Y'all know me. You know how I make a living. I'll find your mess for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad mess. Not like goin' down to the basement and chasin' tax returns and odd socks. No movin’, no organizin’, down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your family, put all your surfaces on a cleanin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief.
Ho ho ho, and happy birthday! It's Hanukkah-time in Gift City, so stock up for Administrative Professionals' Day! What? You didn't get the biggest teddy bear on the planet for your loved on on Valentine's Day? What kind of monster are you?! You better be ready for deep mattress price reductions come Labor Day. Shop, shop, shop...why, just since beginning to type this, marketers have created three new holidays that come with an expectation of gift-giving.
Guess what the Gorillamen...
Whether we like it or not, weapons shaped human life on the planet. Today, they are big business. At least in the United States, we see weapons from the start: in movies, cartoons, and even in stores.
So the Gorillamen decided to pull up a couple chairs and talk about weapons this week.
* * *
We begin with the first weapons we remember...and the weapons we regularly feared as children.
After that, find out if we own any weapons -- and our favorite (and coolest) weapons we've ever...
So we're a day late and short some vocals today, because Shawn's internet decided to crap out for 40-odd hours. Normally, that wouldn't throw too much of a wrench into things, but Shawn is shorter on time during this part of the year... because he does a lot of volunteering.
As it is today, so too was it when this classic episode was recorded, over 50 years ago.
I have no concept of time.
Perhaps you like theater. (Maybe you've even performed in a theater company.) Or...perhaps your family argues all the time and pumps passive aggressiveness through their veins.
Drama comes in many forms...
It's also the topic of this week's episode of Men in Gorilla Suits!
* * *
We begin with our first encounter of drama in any form. After that, we chat about the periods in our lives that saw the most drama (external to us).
Find out if we enjoy or even cause drama...and where we...
It's likely more than a few people listening to this episode will listen while stuck in traffic.
There's a fine line between developing an area to make it appealing and dealing with the rush that comes once that area is deemed the place to be.
This week, we're talking all about...construction and development.
* * *
We begin with when we first realized construction was a thing. After that, we talk about losing places special to us to development.
Nostalgia has an effect on the way many...
It's time to reveal the truth: you've not been listening to Christopher Gronlund and Shawn Kupfer all these years...you've been listening to The Skunk Ape of North Texas and the Mothman of Richardson, Texas.
The Gorillamen are cryptids.
Now that our secret is out, who knows how long it will be before they come for us...
* * *
We kick off this week with the first time we ever heard about cryptids, and follow up with the first time we realized people studied these things.
Find out if...
This one is a day late, but nota dollar short, because a) it's free, and b) I just saved a bunch of money on car repairs by fixing my wife's car myself.
Independent, that's the way of the future! Or the past, because we recorded this episode 83 million years ago, when Gristophers walked the earth. Enjoy, or don't!
They are podcasters found in strata, fossils of a bygone era when people posted on the Interwebs series of tubes to be heard by 12 people. That was podcasting c. 2018.
The fossil record shows two enlarged skulls surrounded by microphones. Analysis determines two males 9 years apart. But when factoring in audible records, the younger of the two repeatedly claimed he looked older than the one called Old Man Christopher. (Some speculated Gorilla Shawn was a wizard.)
Records indicate that c....
The Gorillamen are prophets. They do an episode about paleontology (Gorilla Shawn, recording in a fever dream), and BOOM! -- without their knowledge, it's International Dinosaur Month. New dinosaurs are discovered (including an image of an ass-eating dino in the thumbnail)! Clearly, we are power-wielding apes!
Also, we're dinosaur geeks, so it's about time we talked about big lizards in our backyard...
* * *
We kick it off with our earliest memories about dinosaurs or the study of...
OMG. I can't even get divorced anymore. Goddamn millennials ruining that, too. And Chili's, the napkin industry, mayonnaise, McBreakfast, and about a hundred billion other things. I can't even chase them off my lawn with a rake.
That's right. Somehow they ruined fuckin' rakes.
Shawn's new goal in life is, that when he dies, to have more wardrobe changes than Aretha Franklin had at her funeral. Christopher is not sure how he wants to go, but -- to quote The Dead Milkmen -- he knows he doesn't want to die, "stoned and fat and wealthy and sitting on the bowl..."
Really, either of the Gorillamen would be fine living a life like Abe Vigoda: successful enough to do his own thing -- and becoming an icon, in part, for being alive when most people believed him long...
Buckle that seat belt and lock your doors at night. Don't talk to strangers; remember, the world is not a safe place. Don't believe us? Watch the news. See? Right there...so many things worthy of your fear.
Oh, sure...some say they turned the news off and somehow stayed safe, but there's nothing more safe than watching 24-hour news in a bunker with a gun within reach. Just in case someone gets through your defenses, you're armed and ready.
So what if you spilled lukewarm coffee (mustn't be...
Contrary to popular belief, Christopher didn't do a dime in Joliet for armed robbery. He's also not at the Pizza Hut, so you can't find him there, so don't even look.
Shawn, however, did apparently smuggle meth in his bloodstream at some point, if his mug shot is any indication.
HEY LET'S TALK CRIME WHY NOT