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Dealing With My Grief

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I am a survivor of violent crime.In April of 1978 my father was murdered in the convenience store my parents owned when I was 10 years old. My podcast explores my grief recovery process and how his death at such an early age has shaped my life.

I am a survivor of violent crime.In April of 1978 my father was murdered in the convenience store my parents owned when I was 10 years old. My podcast explores my grief recovery process and how his death at such an early age has shaped my life.
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I am a survivor of violent crime.In April of 1978 my father was murdered in the convenience store my parents owned when I was 10 years old. My podcast explores my grief recovery process and how his death at such an early age has shaped my life.




Episode 143 - The Three Year Anniversary Of Dealing With My Grief

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. Mother Teresa 3 years ago I embarked on a journey inspired by two people: One who inspired me to tell my story - this person still has no idea of this and Dave Jackson,from the School of Podcasting who introduced me to the medium through which to tell it. At the time I just wanted to get some things off of my chest. Things that I had been carrying around at that time some 38 years. Just to be able to clear my head of some things...


Episode 142 - Alone in Grief... A Conversation with Michelle Marek

As I mentioned, I am going to use this platform more to give others an opportunity to speak out about their experiences moving through the grief process. This week I have a discussion around being abandoned by those you thought would be your biggest supporters. Michelle Marek was born and raised in Maryland and grew up poor Her parents always pushed her to have a better life than them. She fought for everything she's accomplished, including RN BSN degrees, mother of 2 sons. Her second...


Episode 141 - Truths About Grief as We Move into the New Year

As the calendar has turned to 2019 I have a few things that I have found true about grief that I need to remember from time to time. 1. Grief is a marathon and not a sprint... that never ends. It has no finish line. We will carry our loss forever. 2. You will fall off the wagon. At some point you will see something or do something that will remind you of a loved one. Like hearing a favorite song that was special between the two of you. 3. Speaking of songs just like the one's you listened...


Episode 140 - Slowing Things Down in Grief... What's Coming in 2019

I waited until just a few minutes ago - just now - to record this episode... I've been struggling with how I would feel about Christmas without being able to speak to my mother. This is something I have spoken about in the last few weeks. I wanted to get the ray, fresh emotions of the day. To be honest, I cried a little when I woke up on Christmas but then I decided I need to so things down a little and do some things that incorporated my mother and my grandfather into this holiday. So I...


Episode 139 - Pushing Forward in Grief During The Holidays

I will not focus on the "firsts" as this is the first Christmas without my mother. There are a lot of people who make a big deal of telling me this. Instead I will focus on the way that she lived. I will pay special attention on making sure to carry on the traditions that we have during the Christmas holiday: exchanging gifts with family, calling those that are not close, and simply enjoying the day as best as I can. The thing that I'll miss most is not hearing her voice, especially her...


Episode 138 - Grief, A Dream, and A Holiday

Last week for the first time I had a dream about someone who was deceased... it was a dream about my mother. It was a dream about a family tradition that we had of opening Christmas presents after Midnight Mass. Now the strange thing is that I didn't let the dream play out because I got so freaked out that I was having this dream that I woke before it ended. Even stranger is the fact that during the last visit that I had with my mom before she went into the hospital I felt my dad's...


Episode 137 - The Seeds Of Grief

Life is painful... as a baby we probably feel our first pain when we are teething. Our gums swell and maybe turn red as our teeth begin to push their way through. Parents try all types of remedies to ease this pain... teething rings or home made remedies like brandy or whiskey During adolescence, we experience "growing pains" whether the psychological process of wanting to do/be more than we are allowed or suffering from the physical condition that some people have where the bones grow at a...


Episode 136 - The Long Road Trip of Grief

Dealing with my mother's personal things after her death is something I began the process of doing during the 2018 Thanksgiving holiday and it was easier than I thought it would be... until it wasn't. sometimes I had to stop and step away for a few minutes until emotionally I could continue going through things. It was the drive back to DC that I started to process other things. It wasn't until then that I realized grief is like a road trip. When driving, as I pass from one stat to the next...


Episode 135 - Being Grateful in Grief

As I prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday, I reflect on the things for which I'm grateful. I'm am grateful for the love and support shown me and for those who have lifted me up in this time of need. I'm also grateful for the people that surround me with love and lift me up during difficult times. I speak a lot about time... I'm grateful for the time I've received with my loved ones who have preceded me in death - mom, dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents. The time that I was given to know and...


Episode 134 - Grief and Mental Health... A Conversation with Nancy Eigel-Miller

Mental health is a topic that is not discussed often enough. On today's show, I'd like to welcome Nancy Eigel-Miller to discuss the work she is doing to educate others in concerning this topic. Nancy founded the James W. Miller Memorial Fund in 2010 after losing her husband Jim to suicide in 2008. She spent her career in the marketing/market research arena but the call to educate about mental health issues to the youth population pull her in that direction. Her mission is to change the...


Episode 133 - Sometimes in Grief The Hardest Thing Is...

As the holiday's approach I have been asked about how I will be affected by the loss of my mom. I'll be OK... I'm doing much better than I thought I'd be at this time. Maybe because I've learned how to process my feelings. Maybe because in some small way missing the holidays during other times in my life have prepared me for life without her. Question: How long do you wait before you go through your love ones possessions? Inquiring minds want to know!! Subscribe to this podcast by using...


Episode 132 - The Irony of Grief

As the death certificate from my mother arrived this week, I've re-evaluated a lot of feelings I've had since her passing. The irony is I'm dealing with handling her affairs as an only child and while I've never had siblings, I wonder what this process would be like if I could share the load with someone else. In believing that no one would reach out to support me, or should I say my mother in this process, I was wrong. They did - in droves. The irony is, I had to step away from it for a...


Episode 131 - The Infancy Of Grief

Once again I have been plagued by the concept of time. When I was 10 I began marking time since my father passed and in reflecting back on his death and having begun the process of processing my mother's loss, I realize that I won't do the same with her loss. When dad died I didn't know what I didn't know about loss: I would have a child that would never know him, or that I would have certain experiences that I would not be able to share or get advice from him. Each year that passed simply...


Episode 130 - In Grief Different Paths Lead to the Same Destination

Thank you to everyone who has given support to myself and my family in this difficult time following the death of my mother. I appreciate the the love I've received from my immediate and extended family, my friends - many of whom I haven't seen in years, and those of you who know me exclusively through this podcast. I am amazed at the number of emails, text messages, social media posts, etc. that have been seen to my or about my mom. It is greatly appreciated. I'd like to give a special...


Episode 129 - Orphaned at 51... Goodbye, Mom! Welcome To A New Grief

On October 2, 2018 I lost my rock. After 40 years, my mother was finally reunited with my father. I can only imagine the conversation the two of them are having and the amount of catching up that they have to do. I am saddened that my mother is not here any longer tyo be with me, but she left with nothing left to give. All of her love and every lesson - I got it all. Thanks for all the love and support I've received and a special thanks to my tremendous family. I could not have done most...


Episode 128 - The Mashed Potatoes On My Plate Is My Grief

As I write this, my mother is lying in a hospital bed resting comfortably. I am facing the fact that one day she won't be here... the first time in my life I have really thought about it. And now, I can't stop thinking about it... That one thought is now affecting every aspect of my life - work, family, friends, relationships... EVERYTHING!! I talk myself out of hitting rock bottom. I have always been one who has been able to compartmentalize life and not have certain area effect others....


Episode 127 - Finding Patience In Grief

I often have to remind myself that when implementing new strategies in my grief recovery process, I am actually making an investment that I must give time to work and produce results. I must be patient and give these processes time to work. I must also realize that I may not always get the desired result. That's OK because I can always devise new strategies to help me get though the rough times when old processes stop working. Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following: Apple...


Episode 126 - When It Comes To Grief, You Don't Need Permission

I received an email that stated that this podcast felt it gave them permission to go to the space that they needed to grieve. Permission is something that you need to go on field trips in school. When it comes to things that nourish your body... food, water, or in this case confronting you emotions, there is no need to seek permission. You do what you need to in the moment or as soon as possible to processes those feelings and confront them before things get out of hand and become too...


Episode 125 - The Hypocrisy of Grief

I've seen a number of posts in social media that deal with the lack of support that people feel they should be getting from their loved ones, friends and colleagues. I personally am a people watcher. I'm in a way fascinated by what people do and how they act in certain situations. After the death's of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain every one I know had some type of suicide prevention hotline number posted on their social media feeds/timelines. After two weeks, this stopped! Did people...


Episode 124 - The Self Fulfilling Prophecy of Grief

I've got a lot of things going on in my life and have barely had time to breathe. I'm trying to help my mother take car of some things and I've got work and life related things of my own that I'm dealing with. I don't know how I'll manage everything... sometimes it seems overwhelming. It is in those moments that I have to tell myself that everything is going to be okay. I may not know when or how, but if I say it, and believe it, then everything will work out for the best. I don't know...