The Better Living Blueprint Podcast with Eric Connor, LCPC

Better Living Blueprint Eric Connor EP 012 S.T.E.P. Into Intimacy What makes us feel REALLY connected in a relationship? Is it having fun? Sharing experiences? All of the above? Or what? All relationships will have their ups and downs. That’s part of life. But understanding the different foundations and layers that build into a connected relationship are important to understand. In this episode we will look at these building blocks and how to begin to work on them for our benefit. Listen to STEP Into Intimacy with Eric Connor. "Emotional intimacy is what makes us feel deeply connected." - Eric Connor On Having a Connection Sometimes in a relationship you could feel disconnected. That disconnection can become so overwhelming that you doubt the relationship you're in. And so you ask, "Why did we get together in the first place?" You might have had expectations when you started, and thought that it only required minimal effort. The reality is, it can (and usually does!) take a lot of work to maintain that connection. A Way to Reconnect As time passes, you can feel like you are with a stranger instead of a soulmate. "The things that brought you to a relationship in the first place -- all the good feelings, the characteristics we loved, all the ways that made us feel connected -- they can be captured again." - Eric Connor Is there no way to be reconnected with someone you love? The thing is you don't want to be hopeless. That is why you talk about it. Stepping into Intimacy It may seem hopeless when the disconnection appears too much. When that happens, you can meet with a therapist to help you out. "Life is so much better when our primary relationship is working at its best." - Eric Connor Receiving therapy is not a sign of weakness. You just want to be as strong as possible. There are times when you can simply resolve a problem on your own, but there are also times when you need someone to talk to and help you out. Eric and his wife are thankful that they did so, too. Download and listen to the entire episode STEP Into Intimacy. Don’t forget to leave us a 5-star rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Let Eric know what you think about STEP Into Intimacy. Connect with him through the links below. Thank you for tuning in! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint Eric Connor EP 011 Getting Unstuck Everyone has patterns that keep us stuck in a situation. Getting unstuck from it, however, does not just happen overnight. What could be the reason behind it and what steps do you need to take? Tune in! Stuck in a Situation There are different patterns that can get us stuck in a situation. It could be a routine or a ritual. But there is no shame in admitting them, because they are part of what makes us human. "All of us have patterns that are keeping us stuck and they can take a variety of shapes and sizes." - Eric Connor Ask yourself, what are those things you have been wanting to do? Perhaps you have long wanted to change but couldn't manage to do so. What It Takes to Be Unstuck In which situation of your life do you feel stuck? Getting unstuck, however, does not just require the decision to change. It also calls for a strategy to implement. "Change doesn't just happen by accident." - Eric Connor Realize that you did not just arrive at the decision by accident. It can come from life, pain, or consequences you experienced. Step #1: Make the Choice Change is not easy. But if you want it, you have to be clear about it. Something in your life made you decide to do so. "It is very hard to change if you are still very ambivalent." - Eric Connor It might even have taken awhile before you decided to change. And sometimes the best thing that can happen is to be in a more painful situation for you to decide it's enough. Download and listen to the entire episode Getting Unstuck. Don’t forget to leave us a 5-star rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Let Eric know what you think about Getting Unstuck. Connect with him through the links below. Thank you for tuning in! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT On today's episode, Eric Connor discusses What Drives Addictive Behavior Part 2. He takes you to a deeper understanding of the aspects of shame and loneliness. Tune in! Dealing with Addictive Behaviors Addictive behaviors are essentially about mood change. We do these addictions to make us feel better. It is important to note, however, that the brain adapts to anything we do. "The more we do a behavior, the more that our brain and nervous system come to expect it." - Eric Connor Because the brain adapts to these behaviors, we can feel rather chaotic when we stop them. The brain is hardwired on systems and patterns. It can build its own neural pathways around the things that we do. Shame vs Guilt Each person has something that he can be embarrassed about. To feel better, sometimes we can resort to things outside of ourselves. The situation could lead to a point when you want to be in control to avoid hurt. "Shame is essentially some messages or beliefs about ourselves that feel permanent, defective, and really corrosive." - Eric Connor According to Eric, shame is different from guilt. Guilt isn't necessarily wrong and can lead to a corrective action. Shame, on the other hand, is much more personal and can lead you to thinking that you are no good. The Need for Awareness and Openness There exists a need to recognize one's situation. A lot of shame can be unconscious. To know which areas you feel you aren't enough, you can reach out to your support group or to counselors. "Unless we're aware of (our situation), we might not really know what it is that we struggle with." - Eric Connor Shame can come from many sources. Often, a shame-based system has secrets. That secrecy can ultimately result to having an addictive behavior. Download and listen to the entire episode on What Drives Addiction Part 2. Let us know what you think about What Drives Addiction Part 2. Don’t forget to leave us a 5-star rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT Eric Connor talks about What Drives Addiction Part 1. He has worked with a lot of addictions, and saw how people use certain behaviors to escape or medicate. They know that it works and that it makes them feel better. Tune in and learn what it means, what creates desire, and how you can handle that type of attachment. The Root of Addiction Addictions are more than a bad habit. They are about relationships. The cravings and compulsions are almost like emotional responses to the different situations you deal with in relationships. "Addictions are much more than a kind of behavior or substance." - Eric Connor Often you may find a lot of resistance to those responses. Nonetheless, it is good to understand that there is always a reason behind them. Things that People Can Be Addicted To People can be addicted to everything. There are addictions that cannot be controlled and there are those that are just easy to deal with. "New things are coming out about what people can be hooked on or dependent on." - Eric Connor As the years progress, everyone has more access to different things. There is a whole range of addictions, including food, chemical medicators, work, and alcohol. Why Care about Addiction Addiction is not to be taken lightly. People get treatment because things have gotten out of their control. Some do not need to deal with a lot of changes. "Depending on what the behavior is, there is always an impact." - Eric Connor Whatever type of addiction, there is always a tradeoff. It could impact one's time, finances, and mental energy. Whatever the case, behaviors have a strong thinking component which people connect with. Download and listen to the entire episode on What Drives Addiction Part 1. Let us know what you think about What Drives Addiction Part 1. Don’t forget to leave us a 5-star rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT Are you getting the most out of the goals you have? On today's episode, Eric talks about understanding beliefs that block us with Joe Sanok. Joe is a topnotch speaker, counselor, and podcaster. You may have heard of him on his show Practice of the Practice. Tune in and learn how you too can advance better towards your ultimate goals! Top Mental Health Specialist for Teens and Adults Joe is a level 2 Gottman-certified consultant. He currently enjoys spending time with his family, but he is still on the move in helping people from all walks of life. “It's so much fun to help people grow their influence, their income and their impact on the world.” -Joe Sanok He is primarily focused on working with teenagers and couples. He seeks to help others get better in life, and particularly specializes in mental health. Content, Strategy and the Person Joe saw how many people want to start a blog to scale their practice. What they tend to overlook is the importance of exposing who they are as clinicians. “No matter what you are doing in your content, your person should come out in that.” -Joe Sanok According to him, you need to find your voice for your blog. The fact stays the same regardless of who you are and what you are doing in the field. Your voice is that one thing that will inform the content that you publish. The Why to Succeed Authenticity is important in any venture you pursue. It is important that you find and understand your "why". “Oftentimes people just narrow down on one specific ["why" category]. But in reality, they also need to look at all those different areas.” -Joe Sanok Joe shares that your why could be external, where you desire to spend time with those you love. It could also be internal, where you focus on achieving something which you may not be sure of. Or it could also be societal, where you might want to help the society you belong. Check out these links about Understanding Beliefs that Block Us with Joe Sanok: Practice of the Practice website Practice of the Practice consulting To hear about Understanding Beliefs that Block Us with Joe Sanok, download and listen to the entire episode. Don’t forget to leave us a 5-star rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT On today's episode, Eric Connor talks about knowing and owning our personality type with Erich Kurschat. Erich is the Founder, Director and Connection Coach at Harmony Insights. He shares some classic insights on understanding who you are, connecting with others, and ultimately achieving success in life and career. Tune in! Fulfillment in Career and Relationships Erich spent around 16 years of working in the corporate world as HR. He left job afterwards and started his own journey as entrepreneur. Yet, he has always been interested in the reason behind people's behavior. “I help individuals and organizations have the confidence of meaningful work and productive workplace relationships.” -Erich Kurschat At Harmony Insights, Erich and his team help others achieve meaningful work and relationships. Which part of your career do you find fulfilling, and who are those people who can help you move forward to success? Erich can guide you through the process. Bringing Self to the World Erich shares what it means to know who you are and what you want. Even your potential has limitations. “I don't think that there is too much you can do in life with confidence without first knowing who you are, what you bring to the table, and what value you are to the world and to the person in front of you.” -Erich Kurschat The world is more than what you may think it is. At the moment, it could be the person you are speaking with. How you connect with others tells something about you. The Path That You Take According to Erich, knowing yourself can change the way you connect with others. You can consult with him if you need some help in this area. He has done a lot of career coaching and also serves as volunteer at a career transition facility. “So much of what makes up of our lives oftentimes just lands in our lap and we aren't as intentional as we are these things.” -Erich Kurschat He saw how often people start a conversation with the fact that they ended pursuing something because of their friends. To some, someone told them to follow a particular path that they are taking. Nonetheless, it is important to understand that each person is unique. Check out these links about Knowing and Owning Our Personality Type with Erich Kurschat: HarmonyInsights.comEmail: erich@harmonyinsights.comMeetup with The Chicago HR Mastermind To hear about Knowing and Owning Our personality Type with Erich Kurschat, download and listen to the entire episode. Don’t forget to leave us a 5-star rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT Eric Connor talks about Self-Leadership with Daniel Bauer. Daniel is currently an entrepreneur and host of the top school leadership development podcast called Better Leaders Better Schools. If you are into education, leadership, or personal growth, Daniel is the person you can consult with. Tune in! In the Lead for Progress Daniel is passionate in coaching principles that help people advance in life. He primarily works with school leaders, and is very much interested in developing them and helping them set goals. “Years ago, you would have to be Coca-Cola, you would have to be Nike to actually get your voice out there. Today, you could just have a microphone and a computer and you can speak to the world.” -Daniel Bauer He also helps out in podcasts, particularly in editing and show notes. In his own show, he has listeners from more than a hundred countries. He also does consulting for social media. Why Not You Right now, Daniel's podcast ranks 4th in the leadership development category. People receive value from what he is doing. He encourages them to act on their dreams as well. “Why not you? Whatever that dream is, maybe you locked it up in your closet. Get the key, unlock the closet, and pull that dream out.” -Daniel Bauer He understands how it is to move forward in life. Looking back, it was quite surprising for him how things came to be. Now, he owns what he does. Leadership with Courage and Integrity As an advocate, Daniel understands the importance of courage and integrity. He is a man of massive action. According to him, it will be difficult to work with someone else if you don't take the steps forward. “"You don't have to pretend like you know it all even though you think you do.” -Daniel Bauer He encourages the people he works with to have the courage to do things. In the end, he knows they will learn from failures. If you don't learn, those failures will just be like moments in your life. Check out these links for Self-Leadership with Daniel Bauer: Text UNLOCKNOW to 33444 to get a PDF of 15 Questions to Challenge Yourself to Develop Your Leadership SkillsEmail: daniel@betterleadersbetterschools.comFollow Daniel on Social Media @alienearbud To hear about Self-Leadership with Daniel Bauer, download and listen to the entire episode. Don’t forget to leave us a rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT Is there something in your life that you badly want to change but you find it hard to do so? We get frustrated by the fact that we are stuck in some unlikely situation. Eric discusses When Change Is Hard and provides solutions that are helpful to everyone. Stay tuned! “Community is key for individual change.” - Eric Connor Acceptance of Dependence The first thing we have to admit is that we cannot do things alone. Yes, we can try to change our routine, but we need someone to guide us through. Get yourself into a community who can help you in the process. Studies show that being involved in accountability groups is really beneficial. When we’re with people who are going through the same, we likely move forward with them. It is healthy that you recognize that you can’t make it on your own. Misconception About Change We often think that change is just an easy switch in the brain. While it may be considered true in some aspects, it is not the same in all conditions. We have to realize that we have histories of both good and bad times which conditioned our brains what’s going to bring reward and punishment. We experience tough times to which our bodies naturally respond against. We have to open ourselves up and deal with things differently. Change is a struggle, but we can take baby steps towards a more mature state. Progress Not Perfection Change is progress, not perfection. It is not something we could achieve overnight. It takes a long time to do so, but it leads us to an overwhelming outcome. We have to stop thinking that we need to perfect things right there and then. When we do, we give up. Let’s go through each day one step at a time and eventually find ourselves in a situation much better than we started. To hear about When Change Is Hard, download and listen to the entire episode. Don’t forget to leave us a rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT On today’s episode, Eric discusses Cognitive Dissonance As a Teacher. Cognitive dissonance is a form of pain and stress we get when faced with something that contradicts what we believe. How are you going to handle a circumstance that is in opposition to the values you live by? How can you retain your integrity? Tune in! Standing for Integrity Everyone has a set of values by which they personally stand for. We generally want to be good and make sure that everything we do is aligned to our convictions. However, some rules and regulations in our society challenge us to compromise. One of our core needs is integrity. Integrity as defined is living in accordance with our values. Some people find it alright to sacrifice their integrity as long as they follow social paths. That’s not what we want to see. What’s wonderful to see is people who strongly stand for what they believe in against all odds. Common Negative Counters Although we strive to become better, there are still times when our values unconsciously slip our minds. We become ashamed of ourselves afterwards. A gap appears in between and brings us into a state of recoil. The first thing we can do is to make an excuse. This is one way we could build a bridge between the gap. Next, we can minimize our faults, claiming that it’s not a big deal. Third, we can procrastinate and put things off the next day. Fourth, surrender and admit that you’re wrong. Fifth, we can leave our accountability group and find an exit. Lastly, we can medicate ourselves. Going Against the Wind Pain is normal and having cognitive dissonance is okay. It teaches us that something’s wrong. It reminds us that we have to do something about it. We figure out how we can use the situation in a way that benefits us. To overcome this, we shouldn’t run away from it. Realize that there are no excuses in reality. We should have a firm commitment to the values we hold onto. Stop being in denial and acknowledge your accountability to the situation. To hear about Cognitive Dissonance, download and listen to the entire episode. Don’t forget to leave us a rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT Were there times in your life when you felt like a kid? On today’s episode, Eric discusses age regression wherein we don’t feel our age and why this happens. Tune in to learn more about this fascinating concept and how to deal with this. “When we’re having a reaction that feels like a little more hysterical or we’re kind of overreacting to a circumstance, then it’s probably historical.” - Eric Connor Understanding the Reason Behind Our body is complex in structure. We have neurons that run all over us like memory circuits. Memories have been stored in our body’s hard drive where they can be accessed at any given circumstance. At some point in life, we find ourselves in an unlikely situation similar to what had happened in the past. The traumas we experienced in our younger years come back to life. As a result, we respond to it the way we did before. It's a Simple Remedy When this happens, we have to remember that we kind of own the circumstance at hand. Whenever we get triggered, we have to constantly remind ourselves that we’re grown up already. We have to take hold our senses and tell ourselves that things are not the same as they were. Learn to slow down your breathing and make it deep as possible. Things can become overwhelming, especially when we feel like being haunted by the past. When everything goes back to normal, observe for awhile and leave the situation behind. Blessing in Disguise Age regression is not totally negative. This can be a gift because it teaches us that a challenge can be worked on. It reminds us that maybe there are aspects in your life that needs to be corrected. This changes the way we respond to things. We begin to handle and see circumstances from a more mature perspective. This process isn’t easy, but we have our family and friends to help us to work on it. To hear about Age Regression, download and listen to the entire episode. Don’t forget to leave us a rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT Have you had a moment in your life when you felt compromised? On today’s episode, Eric discusses why choosing guilt over resentment is much better. He shares classic insights that can serve as your guide in making decisions. Tune in! “We all want to help others. It’s hard to say no. But if we’re doing it because we think it is the best choice, that’s okay. We go forward with that.” -Eric Connor A Wall of Division There can be moments in life that make you feel like a victim. That’s when resentment often comes in. Unfortunately, it breaks down the relationship of the people involved. Something may have been said, and caused some form of disagreement. Not discussing the issue builds a wall in between. As a consequence, things get stuck in that wall and limit the relationship from intimacy and growth. Difference Between Guilt and Resentment You don’t want resentments, because they are dangerous. There are times when you have to choose guilt instead. Guilt is a result of doing something that is perceived as wrong. But, resentment is more toxic. It makes you feel like a victim, and being such makes you angry. A Volunteer Victim In reality, most people can’t be victimized. This depends on a lot of factors. If you feel like a victim to someone you are not equal with, you may be volunteering to it. It happens even if you did not intend to. In such cases, you place yourself in a position to feel like a victim. And, you don’t advocate for yourself. To hear about Choosing Guilt Over Resentment, download and listen to the entire episode. Don’t forget to leave us a rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Better Living Blueprint by Eric Connor, MS, LCPC, CSAT In this episode, Eric Connor talks about bad habit or early addiction. Addiction keeps a person from being fully alive and free. It causes one to do things that aren’t helpful. What are the characteristics of addictive dependencies? Tune in! “Anyone that can come into the realization that whatever habit they have that has go is not easy. It’s not going to happen overnight.” -Eric Connor Importance of Treating Addiction Addiction is rampant. It may not be always the way that you think it is. It is more subtle than the homeless guy on the street, or the woman who just lost everything. With years of experience as therapist, Eric understands the importance of dealing with addiction. Associated with it are terms like functional addict and functional alcoholic. Cloaked in Secrecy What is quite alarming is a lot of things are built in secrecy, well hidden from plain sight. You may be starting to be aware of some dependency on something. Such dependency enable you to feel strong and feel better about yourself. A person can be dependent on different kinds of things, including mood and anger. It’s alright if you are not comfortable talking about it to someone. Everything is a process. A Pleasurable Solution One thing to note is this: there are unhealthy ways to feel better. They may not be long term solutions, but they work well in the moment. And, a lot of them are effective. Such addictive behaviors work because they change a person’s mood. Some ways could be complex but some are quite easy to do. Whatever the case, people gravitate towards them because they provide pleasure. To hear about Bad Habit or Early Addiction, download and listen to the entire episode. Don’t forget to leave us a rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint

Welcome to The Better Living Blueprint with your host Eric Connor! Eric is a life coach and therapist with many years of experience. With this podcast, his mission is to help people understand their situations in order for them to live a better life. Tune in! "Oftentimes, any reason that we feel anxious in certain circumstances isn't because we don't have the right content or strategy. It is more about our perception of who we are in this world." -Eric Connor A Blueprint of Who You Are What is your story? That is what The Better Living Blueprint is about. Eric focuses on the stories that make you unique as an individual. Together, you'll dive into ideas and researches that you may not have heard about. Explore the different areas of life in a deeper way, and consider how you approach it. Mission of The Better Living Blueprint Eric believes in the importance of knowing who you are in this world. Not being clear with your unique individuality is what often causes anxiety. It's time to have a more holistic way of thinking. To guide you in the process, Eric will share proven life concepts and lessons from working with his clients. In the end, you’ll learn something to make your life better. Interesting Things to Look Forward To In the succeeding episodes, you’ll hear things that 1) can be a huge Aha! moment and 2) things that can raise concerns because of their inefficiency. Eric acknowledges that there are things that aren’t easy to hear. But, they can be very healthy for you depending on where you are at. Sometimes growth is indeed uncomfortable. Download and listen to the complete Introduction Episode. Don’t forget to leave us a rating and review if you enjoyed the show. We would love to hear from you! Connect with Eric Connor at the following links: The Better Living Blueprint website Email: eric@betterlivingblueprint.com Copyright © 2017 Better Living Blueprint