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Episodes

#39 Mission Failed, We'll Get Em Next Time

12/13/2018
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Happy Thursday Tote Gang, we're happy to be here with you. And boy do we have a show for you. We've got another great week for the question box. Six whole questions! Unfortunately half of them are follow-ups to the cat penis question from last week. But as always, we respond to them all. We also talk calming down and getting out there to improve your dating game, discovering your gender identity in your late twenties, and how to come out with your political convictions to your parents and...

Duration:01:01:02

#38 Tangent Boys

12/6/2018
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Alright gang welcome to RFTB, a show about relationships and also Donovan's weird Wikipedia habit. We hear some poetry from Arthur and hit some questions like a comet. We talk shitty gifts. Then we get to our THREE questions from the anonymous question box! One is about a cat penis. We're sorry. But the other two are a little bit more on topic! We talk about the ethics of a potential hookup and also how to deescalate a fight with a friend. Back to Reddit, we discuss introducing your SO to...

Duration:01:04:06

#37 Daddy feat. Daddy (Dylan)

11/29/2018
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It's a very special week this week on account of our dear friend Dylan is in the house. And he's here to help us save some friggin relationships. We start with four questions from the box except three of them are dirty fake questions. But the one involves a compliment to us and what could be better than that? So we talk keeping in touch with long distance friends. Troubles in the bedroom with too much stamina. Minecraft crushes and how to find them. Dealing with the ending of chaotic...

Duration:01:10:26

#36 We're Thankful For All Your Questions (And We Love You)

11/22/2018
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This is a very happy Thanksgiving because you're here with us and you sent us enough questions to fill almost a whole episode! And RFTB is here to bring you our answers! We talk vocal doppelgangers, Myers Briggs, love languages and if they're bullshit or legit. Borderline uncomfortable Tinder messages and being stuck in off-again on-again hell. Sexual performance anxiety and lack of sexual interest. How to keep in touch with siblings. And, yet again, we learn about a very strange kink....

Duration:01:08:59

#35 The One Where Donovan Dies feat. Mucinex

11/15/2018
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Oh man it's cold out, the days are shorter, and illness is running rampant among the RFTB team. Arthur may be out of hell but Donovan is in the seventh circle of congestion. Blech. We're out here saving relationships though, despite our troubles. We talk fetishes and where they may become a problem. Kpop obsessions and celebrity crushes and if that's gonna be a problem in your love life. Gay porn on your wife's phone even though she claims she doesn't approve of porn. Not liking your...

Duration:01:02:02

#34 RFTB Rodeo feat. Caroline and Greg of Stasney Mav/Sleeptalkre/The Queen and King

11/8/2018
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This week we're lucky to have some special guests, Nashville musicians Greg and Caroline, the minds behind musical goodness also known as Stasney Mav, Sleeptalkre, and The Queen and King. We talk horrible relationship stories, SOs trapped in the bathroom for THREE HOURS, labelling your sexual orientation (or if you even should). We have a DOUBLE FRIENDZONE ROCK BLOCK featuring weird roommates who sniff you or stomp all over the goddamn place. Finally, we get into stories of that friend...

Duration:01:10:07

#33 The RFTB Halloween Spooktacular!

10/31/2018
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The moon is full and the werewolves are on the prowl. Bats zoom through the sky and accidentally turn into their human form in mid air and fall several hundred feet onto unsuspecting trick or treaters, terrifying them! And Arthur is haunted by the specter of heartbreak and is handling it questionably. But we're here for him, because it's the RFTB HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR! We tackle hypothetical infidelity, the splitting of costs, penis envy, the realities of careers and relationships, being...

Duration:01:11:37

#32 Folks!

10/25/2018
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What's the deal with tote bags? In this episode we crack open our aspirational stand-up notebooks and share some of our musings at the top of the show. If you can make it through that, there's relationship advice galore! We dabble a bit in pubsecent reunions, post-coitus avoidance and text deciphering. We hit up the question box for some fan engagement. We explore the topics of ghosting and cat phishing. It's good!

Duration:01:10:24

#31 Tough Love and the Cat Ham

10/18/2018
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We're livin the high life folks, except it's that LIGHT high life. We talk light beer, the magic of booze, and Donovan ripping ass while trying to show off at the gym. The beer is smooth and so is he. On the other hand sometimes you can't just rip one right in life's face. Sometimes there are loved ones' feelings involved, even if objectively their music or massive collages or personalities just aren't that great. Or maybe they're 80-something and nearing death's door and you might want to...

Duration:01:05:44

#30 Dirty Thirty

10/11/2018
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What's good in Tote Land? This cool episode, that's what. Donovan sees it coming, then Arthur shares an awkward interaction with an old. Remember, if you're planning a trip, respect your trip buddy's feelings about strip clubs. Your flaps are fine. Don't let yourself get sucked into your partner's couch spiral. If you're the funny guy, lean into it. You can use the phrase "No srsly" though. Learn to DJ and throw parties at your place if your friends wanna go out all the time and you wanna...

Duration:01:08:23

#29 This One's Gotta Lotta Tunes

10/4/2018
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Oh man, dear listener, this one has some good ones. And some segment theme songs by our very own DJ Rocketnerd. And some musical drops.But we promise nothing crazy loud like that Linkin Park episode. Also Dono with a special segment on spotting tinder bots. It's RFTB episode 29 rock and friggin roll! Nighttime cock sleeptalk, chewing on lips like they're bubble gum while you're making out? What? Your comically bourgeois family rejecting your mere commoner of a fiance. An anonymous question...

Duration:00:58:02

#28 Segue-O-Rama

9/27/2018
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How about we go from doing what you were just doing, to listening to the podcast while doing what you're doing. Did you feel that POKE in your chest? It's Radio Free Tote Bag! Arthur saw The Nun. It sucked. We answered some question box queries and y'know what? It was dope. Remember these things. Puke happens. If presented with the opportunity, enter the pillow fort. Maintain appropriate distance. GO TO THE DOCTOR IF YOU'RE GREGNANT. Don't offer your friends up to strangers for threesomes....

Duration:01:01:40

#27 Don't Eat Guinea Pigs

9/20/2018
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Oh boy Donovan broke out the boxed wine and you know what that means! Time to talk about munching guinea pigs and scorpion love. Clitoris-adjacent convo and partner communication. Your poor girlfriend's heinous parents eating butter packets and crumbs and hypothetically dining with Augusto Pinochet. Your partner's laugh? Come on don't hate on it! Demi Lovato's laugh? Heinous, hate it for sure. We end with a fake laughing game and end up laughing for real.

Duration:01:08:53

#26 THE HEAT

9/13/2018
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We're bringing THE HEAT on this one! Look, if he's high fiving you that much, he wants to shred you. You better just block her and move on if she comes out the blue after 3 months. Perform some ex-based reconaissance for your friends. WANT-WILL-WON'T! DO IT! But DO NOT talk shit about your gregnant wife while she's on bed-rest. Respect the fish tanks and address the issue. Official Radio Free Tote Bag "Is this cheating?" scale coming soon!

Duration:01:03:41

#25 Boogie Wallz feat. The Bellowing Pines

9/6/2018
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We're so happy to have Xavier and Brooke of The Bellowing Pines join us for this very special episode! Here, we discuss mucus walls, The Devil's Lettuce, egg donor self-harm cop call cheating, ex-coworker inpropriety, cross-cultural dating with arranged marriages and long-winded family memembers. If only to show them how dank-nice you are you gotta spill the beans. Dodge the whole scenario and hit the airhorns on this conversation. Don't be afraid to shoot your shot, even if her family might...

Duration:01:05:45

#24 Upsides

8/30/2018
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You gotta try to look on the upside. We open on a poetry reading, that's pretty good. Arthur's voice is beat af, but that gives him more gravitas, that's good too. Your homeboy bangs your crush? You're eskimo brothers now. Boyfriend asks if you're pregnant in a creepy way? He's family oriented! Condoms in the house after a business trip? He's cheating responsibly! UPSIDES EVERYWHERE. Classic masculinity is repressive, we all know this. If you open him up then don't be surprised when he's...

Duration:01:05:52

#23 AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

8/16/2018
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1/4 carat diamond tennis bracelets. Ryan Adams. A lonely old lady. These add up to the most intensley horrifying 45 seconds of Arthur's life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ6ixMe32qg ^ Link to the saccharine hellscape Put down your dang phone on date night, don't date a fighter jet, understand that your partner might have a thing for pink, satin panties, mute the porn, smash that mf smash-on-the-rebound button and just shoot your dang shot!

Duration:01:00:03

#22 This Is Now A Fighting Game And Cat Husbandry Podcast

8/9/2018
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Arthur's pumped on Problem X winning Street Fighter at EVO 2018 and Dono is pumped that he found a way to make Picky stop cramming her foot in his mouth. Make a fist and grind it, get professional mental health care and get you a pretty girl on your arm. It'll make you feel 10 feet tall. As the philosopher Schopenhauer said... I have no idea what he said but I feel like it might have been rad? Grab your bamboo earwax pick and do your lover a solid. We discuss gross body stuff from like...

Duration:01:03:52

#21 Arthur Hates Rock Climbing

8/1/2018
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Welcome to Cat Talk! The latest and greatest podcast about cats literally burrowing into your goddamn furniture and also about rock climbing for some reason. Specifically, when your spouse is yelling aggressive beta at you while you're just trying to pass that crux brotherrr! Meow. Jk it's us and this is Radio Free Tote Bag. Over here on this one, we discuss rock climbing romance and psychiatric support. We get Reservoir Dogged and hit more horns than of late. We're more punctual this week,...

Duration:01:03:08

#20 FIRST GUEST

7/26/2018
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Radio Free Bofa deez people on one mic! Betsy joins us in studio to dish out the advice and the looks and the shade! Don't break your teeth on the ice, or think about that fucking onsie while you're boning ME. If you meet your doppelganger, tell him/her to stay away from your ex because it might break your sense of self. THIS JUST IN, controlling jerks are still jerks and you shouldn't marry them. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

Duration:01:10:38