Conversations About Divorce

A big part of divorce is figuring out the impact ending your marriage will have on your finances. The obvious concerns are what it means for your present lifestyle, but you can’t ignore the consequences on retirement. That means understanding the Divorced Spouse Social Security benefit. There are lots of rules and caveats for this benefit and it’s hard to remember them all … Joining me for this Conversation is Leah Hadley from Great Lakes Financial Solutions...

More and more people are filing for divorce themselves, without lawyers. But most people do need legal advice on at least some aspects of their divorce. And, sometimes, couples can’t agree, and the divorce turns into a fully contested, litigated divorce. So how do you find the right divorce attorney for you? The challenge is often knowing where to start. You’re unfamiliar with the legal system in general and with domestic relations, in particular. You’re overwhelmed by the end of your...

Most divorce professionals will tell you that everyone lies at some point in their divorce. For many people, they might be harmless ‘white lies’ that are told to try to make the other person feel better or to avoid a confrontation. But then there are the lies that are deeply deceitful. They may cause significant harm, even be life-altering. The sad truth about your spouse’s lies in divorce is that you may have little legal recourse. How can this be? What does it mean for you? What needs to...

If divorce is confusing for adults, imagine how it is for your kids. It seems like everything in their world is changing and they have no control over any of it. It’s up to you to help your kids understand divorce. We often hear that children are resilient and adaptable. I also hear parents say that the kids know that the marriage is ending but they don’t know much about why. The parents think they’ve kept their disagreements private. They think they’ve shielded the kids from the...

With Facebook’s announcement that its own digital currency, Libra is coming in 2020, this type of asset is going to become much more common. If you’re ending your marriage, that means you need to get up to speed about divorce and cryptocurrency. Cryptocurrency is often thought of as hard to trace, difficult to value and highly volatile. All that can spell trouble when you’re negotiating your divorce settlement. So what exactly is cryptocurrency, who typically holds it and how can you find...

If you’ve been Googling ‘sexless marriage’ then you may also be wondering if passion in your marriage can be rekindled. Most people who now have little to no physical intimacy with their spouse will tell you that it’s not how the relationship started. But somehow, at some point, the passion started to fade. The sex became tense, distant, infrequent. Couple that with feelings of rejection, abandonment, not being loved and even talking about the lack of sex becomes challenging, if not...

You may not realize this, but your mental health may not be private in divorce and it could be used to restrict your parenting time. That’s a counter-pull to the current initiatives in our society. We’re being encouraged to talk openly about, accept, and destigmatize mental health issues. We’re being urged to seek help and treatment for our issues. And, when we do access help, we expect that to given in confidence. There’s a patient-physician privilege to protect us. That’s there to create...

Many people never suspect their spouse is seeing someone else. They’ve never imagined it. They’ve never thought about what happens when you discover your spouse is unfaithful. Yet, infidelity is often a factor in divorce. The Institute for Family Studies reports that among ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses before, 40% are currently divorced or separated compared to 17% of adults who were faithful to their spouse. That underscores the devastating impact that infidelity...

One of the benefits of marriage is that it usually means you have a travel companion, and if you have children, then school breaks are a great incentive to get away. All that changes with divorce. You no longer have your spouse to travel with. Compounding that, your friends are probably all married so you're not likely to tag along with them. It's even harder when you're an empty nester and the kids are doing their own trips. A common complaint from newly-singles is that they have no one...

Stalking is not uncommon during the end of a relationship. With today's technology and our quest for connection, it's easier than ever to track someone. It's easier to do that without the person's knowledge and it's harder for the person being stalked to stop it. So what is stalking? When does stalking become a crime? What are the common methods of stalking and how can you protect yourself? My guest for this Conversation is BreAnne Meyer, Outreach Director for the Safe Shelter of St. Vrain...

Falling in love happens organically. It's exciting, scary, energizing all at the same time. But what happens when the relationship ends, and especially if it's not what you wanted? What do you do when you still love the person who no longer loves you? Do you really just have to wait for time to heal all wounds or are there actions you can take to help that process. My guest for this Conversation is Wellness and Divorce Coach, Lisa Arends. She writes the blog Lessons From the End Of A...

If you're in a sexless marriage, you are not alone. It's one of the top search terms on my blog and in my experience talking with people considering divorce, there's usually a reference to living like roommates. What is considered a sexless marriage? How long do you wait to do something about it and what should you do? Does it always mean you're destined for divorce? Joining me for this Conversation is Vicki Larson. Vicky is an award-winning journalist and co-author of "The New I Do:...

If you can work cooperatively with your spouse through the end of your marriage, it's better all round. Better for your emotional health, better for your kids and absolutely better for your wallet. But that's not always possible especially when there's been domestic abuse, whether it's physical. emotional or financial. Abuse makes ending a relationship much, much more difficult. We know that on average it takes a victim seven attempts to leave an abuser before staying away for good. We...

It's pretty typical in a marriage for one spouse to take on the responsibility for doing the taxes and often times, the other spouse is all too happy to be relieved of that task. And then divorce happens ... And then they find out that the taxes they thought they had filed, haven't been filed ... Or, the taxes they thought had been paid, haven't ... Or, they hear for the first time that there's tens of thousands of dollars owed to the IRS. Then what? Joining Mandy for this Conversation...

Figuring out where to live after divorce is often very unsettling and is the issue that causes the most upheaval. While you and your STBX are discussing what happens to the marital home, you feel in a state of limbo, uncertain where life will take you. That makes it hard to make other decisions and yet, at least one of you is going to have to move. Here you are, in the middle of one of life’s most stressful experiences, with everyone telling you no to make any major decisions and there’s...

It doesn't matter the circumstances of the end of your marriage, we all learn things about ourselves in the process. We learn our values, our beliefs, our choices and, if we do the self-work we understand where they came from and if they are serving or hurting us. This is your baggage. We all have it. And if you want to find happiness after divorce some it is going to have to go. Mandy's guest for this Conversation calls it "taking out your trash." Antonia Ragozzino has just published her...

Talking about credit scores doesn't sound like a very interesting topic and in fact, it's good if your credit score is boring. That would mean that it was at least stable. But stable is often not what's going on in divorce and divorce is frequently the time when people are looking at their credit score for the first time or in a long time. As we start to talk about things like getting a new credit card, closing out old accounts, qualifying for a mortgage or car loan, the importance of your...

There's little disagreement that ending your marriage is one of the most difficult experiences and transitions you'll have in life. It can also be one of the most isolating. In the months leading up to going public, people often hide the truth about what is going on from family and friends because if you can work it out, you don't want people to know about all the problems. Once the decision is public, people are still quiet about what's going on. That's a mixture of wanting some privacy,...

While deciding to divorce is always a hard decision and not something anyone wants, for some people it becomes very clear that this is what needs to happen. Often times this involves infidelity, domestic abuse or addiction problems. For others, making the decision is much more challenging. They get along OK with their spouse, don't really argue, parent well together, can make decisions together but there's something's missing. Usually it's a lack of intimacy - physical and/or emotional....

Boundaries is a word that comes up often in divorce-related discussions. Certainly, the changing nature of your relationship with your ex may make it apparent that it's time for new boundaries with them. Dealing with friends and family members may also prompt you to re-examine your boundaries as you try to protect yourself from over-sharing or being told what you should and shouldn't be doing. And then there's dating ... that experience may make you wonder if you ever had good boundaries...