AskDrChad

How shameful that only recently I have started to glimpse the impact racism has had on this country, on my friends, and how much I have benefitted from it. This is a time for me to listen, to understand. But I would feel remiss in having a platform and audience such as this podcast and not address and question what I can. Let's please learn. Let's have a dialogue. Let's get super uncomfortable and begin to realize. I humbly offer this episode as my best effort to understand and to acknowledge the reality that so many of my loved ones have known their whole lives.

Turns out that having a significant amount of advanced education doesn't prevent you from your biggest enemy - yourself. For years I believed I had a mysterious illness, some obscure allergy or imbalance. This episode highlights that story and gently (and safely) discussed how we can be a bit healthier during this crazy time. COVID may bring a lot of changes, but we yet have control.

10 years ago what were you doing? Who were you? What did you believe to be true? If you could have known all that would happen in 10 years, all that would change, that version of you would never believe it. The amount of change just seems too great. That's true for almost all of us. Let's hack that. If that amount of change from the previous 10 years is an indicator, imagine how much can change in the next 10. In this episode I discuss how that thinking can completely change your mindset and help you set goals that are worthy of who you truly are.

COVID has opened a door that many of us would rather keep closed - a peek into our own mindset. What we do, what we want to do, and what we believe about our capabilities. Some of us were ready, most got caught off guard. We didn't realize what we believed, we hadn't taken the time. As an addict myself, I am reminded of a similarity. An addict engages in behavior that they don't want to engage in but they do so anyway. They need that relief, that fix, that dose of numbing from reality. I have come to realize that so many of us had been doing just that: engaging in behaviors and lifestyles that we didn't want and wished to change, but we just kept coming back for that fix. That, to me, sounds like addictive behavior. Quarantine has blown the hinges off of that and we are all left standing, looking upon the life we didn't want to lead. And now we have some questions...

"I feel like I've been running and running, pushing myself to my breaking point, and suddenly when COVID happened it's like someone pulled a blindfold off of my eyes I didn't know I was wearing. I realized I'd been running but I didn't know where I was." I said that when I realized I'd been pushing like hell in a direction I wasn't sure I actually wanted to run. Anyone else? Now is a chance to gain clarity, to gain understanding. To start asking some questions. Has your life direction been correct? Does it need a slight tweak? A major course correction? Mine did. I own that and am now pointed exactly where I want to be. But that wasn't by accident, and it certainly wasn't without a struggle.

We just got blindsided, and we are reacting. Some are pulling the covers up higher to block it out, some are pushing themselves to the breaking point. Most of us don't know what the hell to do so we are waiting for direction. Without grace and compassion we risk self destruction. With creating excuses for ourselves we risk leaving our lives on the table to be lived another day. Neither of those is wrong, or right, they just are. Finding the balance is the path.

In anything but a smooth and seamless journey, the path to forgiveness has always involved pain and suffering. In this, the biggest lesson to date, indeed there were bumps along the road. But dying has a way of changing people. Dedicated to all of those I have yet to forgive, including perhaps myself. Maybe the lessons learned and path forward resonates?

As we walk this path of life we are witness to the joining and the departure of so many. As those who leave us find their time, we are left sometimes questioning, sometimes suffering. At times the only thing you know to do is to hold a trembling hand and sing a song. To find a new language. To hold space. And then, to be alone.

Love makes us dumb. Love makes us cry. Love makes us impossible. And yet, we do it anyway. Turns out, despite the stupidity of it all, love is pretty groovy.

What do you want said at your funeral? And how much of it will be true? What will your legacy be? How will you be remembered? Far from easy questions, and yet, if we don't look at them soon enough we will realize that we find the answer only when it is too late. No thanks. I've seen too many people in their final years/days only then realizing their purpose and to then feel the crush of realizing it is too late to actually fulfill it.

Fear does one of two things: (1) motivate action or (2) defeat the subject. Option one takes courage, option two feels way better. In this story how a medical mystery of hip pain turned my life upside down, got me access to some fun new prescriptions and over-the-glasses glances from medical providers, and finally led me to getting a second doctorate degree. The path was far from linear.

At times, when things seem the hardest and most impossible, you lower your shoulder and run directly through a brick wall. You have it in you. We all do. It just SUCKS to be pushed to that point so we tend to avoid it. I tend to crave those scenarios now. Earlier in life it was just the reality - times were hard and strength and resolve were needed to survive. Now I pay money to nearly kill myself in these exact (simulated) impossible situations. The irony is not lost on me and my psychotherapist thinks I'm pretty swell.

We've all felt the acute pain of disappointment. Sometimes after a quick burst of effort, and sometimes after years of pushing and struggling. Feeling not good enough. Secretly thinking that soon enough everyone will know you are an imposter and have no clue what you are doing. Deeply fearing that everything will soon unravel - and then it does. What we do about it then can define our very lives.

Few things piss you off more than the day you realize you are becoming your parents. If you haven't had that day yet, brace. If you have, grace. Turns out that "love yourself first" advice didn't go so smoothly for me, but does it for anyone? A story of best made intentions and heart break, tinged with a drop of betrayal. You know, a coming of age story.

Many listeners will not be comfortable with this episode. Perhaps some should not listen? Or perhaps they should. The content and story herein is challenging to tell and perhaps to hear. What become a moment that nearly killed me - a moment that ripped from me an innocence and choice. The path to betrayal and the aftermath following. A story some 24 years kept hidden away now sees light. On a personal note: please honor and respect. Many people need to know they are not alone, that their struggle has some meaning, that their pain has a purpose. It is to those listeners that I dedicate this episode. It is to them that I make my recommendation.

Numbing, as it turns out, is a terrific way to get through hard shit. And I don't do things gently. How many of us do this, whether we admit to it or not? Developing coping mechanisms that help us survive the immediate but place us in peril down the road. (host sheepishly raises his hand). Episode 3 brought the story of some incredibly hard times and experiences. Episode 4 is how I survived them. Perhaps some of your story is here as well? Perhaps the lessons learned is something that can help you?

Do you ever get what you want and realize, in that moment, it isn't what you want at all? Super irritating, right? Now imagine that while being held at gunpoint... This is the story of the second time I almost (perhaps should have) died. Easter Sunday 1999, marked for death at a gas station. And that was the easy part. The hard part is what happened soon thereafter.

Before we discuss all of the mess and face plants that has been my life, I want to share the backstory of an important character - my father. A story of desperation, self-loathing, and a very sneaky grandfather, I share his story and how he never truly accepted himself. And eventually how that tore everything apart.

This brief episode is to introduce the upcoming podcast and what to expect. You'll be hearing from me soon (if you subscribe, of course).