jaygerardtoday

I finally return and I think I am on another planet, possibly of the Apes

You'll never get Morticia Adams to wear a sombrero. Too many steps spoil the meal. Keep Pringles on hand in case of an emergency

Who'd ordain a squirrel? The same site that would ordain a shoe. What color is your crayon. Be sure to wear your Trump mask if you visit the tart tour

Larry always needs a little drama in his life. Noe he gets his fur all ruffled over a new edition to the staff. he once thought he was being replaced by a kazoo.

Hi, we're back after a very long hiatus, (actually a nap).

Just turn away for a second and your squirrel intern hires another,with your credit card. Now I have a 600 Pound 9 foot Ogre sitting in my La-Z-Boy. Listen for Fake News today. Is Trump actually a Russian, The happenings of the Pennsyltucky Princess and why does Hillary wobble like a weebil? Regardless is all Trumps fault,or so they say

A strong willed squirrel wont find the bird-feeder if he's not careful. More Fake News from the best source of fake news. When the moon covers the sun does God cast down fire and brimstone. Why does Kale exist?

It may be a little thing to you but you never know what lies just beneath the surface of an angry squirrel. More Fake News today

Who'd thunk dancing the boogaloo would eventually turn a squirrel into an American icon.

Give the squirrel at shot at the small time and you cannot tell the fake news from the real.

On St.Patty's Day, rodents sing. Don't play board games with the Mrs. or her Mom as they cheat. No house or hotel will ever be safe again on a Monopoly board.

Once you get a squirrel talking you may be shocked at the revelations. The truth about Punxatawney and that lay lowlife Phil. Chuckie is a babe magnet, and a very fine dancer.

This ain't no Pink Floyd. If you ask Mom to grab your skates, double check or you may be humiliated. Walls are for your own good, or so I am told.

We're so busy we've been reduced to responding using only smiling happy faces wearing sunglasses. Mother to children"you never respond to my text" Children reply "I sent you a K". and Al Gore and Ted Turner just get richer.

Newsprint is not dead...just waiting for the Doggie Zombie Nation to arise. Go ahead and read your Yahoo News, while we take over the new media. We're smarter than Mr.Ed and Flipper combined.

No wonder I hate New Years. Party hound parents twisting the night away in diapers while I am left at granny's banging pots and pans. I'll be asleep at 9 and if I am on top of overcoats in your guestroom don't wake me.

Just another Christmas Story. Hope yours is a good one. Avoid the Donnies in life and always have plenty of batteries on hand Merry Christmas and remember the reason for the season.

6 Months of pure self loathing and guilt awaits if you won't leave Dodge in time. If I give Mrs.jaygerardtoday and Debbie all the Necco wafers the kids will go back to swallowing nickles. Appease the masses with Snickers,but it better not be those mini's!

You may as well sleep through the 2nd debate...nothing to see here. The real news is out there, on the streets, lurking behind every corner just waiting to hurl a cream pie. Be kind to all who don the rainbow wig for the clown may be somebody's mother's oil painting. Remember to speak well of all, at least while your Mommy is within earshot.

Cut the Cable but Betty White Lives on. If you're in the dog-house you get Rabbit Ear duty. Kiss Like Dawson, but get some hand-sanitizer. Dead people don't listen too well.