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The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people host, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, calls Hijackals®. Invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways. These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now.

The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people host, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, calls Hijackals®. Invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways. These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now.
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Location:

United States

Description:

The Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people host, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, calls Hijackals®. Invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways. These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now.

Language:

English

Contact:

760.593.4604


Episodes

How Passive-Aggressive Behavior is Actually Emotional Abuse

1/14/2019
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Do you have a person in your life that is crazy-making? S/he promises to do something, and then somehow forgets? Or, a person who procrastinates regularly, then wants to make it your fault--or the weather's--that things don't get done? Then, you'll want to listen to this episode on the actual emotional abuse that happens when you are often experiencing someone else's passive-aggressive behavior. Passive-aggressive behavior is covert. Stealthy even! You're not really sure when or if you...

Duration:00:16:03

Steps to Stopping Verbal Violence in Your Work Life

1/7/2019
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Verbal Violators in any work situation make working together next to impossible. At a minimum, they make you cringe, avoid, and prefer to take sick days over going to work. In my book, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work, I talk about folks who commit "malpractice of the mouth!" Those are verbal violators, verbal abusers. These folks have control issues that lead to anger issues that lead to rage and lack of reason. And, they think they're right. You know that I...

Duration:00:17:14

How to Spot a Hijackal. Crazy-Making Things Narcissists Do

12/30/2018
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Is your relationship one-sided? Are you wondering if it's you? Does your partner have to "win" always? Is everything your fault? You're already confused, just the way a Hijackal® wants you to be. A Hijackal is a person who behaves in ways that are common to people considered to have narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, or antisocial behavior patterns. I created the term, Hijackals, so that you would have a way of talking about the behaviors without trying to make a diagnosis. You simply...

Duration:00:24:05

What to Say When a Hijackal Says You're Being Overly Sensitive

12/23/2018
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Oh, that's crazy-making, right? You try to talk about your feelings and you get shut down? In today's episode, I give you insights into this whole nasty process of being blamed for being overly sensitive when you're actually speaking up for yourself when attacked. You know what I'm talking about. IT HURTS! Are you told that you're being overly sensitive too often? Hijackals® can be brutal. Nothing can be their fault, so everything has to be yours. When they want to put you down, and keep...

Duration:00:17:44

6 Better Ways to Communicate Than the Dreaded Silent Treatment

12/15/2018
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Has your partner every just stopped talking to you when things weren't going his or her way? Or, when you weren't doing exactly as s/he wanted? And, then, the next things: THE DREADED SILENT TREATMENT! The silent treatment is punishing, punitive, and often the way a person who wants power over you thinks they can control you. Sometimes, though, that other person--or, maybe, you--don't have the skills or confidence to manage conflict in any other way. Why do people use the silent...

Duration:00:16:41

How Conscious Self-Care Saves You So Much Stress & Distress - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

12/10/2018
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Do you ever try to downplay your need for great self-care? If you're like many folks--too many folks--you likely do! You may have been raised to believe that you should be ok, power through, and need nothing. You may have been told that other people are more important than you are, and that you are a good person when you put other people first...all the time! NO! Not good. Always putting yourself at the end of your list is DEFINITELY NOT GOOD! . You may well become a tired, isolated,...

Duration:00:16:20

How To Stop Walking on Eggshells - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

12/1/2018
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Any chance that you're getting your exercise by walking on eggshells? That's a tense, anxiety-ridden, stressful way to get your exercise. Exercise is supposed to make you feel better. Walking on eggshells certainly won't! Whether the #Hijackal you're with is of the narcissistic, sociopathic, passive-aggressive, histrionic, or borderline variety, keeping you on edge is their specialty. When you are on edge, they feel powerful, right? That means they are scooping up your power, and it's time...

Duration:00:18:57

What Emotional Abuse Is & Its Impact On Your Life - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

11/24/2018
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Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control or dominate another person. Whether that is through fear, humiliation, intimidation, isolation, guilt, blaming, manipulation, or denial, it is abuse, emotional abuse. When you were little, your brain was still growing. You instinctively knew that you had to keep your parents--The Giants--happy so that they would feed and protect you. At least, that's what you hoped. Many children, though, are emotionally abused. As adults, they often don't...

Duration:00:24:14

3 Assertive Things To Do When Your Partner or Parent Refuses to Take Responsibility with Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

11/17/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 3 ASSERTIVE THINGS TO DO WHEN YOUR PARTNER REFUSES TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY It's so infuriating, right? A difficult partner, or parent, refuses to take responsibility for anything that isn't praise-worthy. S/he will step right in if they can take credit for something good, though. But, when something goes sideways, it's all you, all your fault , right? You don't mean to, but you may well...

Duration:00:14:03

Trauma-Bonding: Why We Create Toxic Bonds & How to Release Them GUEST - Dr. Gary Salyer

11/3/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor TRAUMA-BONDING: Why You Create Toxic Bonds and How To Release It A conversation between me, Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and Dr. Gary Salyer, author of the upcoming book, Safe to Love Again. Are you so attached to someone that you are "hooked on hope" that one day they will treat you better? That's really common, and a bit difficult to step away from, I know. That "hooked on hope" can erode...

Duration:00:37:46

10 Reasons You May Have For Not Walking Away From Your Abuser

10/28/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 10 REASONS YOU MAY HAVE FOR NOT WALKING AWAY FROM YOUR ABUSER Could any of these things be true? Any of these sound familiar? You're not alone. And, these aren't even the ten reasons in today's episode! Who wants to believe they are being abused? Yet, you are being abused. And, yes, that is the only word that covers it. S/he is not going through a bad time, stressed, depressed, or...

Duration:00:17:46

It Happened To Me: Divorcing a Hijackal attorney...and thriving!

10/20/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor IT HAPPENED TO ME: Today's guest, Christa, shares her story of life with--and beyond--a #Hijackal husband This is a special feature of Save Your Sanity. I occasionally talk on Save Your Sanity with people willing to share their stories of life with, and after, a Hijackal. That might be their parent, partner, friend, or co-worker. You can find a Hijackal in every area of...

Duration:00:32:24

Angry with a Hijackal®? Why Payback Won't Work

10/14/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor ANGRY WITH A HIJACKAL? WHY PAYBACK WON'T WORK Hijackal behavior is outrageous, and it gets your blood boiling too often, right? They are like vampires, draining your blood. And, you just want to show 'em how it feels. And, you want them to see how much they hurt you. And, truth be told, you want them to hurt the way you are hurt. So, you think that payback will help. It doesn't, won't,...

Duration:00:15:44

Hijackal Blaming? It's Not Your Fault!

10/6/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor HIJACKAL® BLAMING? IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Hijackals take no responsibility for anything they do. They refuse to be accountable. Yet, in order to pull that off, what has to happen? Everything has to be your fault! And, it's not. The patterns that living with a Hijackal create are designed to wear you down, to tear you down, to make you second-guess yourself constantly. Now, though, because...

Duration:00:20:23

7 Red Flags That Person You're Dating is Toxic. Run!

9/30/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 7 RED FLAGS THAT PERSON YOU'RE DATING IS TOXIC. RUN! So many people in my Facebook groups write about their fear of dating after being with a Hijackal. They are right to be concerned, and hopefully, that concern will lead them to getting the best help they can so they feel safe with themselves. Then, they will further develop their Hijackal Radar. That's what I help them do when we work...

Duration:00:12:06

Ever Feel Like a Pretzel or a Doormat Trying to Please Someone? Do this!

9/22/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor EVER FEEL LIKE A PRETZEL OR DOORMAT TRYING TO PLEASE A HIJACKAL®? Is there someone in your life who treats you poorly? Do you feel put-down, ignored, walked over, or taken advantage of? That's not good. You want to be seen, heard, known, accepted, acknowledged, and appreciated. You know how I talk about this in my book, Kaizen for Couples? Well, it is not just for couples. It's for...

Duration:00:12:50

How Will I Feel When I'm Leaving a Hijackal®?

9/2/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor HOW WILL I FEEL WHEN I'M LEAVING A HIJACKAL? Whether that person has passive-aggressive, narcissistic, antisocial, borderline, or histrionic behaviors or tendencies, you need to know that you're going to have a totally mixed bag of opposing feelings on the day--and for a few weeks after--you leave. It's natural and normal. Leaving a toxic situation can be a double-edged sword: there is...

Duration:00:14:53

Is It Possible That You're Enabling a Toxic Partner? Time to Stop!

8/26/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor IS IT POSSIBLE YOU'RE ENABLING A TOXIC PARTNER? TIME TO STOP! VERY IMPORTANT! NO BLAME HERE! Do not blame yourself, or take on any blame, if you listen today and realize you're been enabling your toxic partner to continue to behave badly. S/he was going to do it anyway. You didn't cause it. You are a good person, who simply didn't have an impact when you said no. So, now you've been...

Duration:00:20:18

3 Big Reasons Hijackals® Never Stop and Why You MUST

8/18/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor 3 BIG REASONS WHY HIJACKALS® NEVER STOP AND WHY YOU MUST! Hijackals put you down, wear you down, and tear you down. They have to, in their minds because, at deep levels, you are THE competition! You are not, but they behave as though you are. And, no amount of assuring them, caring for them—or pandering to them—will change this. So, you have to change, because they won’t! Today, I'm...

Duration:00:17:19

Is It Actually Competition That's Ruining Your Relationship?

8/11/2018
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SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS® with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor IS IT ACTUALLY COMPETITION THAT'S RUINING YOUR RELATIONSHIP? ARE YOU MORE FRENEMIES THAN FRIENDS? There's nothing attractive, compelling, or safe about competition in a relationship that is not on a playing field, in a pool, or a ring. It's destructive and exhausting. VERY IMPORTANT to recognize if competition is what's at the core of a relationship that doesn't feel safe. Do you feel...

Duration:00:14:59