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36 - Current events: the gang parts the kimono

12/12/2018
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This week, we’re changing the game. No movie. No TV show. No Book or documentary. Instead, we’re giving y’all a peek into what it’s like when the microphones are off. You might laugh. You might cry. You’ll definitely be disgusted, but don’t worry, we’ll be back to our regular schedule next week.

Duration:00:47:08

35 - The Christmas Chronicles: Halt! Chorizo police!

12/3/2018
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The Christmas Chronicles answers all your burning Santa questions: can Santa be fit? Can Santa raise the dead? Do elves yearn for human blood? We cover these and more in our first episode of Christmastravagnaza 2018.

Duration:01:24:53

34 - Robin Hood: Edging and eating bananas

11/26/2018
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Why is it nearly impossible to produce a good Robin Hood movie? Who is approving all these bad Robin Hood movies? When will the government stop them? This week, we talk through the latest Robin Hood attempt, Joe’s confusing interest in a cartoon bear and Marisa’s troubling interest in cartoon lions.

Duration:01:09:47

33 - American Animals: Wowee, wowee touch my powee.

11/19/2018
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Like ASMR? Get ready for that to change. This week, we noisily eat into the microphones while breaking mentally and discussing the library based heist movie American Animals. Four college friends— not much different than your hosts— execute a shoddily planned library heist. Surprise, things don’t go as smoothly as they hope, and we Monday morning quarterback their plans.

Duration:01:06:47

32 - Overlord: Gattagattagatta guns

11/12/2018
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This week, we remember the brave heroes who put down the rise of the Nazi Zombies in the waning days of World War II. This docudrama about a ragtag platoon of GIs blown out of the skies over France fighting both the Nazis and the undead will stir the blood of every American patriot.

Duration:01:22:10

31 - Bad Times at the El Royale: Strangers Having a Tussle

11/5/2018
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Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A priest, a singer, a vacuum salesman and a fringed hippy check into an empty hotel on the Nevada/California border. This week, we’re talking murder, kidnapping, drugs, sex tapes, the clergy and Bad Times at the El Royale.

Duration:01:30:14

30 - Halloween 2018 on Halloween 2018

10/31/2018
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Michael Myers walked and stabbed his way into our hearts, throats and spinal chords 40 years ago, and he’s back to finish the job. For our final fright, we sit down with Courtney and Zara to get completely seriously about the murderous benefits of jogging, ventricular penetration and trap house management.

Duration:01:43:16

29 - The Haunting of Hill House part 2: Electric Spookaloo

10/29/2018
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Carla Gugino give us strength as we finish the addictive second half of the season. Netflix’s “Haunting of Hill House” caps its first season with even more delicious spooks and scares and family based hot goss.

Duration:01:42:06

28 - The Haunting of Hill House part 1: A show so nice we’re covering it twice.

10/22/2018
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This week we’re covering the first five episodes of the new Netflix show The Haunting of Hill House. This is the fourth installment of our fright month and the second installment of our Carla Gugino fan club. Ghosts, family problems, mortuary politics, we cover it all.

Duration:01:34:12

27 - Mandy: Guess who’s back, back again. Cage is back, go tell Sand.

10/15/2018
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Contrary to popular belief, Nick Cage’s latest is not the heart wrenching story behind Barry Manilow’s “Mandy.” But it does have a sad lumberjack, folk music cultists, a heavy metal artist, and demon meth bikers. Add all that together, and you get a Completely Seriously movie.

Duration:01:23:15

26 - Terrifier: a clown, a plan, a tricycle.

10/8/2018
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Terrifier is a tale as old as time: dirty clown boy meets drunk Halloween revelers. Drunk Halloween reveler grinds on him. Dirty clown boy kills a bunch of people. In the loosest of terms, this movie will go down as a classic.

Duration:01:17:37

25 - The VVitch: Oops All VVitches

10/1/2018
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Welcome to our first annual Halloween spook fest! For our first fright film, all-star guest Courtney Paige joins our coven to discuss the VVitch and answer the questions is it really a VVitch or just two annoying, fat babies? Is it a prideful dirt eater? Is it a goat? Nero (Noir’s latest EP): https://open.spotify.com/album/4DutxI0oIEF4RUUUezHEQB?si=ictOHSsjRhKBgC75lptWDQ

Duration:01:51:02

24 - American Circumcision: do your late night research.

9/24/2018
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This week, we watched the documentary “American Circumcision” and get completely serious about wieners, skin tubes, foreskin and ancient religious pettiness.

Duration:01:24:08

23 - Crazy Rich Asians: Trevino spectacular

9/17/2018
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Plots get spoiled by “mind napping,” motherly authority gets questioned, and the humble Astrid flexes when she needs to. This week, faces get hit and segues get botched as the Treviño clan gets Completely Seriously about “Crazy Rich Asians.”

Duration:01:54:58

22 - To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before: Dead moms, ancient sisters and Unsent Love Letters

9/10/2018
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This week we watched “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before,” ruminated on mythically old sisters and waxed poetic about Titanic themed dances. We were joined by singer and chief lyricist for Noir, Courtney Paige joins us to help us comprehend this iconic Netflix original. Listen to Noir’s (@noirmusicgroup) single “Hard” here: https://m.soundcloud.com/user-793775875/hard And follow Courtney on Twitter and instagram @blckmagicmama.

Duration:02:06:17

21 - Upgrade: like punching a perverted high school principal.

9/3/2018
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This week we saw Upgrade. A poor man’s Tom Hardy stars in this rollicking, face-smashing romp through a near future full of biomechanical asses and sad teen tech giants. Our upgraded hero smashes through them all, and really gets to know what it means to be human.

Duration:01:18:02

20 - Dark Tourist: get ready for destruction, boys.

8/27/2018
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We watched two of the best episodes of Netflix’s Dark Tourist. David Farrier’s new travel show is Dark Reservations, but with murder, death and racists on the menu.

Duration:01:30:08

19 - Completely Seriously’s Book Fair: Stranger Beside Me

8/20/2018
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We’ve all heard of Ted Bundy. But Ann Rule actually knew Ted Bundy. Welcome to our first Completely Seriously book club. Dive with us into Rule’s iconic Stranger Beside Me.

Duration:01:24:54

18 - Extinction, it stinks, son

8/13/2018
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This week we, surprise, interrupt and scream at each other about Netflix’s latest original movie “Extinction.” You’ll laugh with us, cry with us and scream at whomever made us watch this movie with us. Come for Michael Peña, stay because Joseph won’t let us leave.

Duration:00:55:19

17 - Double your pleasure, double your Paddington

8/6/2018
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We four priests of the church of Paddington breakdown both our holy texts Paddington and Paddington 2. We laugh, make Marisa cry and really delve into what it means to be human.

Duration:02:13:19