Elis James and John Robins

‘Excitement’ was the word on everyone’s lips at the BBC today… and for good reason. First, they were excited about the fact that the wonderful Lou Sanders was sitting in for Elis whilst he treated himself to a luxury spa break in Montenegro. Then, the excitement grew even more as John entered the studio looking more buff than ever before. And just when we thought the excitement couldn’t grow any more, Producer Dave announced he was off to relive his early 20s by going to see the Arctic Monkeys. And with that, the holy trinity of excitement was sorted, perfectly placed to surf the radio waves. There’s a real treat in store for you today, featuring the following audible accoutrements: a listener talking about the time they were outwitted by a pigeon, John channelling his inner local radio presenter, Lou absolutely destroying her co-presenter in a scripted intro, and Producer Dave trying his best to stay balanced in a Made Up Game.

It’s a good job that the microphones in Broadcasting House are on adjustable mic stands, because for today’s show self-certified posh person Sir Elis James was presenting from atop a felt-lined throne, whilst the peasants that are John and Producer Dave were forced to sit on upturned wooden buckets, never once making eye contact with his highness. And as an offering to the people, Sir James presented a venerable feast of content… the broadest content in the land! John shares a teary Turkish restaurant tale, the guys come up with their own range of soft toys, someone mistakes James Bond for Ed Miliband and Elis gives us an insight into his favourite darts chants.

What do you get if you cross an elite-level goalkeeper, a man carrying a chopping board in his rucksack and someone who just can’t wait to get ready for the weekend? That’s right, you get the Elis James and John Robins show on BBC 5 Live. And whilst Elis never did get a chance to show off his chopping skills, he did get a chance to slice through some freshly picked correspondence about what weird advice listeners have been given (which was much more interesting than the onion-based fun we had planned). There was a rather controversial Made Up Game, we heard a toilet tale that stoked the embers of shame, the age-old question “How do you get a wolf to trust you?” is answered, and a listener shared their grievances with how people say “Goodbye… bye… bye… bye”.

Is there anything more scintillating than overhearing three good friends goofing around on national radio? Well according to Producer Dave there is, and it's catching the scent of a handsome man eating eggs Benedict on a quiet Friday morning. But unlike radio, you can't Shazam a fragrance, so instead Dave decided to put his Northern charm to good use and find out exactly why this man's aroma was so wonderful. It turns out the cost of smelling good is £200, so it's safe to say that Dave is sticking to his good old can of Lynx. Away from all the 'smelltalk', ahead of a big goalkeeping performance John was given some tips from a former professional shot-stopper, there was some real snackable content in a Made Up Game, we heard the story of an old tin of meat, and Elis provided us with one of the greatest anecdotes of all time. Oh, and for the triangulation fans amongst you, the the centre point for today's broadcast was just west of Stratford on the A46. Strap in!

With the coronation of King Charles III just hours away, Elis and John were giddy with excitement in a balanced and compliant way, with streets parties, Union Jack body paint and temporary Royal tattoos all extolled when discussing weekend plans. And yet even with the chaps’ eager anticipation reaching fever pitch, it’s incredible to think they were still able to compose themselves for a top tier parliamentary Made Up Game, a fascinating ‘this is your life’ chat with fellow 5 Liver Tony Livesey, and an incredibly detailed discussion about aftershave.

‘Informative… punctual… fun’. These are all words you’d associate with a consummate broadcaster. But ‘bravery’? No, that’s an adjective that’s reserved for one broadcaster and one broadcaster only. That’s right: John Robins. He doesn’t just say what he thinks people want to hear, he says what he thinks others need to hear; and nobody (especially Producer Dave) can stop him. So if you want your weekly fix of bravery, you’re in the right place. John is handed the baton of improvisation, we hear some wonderful retirement dreams, Elis questions some of the refereeing decisions during a Made Up Game, and there is a Shame Well that royally cracks up the studio.

Elis has returned from Dave's favourite continent sunkissed and with renewed vigour. As he saw the On Air light blink red there was a determination is his voice that he was going to carry John on this show no matter how much muscle the man from Buffinghamshire has put on. Thankfully, there was no need for such strenuous exertion as John arrived in peak comedic fitness. He dug into Elis's bold breakfast choices at the hotel buffet and in a radio first listed every single mug that you can find in his cupboard. That's 16, to be precise. Also expect an assonance-heavy Made Up Game and a caller who got the boys purring.

Over the past few months it’s been well documented that Elis James is the busiest man on earth, so this week he decided to take some much needed time off to top up his tan / vibe stores. But who could keep his seat warm whilst he keeps himself warm in Portugal? There was only one man for the job: everyone’s favourite Old Etonian (depending on which newspaper you read), the one and only Ivo Graham! And just like a loan player looking to make their mark in lower league football, he wasn’t content with sitting on the bench! He got stuck in from the first minute, gave John the runaround and even left a leg in on Producer Dave. There’s a Made Up Game which some (including the higher-ups at 5 Live) have branded ‘risky’, Ivo takes a look through this week’s broadsheets, John discusses his most recent step to becoming a beefcake, and a loveable East End builder stops by to give us a quote. Bosh!

With a MASSIVE announcement from the Elis and John Tax Year Calendar, a HUGE Made Up Game involving a behemoth of the broadcasting world, and a GIGANTIC faux pas from Producer Dave when describing his weekend plans, you’d be forgiven for looking on in disbelief when finding out today’s show is only 90 minutes long. Alongside all this bigness, Elis arrives at the studio with a very special guest, John sulks because of certain scoring parameters, and everyone just about remains on the right side of the undue prominence line when debating a Petty Parliament item.

What car would Huw Edwards drive? Where is John’s favourite spot to sit on a crowded train? Does Elis know how much a second class stamp costs? Does new feature The Riff Symposium actually work? All valid questions, with some fascinating answers* that are all revealed, divulged or discussed across two hours of scintillating radio with Elis and John. And amongst the cut and thrust of top notch seat-of-your-pants broadcasting, there was a Made Up Game that delivered, an Ask John that informed, and a Petty Parliament that divided. *Burgundy Mercedes E-Class estate, near the toilets, maybe - we're hopeful.

The floors of Broadcasting House were shaking this morning, as Beefcake Robins entered the studio fresh from achieving yet another personal best at the gym. His continued workout efforts have seen him rise to second in the table of the “5 Live Ripped Rankings”, and he’s got Rick Edwards firmly in his reach. And to show just how strong he’s become he was able to present the whole show with Elis on one shoulder and Producer Dave on another, all whilst maintaining perfect form. In a show which had “giddy energy” running through its veins the guys speak to a wildlife Unsung Hero, Elis’s social media habits are put under the microscope, John tries to figure out what car Tony Livesey drives, and Producer Dave’s eyes turn black from stress.

The higher-ups at the BBC might be able to restrict Elis and John to an hour's worth of radio in order to make room for the Cheltenham Festival, but do you know what they won't ever restrict? An appetite for quality chat that is SO ravenous they're able to make a 60-minute show feel like an 85-minute show because of just how much they've jammed into it! Producer Dave puts the guys through their comedy paces with another Riff Symposium, there's a discussion about Adrian Chiles' new money-making scheme, a listener tells us how brilliant Sweden is and John continues to flex his muscles (if only you could see them). Plus, John appeared on 5 Live Breakfast this morning as part of their 'In My Opinion' feature, so as a special treat we've included that too.

A surprise at every turn, content on the cusp of being toooo edgy, and with some bits a little too revealing for the more conservative consumer.. Elis and John on 5 Live, or the Elis and John Tax Year Calendar (available at bbc.co.uk/elisandjohn, fyi)? BOTH! With today’s explosive offering matching the #daring and #dangerous extremes of everyone’s favourite wall-hung charity organiser. There was sink-based drama, microwave-based shenanigans, plus some other stuff that isn’t centred around the kitchen. Enjoy!

In an unexpected turn of events John has become something of a 'gym head', and today in the studio he asked Elis and Dave to touch his muscles 12 times (far more than the usual three times). Thankfully the guys didn't pass out with passion: they were able to take the excitement they felt after John tensed up his biceps and translate it into top notch broadcasting. Today's show featured an on-air reunion with an old pal, a Shame Well that has already been submitted into the 'Awards' folder, everyone's favourite cheeky postman stopped by... and it was all delivered with a touch of class! Do YOU want access to back-to-back shame? Thankfully you're in luck, as 'Shame Well' is now available as its own playlist on BBC Sounds! Just search 'Shame Well' on the greatest app on earth to listen to some of the best shame from over the years uninterrupted.

A wise person once said "A rising tide lifts all boats". However another less well-known wise person also said "A giddy John lifts all spirits", and today saw such a proverb come to life as Robins and his good pal James excitedly crafted a radio show for the ages. Yes, Elis and John were in fine fettle today; and even managed to make Producer Dave turn completely pale whilst discussing EMF. If you're playing 'radio production bingo' you're likely to be shouting 'HOUSE' very quickly, as today's show included all the following: a live read of terms and conditions, a new feature created on the fly, throwing to the cricket, and ringing of 'the good radio bell'. There was also an extremely tense Made Up Game, a motivational masterclass, and a conclusion to 'Bristol City Penaltygate'.

Today's show was BRAVO, INDIA, GOLF. No, the guys weren't celebrating the achievements of PGA tour golfer Anirban Lahiri: they announced that 'The Elis James and John Robins Tax Year Calendar' in aid of Comic Relief is finally available to purchase! Whilst the value of the pound was only marginally affected by the announcement it's safe to say that the orders came flying in, showing once again how passionate the people of the UK are about TAX. Away from all the calendar chat there was a Made Up Game for the linguistics fans amongst you, the guys aired out some more Hot Gossip, Adrian shares some listeners' poetry to rival Producer Dave, and a real-life New Yorker dials in from his midtown loft on the Upper West Side! - To get hold of YOUR copy of the UK’s hottest piece of tax merchandise, you just need to head to bbc.co.uk/elisandjohn where you can also find the terms and conditions and privacy notice. Once there, you just need to click on the ‘Tax Calendar’ link, and that’ll take you straight to the order page. The calendar costs £12.99 including postage, with a minimum of £4 from each sale being donated to registered charity Comic Relief and will help to support people who are facing the toughest times of their lives. The money raised will help people struggling with the cost-of-living crisis and tackle issues such as homelessness, mental health problems, and food poverty. The calendars will be available to buy until 31st March 2023, so act fast to make sure you don’t miss out on your very own piece of tax history!

If the aim of a usual Elis and John show is to deliver ‘your classic 4-4-2’ (anecdote over the top, punchline flick-on, good radio bell finish), today felt more like an adventurous 5-2-1-2 set up. A formation that could bring the whole house of cards tumbling down, but if implemented successfully, it could be beautiful. Pivotal wing backs shuttling on the overlap between classic comedy defence and more exotic consumer advice interpretation attack. New features were given a runout (Hot Gossip), old favourites returned to the side (Backing Britain), some regulars adopted a new position and cameo role before full time (Petty Parliament) and the big man up front was brought on for the last 20 (Martin Lewis). And by jove, the gaffer only went and pulled it off. Long-winded, half-baked analogies aside, another rip-roaring show awaits, with the right honourable Martin Lewis CBE proving yet again what a thoroughly top chap he is. Enjoy.

In a return to scenes reminiscent of 2020, today's show saw Elis, John and Producer Dave broadcasting from a whole host of exotic locations; such as Cardiff, London and Cheadle Hulme. There isn't a soul on earth who knows how radio actually works, so let's just say it's thanks to the magic of "technology" that the guys were able to broadcast to you the listener. And yes, of course there was going to be the odd hiccup - but isn't that what's fun about live radio? There was an all-time great Shame Well, a Made Up Game right in Dave's wheelhouse, some more listener Hot Gossip... and Elis makes a catastrophic error whilst channelling his inner Chingford. (Disclaimer: head to the 5 Live website for the full, CORRECT schedule.)

Production… It's an Audio Always thing. Bringing the hottest goss in town… It’s an Elis and John thing. Having to tame radio’s most uncontrollable duo whilst broadcasting live to the nation, meaning you have to rely on hand gestures to show your annoyance… It’s a Producer Dave thing. Yes, it’s time for your weekly care package of #content from the guys; and it’s safe to say that today’s show was one of the giddiest we’ve had for a long time. There was a MASSIVE Tax Year Calendar update, John stressed about going to a fancy dress party (with a very ambiguous theme), Elis shared that he was the victim of a prank, and a listener finally asked the question we’ve all been wanting an answer for: “What does Producer Dave actually do?”.

The UK is going through something of a cold snap at the minute, with temperatures dropping to as low as -2 degrees Celsius. But wait: don't go filling up that hot water bottle just yet, because Elis and John are here with more than two hours of boiling hot broadcasting warm enough to heat up a leisure centre to a balmy 19 degrees (or any building of a similar size). Their Tax Year Calendar plans race ahead at a frightening pace, the guys play a Made Up Game focusing on a broadcasting titan, John gets confused when plotting a railway journey... and most shockingly of all, Elis James struggles with an accent. You'll have to hear it to believe it!