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I Will No Longer Hide Who I Am To Make You Happy

Depression sometimes results from pleasing others at the expense of yourself; by trying to be someone else in order to make others happy; by defining yourself through your actions for others. As a kid, if you felt you were unlovable or unacceptable in some way, you hid those unsavory parts about yourself and doubled-down on the parts that received validation. All that time spent seeking approval from others and trying to make them happy probably led to years of hiding and self-loathing. But...


Journey of Attachment: Swallowing Your Feelings So As Not To Upset Someone

Are you afraid of expressing your true feelings because you might upset someone? Or do you think they will shut you down because they can’t handle the truth? If you were yelled at as a kid for doing something wrong, then shared how it made you feel and were told your feelings don’t matter, you learned to shove your feelings down. As an adult, this might manifest as trying to keep the peace so everything appears ok on the outside while suffering on the inside. Holding your emotions in or...


Preferring Pain to Pleasure Because It’s Not as Scary

What do you do to block pleasure? Do you create obstacles for yourself to jump over in order to earn pleasure and happiness? Do you look joy in the face and say, “What did I do to deserve this? This must be a mistake!” If you are more comfortable with pain than pleasure, you’re not alone. Even if you WANT happiness and even visualize what it may look like, you probably fear it. Even during those fleeting moments of pleasure, there is a good chance you are waiting for the other shoe to drop,...


Journey of Attachment: My Narcissist Parent(s)

People who are beyond anxious and can also be characterized as ambivalent, avoidant, disordered, etc., may have been raised by a narcissist. These are people-pleasing perfectionists who lack self-trust and tend to hide out because of guilt, shame or fear. They don’t feel connected to their achievements even if they work incredibly hard, and are definitely insecurely attached when it comes to relationships. They may feel defective and worthless even though they wear a mask that projects...


If We Conducted Our Offline Lives The Way We Do Online…

Everything you think about someone online is an assumption. Most people know this, and yet we use social media as a way of finding information to confirm our beliefs. You may look for people who fit into your worldview, whether it’s about raising kids, relationships, religion, social mores, etc. And when you encounter those who don’t share your view, there may be a tendency to react and get defensive. Of course, you’ve seen behavior online that you would deem unacceptable, like belittling...


Journey of Attachment: Analyzing Your Feelings Will Not Get You Out of Your Situation

How much time do you spend analyzing the behavior of yourself and others to understand or figure things out? What about analyzing your feelings? Do you try to deconstruct why you’re feeling a certain way, or focus on how you SHOULD feel instead? Analysis keeps you in the same pattern of thinking, and thinking solves nothing on an emotional level. The only way to get emotional clarity is by actually feeling. A common example is trying to figure out if you are in love with someone or attached...


Things Aren’t As You Think They Are

It’s easy to get stuck in your story, believing nothing will ever change. Maybe you curse the universe for working against you, saying nothing ever goes your way, but it’s not anything external that keeps your life on repeat. It’s you. More specifically, it’s how you perceive life and interpret experiences. If you believe you’re doomed, that’s what you will help create. It’s safe and easy to draw on past experiences and use those as signposts for what’s ahead, but that leaves little room for...


Surviving to Thriving: Anthony Trucks

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Anthony Trucks, former NFL player turned serial entrepreneur. Listen in as he takes us on his journey through foster care to the NFL to now where he is a master of navigating the identity shifts that life puts us through on the path to reaching our full potential. Learn more about Anthony at


Journey of Attachment: Unwillingness Is Your Issue

I hear people say they want to change all the time—whether it’s getting divorced, changing jobs, finding a partner or improving a parental relationship. They say they are willing to do what it takes, and even connect with their feelings, but the needle doesn’t move. Frustrated, they go into victim mode by getting defensive (but I’m doing everything I can!) or blaming others (my therapist is useless). The problem is, these people are only scratching the surface. To make significant changes,...


Are You In a Hurry To Label People So You Feel Better?

It’s easy to label someone as toxic, obnoxious, boring, etc. in order to dismiss them. Sometimes it even happens without knowing much about the person. Why do you do it? What is happening inside when you are quick to write someone off or decide they are no good? Perhaps you feel threatened in some way, like part of you believes they are better than you. Judging them can provide a sense of superiority or self-righteousness. But who’s to say you’re doing things right and they’re doing things...


Journey of Attachment: How 90 Seconds Can Change Your Life

How often do you find yourself in a situation where you just cannot take being there another minute longer? The appeal of running away, distracting and hiding when anxiety or discomfort surfaces is huge. Our society even teaches us how to dispose of things: cut bait, kick someone to the curb, cut your losses, etc. Those tactics may provide immediate relief, but it doesn’t help you grow. You may not even realize you do it, because you’ve been doing it for so long, it’s just what you do. Let’s...


Why Do I Wake Up In a Panic?

How do you usually wake up feeling? Are you excited about the day ahead, or do you worry about what could go wrong? Maybe you awake in a panic. You don’t know why, so you start racking your brain for what you may have forgotten. Or maybe you simply have an anxious feeling you can’t shake, so it ruins your day. However it manifests, it’s horrible and you want it to stop. Maybe you even try to drown out the negative feelings by focusing on positive affirmations, but that does nothing to quell...


Journey of Attachment: When Someone is Mad, It Doesn’t Mean It’s Your Fault

How often do you try to avoid someone being mad at you? Do you attempt to do things perfectly for fear of being blamed, then berate yourself when you fall short? Let’s say you usually do the ironing at home. One day your partner goes to grab a shirt before a big meeting. There are a few wrinkles—nothing major—but he/she is clearly upset. You feel horrible. Your partner doesn’t say it’s your fault, but they are clearly annoyed, so you feel this wash of shame and your “I’m not good enough”...


Why Do I Attract Untrustworthy People?

Do you believe you are a trustworthy person when it comes to love and relationships, yet have trouble trusting your partner (or potential partner)? Maybe you are afraid they will cheat so you use that as an excuse not to commit. When your behavior is in reaction to someone else (i.e. I’m not going to commit because I suspect he/she is cheating), there are definitely trust issues, but it’s actually not about the other person. It’s YOU that you don’t trust. When you don’t trust yourself, you...


Journey of Attachment: Being a Love Addict (or Avoidant?)

You’re picky about who you date, looking for Mr. or Ms. Perfect (i.e. someone who won’t hurt or disappoint you). Then you find someone who likes you. There is mutual chemistry, and yet, they seem hesitant. You know what it was like at the beginning (which could have been last week), but now it feels as though they are slip sliding away. Perhaps it triggers in you the feeling of neediness. You cling to them by people pleasing, while accepting breadcrumbs of attention in return. You do this...


How Your Lack of Commitment Shows Up Everywhere

If “what if’s” rule your world because you’re always afraid of making the wrong choice, you live your life with one foot in and one foot out. In other words, your lack of commitment keeps you stuck, convinced life is working against you. You will actually look for evidence to support your non-decision, then complain the Universe doesn’t have your back (but it doesn’t have your back because you haven’t put a stake in the ground). This plays out in all areas of life: dating but never...


Surviving to Thriving: Neeta Bhushan

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Neeta Bhushan, an Emotional Health Educator and Executive Performance Coach to global leaders and CEOs as well as thousands of women from all walks of life. Listen in as she takes us through her journey through multiple losses and a toxic relationship to now where she has written two Amazon best-sellers Emotional GRIT and The Book of Coaching spoke at Women Economic Forum founded and had a...


Journey of Attachment: The Horror of Being Crazy

Have you ever met someone where the chemistry was incredible, but it led you to act like a complete lunatic? Maybe this person canceled dinner plans, triggering you to do things that made you cringe WHILE doing them. But you couldn’t stop it from happening. You barely recognize yourself because you’re usually pretty even-keeled. When triggered into this crazy mode, some people throw objects or scream in public or send a million text messages or stalk someone on social media or sleep with...


Want to be Happy? Stop Doing These Things

A lot of people think happiness is like an amusement park ride with intense highs that must be chased. But happiness is subtler than that, and what you THINK leads to happiness may actually result in the opposite. Many anti-happiness behaviors become patterns without you realizing it, and they can end up ruling your life. By recognizing and then stopping them, you actually challenge yourself to become who you truly are, which is critical to true, sustained happiness. In this podcast I...


Journey of Attachment: I Feel Sorry for Me; I’m With a Narcissist

Most people have narcissistic tendencies, it is part of what keeps human beings alive. Without it, no one would be here. The problem with slapping that label on your partner is that it may prevent you from seeing and acknowledging your own stuff. No one is in a position to judge others, and doing so is often a reflection of how you see yourself because other people are mirrors for your own behavior. If you want to solve the “narcissistic” issue and feel a sense of well-being, instead of...