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Funny Messy Life


Stories about life, relationships, and culture delivered in a way that will help brighten your day or at least make you ask, "What is he smokin'?" But don't worry. It's all in good fun and it's family friendly. I'm Michael Blackston and these are tales from my blog - in audio form - all based on real experiences from my Funny Messy Life.

Stories about life, relationships, and culture delivered in a way that will help brighten your day or at least make you ask, "What is he smokin'?" But don't worry. It's all in good fun and it's family friendly. I'm Michael Blackston and these are tales from my blog - in audio form - all based on real experiences from my Funny Messy Life.


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Stories about life, relationships, and culture delivered in a way that will help brighten your day or at least make you ask, "What is he smokin'?" But don't worry. It's all in good fun and it's family friendly. I'm Michael Blackston and these are tales from my blog - in audio form - all based on real experiences from my Funny Messy Life.






Shingles All The Way - 039

The state of Georgia got its orders like every other state did. Our official decree was something along the lines of, “Stay in your homes for the love of all that is pure and holy. Keep yourselves barricaded behind a toilet paper fort if you’re among those who hoarded it and kept good, sane, decent folk from being able to get any. If you’re among the good, sane, decent folk who did not find it necessary to be a greedy, inconsiderate imbecile (I used the word moron at first, but changed it...


My Passion For The Phantom - 038

The world has changed overnight. Things that only happen in the movies are playing out right before our eyes and it’s pretty surreal knowing we’re going through a major historical event. As COVID-19 continues to be a big, giant butt hole, humanity has had to learn a lot of new techniques to cope, especially when it comes to quarantine. Looking on the bright side is one of them. For instance, this pandemic may be horrible, but at least we’ve got something of our own now that we can throw in...


What it's Like Being An Artist - 037

I’ve mentioned several times over the span of this podcast that I make my living as an artist. Mostly, I etch on black granite gravestones, but I haven’t talked much about the fact that I dabble in several other artistic mediums. My entire life - as far back as I can remember - has revolved around some form of creativity and for the most part, it’s a wonderful thing. Unfortunately, nothing’s all pros and no cons. When people make the comment, I wish I was creative, I want to ask, “Really?...


Driving Lessons - 036

As I sit in a fast food restaurant creating this episode, my son is 15 years old and wants to drive everywhere. In a few months, he’ll be going for his driver’s license and I’ll begin the era of parenting when my heart thumps a million beats per second every time he’s out on the road by himself. And he’s doing really well. He takes Driver’s Ed right now as well, so he’s getting plenty of practice, but he prefers me to go out with him to his mother, who apparently goes into a screaming panic...


I Waited Too Late - 035

I love to tell stories, especially in writing, and if I can use the responses from the stuff I’ve created as a gauge, I’d say I’m pretty darn good at it. I’m not tooting my own horn here. All a writer has to go by is audience response, but there might not have been a response to give if it hadn’t been for one woman - my eighth grade English teacher, Mrs. Thornton. I’d like to thank her for the way she encouraged me, but I can’t. She’s not with us anymore and I waited too late to tell her...


What A Way To Go - 034

I work in the death industry. That’s the way I put it when I don’t feel like going into detail about what I do for a living and would rather you left me alone about it. It’s not very often that I have to give that as an answer because I usually like to talk to people about my job. But sometimes it’s been a tough day and all I want to think about are cuddly puppies and cheese steak sandwiches, so if you ask me what I do, I’ll reply, “I work in the death industry,” and that’ll probably end the...


The Time I Peed On My Leg - 033

I’m a guy and guys have lots of different things about them that make them unique. There is one universal thing most guys have in common, though, and that is a deep love and appreciation for the comic form known as Bathroom Humor. There are occasionally women I’ll run into who understand the genius of this art form and my wife is not one of them. I will mention a lady a little later on who would go toe to toe with any man or boy when it comes to the intricacies of the humble fart, but for...


Words Have Meaning - 032

I’m always the last one to the party when it comes to whatever whippors the younger generation is snapping. Just when I felt comfortable using words like “Bad” to describe something as good, I was told that I’m behind the times. Suddenly “Dope” was the term used for something good; no longer the term we used for drugs. Add to that the fact that being in possession of a particularly powerful drug meant that you had gotten your hands on “The Good Stuff”, and life could get confusing. This was...


Feets Don't Fail Me Now - 031

Feets Don't Fail Me Now For years it went something like this … “KICK! And TURN! And BACK! And BEND! And … Arms loose, ladies; Guys, keep those shoulders back. Posture, people. POSTURE! We open in two weeks! Okay, keep it goin’ annnnd … KICK! And TURN! And BACK! And SP- … No, no, Michael. It’s BACK and SPIN, not SPIN, KICK, BACK. No, no, no, NO! There’s no LUNGE in this routine, Michael. Stick to the choreography. Here we go … KICK! And BACK! And … Michael … Michael … MICHAEL! WHY ARE...


I'm Turning Into Someone I'm Not - 030

I’m changing into someone I never thought I’d be. When I look into the mirror, it’s beginning to be hard to recognize the man staring back at me. This new me is becoming exotic; a word I don’t think would have ever been used to describe any of my attributes. And to others, it probably still wouldn’t. But I see it coming. It’s right there in my mindand I like it. This new me will be debonair and dark and, well … Hispanic. I am slowly turning myself into Gomez Addams for my role in The Addams...


Messing With Telemarketers - 029

If you have a phone in your pocket, you know the frustration that comes with what I’m getting ready to talk about. Telemarketers and the annoying trends most of us have to deal with on a daily basis. There’s something to be said about the days of good old when you made a call by picking up an enormous receiver that weighed approximately fifty pounds and asked a woman on the other end whose job it was to physically switch around wires on a big board in front of her - her name was always Marge...


I Had To Leave - 028

It hasn’t been a very fun year for me as a college football fan. It’s weird that I should say that, but it’s been a weird season. My team won all of their except for one and I’m pretty sure if we played that one over again, we’d take the win. It was one of those fluke games we were supposed to dominate, but stuff just kept happening. Then we went to the conference championship game to face the LSU Tigers and it went exactly the way I expected it to. So you might be asking me why it wasn’t...


One Truly Amazing Dog - 027

If I told you I had the best dog in the world growing up, you’d probably disagree with me. You’d tell me about your dog, how it was the best dog in the world and if anybody else was listening nearby, they’d interrupt our kingly canine conversation with a story of their own. I understand that and I’m not here to argue, but when I was trying to decide what this episode would be about, I came to a stop when I thought about Butch. It’s been a while since I thought about him, but while it might...


Just A Good Old Boy - 026

Are you old enough to have had one of those moments when you try to do something you, as we say in the south, used-ta-could, but suddenly realize y’ain’t-never-no-more? Now, I’ll get back to that question in a few seconds and let you ponder it while I make an aside about the two weird southern phrases you just read/heard. Used-ta-could. Jeff Foxworthy has touched on this one in his standup routine and I usually try not to use other people’s material, but I absolutely refuse to allow him...


Hotober In The South - 025

I’m a man of extremes, apparently. My wife has mentioned more than one time, in the midst of an argument, that it’s either all or nothing with me and that makes her want to crawl up the wall. Of course, then I tell her if she’s gonna go up the wall, I think she might as well go ALL THE WAY up it because I’m a man of extremes and it’s all or nothing with me. When it comes to this podcast, it’s more of the same. I pounded out the text of the last episode and then promptly waited maybe six...


Odd Jobs - 024

In the last episode, I talked all about my two years spent as a prisoner in the small loans industry. And while I was building the back story, I mentioned my stint as a Walmart portrait photographer, which brought back memories I thought I’d like to tell you about those days. But then I started calling back to my entire work career and I realized I’ve got a whole barrel of stories to tell you about things that happened in a variety of jobs I worked before settling in as a professional...


The Loan Man - 023

Previously, I mentioned a part of my life that I still have nightmares about and I hesitate to even go into it now, but I promised I would tell you some of the stories and I figure it’s best to just get it out of the way. To give it a nice name, I was a bill collector. Some called me The Loan Man and others called me things I can’t say in decent company. So, in episode 23, I’m gonna take you from day one, through some stuff in the middle, and all the way to my take this job and shove it...


Fur Babies - 022

They call them Fur Babies. I consider myself to be a strong, manly, straight-to-the-point kind of guy … usually. But I have to admit that I’ve embraced the term Fur Babies. It fits. They’re furry, for one and also, they’re my babies. I have four of them right now, three of which live in my house and I consider them a part of the family, not just pets. They’re the reason I’ve settled on pet memorials as my new line of business that I’ll be focusing on heavily over the next few months. But...


Road Rage - 021

I’m not sure if anybody’s ever done research on why Americans become rabid, buggy-eyed butt hornets when we get behind the wheel, but if they ever do figure it out, I want to be among the first ones to know. I know it’s easy to want to point a finger at the other guy - usually the middle one - when there’s one road, but more than one driver. But whenever something goes wrong, I’m finding that nine times out of ten, I’m the one with the problem. So I’ll call myself a butt hornet when it fits,...


Pet Peeves - 020

All I wanted to do was sit down somewhere and write. I’m back to writing the podcast episodes out blog style because although I thought it would sound more natural just telling stories and saying what was on my mind using bullet points and otherwise flying by the seat of my pants, it still didn’t sound right to me. I’ll get to that later at the end, but for now, just realize that while I intended to make the theme of this one a journey into the back of my mind, through the land of my...