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Believing Your Kids Won’t Love You… Because You Don’t Love You

8/16/2019
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Are you insecure about your parenting—wondering if you’re doing a not so great job? If you grew up insecurely attached without a lot of self-love, you probably fear that you will unwittingly insert your old patterns and beliefs into your kids. And no matter how hard you try, you see your kids exhibit avoidant behaviors like hiding, people-pleasing or not taking responsibility for their actions. You feel guilty, so instead of allowing them to screw up and suffer the consequences, you protect...

Duration:00:26:29

Journey of Attachment: Trying to Stay in Your Numb Bubble

8/13/2019
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Do you avoid negative emotions like the plague? Maybe you only believe in being positive, so when negativity sneaks up, you don’t want to deal with it. You shove it down, but eventually hit the tipping point where fear, depression, and anxiety pop up. Feeling totally out of control, you’re desperate to get back to feeling ok again, except you really weren’t ok to begin with—you were in a numb bubble. Perhaps you tell people you’re happily single and have no desire for a relationship. You go...

Duration:00:25:25

Catch Yourself A Happy Fish

8/9/2019
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When it comes to partners, do you pick ones who are generally happy or generally miserable? Do they walk around with a dark cloud overhead, complaining all the time, or do they smile when doing small tasks like folding the laundry? The people you are drawn to reflect your own state of happiness. And no, happy doesn’t mean jumping up and down 24/7 or those crazy, intense feelings. It means being peaceful, connected to yourself, satisfied, fulfilled, etc. So if you’re tired of draining...

Duration:00:19:57

Journey of Attachment: Were You a Sensitive Kid?

8/6/2019
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Did things affect you deeply as a kid, feeling overly sensitive to everything around you? I used to feel my doll’s pain, my stuffed animals’ pain, and even a caterpillar’s pain! Maybe your heart ached when someone got yelled at (or when you were yelled at). Whatever it was, people around you probably told you to get over it. Then, you started to shut down those feelings and disown them because you felt shame. You created a hard shell to protect yourself from your own sensitivity so it...

Duration:00:24:10

Focus On You — You Beautiful Thing!

8/2/2019
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You have spent your life doing for others, worried that if you don’t put them first, they’ll leave… or at the very least they’ll be mad at you. It’s exhausting, however, so you want to start prioritizing yourself and your growth. You know you’ll feel better, shed the resentment and have more energy, but what if the people in your life think you don’t need them anymore? What if they think you’re being selfish? It is NOT selfish to want to feel good. You are actually doing the world a favor by...

Duration:00:31:07

Surviving to Thriving: Josh Spencer

7/31/2019
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In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment”, I talk with Josh Spencer, paraplegic of 23 years and owner of the Last Bookstore in Los Angeles. Listen in as he takes us through his darkest moment that he experienced at the young age of 21 when he was in a horrific moped accident that resulted in him being paralyzed. After a series of additional losses and being diagnosed with depression, he started to become more ambitious and was able to move forward by creating...

Duration:00:51:07

Journey of Attachment: I Left My Controlling Mate and Now I’m Attached to Another One

7/30/2019
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You finally called it quits with your partner who always told you what to do and when to do it. You complained about how he/she controlled you or manipulated you, so ending the relationship felt like a huge relief. But not long after that one ended, you walked straight into another one, leaving you to wonder why everyone is such a controlling a-hole. Where are all the “normal” people? Ending a relationship because you think the other person is the problem is not the path to a healthy...

Duration:00:31:19

Letting Go Of Who You Think You’re Supposed To Be

7/26/2019
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Do you have an image in your head of who you are supposed to be? And does that image contradict who you actually are? These images often stem from a need for love and respect, thinking the only way to have either is by being what other people want. This can lead to contortionism where you bend yourself to fit a particular picture, or walking on eggshells so people won’t see the real you. Maybe you go to med school because that is the expectation in your family. In relationships, it can...

Duration:00:24:54

Journey of Attachment: Liars, Cheaters and Lack of Trust

7/23/2019
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You don’t trust your partner. He/she is lying and cheating… or you’re afraid they are. Maybe you have an ex who cheated on you so you are hyper-aware of certain behavior. Like if you see your partner acting flirty with someone, which sends you into that crazy, anxious paranoid mode. This reaction, however, is more a reflection of your negative beliefs and how you don’t trust YOURSELF. You don’t trust that you would be able to handle the disappointment of the relationship ending. What if you...

Duration:00:26:49

Stop Chasing Happiness

7/19/2019
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Do you believe happiness exists outside of you? That once your partner FINALLY gets a clue, or you lose 10 pounds, or you get that promotion, or you buy that house, you’ll be happy? You think if you work hard at achieving your goals, you’ll be rewarded with happiness. Sure, you may get to where you’re going, but does that mean happiness will follow? Nope. Happiness is not a butterfly. It’s the caterpillar, the cocoon and the chrysalis; it’s the whole transformative journey. If you feel like...

Duration:00:19:20

Journey of Attachment: Staying Too Long And Making Excuses

7/16/2019
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Your relationship isn’t going well. Perhaps your partner is verbally or emotionally abusive, threatening to leave or causing you harm. But there are good sides to him/her too, which you don’t want to discount, so you focus on that and make excuses for their bad behavior to yourself and others. Or you complain about your relationship to your friends, but act as if nothing is wrong when with your partner. You know you should leave, and part of you wants to, but deep down you believe this is...

Duration:00:22:20

I Look Like the Jerk

7/12/2019
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Most of us act like a jerk at times—that’s just life. Some work really hard to prove they are not a jerk by overcompensating while others double-down on their behavior and defensively say, “I don’t care what people think!” Both are avoidant, fearful reactions based on how others perceive you. When you truly accept who you are (the good and the bad), how people label you does not drive your behavior or affect how you view yourself. And very often who the “jerk” is in a given situation depends...

Duration:00:25:14

Journey of Attachment: I’ve Been Working on Myself Forever and Still Attract Jerks

7/9/2019
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You’ve done some work on yourself and have achieved a certain level of self-awareness, yet your relationship status doesn’t reflect that. Each time you dip your toe back into dating to see if things have changed, you say, “Yep, just as unsuccessful as before!” Then you go back into your cocoon hoping the next time you emerge you’ll find that perfect person. Unfortunately, personal growth isn’t suddenly rewarded by the universe. No one pats you on the back and says, “Good work, you deserve a...

Duration:00:22:06

I Don’t Like That! How Not to be a Hater

7/5/2019
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Ever notice how quick you are to say, “I don’t like X” or “I can’t stand it when people…”? Whether the subject is food or a person’s behavior or how something looks, you probably respond negatively on autopilot. This can be as simple as calling someone an a-hole for cutting you off on the freeway or as damaging as dismissing someone outright because you disagree with something they believe. Hate begets hate so the more you try to banish those unsavory people or situations from your life, the...

Duration:00:17:02

Journey of Attachment: Letting Others In

7/2/2019
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This podcast was inspired by an email from a listener. After getting out of a toxic relationship, she noticed her knee-jerk reaction of throwing up emotional walls when someone expressed interest in her. As someone who wants a healthy, committed relationship, she knows she needs to work through her fear, dismantle those walls and let people in… but how? Walls go up when your head takes control and runs amok with fear-based stories. For me, this happened when comparing my dates to someone I...

Duration:00:29:17

I Don't Want to be in Trouble

6/28/2019
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If you stopped for a moment and asked yourself about the unrest you feel about a mistake. What would you hear in your head? Could it be something like: "I cannot and will not take the responsibility for having made a mistake, misjudged someone, upset someone or anything else which could make me in trouble with myself." Add to that in trouble with anyone ever. The thought of responsibility feels like a loss of control, as though you are nothing. Now, this is a "feeling" not necessarily...

Duration:00:19:12

Journey of Attachment: Stop Fighting Your Attachment

6/25/2019
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When insecurely attached to someone, you probably react to them in one of three ways (depending on your mood or day of the week): wanting to run away screaming, clinging like a piece of moss or numbing yourself so you don’t feel much of anything. This back-and-forth can make you feel crazy and out of control, like you are trying to cut an invisible cord between you and the other person. But you can’t cut it and you are stuck in struggle. Perhaps your partner says he/she will commit, but...

Duration:00:21:51

It's All About Me, Me, Me

6/21/2019
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You may walk around with the fear of being called out or criticized. You want to be seen how you think you are, it's a lot of work to try and control what you cannot. It's as though you are constantly playing Monopoly, making it a mission to buy all the properties and negotiate for what you need. So tiring when your life is this way too. Self-protective and self-absorbed--I need to take care of me, me, me through working on my image, so I cannot be faulted. Ugh. Self-absorption—everything...

Duration:00:20:29

Journey of Attachment Identity Crisis: Can't Be Alone or Only Want To Be

6/18/2019
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Most insecurely attached people have an identity crisis going on that either they are aware of or completely checked out of. Many identify as introverts that are avoidants or anxious avoidants, but really they are isolationists. The clock says 5 and they are looking for the sanctity of their home. Sometimes being the isolationist lets them come out and play for a bit in a group—but do not get too close and do not bring them drama, they will run once again. On the other side of the coin are...

Duration:00:22:01

Please Go F**k Up Your Life

6/14/2019
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Some kind of advice, right? Having permission to do what it is you fear will f**k up your life is usually what will actually give you the life you want. It won’t destroy you, fear is the very element that holds us back from moving forward, moving on and making the change you want to happen. Emotional commitment is truly unmatchable. When you step outside of your head, stop asking for advice from others, you are taking steps toward f**king your life up as it feels like you are free-floating...

Duration:00:20:10