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OTWC 036: Strapping It On - On The Wet Coast

It's no secret that On The Wet Coast, we love our sex toys. Using those toys for strap-on sex is one of our favourite ways to engage with partners, or watch our partners engage with others. Though in some ways it is as simple as popping a dildo in a harness and getting to work, strap-on sex tends to be a bit more nuanced than we expect when starting out. Finding the right equipment, the right harness and dildo combinations can be more challenging than we expect, especially since what is...


OTWC 035: Sexual Confidence - On The Wet Coast

We're always told that confidence is sexy, but how do we find the confidence to be our true sexual selves? How do we embrace our bodies and our kinks so we can enjoy the kinds of sex we desire? Finding the confidence in ourselves while living in a society that is all about tearing us down is incredibly challenging. Figuring out how to put ourselves out there as confident sexual beings is a lot more difficult than simply deciding to do so. Learning to get comfortable with awkwardness is...


OTWC 034: Chosen Family - On The Wet Coast

Finding your people can be one of the most important things you do as you make your way in the world, and when you find them, it feels like coming home. Feels like family. Many of us have found a group or groups of people we consider to be family. Chosen family as opposed to biological or family of origin can be essential especially for those of us in alternate lifestyles. The people we end up sharing our lives and experiences with can be extensive--not just our partners and close...


OTWC 033: Get Your Flirt On - On The Wet Coast

Figuring out how to express our interest in someone can be one of the most challenging things in dating, especially if we find them really attractive, fun, or interesting. What do we say? What if they're not into it? Why is it so hard to express ourselves in a fun, clear, non-creepy way? If what everyone we know reports about themselves is true, no-one is good at flirting. How the hell are any of us hooking up if this is a skill no-one has? On this episode of On The Wet Coast, Kat Stark...


OTWC 032 - Sex Work Matters - On The Wet Coast

Since the passage of FOSTA/SESTA in the US, sexual content on the internet has been progressively quashed, starting with shutting down places sex workers could advertise but flowing forward until Tumblr was all but shuttered when they were no longer allowed to have sexual content. Various agencies drop the scare words ‘sex trafficking’ and the changes are made under the guise of protecting the vulnerable but has had the opposite effect by forcing many sex workers onto the streets and...


OTWC 031 - Libido - On The Wet Coast

Our desire for sexual experiences--both solo and with a partner or partners--fluctuates for countless reasons. Stress, fatigue, hormones, depression, body image, and connectivity are just a few of the things that can affect a person’s libido. Since we live in such a sex negative society talking about negative impacts on libido are considered frivolous since sexuality isn’t considered to be a worthwhile measure of quality of life. It’s also not stressed that we connect and partner with...


OTWC 030 - Building Community - On The Wet Coast

If you're lucky, the place where you're living has a thriving sex -positive community and it takes little effort to find and take part in events such as meet-ups, workshops, and conventions. Most likely, that's not the case and either there isn't much of a community or the community that is there doesn't align with your interests, ethics, or outlook. Sometimes, you've got to step forward and spearhead building that community yourself. It's a bit of a terrifying concept, but it can be...


OTWC 029 - Consent - On The Wet Coast

Consent is a topic that has been an essential part of the non-monogamy experience, though not everyone is great at asking for or respecting it, and some feel like we talk about enthusiastic consent too much. In monogamous dating, it has only recently become a more nuanced discussion than the No Means No message that most of us were taught. After all, talking about our wants and boundaries would kill the mood and ruin the magic flow that is supposed to happen in love scenes. With the...


OTWC 028 - Have You Met Flick? - On The Wet Coast

We're doing something a little different on this episode. Many of you know a whole lot about Kat Stark thanks to their blog posts and book Yelling In Pasties: The Wet Coast Confessions of an Anxious Slut. Their co-host, co-conspirator, and true love is more of a mystery since he doesn't blurt his shit all over the internet the same way Kat does. On this episode of On The Wet Coast, you get a chance to peek behind the curtain and learn more about self-described Super Villain, Gamer, geek,...


OTWC 027: Jealousy Revisited - On The Wet Coast

Jealousy is a complex emotion that usually arises when we feel threatened or like we're not getting our needs met. It is almost always the reason people cite when they state that they couldn't ever be non-monogamous yet plenty of non-monogamous and polyamorous people experience jealousy regularly. The various circumstances that lead to jealousy tend to shift the longer people have lived in open relationships. From sexual jealousy to that over deepening intimacy or relationship milestones....


OTWC 026: Sex, Geeks, and Sexy Geekery - On The Wet Coast

Geekery & non-monogamy crossover in so many ways. So many of the people we've met, connected with, and sexed up have been fellow geeks that enjoy much of the same pop culture that we do, whether it's movies, tv shows, books, musical theatre, roleplaying games, or video games. You need to have something to talk about when the sexin's done, after all. Despite the chic that many geeky pastimes now enjoy, it wasn't always the case. Those of us who spent our youth with interests outside the...


OTWC 025: Kinky Communication - On The Wet Coast

Sex, particularly kinky sex, is still a taboo subject in our sex negative culture. We're not supposed to talk about it so we don't learn good communication skills around it. It's one of those things that is supposed to just kinda happen. We hang onto a lot of the messages we got about sex growing up and even those of us who consider ourselves very open about our sexuality still retain many of the hangups and shame feelings. Learning to talk about what we want in the bedroom from the most...


OTWC 024: More/Better Sex - On The Wet Coast

Click-baity title aside, many people would like to figure out how to get more sex and better sex in their lives. It's not a priority for everyone, and isn't required to be, but for those who are looking to get more sex in their lives, it can be a struggle. We're here to tell you it doesn't have to be. Reinterpreting what sex is can be a big and helpful start down the path to more sex. As well, reinterpreting what you're looking for in a sexual encounter can help you figure out how to get...


OTWC 023: Dating During Upheaval - On The Wet Coast

Ideally, when we’re meeting, dating, and sexing on people we want to be our best selves. We want to be feeling stable and settled and able to be present and focused for all the newness that might be coming our way. Unfortunately, circumstances are almost never ideal. Life constantly hits us with the unexpected--job loss, divorce, moving house, issues with kids, health issues, mental health issues, breakups--the list goes on and on. Much of the time we need to figure out how to...


OTWC 022: Flirting, Sexting, and Dirty Talk - On The Wet Coast

Nearly everyone we know claims to be bad at flirting, the two of us included, but somehow many of us are scoring dates and getting laid. How do we get over our own brains to send that first message or turn a chat into something sexy and sassy? And once we're in a sexy space, how do we wrap our heads around talking dirty. There's an art to knowing when to push a conversation to a sexy place or leave an opening for someone else to do so and when to leave it respectfully platonic. And as it...


OTWC 021: SCIENCE! - On The Wet Coast

Endless amounts of research has been done on the topic of love and relationships - generally focused on the heteronormative pair bonding that is the norm in our western culture. A few books such as Sex at Dawn and Mating in Captivity have been the go to tomes for the non-monogamous looking for science that backs up our choice of lifestyle. Author Brenda Wiebe has written Catch & Release: How I Used Science to Hack my Love Life. She uses her skills as a researcher of sociology and...


OTWC 020: Attraction - On The Wet Coast

Attraction is a mysterious thing. There are physical and personality characteristics in people we're almost always attracted to: perhaps a certain body type or sense of humour. Other times it can be harder to nail down why a certain person hits all the yes buttons for you, or what makes us override our usual "dealbreakers". They could be completely different than what normally gets you going and if you lined up 5 similar people, you might not feel anything for any of the others. Attraction...


OTWC 019: Building Your Ideal Relationship - On The Wet Coast

Many of us in non-monogamy land started out in monogamous relationships. Not necessarily because those were right for us, but because they were the default. We didn’t even know that there were other relationship options. Once we start exploring ethical non-monogamy we discover countless variations on the big 3: SwInger, Open, Polyamory. Some people have strict definitions of what each of those relationship styles has to look like but almost everyone we’ve met in non-monogamy has their own...


OTWC 018: Fantasies - On The Wet Coast

Fantasizing is big part of most healthy sex lives. We fantasize about things we’d like to have done to us and/or what we’d like to do to others. We also fantasize about things that scare, horrify, or even kind of (or completely) disgust us. All these things are part of healthy sexual brain activity. “Is this normal?” is a question about fantasies that comes up a lot in advice columns. The answer is yes, in that abnormality is completely normal when it comes to fantasy scenarios. On this...


OTWC 017: Butt Stuff - On The Wet Coast

Butt stuff! It’s not just anal sex anymore, but a whole spectrum of ass play. What’s the appeal and the fascination? In our lifetime, it’s gone from being a secret perversion to borderline mainstream, referenced and discussed in pop culture both frankly and humorously. And some people feel increasingly pressured to make anal sex part of their repertoire without even knowing if they really want to, let alone knowing how to do it safely and pleasurably. Today On the Wet Coast Flick Morrison...