us in equal measure. We are a nation of grifters and there’s no turning back! Other terrible things we shut down this week: two dead people struggle to sell a house in the Hamptons that they designed to either prolong your life or end it; scientists are resurrecting the wooly mammoth and creating hybrid chicken...


E68: Michael Calamari Cheeses a Verminfluencer! (feat. Taylor Lorenz)

We are in desperate need of therapy. Thankfully, we were joined by Taylor Lorenz, staff writer for the Atlantic and human embodiment of the Internet, to help us unpack the horrible things that happened this week. Notably, people are monetizing their fetuses, lining up to take a selfie with an opossum, freaking out about a paper mâché sculpture called Momo, and filming themselves while hurling American cheese at their babies’ faces. Meanwhile, here in New York City, Mayor Bill de Blasio...


E67: Rami Malek Eats Salad With a Comb!

As if trapped in the Netflix series “Russian Doll,” we keep dying and waking up in the bathroom. Recording this episode right after Michael Cohen’s congressional testimony, our heads were spinning. We nevertheless attempted to process what we saw, including the wild outburst from Congressman Chip Roy, Matt Gaetz’s thuggish Tweet and Michael Cohen’s emerging expertise in the field of ethics. Meanwhile, Trump was in Vietnam for his second summit with murderous dictator Kim Jong Un, who...


E66: Tucker Carlson Noshes on Filth Flies!

This week, Amazon’s much-ballyhooed New York City HQ2 was returned to sender faster than a Prime delivery. Meanwhile, a beige national emergency reared its MAGA-hat wearing head at Mar-a-Lago’s omelette bar. Also: Roger Stone got the smackdown from Judge Amy Berman Jackson for posting a wildly ill-conceived Instagram photo; Buzzfeed published an exposé of Blippi, a kid-friendly YouTube star with a shockingly NSFW past; an Israeli couple was fined for sending a string of emojis, including a...


E65: Lady Gaga Harnesses Her Ribcage! (feat. Christina Binkley)

It’s New York Fashion Week and it’s not just the cold weather that is keeping us from experimenting with the hottest trend at the Grammys (hint: it’s an exposed ribcage). Joined by author and fashion journalist Christina Binkley, we shut down blackface turtlenecks, mock turtlenecks, Adam’s apple turtlenecks, harnesses on the red carpet, breast pumps as a fashion statement, and a boots-on-the-ground report about how Michael Cohen is spending his last days as a free man. Also on the docket:...


E64: Ashton Kutcher Gives Roger Stone a Manicure! (feat. Glace Chase)

There’s no good time to be incapacitated, but that’s what happened this week, and we’re still struggling to keep up with all the horrors. But with the help of our special guest, comedienne/playwright Glace Chase, we managed to shut down the substance, structure and guests of the State of the Union speech; a wild ATM incident in China; a man in the Netherlands embroiled in a legal battle to officially change his age; and, of course, the scandal in the Virginia legislature that combines three...


E63: Mary Poppins Escapes from Dannemora

This week we find ourselves trapped in an upstate New York penitentiary of our own making. We shut down Trump’s continued insistence that he’s more intelligent than his intelligence agencies; Howard Schultz’s ill-conceived flirtation with an independent presidential run; and Gwyneth Paltrow’s violent run-in with an optometrist on the slopes of Park City. Also: technology continues to be terrible! Facebook engages in “friendly fraud” by taking money from children and gets the smackdown from...


E62: Freddie Mercury Slurps Generously Buttered Noodles!

It’s one of the most horrible weeks in recent memory, and we return to a nation engulfed in carnage, both human and animal. We shut down Tales from the Grift, starring former Trump fixer and aspiring sex symbol Michael Cohen; explore how the Academy has taken everything bad about the Oscars and made it worse; discuss a Swedish movie shown inside a sarcophagus; and participate in a dramatic reading of text-message correspondence between our finest living artists, Azealia Banks and Grimes....


E61: NOPE LIVE! Rachel & Brian Humiliate Themselves in Front of Superfans!

What happens when you put 30 Nope superfans in a room with a cheese influencer and our finest living text-message dramaturgist? Your terrible week suddenly gets better! As the longest government shutdown in our nation’s history dragged on, we managed to execute our first-ever live show, in which we collectively shut down Trump’s hamburger inflation, Javanka’s “Vice” walkout, and explored how the hijacking of Brian’s Spotify account led him to develop a passion for Christian rock and Shen Yun...


E60: Kevin Hart Has a Blended Orgasm at CES!

The best thing about a cleanse is ending the cleanse--and thankfully our Trump cleanse is over. This week, Rachel reveals how the Trump administration is blocking her efforts to gain German citizenship, and we explore the technological ineptitude of Paul Manafort’s legal team and Leonardo da Vinci’s unexpected involvement in the Mueller probe. Meanwhile, the New Year’s resolution crowd is wreaking havoc at Chopt and undermining the spirit of eating salads. Also: people are blindfolding...


E59: Chrissy Teigen Marries a Hologram!

2019 is here and it’s already off to an abysmal start, as the major TV networks featured an anti-vaxxer and a vaginal steamer on their New Year’s Eve specials and a high-profile New York “Illuminati” party offered guests the opportunity to sip breast milk from a baby bottle. Also: a New York Times op-ed advocated abandoning smartphones in favor of sex; a Japanese school administrator married an anime hologram; a bodybuilder in England tattooed his nether regions using--what else?--a rolling...


E58: 2018 - The Year in Nope!

It was our first full year of podcasting, and what a year it was. As we recover from the latest romaine lettuce panic and sip ersatz Lacroix with “cloudberries” because we cannot have nice things, we explore the lowlights of 2018 grouped into the topics for which we are best known: insaniacs, salad, innovation, politics (minus Individual-1) animals, and the world of fashion. We reopen the case of the Canadian salesman who tried to chill pepperoni by opening a window and inadvertently let 40...


E57: Lil Jon Weaves a Hair Amulet! Plus Holiday Gift Guide feat. Lauren Goode

One step forward, two steps back. The Holland Tunnel’s holiday décor debacle was fixed following a public outcry, yet we find ourselves reckoning this week with even more horrors, such as Russian Nest hackers, robots gone wild and the shocking revelation that Azealia Banks is the tech world’s Zelig, last seen hiding in Elon Musk’s house after fashioning an amulet out of Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey’s beard hairs. Joined by WIRED senior writer Lauren Goode, we shut down the most horrible gifts of...


E56: Poopsie Splatters The "Holland Tonnel"!

Emerging from glamorous Art Basel, where we rubbed shoulders with everyone from former Real Housewife Kelly Bensimon to grifting Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, we’re really struggling this week to acclimate to New York's rat and diarrhea-infested subway. In addition to demystifying Miami, on this week’s episode we shut down the hottest toy of the season, Poopsie, and explore the dystopian panopticon overseen by an Elf on the Shelf. Also: the Holland Tunnel struggles with a violent backlash...


E55: Ed Sheeran Flips a Fiery Bicycle!

It’s the most horrible time of the year, and in the spirit of radical self-care, we are instituting a new policy: Trump-Free December. There are enough awful things to deal with, like Rachel getting urinated on at 3am, Brian’s dad's wifi woes, upside down hamburgers, declining French fry portion sizes, a crisis in the canned tuna world, the cryptocurrency cruise from hell, mutiny at a sex robot convention and forced hugging at Ted Baker HQ. We are also introducing a new segment called...


E54: Bradley Cooper Reveals His Tiny Turtle! (feat. Bevy Smith)

We’re recording live from the 10013 zip code, recently declared the tiny-turtle complaint capital of New York City. With the help of media maven Bevy Smith, we shut down “grabbers" at the border, John Bolton’s language barrier, a gender reveal explosion in Arizona, Moroccan cannibals and the dystopian gamification of behavior in China. Also: Bevy weighs in on the biggest pop culture controversies of the week, including Melania’s Christmas decorations, that Lena Dunham profile in New York...


E53: Ariana Grande Rakes America Great Again!

It’s Thanksgiving week and the world is a very dangerous place! Donald Trump couldn’t even pardon two turkeys, believes that Finnish leaf-raking techniques will prevent forest fires, and plumbed new depths as he sided with Saudi murderers over our own intelligence agencies in an embarrassing exclamation-filled public statement. Meanwhile, romaine lettuce rears its E. coli-infested head and wreaks havoc on Americans' collective consciousness and Australians are having conniption fits over the...


E52: Jeff Bezos Cooks a Turkey in His Mouth!

It’s our one-year Nope-aversary and the ceiling can’t hold us. We’re traversed a wormhole back to the year 2000 and we’re reliving election trauma while trying on clever hat disguises in an effort to commit voter fraud. Meanwhile, Trump is in full FML mode, holed up in a Fox News cave while Roger Stone and his minions brace themselves for their forthcoming (fingers crossed) indictments. Amazon lands it’s HQ2 a stone’s throw from Rachel’s condo, sending real estate agents into a feeding...


E51: Jim Acosta Accosts a Garbage Panda!

A day late and a Euro short, here we are with our first-ever trans-Atlantic #Nope, recorded in Duck, North Carolina and Lisbon, Portugal. In a week that was reminiscent of a Hieronymus Bosch etching, we vomit over the White House’s decision to release a doctored propaganda video from Infowars to back up the lie that CNN’s Jim Acosta assaulted an intern (he didn’t). We also question the wisdom of Nevada’s selection of a Republican corpse for their state assembly. Rachel reports live from Web...