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Taking the Cynic Route


Three average Joes from Baltimore, MD sharing humorous stories and opinions with a flare for the crude, low brow, and sometimes even dark. By reflecting on their own personal histories, pop culture potluck, conspiracy theories and other wacky topics, these guys will make you laugh and maybe even think. But mostly laugh. Become a Patron!


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Three average Joes from Baltimore, MD sharing humorous stories and opinions with a flare for the crude, low brow, and sometimes even dark. By reflecting on their own personal histories, pop culture potluck, conspiracy theories and other wacky topics, these guys will make you laugh and maybe even think. But mostly laugh. Become a Patron!




Episode 52: I Seent Pyutin Ridin' a UFO in Dundalk, Hon.

With a war glooming around the corner and the potential for chaos at every step, why not lighten the mood with some dick jokes and fart sounds? A trio of Jeff, Scott, and the Beer Can share tales of the past while analyzing the present. From Ukraine to Richard Nixon, from NASA Nazis to the un-cancellable Joe Rogan, we tackle all topics while getting hammered on Founder's Backyard Bastard. The State of the Union is strong, but our tolerance for political nonsense and craft beer is stronger. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE!


Episode 51: The Most Epic Podcast of All Time

Resurrected from the depths of the dank basement, the gang is back. TTCR 2.0 is here with an episode that doesn't pull any punches. We finally see the results of Guinea John's ancestry DNA test, Beer Can Bill shares his love for the "Squad", and Scott figures out why GJ is obsessed with penis. A surprise guest breaks into the studio while recording and everyone thinks they are going to be murdered. So grab a ZagNut, cut your favorite pair of jeans at the waistband, and listen to this glorious episode of Taking the Cynic Route.


Episode 50: Mrs. McMahon, You're Trying to Seduce Me.

_Another powerhouse of an episode for our Golden 50th. We showered down knowledge and witty judgmental insight on your candy axes. No one in Hollywood or Washington D.C. was safe during this audio odyssey. We crap on people locally, nationally, and globally because the trio does not believe in discrimination. The Beer Can tells of his latest swinging experience with the misses while Scott fills us in on why Vince McMahon is the Genetic Jackhammer. We discuss the extinction of malls, Jeff's recent vacation to Florida and once again, the worst US presidents of all time. Woodrow Wilson is the Lebron James of terrible presidents. DOWNLOAD, SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, SHARE!! _


Episode 49: Looking at the World Through a Bunghole

Another strong episode in the books for the trio at the octagon. Guinea Juan graces us with his presence for number 49, along with those Sicilian rants we all know and love. The Beer Can is in rare form as we pick apart Matt Gaetz, voter reform in Georgia, and corruption in Baltimore City. We go around the table and ask what three people, living or dead, we'd like to have over for dinner. Guinea Juan craps all over Tucker Carlson while BCB explains his hatred for Stuttering John from the Stern Show. This podcast is a wild ride and you'll get off confused, slightly nauseous, and strangely wanting more. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARRRREEEEE!!!!!!


Episode 48: AOL and Pro Wrestling Porn: The Making of a Generation

The gang is back at the table. Scott is in studio with the Beer Can and the debauchery ensues. With a quick dip in the poo-litical cess pool, the conversation quickly gets hijacked by a walk down professional wrestling's memory lane. And then we dive right back into the dumpster fire that is politics. This show is like a fart in the wind, the stench knows no direction. We talk about the illusion of choice, the top 50 selling artists of all time, and Owen Hart's tragic ending. What more could you ask for? DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!


Episode 47: Romancing the Trailer Park

The boys bring it back to the studio and whip up another tantalizing talk of twisted topics. Guinea Juan shares his most recent treasures from his father's house of awesomeness while Beer Can Billy tells a tale of the stinkiest stogie this side of Dundalk. We cover politics, sports, music, the human experience of life in a trailer park. We do our annual critique of this year's "Rock and Roll" HOF nominees and find out that the Beer Can is a huge Dionne Warwick fan, who knew? Do yourself a favor, crack open a Founder's Backwoods Bastard, listen to this episode and forget about your troubles while we discuss our troubles. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE SHARE!


Episode 46: The Tenthion of Oppothith in the Univerth

Oh how time flies. It's been a while since you've heard the boys around the octagon and like a fine wine, we're fruity and will stain your blouse. Guinea Juan is in the studio, at least most of him, bringing that West Coast charm while Beer Can Billy counters with his best East Coast meat head. An epic tale of the tape. We talk everything from the world falling apart to opposites in the universe. We discuss politics local and abroad while still making time for dick jokes and destroying Rolling Stone's newest Top 50 Album list. I like to think we're versitile. Listen for laughs, listen to learn, listen to pretend your having a conversation with other human beings like the good ol' days. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!


Episode 45: The Coup and You: The Truth Behind 9/11, Fred Durst, and the 2001 VMA's

LEGENDARY! The Trio Nuevo strikes again with Jeff, Beer Can, and Scott makin' the magic happen for episode 45B (details inside). From Presidential COVID to doom and gloom come winter time. From "Truth or Dare" gone wrong to crapping your pants while trippin'. From prophetic album covers released on 9/11 to deep throatin' McDonald's soft serve. We have a little something for everyone. Beer Can Billy is still handing out fake scratch-offs and Sarah Huckabee Sanders is still killin' our boners. If this isn't the best thing you've listened to all week then John Podesta isn't the father of Chester Bennington. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.


Episode 44: The Greatest Car Wreck in History

Like a fine bagged wine, we take a chug and slap this one on the pouch. Another phenomenal episode of TTCR in the archive, thanks to our special poo-litical pundit and comrade, Scott. Jeff and Beer Can Billy sit back and listen to the plethora of knowledge, ranging from U.S. Presidents to Professional Wrestlers, and those that overlap. We figure out the possible scenarios for the 2020 election, take a mini dive into the Adrenochrome /Epstein/Elite Pedophile ring conspiracy, and we jam out with our clams out to Ben Shapiro's favorite summer hit by Cardi B, WAP. The October Surprise is coming whether you like it or not , so you why not download this episode, grab a Victory Summer Love Ale, and listen to us solve the JFK assassination right before listing our favorite SNL cast members. You know who downloads this Podcast?...Your Mom. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!


Episode 43: BREAKING NEWS: Cuomo F*CK$!

_The world is falling apart and we are watching with a Great Lakes Porter in one hand and our pud in the other. Guinea Juan is live in studio once again and brings the heat. We cover all of society's problems, solve them, and then tell dick jokes for three hours. Just another day in the office. We tackle hard hitting issues like racism, white privilege, squirting, hand signals for driving...all of the important stuff. Honestly, at this point, we should be categorized as a self help podcast. Do yourself a favor and listen now, before they ASSUME CONTROL. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. _


Episode 42: The Choad, the Chore, and the Chi-Chi-Chi-Chief-a

The Guinea's back in TOWN! Jeff and Beer Can Billy welcome back John, in person, at the octagon. Bringin' the RUCKUS to that ASS. We cover all of life's nuance from buying a new vehicle, to near death experiences, to the best concerts we ever attended. BCB brought his bag of hate, Jeff puts on the tin foil hat for 9/11 talk, and Guinea Juan sings about his choad. We get a little poo-litical with Joe Biden's Breakfast Club gaff and then discuss waiting in between "nuts". Hours of nonsense to get you through your grind and make you question how you're spending your time. Ya better put on a clean pair of Underoos. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!


Episode 41: What Would You Do-oo-oo for a Klondike Bar...in the Butt?

_The gang is back for another raucous round of bull slingin' banter. Beer Can Billy throws caution to the wind and jumps back in the octagon while Guinea Juan joins us online. Bruce's whereabouts are still unknown for those keeping score at home. We discuss our new daily routines and lifting the lockdown here in Maryland. Some strong opinions of Larry "The Hog" Hogan are shared in between Soprano's quotes and Pro Wrestling memories. Some interesting Youtube videos ask the hard hitting questions like, "Does Michelle Obama have a Dong?" and "Is Sue Simmons gonna have to Slap a Bitch?" We talk about family histories, ancestors, and weird Uncles in the basement. There's too many topics to go on about and too much legal weed to remember them all. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. _


Episode 40: A Guinea in the Garage is Worth Two Jackin' Off in the Bush

Another quarantined episode in the book. Sad to see a milestone like number 40 being done streamed with one guy at the octagon, one guy fumbling with his mic from his basement 5 miles away, and one guy from his garage/cavern 3,000 miles away. But we made it work. In fact, we made up for the garbage sound quality with the quality of our content. Just kidding. No intro, just three hours of the route that is cynic. We gots deadlines to keeps. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE._


Episode 39: Driving Miss Handy: A Quarantine Extravaganza

_The only thing the world needed more than a global pandemic was a four hour long episode of this hot garbage. But here it is, for your ear's delight. Jeff mans the octagon while Beer Can Billy and Guinea John connect via the internets. We go deep into the history of both the Guinea and BCB, where no stone is left unturned. We reminisce about old Howard Stern episodes, our past musical performances, and some classic sports memories. BCB gives us a quaran-tour of his basement and record collection. We talk COVID-19 conspiracies, our hairiest past sexual experiences, and we crap all over Bruce since he was the one who didn't show up this time. Sprinkle in a "Driving Miss Daisy" style handy and some casual racism and I think we have ourselves a show. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE. _


Episode 38: Charlies Sheen's Coronavirus Covered Crisco Can

Hellooo fellow degenerates. The Trio welcomes back the brilliant, the hilarious, the deranged Scotty Monahan. After reviewing a new beer we go straight into the poo-litical talk where Scotty drops some knowledge. The coronavirus is taking over the world but that isn't stopping Beer Can Billy from getting his drink on or Bruce from defending Woody Allen to the bitter end. We discuss Pro-wrestling, Opie and Anthony, and that Raven's cheerleader who banged her son's friend. Corey Feldman's latest craziness creeps into the conversation along with Sleepy Joe Biden, Scott's famous Uncle Pat, and Billy Squire dancing like Guinea John at home alone on a Friday night. So many topics, so few characters allowed for description. Stay safe, keep your distance and never accept a scratch off from Beer Can Billy. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!


Episode 37: Polack Johnny Created the Coronavirus in the Back of a Spencer's Gifts

_The new trio welcomes Polack Johnny for some tales of the tail. We share fond(led) memories of Grandma's trailer. Beer Can Billy brings up some more past hijinks and heads our first live beer review. We discuss former Baltimore mayor and cartoon turtle, Catherine Pugh, Atlantic Star's "smash" hit "Secret Lovers," and still the baddest mofo on the planet, Mike Tyson. We reminisce about our first jobs, our first sexual experiences, and garbage celebrity "meet & greets." This one gets off the rails fast so climb aboard the train of terror. Listen now, before the Coronavirus takes your hearing. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE! _


Episode 36: Harvey Weinstein Didn't Kill Himself...Yet

Heeeeeere's Billy. Beer Can Billy to be exact. We trade one guinea for another. After a long hiatus the gang is back with more nonsense than ever. The Beer Can tells about past pranks and recent vacations. He have a new Cottonelle Nad-vertisement to dissect, Harvey Weinstein's genitals are nowhere to be found, and Epstein still didn't kill himself. Donald Trump does a lap at Daytona, Bruce reads Yelp! reviews of the Westboro Baptist Church, and Joe Piscopo has always sucked. You get what you pay for here at the Cynic Route. Listen Up, Mutha F*@Ker$! SHARE IT LIKE IT'S THE CORONAVIRUS!


Episode 35: The Guinea John Special Ed-ition

A very special episode of TTCR as we welcome back Guinea Juan after a brief sojourn overseas. The man himself steals the show with endless rants about airports and traveling, The Catcher in the Rye and Taxi Driver (again), sexy cousins and another visit from the ghost of Sam Kinison -- not to mention a major league, game-changing bombshell. So strap yourself in for some inappropriate laughs and some inappropriate touches, right here on Episode 35 of TAKING THE CYNIC ROUTE.


Episode 34: Beer Can Billy goes to Warshington

_Don't call it a comeback! It's been too long. Beer Can Billy joined the trio for this one a few weeks back and pushed the boundaries of offense. We reminisce about our summer happenings. BCB saw Billy Joel at Camden Yards, drove on the PA turnpike, took a ride on the Auto Train, and visited both the Flight 93 museum and the infamous Robert Kraft Rub-N-Tug parlor. Guinea John made several trips across the globe. From Hawaii to Italy, from Baltimore to Washington, the travelin' Sicilian has added some miles. We discuss Genesis' "Illegal Alien" and its awful video, watch a compilation of a guy insulting wannabe porn stars, and read another fan email. Obscenities, stereotypes and chauvinism...par for the course when you take the route that is cynic. DOWNLOAD, SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, SHARE! It's cooler than the other side of the My Pillow. _


Episode 33: Ernest Goes to Area 51; A Coen Brothers Film

Hey, Vern! Grab some Eggs Erroneous and listen to episode 33 of TTCR. Our good friend and master of random, useless knowledge, Scott drops by the studio. A whole lotta movie talk in this one. We skim over the filmographies of cinema legends like Jim Varney, Dabney Coleman and Rip Torn. We discover every job Sean Connery has ever had revolved around getting laid. We also discover the Coen brothers are really good at making movies. Our new segment "Conspiracy Killers" kicks off with a discussion of the coming "raid" on Area 51 and the massacre to follow. There's movies, pop culture, politics...so much to unpack, you might as well just listen. Lap dances at Lawrence of A-Labia's are half off if you're wearing your "Taking the Cynic Route" gear. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.