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27 - Mandy: Guess who’s back, back again. Cage is back, go tell Sand.

10/15/2018
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Contrary to popular belief, Nick Cage’s latest is not the heart wrenching story behind Barry Manilow’s “Mandy.” But it does have a sad lumberjack, folk music cultists, a heavy metal artist, and demon meth bikers. Add all that together, and you get a Completely Seriously movie.

Duration:01:23:15

26 - Terrifier: a clown, a plan, a tricycle.

10/8/2018
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Terrifier is a tale as old as time: dirty clown boy meets drunk Halloween revelers. Drunk Halloween reveler grinds on him. Dirty clown boy kills a bunch of people. In the loosest of terms, this movie will go down as a classic.

Duration:01:17:37

25 - The VVitch: Oops All VVitches

10/1/2018
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Welcome to our first annual Halloween spook fest! For our first fright film, all-star guest Courtney Paige joins our coven to discuss the VVitch and answer the questions is it really a VVitch or just two annoying, fat babies? Is it a prideful dirt eater? Is it a goat? Nero (Noir’s latest EP): https://open.spotify.com/album/4DutxI0oIEF4RUUUezHEQB?si=ictOHSsjRhKBgC75lptWDQ

Duration:01:51:02

24 - American Circumcision: do your late night research.

9/24/2018
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This week, we watched the documentary “American Circumcision” and get completely serious about wieners, skin tubes, foreskin and ancient religious pettiness.

Duration:01:24:08

23 - Crazy Rich Asians: Trevino spectacular

9/17/2018
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Plots get spoiled by “mind napping,” motherly authority gets questioned, and the humble Astrid flexes when she needs to. This week, faces get hit and segues get botched as the Treviño clan gets Completely Seriously about “Crazy Rich Asians.”

Duration:01:54:58

22 - To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before: Dead moms, ancient sisters and Unsent Love Letters

9/10/2018
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This week we watched “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before,” ruminated on mythically old sisters and waxed poetic about Titanic themed dances. We were joined by singer and chief lyricist for Noir, Courtney Paige joins us to help us comprehend this iconic Netflix original. Listen to Noir’s (@noirmusicgroup) single “Hard” here: https://m.soundcloud.com/user-793775875/hard And follow Courtney on Twitter and instagram @blckmagicmama.

Duration:02:06:17

21 - Upgrade: like punching a perverted high school principal.

9/3/2018
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This week we saw Upgrade. A poor man’s Tom Hardy stars in this rollicking, face-smashing romp through a near future full of biomechanical asses and sad teen tech giants. Our upgraded hero smashes through them all, and really gets to know what it means to be human.

Duration:01:18:02

20 - Dark Tourist: get ready for destruction, boys.

8/27/2018
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We watched two of the best episodes of Netflix’s Dark Tourist. David Farrier’s new travel show is Dark Reservations, but with murder, death and racists on the menu.

Duration:01:30:08

19 - Completely Seriously’s Book Fair: Stranger Beside Me

8/20/2018
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We’ve all heard of Ted Bundy. But Ann Rule actually knew Ted Bundy. Welcome to our first Completely Seriously book club. Dive with us into Rule’s iconic Stranger Beside Me.

Duration:01:24:54

18 - Extinction, it stinks, son

8/13/2018
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This week we, surprise, interrupt and scream at each other about Netflix’s latest original movie “Extinction.” You’ll laugh with us, cry with us and scream at whomever made us watch this movie with us. Come for Michael Peña, stay because Joseph won’t let us leave.

Duration:00:55:19

17 - Double your pleasure, double your Paddington

8/6/2018
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We four priests of the church of Paddington breakdown both our holy texts Paddington and Paddington 2. We laugh, make Marisa cry and really delve into what it means to be human.

Duration:02:13:19

16 - Ant-Man and the Wasp - Luis is back

7/30/2018
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This week, we get into shrinkage, quantum hygiene, truth serum, FBI agents moonlighting as youth pastors. We saw Ant-Man and the Wasp and we break down all the shrinky dinky fun.

Duration:01:25:49

15 - Ant-Man - stay spoiler free, nut responsibly.

7/23/2018
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On our most problematic episode to date, we tackle everyone’s favorite tiny Avenger and the sad state of America’s justice system.

Duration:01:35:08

14 - Call Me By Your Name - American Kaiju terrorizes small Italian village.

7/16/2018
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Listen up, Peaches, we watched the confusingly titled Call Me By Your Name. On this episode we break down what works and what doesn’t work with this movie and whether or not Armie Hammer is the most handsome kaiju.

Duration:00:59:33

13 - Set It Up - When character matters most, you get d*cks

7/9/2018
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If Shakespeare wrote a volleyball movie without volleyball or elements of good romantic comedies, you’d get Set It Up. We’re talking rich New York d*cks, poor New York d*cks, and we break down the inescapable economic pressures that created them.

Duration:01:05:00

12 - Hereditary, alternately titled Red Flags and Foreshadowing

7/2/2018
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This week, we talk about demons. We talk about Toni Collette’s sublime acting. We talk about headless birds. We saw the “scariest movie of all time” Hereditary.

Duration:01:53:47

11 - The Kissing Booth With a Side of Creamy Sriracha

6/25/2018
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Four adults - severely into their adulthoods - watch a movie intended for teens. There’s laughs. There’s tears. There’s problematic implications for gender politics. We came for the Kissing Booth and stayed for the Tuppen.

Duration:01:44:57

10 - Evil Genius - a very special episode

6/18/2018
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On this week’s episode, we tone down the goofs and japes and crack open the can of worms that is the craziest, most tragic bank heist of the early aughts.

Duration:01:17:57

9 - Sad and Serious - Toward Tokyo Adrift

6/11/2018
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On this episode, we ask ourselves questions like did Nicholas Sparks write this movie? Can two boring, white people find love in a tropical paradise? How about on a treacherous sea? We wrap it up by playing everyone’s favorite game “Which Skarsgård brother is best?” And yes, there is a correct answer.

Duration:00:55:37

8 - The Ritual - when bastard sons of Loki stop being polite and start getting real.

6/4/2018
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On this week’s episode, we learn why you don’t invite grief on your friend adventure in the wilds of Sweden. We also learn to never go into random woods, random abandoned cabins or go out of sight of the local IKEA. We watched the Netflix original The Ritual and found what it really means to be friends and victims of a bastard son of Loki, the trickster god.

Duration:01:13:55