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A Pillock's Guide To British History

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12 | Hadrian's Wall - The one with the Overcompensation

Emperor Hadrian visits Britannia and puts up a massive wall between him and the lunatics living in what is now Scotland. Which seems fair enough. Possibly it was a bit of overkill though. Transcript So the period where the Romans were conquering Britain has ended by our estimation, and we are now properly into Roman […]


11.1 | The Flavian Emperors - The one with the mixed bag

Agricola was knocking about in Britain for a big chunk of a whole dynasty of Roman Emperors. Some of them were nice, but one of them was a proper shitbag. Introducing The Flavians. Transcript In our history of Britain episode, we had a quick going over Agricola and his march north through Wales, England and […]


11 | Agricola & The End Of The Roman Invasion - The one where they reach the top

The Romans have finally reached about as far north as they will in Britain, with governor Agricola having a proper fight with the Scottish tribes. He even sort of wins it. Transcript The next governor was Gnaeus Julius Agricola, and once we get to the end of his governorship we are going to call […]


10.1 | The Year Of The Four Emperors - the one where everyone wants to be in charge

Nero is dead, and it got so bad after that people must have almost missed him. The Year Of The Four Emperors is exactly what it says on the tin. Transcript In our last History of Britain episode we went over what was going on in Britain after Boudiccia. The event that cast a […]


10 | Britannia After Boudicca - The one where nobody knew what was going on

Britain was in a right ole state after Boudicca’s rebellion. To be fair though Rome was in a bigger state by 69, in the Year Of The Four Emperors. Let’s see how the Romans and the Britons coped with that. In our last History of Britain episode, we ended with the end of […]


9.1 | Emperor Nero - The one where everyone is proper horrible

You’ve heard of Emperor Nero. We all have. We doubt it was good stuff you did hear. apart from him getting a decent tune out of a fiddle. Let’s have a look at if he was as big a dickhead as he looked. Transcript – Emperor Nero We have got all the way to 60/61 […]


9 | Boudica - The One Where Everyone Looks A Bit Rubbish

The Romans have been winding everyone up. Come 60 AD and Boudica was having none of it. She and her mates had a go at fucking things up. Transcript – Boudica Even in the bits of Britain, which had been under Roman control from when Claudius and Plautius turned up in 43 AD, some Britons […]


8.1 | Roman Religion - The One With Sad Times For Druids

The Romans loved a bit of religion. We are told they took it seriously, although if you see their gods, that’s hard to believe. What they did take seriously was religions they didn’t like. Ask the druids. Except you can’t. The Romans wiped them out. Transcript – Roman Religion Religion was important to […]


8 | Didius, Suetonius & Mad Druids - The One With A Terrible Divorce

The Romans are making progress, but it keeps going a bit wrong. From heroic sounding freedom fighters to tetchy divorces, the Britons are making it hard. Transcript – Didius, Suetonius & Mad Druids At this point in our history of Britain, the governor, Scapula is dead, the great Briton hope, Caracticus is living it […]


The Roman Army - The One With The Point Of The Roman Empire

Rome was all about it’s army. In fact the whole Empire feels like it was an army with some cities hanging off it. It made them terrible neighbors but a pretty successful civilisation. Who how was it organised? Transcript – The Roman Army We have been banging on about these Romans for weeks now. […]


7 | Scapula & Caractacus - The One With A Lucky King

The Romans have landed and they are here to stay. For a bit. So how did they get on cracking down on the Britons in the early years? Transcript- Caractacus & Scapula In our last visit to Roman Britain we finally got around to the Romans establishing themselves on our little island in 43 […]


6.1 | Roman Citizenship. The One With Legal Chat & Torture

Roman citizenship was more contentious than European Union citizenship. We cover what it was, who got it and what it got you. It was pretty useful, if only as a handy bribe to the scroty regions of the Roman Empire. Like Britannia. Transcript- Roman Citizens and Other Scrotes In our last episode we set […]


6 | The Tribes Of Britain. The One With The Pre-Roman Geography

Pre Roman Britain is a bit like English football before the Premier League. Loads must have happened, but nobody talks about it. To be fair, for pre-Roman Britain, that’s mostly because we don’t know all that much about it. So here’s what 21st Century Pillock could find. Transcript – The Tribes Of Britain. The One […]


5.1 | Claudius As Roman Emperor. The One With The Breath Of Fresh Air

Has Rome got actually got themselves a decent Roman Emperor? Not only an effective Emperor but one who doesn’t cause a civil war every 5 minutes? Don’t get too excited though, it wasn’t all beer and skittles in Claudius’ Rome. Transcript – Claudius As Roman Emperor. The One With The Breath Of Fresh Air […]


5 | Claudius Invades Britain - The One Where They Finally Get It Done

There is a new emperor in town, and Claudius wants a piece of Britain. Finally. We were starting to think it was something we said. So why did Claudius finally get it done properly? How did he get it done? Was he a master of PR? Transcript – Claudius Invades Britain. The One Where They […]


4.1 | Rome Between Julius Caesar And Claudius - The One With Terrible Emperors

Julius died and left the place in disarray. Octavian picks up the pieces and treats Rome to yet another civil war or two. The folk who survive that, have to put up with a bad paranoid emperor and a bad mentally unstable emperor. It’s all gone to shit. Transcript – Rome Between […]


4 | Britain Between Julius & Claudius - The One Where No One Invades

Julius left Britain after invading twice and he didn’t come back. What happened in the place after that? It’s all a bit fuzzy, but one thing we can know is that no bugger did any exciting invading. Find out how exactly they didn’t invade here. Transcript – Britannia after Julius Caesar This episode spans […]


3.1 | The End Of The Roman Republic | The One Where Julius Breaks Society

What happened to Julius and the Roman Republic after he invaded Britain? Quite a lot. Including a few civil wars and a shiny new Empire. Transcript – The End Of The Roman Republic We have spent a couple of episodes of our History of Britain with Julius Caesar. He features a bit in British […]


3 | Julius Caesar Invades Britain (The Second Time) | The One With The Sort Of Victory

Following his first invasion in 55 BC, which he bollocksed up, would Julius’ second invasion in 54 BC go any better? Sort of, yeah. Both he and the Britons have a better showing this time. Transcript – Julius Has A Second Go At Britain | The One With The Sort Of Victory If you […]


Julius Caesar Invades Britain (The Second Time) | The One With The Sort Of Victory - A Pillock's Guide To British History

Transcript – Julius Has A Second Go At Britain | The One With The Sort Of Victory If you remember our earlier episode, Julius Caesar turned up and attacked some of the tribes in South East England in 55. He won, but it was bit of a farce. Julius obviously knew this and decided […]