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tcr! diaries - podcast

Religion & Spirituality Podcas

The ebbs and flows of this alcoholic. It's all true. Sometimes I'm serious. Sometimes I'm not.

Location:

United States

Description:

The ebbs and flows of this alcoholic. It's all true. Sometimes I'm serious. Sometimes I'm not.

Language:

English


Episodes
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The Sleepless Moons

1/11/2023
content: Jan 11, 2023 Video (MP4): 20230111 - The Sleepless Moons Audio (MP3): 20230111 - The Sleepless Moons It鈥檚 an older, original song but it still checks out 馃殌 definitely share this with your friends 馃懡 I am ready to go back to outer space. It鈥檚 my place, recognize the faces, the foreign shapes. I know the people of my race. And you are catching there at home plate and I鈥檓 clear off in left field. Not at the second stupid base waiting to make a double play. I鈥檓 out in orbit waving goodbye as I rocket far away. Rain delay. Too much dumb, damn static in our game. Can鈥檛 hear the signals, too much atmosphere. Houston, we have a problem: I鈥檓 burning up here. Arm鈥檚 singed to rubber. Bottom of the ninth and I鈥檓 patrolling Pluto. The only way to win鈥 Lover, you just never knew what it was like to kick around in my shoes, sleep with my childhood rules learned in Sun, Sunday school. And I won鈥檛 count the sleepless moons I tried to appeal them for you. The shoes are broken in, the fans have gone. The laces are long, the currents are strong and I could drown in my freezing swimming, swimming pool. Behind in the count. Risky day for lift off, stars dealigned. Three balls and two strikes, zero gravity. Jammed comms, windshield cracked from your impact. Who鈥檚 that in the dugout? Guess I struck out. Broken hearts hemisphere. Tears in space鈥 #diariespodcast #diariesvideo mitch 路 Jan 11, 2023 at 11:05 pm i love it! especially the end when you鈥檙e spinning around in the chair 馃榿馃敪 your singing voice sounds very different from your speaking voice. if you didn鈥檛 tell me i might not have guessed it was you tcr! 路 Jan 11, 2023 at 11:07 pm I think that鈥檚 why it鈥檚 so hard for me to hear my singing voice played back to me. It sounds like a completely different person. mitch 路 Jan 11, 2023 at 11:08 pm i agree, but i don鈥檛 think it sounds bad at all tcr! 路 Jan 11, 2023 at 11:08 pm Thanks jimi hindrance experience 路 Jan 13, 2023 at 12:13 am Love the viddy. washed out color looks cool Hater McGhray 路 Jan 13, 2023 at 3:31 pm It鈥檚 great! I love it, great guitar riff. Very catchy And of course I love your weirdo freaky video tcr! 路 Jan 14, 2023 at 9:14 am Thanks! Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original
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Back to regular life

7/21/2022
content: Apr 19, 2019 路 podcast: Jul 21, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20190419 - Back to regular life Do you know what I really hate? When somebody is being over-the-top nice after they鈥檝e fucked something up. Do you know what I really like? When someone offers up a sincere apology and then gets on with the day. Own it. Regret it. Forget it. Take five minutes, have a real conversation, and then go back to regular life. If I don鈥檛 acknowledge I can come across like an unsympathetic magician. Trying to trick you into paying attention to my magic rabbit and hat. All the while my other hand is holding a bloody knife. I鈥檓 not fooling anyone. And then if I鈥檓 dancing around like an out-of-the-ordinary, out-of-control ballerina with an obviously fabricated sugary song and dance, it only makes whatever transgression worse. It prolongs the distress. Elaine said to me seven years ago, 鈥溾nd don't grovel.鈥 I get 鈥渨anting to make it better鈥 with flowers from up my sleeve and I鈥檓 sure I鈥檝e tried to pull rosy ruses myself. But keep it to a minimum. Otherwise it鈥檚 a black reminder. The fuck up lingers like a red rubber band, stretching the hurt out for way longer than it needs to. Humility. Brevity. Authenticity. I won鈥檛 go wrong with these. #relationships #advancedsoul #diariespodcast Momma J 路 Apr 19, 2019 at 11:08 am Great philosophy tcr! 路 Apr 20, 2019 at 12:47 pm Learned the hard way 馃槈 jimi hindrance experience 路 Apr 19, 2019 at 4:21 pm 馃槑 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:01:51

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The summer of 2019

7/18/2022
content: Sep 27, 2019 路 podcast: Jul 18, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20190927 - The summer of 2019 Peeps, it was a busy summer. Most of it was spent cleaning and packing up my house. That was a lot. I lived there for 11 years, the longest place I鈥檇 ever lived in my life. I threw away countless bags of trash, of life debris and clutter. 鉀 In June Sara and I went to see Ludovico at the Cadillac Palace in Chicago. Maggie and I went to Gay Pride in Aurora. Sara took all of us to Cantigny Park for my 47th birthday. We played mini golf in the dark during Swedish Days. In July there was the case of the stolen bicycle and Maggie turned 14. We went to Minneapolis to check out the Mall of America and Paisley Park. Maggie started high school in August, too. 馃槼 Five chipmunks were caught and released over the summer. I took over 450 photos. I didn鈥檛 keep track of how many restaurants that Sara and I went to. This month of September we went to Nebraska for Sara鈥檚 sister鈥檚 wedding. During the sermon or whatever the pastor shared a story about an older couple with a successful marriage. When asked how they had stayed together for so long the husband replied, 鈥淚 always figured it was her turn to get what she wanted.鈥 That鈥檚 how you win. In healthy relationships life isn鈥檛 all about getting what we want but most of it is giving people what they want. Keeping that Christmas spirit of giving all year round is one of the foremost keys to happiness. In a similar thread Jimi messaged me not long ago, shared something that Cokie Roberts鈥 husband had said regarding their marriage. It was that the most important life choice we can make is who we spend it with. So in August Maggie and I moved in with Sara and her kids. It wasn鈥檛 on accident or on a whim that I chose Sara. She鈥檚 beautiful, kind, selfless, and intent on everyone having a good life. 馃挐 Speaking of life choices, today is/was my last day at the job I鈥檝e had for the last 13 years. See, I could鈥檝e stayed at my job and in my house in Geneva and been mostly comfortable. But then again and I hate to say this but life can suck when you鈥檙e stuck in second place. I鈥檝e lived much of my life in the moment, in the here and now, but sometimes it鈥檚 better to look bigger picture. What we鈥檙e doing and what we really want to achieve. Where we鈥檙e going and where we really want to be. Who we鈥檙e with and who鈥檒l really give us the fairy tale. I鈥檝e gotten divorced, I鈥檝e moved, and I start a new job on Monday. Go team. 馃挭 #photos #lettherebehope #diariespodcast Botsford 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 10:08 am Life is good! Enjoy the ride馃槉 tcr! 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 11:38 am 馃帯 Pelletier 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 10:09 am Can I give you BOTH a 鈥淗appy鈥 and a 鈥淪ad鈥 like?鈥︹ Gonna miss you at the office. tcr! 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 11:25 am Maybe we鈥檒l all hook up again at MATS next year!! 馃殯 Rich J 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 10:17 am Who鈥檇 a thunk it. Your life change has led you on an incredible journey so far, hasn鈥檛 it? tcr! 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 11:26 am It most certainly has 馃挮 Laurie 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 10:21 am I am so very happy for you! You are a great guy! 鈾ワ笍 tcr! 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 11:26 am Thank you! asquared01 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 10:23 am Sounds like a fantastic summer! Congratulations on the move and the new job! :) tcr! 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 11:27 am Thanks!! It was pretty fantastic. 馃帀 flood 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 10:40 am It鈥檚 so great to hear how well you are doing- congratulations!! 馃槉 tcr! 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 11:32 am Hard telling where I鈥檇 be at if it wasn鈥檛 for the good people at the Kane County Judicial Center! 馃槉 flood 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 11:58 am 馃槉 sprout 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 10:50 am Congrats, old friend. Happy that you鈥檝e found the happiness you deserve. tcr! 路 Sep 27, 2019 at 11:36 am Thank you. The last time you were in Chicago was November 2013. I think you鈥檙e overdue. 馃槈 Ritter...

Duration:00:03:20

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Whether alcoholism is an actual disease or not

7/15/2022
content: Mar 23, 2017 路 podcast: Jul 15, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20170323 - Whether alcoholism is an actual disease or not I have back and forth feelings of whether alcoholism is an actual disease like hepatitis or something. I guess at the end of the day it doesn't matter to me, doesn't change that my soul was sick. Emotionally distraught to the point it was affecting everything from my sleeping to my shitting to my relationships with Maggie and my cats. You that know me personally know my story. Did you ever see Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield? It's from the mid 80s, light hearted, goofy, classic Dangerfield. There's a scene where he's arguing with his professor about selling widgets. Dangerfield gets hung up on what exactly a widget is and the professor exasperated finally says... It's a fictional product, it doesn't matter. That's a powerful train of thought for me. Sometimes I can get hung up on wanting to debate a topic and often it's because I'm wanting to deflect looking at my own issues. I resist so I don't need to peer inward. When I'm deflecting I need to remember to self-critique. Maybe there's something I'm avoiding. And if so, the debate "doesn't matter." It's weird how I remember these lines from movies and they graft themselves into, make up part of my spiritual being. 馃槈 Anyways. Is alcoholism a true medical disease? I don't care. What I do care about, what does matter is that I can't drink responsibly. I drink irresponsibly to the point of excess. I get frantic when I don't drink. It becomes the only thing I care about. Above all else. That's what does matter. Also, as a last thing. I do think it's a proper medical illness. The way alcoholics are utterly consumed by the cravings and will drink to literal death, well that's just not a lack of willpower. #alcoholism #healthnews #protip #diariespodcast zumpknows 路 Mar 23, 2017 at 9:44 am This may have been a stumbling block for me when I was trying to bargain with alcohol, but there was no doubt that it was an addiction. Maybe it was a selective addiction, but it was my addiction to battle. And the battle became easier once I surrendered. coolcrosby 路 Mar 23, 2017 at 12:22 pm I agree that alcoholism is a disease; moreover, and more importantly all the overwhelming scientific and medical consensus is that alcoholism is a disease. SOmuch2learn 路 Mar 23, 2017 at 3:47 pm I agree that alcoholism is a disease. It helped me understand and accept my alcoholism after I read Under the Influence by Ketcham and Milam. gafflebitters 路 Mar 23, 2017 at 12:22 pm Thanks for this post, I agree with you and I have similar movie experiences. LokiGrue 路 Mar 23, 2017 at 3:54 pm As the long suffering spouse of an Alcoholic, I am sick of the 鈥淚t鈥檚 a disease鈥 mantra鈥攊t鈥檚 an excuse to not make the fucking choice to stop fucking drinking. It鈥檚 a 鈥淒isease鈥 so it can get an ICD-10 Code, and people can get Insurance paying for treatment. Follow the fucking money. I鈥檓 sorry. She鈥檚 relapsing and I am tired of the excuses. LokiGrue 路 Mar 23, 2017 at 12:28 pm The 鈥渄isease鈥 is just an excuse, not a reason. Are you getting help for yourself by going to Alanon? I don鈥檛 do 鈥淗igher Powers.鈥 SOmuch2learn 路 Mar 23, 2017 at 4:40 pm I don鈥檛 do 鈥済od鈥 either. I鈥檓 an atheist but found both AA and Alanon very helpful. I just let the stuff that doesn鈥檛 apply to me slide off鈥擨 wear a teflon shield. I am very sorry about your wife. Alcoholism is heartbreaking. I would have gone crazy without the support I gained from Alanon. Anonymous 路 Mar 23, 2017 at 5:43 pm I am sorry your wife is relapsing. Do you really, really feel that she is 鈥榗hosing鈥 to drink over you/your family? It may help to understand what is going on in her brain鈥. what makes her different鈥. why she struggles to not relapse鈥. This short 3 minute video should give you a little more insight, and (I very much hope!) something to understand and then...

Duration:00:02:28

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If I'm feeling the same way

6/21/2022
content: Oct 17, 2018 路 podcast: Jun 21, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20181017 - If I'm feeling the same way If I鈥檓 feeling the same way a few days later about something I need to make peace with it. Or not. It鈥檚 true that the only thing I have to do with my feelings is feel them but sometimes they linger. They don鈥檛 resolve. And then I have to do something. I need to take action. Often times that action is just accepting whatever happened that caused my unrest to begin with. If the situation involved another person, for example, how would I act around them if it didn鈥檛 happen at all? That鈥檚 how I accept things. It鈥檚 not hard once I decide that I want to move forward in life. Regardless of where my feelings are at. Acting differently than how I feel isn鈥檛 denying my feelings or pretending whatever didn鈥檛 happened. It鈥檚 me deciding that I鈥檓 done with all that and am going to move on even if my heart is telling me something else. It鈥檚 not usual when the only closure I get is accepting that I won鈥檛 get resolution. That鈥檚 a realization I get to in my head because feelings can be icky and sticky. Like watching somebody leave when I want them to stay. I give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek, watch them get into the car and drive down the street. My heart twists as the taillights drive away. The physical bond between us stretches and dissolves as the car gets smaller. To the left. Around a bend. Disappear. Gone is gone. I turn and hobble up the sidewalk, the fallen leaves are too coincidental. The chilly air a nuisance, the gray sky unwanted. Inside the tears drip down like droplets over the outside of a boiling pot. Steam on the lid and mist in my eyes making it too hard to see what鈥檚 inside. Everything鈥檚 overflowing. Everything鈥檚 too much. The house isn鈥檛 empty but I鈥檇 rather be by myself. Alone I turn off the stove and the pot and the water start to cool. Just a minute ago the somebody was there and now I only have a fading memory. Okay stop. Enough with the melodrama. There was never a stove. Nor a boiling pot. Feelings are beautiful, magical things and experiencing them makes us whole human beings. They鈥檙e the yin to the intellect鈥檚 yan. But they don鈥檛 run the show and allowing them to will only end up making life miserable. #advancedsoul #diariespodcast Richard 路 Oct 19, 2018 at 5:18 am Nice. Got it. Thanks. marney0160 路 Oct 20, 2018 at 9:04 am Nice! Thanks for the reminder鈥 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:03:08

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Stuck behind a school bus

6/8/2022
content: Sep 12, 2018 路 podcast: Jun 8, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20180912 - Stuck behind a school bus Sometimes when I鈥檓 going to work I get stuck behind a school bus. And then I roll my eyes鈥 Today I watched a handful of parents corralling their kids, funneling them toward the awaiting bus. There were enough kids that I needed to count them so as to know when I could be on my way. 馃殞 And then everything changed. Two of the kids were swaying, almost dancing. Little horses waiting to run. Smiles on their little faces, overly eager happiness as they waited their turn to board. Their day ahead would be magical. It already was. 鈥淲e鈥檙e gonna do math and reading and writing and maybe some science.鈥 If you鈥檙e ever feeling down, go watch some kindergartners waiting for the school bus. One dad looked especially proud, his heart overflowing with love as he readied his daughter鈥檚 coat and straightened her collar. She was his finest achievement by far. His little girl with yellow barrettes and her white backpack with pink butterflies. Having my own daughters I know the pride and the joy that she gave him. Kids change everything. They increase our capacity to love and give us a reason to. And then this father looked like he didn鈥檛 want to let his daughter go as she turned around. His heart seemed to break when she took a few steps away to mingle with the other little ones. Kisses blew from his mouth when she climbed the big steps up into the bus. This is a few weeks into the school year, too, so it鈥檚 not like it was his first day sending her off to school. 馃槉 The whole time standing a few feet beside him was another dad. He was a little self-conscious, like maybe he couldn鈥檛 put himself out there in front of the other parents so emotionally. There鈥檚 a mandate for him to play it cool but I could tell from his expression that he felt similar to the first dad. That was his baby growing up and heading out, too. He was just keeping his emotions in check so as not let the crowd see. That鈥檚 okay. Not everybody is supposed to be unchained. But guys, the first dad鈥檚 heart was too full of love to care who knew. So here鈥檚 the last yet equally important part of the story. I live in white suburbia with a picket fence and three bird feeders, but the interaction between these fathers and daughters took place in a lower income neighborhood. The parents and children were of all different colors, all different shapes, all different sizes. Those school kids accepted each other no matter what. That little one with yellow barrettes wasn鈥檛 afraid of people that looked different because those other souls are all she鈥檚 ever known. I hope she carries that with her for the rest of her life. And where they lived made no difference in how much that father loved his daughter and her white backpack. It didn鈥檛 matter to him that he was on the corner of a patch of weeds and she didn鈥檛 care that they lived in an older apartment building with a crumbling parking lot. It didn鈥檛 change the spring in her step or the bounce in her hair as she was off on her adventure. The sun was shining on them both even if there were clouds in the sky. 鉂わ笍 #schoolnews #lettherebehope #diariespodcast DD 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 12:09 pm Very well written , thank you tcr! 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 12:12 pm No, thank you! :) connolly 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 12:26 pm Congrats job well done tcr! 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 12:53 pm Thank you 馃檹 Desirae 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 12:32 pm Absolutely beautifully written! Brought a tear to my eyes thinking of my girls. Thank you Lange Castronova 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 12:44 pm Love is love no matter where you live! tcr! 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 12:53 pm Exactly Stewart 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 1:15 pm World peace starts in the hearts of every individual. Thank you for setting a good example. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RclaV_3_eOA Kelly K 路 Sep 12, 2018 at 11:26 pm This is beautiful and puts things in...

Duration:00:04:05

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Dedicated and duplicated prayers

3/4/2022
content: Oct 1, 2018 路 podcast: Mar 4, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20181001 - Dedicated and duplicated prayers When I鈥檓 around you guys it鈥檚 easy to be my best self. I would almost say that it comes naturally. I don鈥檛 even think about it. But there are other times when I鈥檓 around other people when there鈥檚 nothing easy about being a good person. It takes 100% of my concentration. It takes dedicated and duplicated prayers. It takes front-burner, fore-thought action. It takes getting to know and being comfortable with my anger beforehand so it鈥檚 not overwhelming when I鈥檓 around the jerks who live only in their own worlds, who live from only their own point of view.[1] It takes regular and routine reseting so I don鈥檛 get lost in the chaos. It takes pretending to care even when I honestly don鈥檛. Because at the end of the day people are going to hurt us. They鈥檙e going to give us reasons to be angry. The trick is to love them anyway. At all costs. #advancedsoul #diariespodcast Granted I do, too, at times but somewhere along the way I was clued into thinking about you guys, too. Your wants, your needs, your feelings before letting what I want become too much of a priority. 鈫 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:01:54

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I don't deserve nice things

2/23/2022
content: Oct 9, 2018 路 podcast: Feb 23, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20181009 - I don't deserve nice things Some time over the weekend I had a dream that it was Wednesday after work and the robot vacuum hadn't done his scheduled cleaning. And then I was crushed and frustrated, defeated and agitated, almost to the brink of tears. Another substantiated claim that I don't deserve nice things. It was worse when I was drinking, that train of thought. I鈥檇 like to say it surprises me that I still have that thought but it doesn鈥檛. Really though it鈥檚 not about deserving as much as 鈥渃an鈥檛 have nice things.鈥 Because I鈥檒l put myself in impossible situations. Where I鈥檒l never win. It鈥檚 a dysfunctional pattern carried from when I was a teenager or something. Which leads into the struggles of a life inherited. From a previous life. More realistically it鈥檚 probably from my genetics. Family of origin stuff, a television spin off. Desperately pleading that things would get better. But they won鈥檛. They can鈥檛. I stay in those situations because I鈥檝e dug a hole. It鈥檚 pretty much impossible to get out. I don鈥檛 know how to do anything else. And we don鈥檛 find nice things in holes. They don鈥檛 have them. After spending over a decade in a hole it becomes familiar and comfortable. I can distract myself with my imagination, satisfy myself with make-believe. I can put a nice rug here and maybe a lamp over there. Sometimes I strive and strain to climb out. But it just doesn鈥檛 work. And then I give up. Yet again. It鈥檚 easier just to give up, accept that everything鈥檚 terrible. Because this is just how it鈥檚 going to be. Obviously I don鈥檛 feel spiritual every day. And then I flounder around for a day or two. Maybe a week. Read a spiritual book. Go to a meeting. Hear something that puts me back on track. Points me again in the right direction. How I feel is not who I am. God鈥檚 got a bigger plan. Maybe I鈥檓 not supposed to have nice things right now. Keep the faith, peeps. Let go absolutely. #allislost #advancedsoul #diariespodcast #nicethings Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:03:25

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Seven Sledgehammers

2/7/2022
content: Oct 4, 2018 路 podcast: Feb 7, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20181004 - Seven Sledgehammers Lying is the absolute worst. 鈥淣o, I wasn鈥檛 drinking. What the hell are you talking about?鈥 Telling lies. To another person. Makes them crazy. They start to question their own sanity. Someone has a pretty good idea about something and then we go and sow a row of doubt. It鈥檚 twofold. Not only are we handing them a flat out lie, we鈥檙e also giving them personal conflict. We鈥檙e insisting they stop questioning us and question themselves. Self-doubt is one of the worst things we can serve somebody. It鈥檚 a car wreck for the soul. Twisted metal and broken headlights. Sure, the fender can be bent back but it鈥檒l never be true. It鈥檚 funny that we tell our kids that it鈥檚 not what they did that was so bad, it was that they lied about it. And then we grow up as adults and do the same thing. But on a Rushmore, monumental level. I don鈥檛 know about you guys but if someone lies to me that鈥檚 just it. 鈥 I wrote the above back in August. And then it just sat there not feeling finished. It鈥檚 all fine and good but it鈥檚 also abstract. The real stories in life aren鈥檛. The car crash here is that I lied to somebody yesterday. A flat out lie as mentioned above. First time I can remember since I stopped drinking. I lied because I don鈥檛 like this person. I don鈥檛 trust them. Being honest gives them ammunition and I don鈥檛 like the thought of loading bullets into an unstable person鈥檚 gun. I am kind of disappointed in myself, though. Lying goes against what I believe, who I want to be. In all situations. In all dilemmas. However, I don鈥檛 feel too bad for lying to this particular person. They lie to me on the bimonthly basis, the latest just this past week. I know they lied because I looked it up. I didn鈥檛 crucify this person for it but I wanted to. I mean really wanted to. I could justify the whole situation with some notion about how spiritual truths need not apply in all situations. Cold wars and nuclear armaments. I won鈥檛 make more of a case than that because I don鈥檛 really have one. Plastic tanks and toy soldiers, peeps. Would I do it again? Tell a flat out lie? Probably not but I don鈥檛 know. Sometimes somebody shines a hot spotlight on us and shit just happens. I don鈥檛 like how I feel about lying for sure. I don鈥檛 like playing the odds that I鈥檒l get caught. Driving fast doesn鈥檛 appeal to me anymore. I don鈥檛 want to smash up, crash up somebody鈥檚 fender. So there鈥檚 my confession. Two Jim Carrolls and a bottle of wine. #confessional #diariespodcast jimi hindrance experience 路 Oct 4, 2018 at 12:02 pm I was just thinking about this this morning. When someone asks me something personal, and I don鈥檛 feel like answering, I lie my head off to them about it. I mean I was 鈥渓iterally doing battle with pirates鈥 so how could you dare want to know? Or even if I just think the person is stupid. No, I was using my ultra-light aircraft and just floated above all the traffic. There are other exceptions, starting with if I don鈥檛 like the person. I鈥檒l lie. The best reply to all of these situations though is the blank stare. About 5 years ago when I first started at a job, an idiot wanted to know something. After the silence, she says, 鈥淛im I think if you don鈥檛 want to answer something you just don鈥檛!鈥 Another person was present, and the second person giggled. I enjoyed that giggle. She let me know she gets me and she was on my side. The inquistor was probably too thick to know how obnoxious they were being, so it might have been all for naught but she eventually stopped asking me stuff like that. tcr! 路 Oct 4, 2018 at 12:43 pm 鈥渁n idiot wanted to know something鈥 鈥 this could be title of many a book. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:03:56

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Almost empty McDonalds

2/2/2022
content: Sep 29, 2018 路 podcast: Feb 2, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20180929 - Almost empty McDonalds I鈥檓 sitting in the McDonalds on State Street in Geneva. Because Egg McMuffins. This is also the place where Maggie鈥檚 mom and I told Maggie that we were getting divorced. It was the most painful conversation I鈥檝e ever had. The most painful day ever. Watching her little nine year old face panic as the conversation unfolded. It wasn鈥檛 a long conversation but it lasted forever to me. A therapist said to do it in public so the hurt would live outside the home. Sometimes breakups really better are in public. Sometimes it's the better way out. And as we were driving back home, the three of us, I thought to myself, 鈥淚鈥檓 never going to that fucking place again.鈥 But here I am. Cuppa years later. Because one of the best things I learned was to 鈥済ive it some time.鈥 For as long as it takes. Don鈥檛 make up your mind. Just put it down. Don鈥檛 rush healing. Don't rush the feeling. Let the pain fade. It will if we don鈥檛 force its end. #photos #protip #diariespodcast Irene 路 Sep 29, 2018 at 12:14 pm That鈥檚 an interesting theory about a public place. I had never ever heard that before. I guess it would really just depend on all the people involved as to whether or not you wanted that displayed in a public place鈥 Definitely food for thoughtful! Time has a way of healing everything Irene 路 Sep 29, 2018 at 12:16 pm I know I messed up I meant food for thought! tcr! 路 Sep 29, 2018 at 12:40 pm I knew what you meant 馃槉 Irene 路 Sep 29, 2018 at 12:51 pm Figured you would, but who knows what anyone else would think 馃槉 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:01:45

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Each and every fallen crumb

1/30/2022
content: Sep 10, 2018 路 podcast: Jan 30, 2022 Audio (MP3): 20180910 - Each and every fallen crumb As I was sitting again at a stoplight on Randall Road this morning meagerly minding my own matters, I casually looked to my left and noticed a dude in a car beside me having his breakfast. It was an Egg McBiscuit from McDonald鈥檚. Or whatever they call them. In another era I, too, ate mobile breakfast sandwiches behind the wheel before work so I knew of his quest. These years I craft my McMuffin clones at home, fine tune them to my exact specifications as if I were indeed Chef Michael of Schaumburg. Now then this non-clandestine commuter was also drinking heartily from a Diet Coke. In a plastic bottle, mind you. I don鈥檛 know about you guys but that didn鈥檛 sit well with me. Not that I have anything against Diet Coke or bottled soda but cola and eggs should never cross paths in my mind. Or in my mouth. Maybe Chef Michael would disagree. Even more, I questioned the crispness of this soda. 鈥淒ear god,鈥 I prayed, 鈥渓et this man not be guzzling from last night鈥檚 cola bottle.鈥 Anyways. His refreshment is beside the point. As he was lost in his own world of crumbling biscuit and melted cheeses, as he was navigating the creases of his wax paper with advertising tattoos, I wanted to raise my octopus coffee cup like a chalice to him in like a good morning salute. Let him know that he wasn鈥檛 alone in his adventure, alone in the cosmos. That there was another traveler traveling a similar path on this very day. Watching him feast from my mechanical four-wheeled steed, nary but a few hours from dawn鈥檚 first light. To salute him in a way that let him know I approved of him savagely attacking his breakfast quest. And also that I admired his simultaneous command of the steering wheel, McBiscuit, and the very Diet Coke bottle I so despised. But I didn鈥檛. Engaged and supportive readers, I was worried that I would break he and his horse鈥檚 stride. Because seriously, this dude was going after each and every fallen crumb from his McBiscuit. I doubt if any escaped. Or if he abandoned any yellow scrap of folded egg as his mouth-scissors cut their way through the biscuit-bites. So, sadly there were no traffic salutes. No shared stoplight connections. Alas, our cars are often akin to isolated bubbles of oblivion. And having another driver willingly acknowledge whatever self-pursuit we鈥檙e pursing can make us feel uncomfortable in our upholstered seats and fastened buckles. I didn鈥檛 want to embarrass him as he was so eagerly and delightfully fueling his body for his next adventure. When the light changed from halt-red to go-green his travels took him west and mine took me farther north. Now as I sit eating the couscous I didn't spill yesterday, I wonder to myself if that dude's day could possibly have gotten any better. Any better than those few minutes he had alone. Enjoying his solitary but obviously satisfying, portable goodness. I hope so. #randallroad #missedconnections #diariespodcast curtains 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 1:07 pm People watching is true entertainment! Thanks! tcr! 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 1:49 pm You are most welcome! Mark 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 1:07 pm thats 3 minutes of my life i鈥檒l never get back Cmon Eileen 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 11:37 pm Were you waiting for the biscuit eater to toss his trash out the window and speed away? I was. Mark 路 Sep 11, 2018 at 3:07 am and then go to a mattress store where the power was out and run into a skunk Kelly K 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 1:32 pm Great imagery! tcr! 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 1:50 pm I do what I can while waiting in traffic. tamaraholby 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 2:40 pm Great read! Dorencz 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 3:18 pm Your story is way better than the guy I saw picking his nose yesterday. 馃槀 tcr! 路 Sep 10, 2018 at 4:20 pm The next time he does that just honk your horn. Ain鈥檛 nobody need to see that. Ritch Ason 路 Sep...

Duration:00:04:08

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Withholding the Cheese Puffs

10/29/2021
content: Sep 21, 2018 路 podcast: Oct 29, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180921 - Withholding the Cheese Puffs Guys, I just witnessed a heated couples exchange inside one of our local Walgreens. A man was outright denying his wife of her Friday snacks because apparently she 鈥渁lready had her daily allotment of cheese puffs.鈥 She then retorted or snorted, 鈥淥h no, I鈥檓 a get my cheese puffs鈥 with the bitterness you鈥檇 expect of dreams shattered in full view of the other drugstore patrons. I can see both sides really. I mean they sell a 20 ounce plastic tumbler of them (Market Pantry brand) at Super Target so they must be good. On the other hand... Well, I can鈥檛 think of another hand. I can鈥檛 come up with one good valid reason to deprive your girl of cheese puffs if she wants cheese puffs. You won鈥檛 get lucky tonight withholding their fluffy orange texture. Anyways, I thought for sure she was gonna hook his leg with her cane and send him to the floor in a crumpled heap of senior citizen. I鈥檓 sure it wouldn鈥檛 be the first time. I grabbed my receipt from the cashier and made my least hasty exit. The couple then disappeared down the food + drinks aisle so I have no finale for this yarn. Sorry. And now as I sit in the Walgreens parking lot on the corner of State Street and wherever I am, I鈥檓 enjoying these sweet, first, few drinks of this refreshing can (16 ounce) of Coca-Cola. It鈥檚 not the good stuff that the aforementioned Super Target imports from Mexico but it鈥檒l do on this Friday afternoon. Anyways 2, happy weekend everybody. I hope this is your best one yet. #photos #snacks #soda #diariespodcast ahrens 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 6:04 pm What鈥檚 up with the branch with leaves on it in your car? 馃槈 tcr! 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 6:12 pm I got it at the second Nightmare on Chicago Street I ever went to up in Elgin. It was laying on the ground in its own crumpled heap of plastic greenery as I was making yet another of my least hasty exits. When I got back to my truck I stuck it into my cigarette lighter outlet thing and it鈥檚 lived there ever since鈥 馃尶 tcr! 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 6:41 pm WAIT. That鈥檚 a lie. It鈥檚 not in the cigarette lighter outlet. It鈥檚 in the keyhole next to it that controls the airbags! I didn鈥檛 want to run the risk that this garden-variety plastic ivy one would find at your neighborhood Joann鈥檚 art and craft store would catch fire. In related news鈥 One time I put my truck key in the keyhole, hoping it would open the door way to Narnia. But alas there was no such transportation reward. Only shed tears in the salty realization that I would indeed have to go to work. 馃槩 ahrens 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 7:14 pm Thank you for your honesty. My first thought was maybe it was eucalyptus and you had a koala bear. That would be pretty rad. Please know, I do not judge a man鈥檚 greenery he keeps in his car. McIntyre 13 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 10:37 pm This thread makes me smile. 馃榿 Or maybe it鈥檚 just my muscle relaxant kicking in. Either way thanks for the laugh guys tcr! 路 Sep 22, 2018 at 8:29 am My two cents but the koala ain鈥檛 a stranger to muscle relaxants. Shari H 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 6:16 pm Look鈥f you鈥檙e gonna feed us interesting tidbits on conversations overheard. You鈥檙e gonna hafta stick around for the ending. You鈥檙e public depends on you! Roda 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 6:18 pm MFer, don鈥檛 mess with my comfort food after a hard day on a Friday. Redmondton 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 6:41 pm Pint can legit, strong work Murisa DM 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 7:43 pm Are you an author? You should write a book鈥 your stores are so funny and so well written. tcr! 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 9:04 pm I regularly submit my stuff to publishers, etc. but so far nobody鈥檚 been interested. 馃檮 Finkler 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 10:24 pm I loved this!! We do love our cheese puffs tho.. Pad Nevin 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 11:02 pm Literally clicked the comment section just to ask this question....

Duration:00:02:01

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Stop looking for proof

10/27/2021
content: Sep 21, 2018 路 podcast: Oct 27, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180921 - Stop looking for proof Looking for reasons why things would fail used to be a big part of my day. I devoted hours to it. Always poking around under the hood for clues to prove that whoever I鈥檇 gotten close to was up to no good. That I was going to get hurt. That people were evil. Reviewing all the data at frequent intervals. If that all sounds dumb it鈥檚 because it was. I didn鈥檛 trust people or the cosmos. I knew the fingerprints were somewhere, I just had to find them. Keep dusting, keep analyzing. Always teetering on the brink of crazy. Where is the evidence? When I didn鈥檛 find any, it didn鈥檛 matter. I knew something was there somewhere. I just had to keep looking. Patiently waiting for some unspoken testimony because sooner or later I鈥檇 get a confirmation, a conviction, and then all my doubts and nightmares would come true. And then if I did get absolute confirmation that there was indeed absolutely nothing going on, I couldn鈥檛 even relax with the sound judgement that everything was good. I was too battle-exhausted from my search. I was too shaken by the possibility that it could happen, that I could find something. I needed to stop looking for proof. Do you know what happened when I did look? I made the very people who loved me crazy. I pushed them away until they left. I鈥檓 divorced twice. It鈥檚 a real thing that we bring what we most fear into our lives by being absurdly afraid of it. Looking at my case files it's pretty clear now that it was never about the other person or what they were doing. It was about me and my insecurities. I needed to 鈥渜uit鈥 all the scrutiny if I wanted to have a healthy, peaceful connection with another person. With Sara, I still keep a close eye on things but in this very moment I look for proof why things *will* work. Reverse the numbers and flip the math. Cherish the very reasons why love wins. Embrace what flows freely when I be my best self. And then all my hopes and dreams come true. #lettherebehope #relationships #diariespodcast tism 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 11:43 am That is a very hard thing to do. Congrats to you sir. :-) tcr! 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 12:05 pm Yep. Dealing with my insecurities was the hard part for me. After that then the search for clues wasn鈥檛 important. 馃槉 jimi hindrance experience 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 12:16 pm You deserve this. Unreasonable Happiness is your birthright. Claim it. jimi hindrance experience 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 12:17 pm Who鈥檚 the critter in the frame? tcr! 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 1:06 pm I believe it to be a praying mantis but usually I don鈥檛 know what I鈥檓 talking about. sprout 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 1:55 pm This rings very true for me, as it most likely does for many. Especially those of us who come from a world of using and abusing, there is often more hurt, abuse, betrayal than not. But growing older and learning to trust your partner鈥 that鈥檚 actually a way of trusting yourself. And that has been the hardest part for me. Thank you for sharing this. It gives me some things to reflect upon and appreciate today. tcr! 路 Sep 21, 2018 at 2:44 pm > there is often more hurt, abuse, betrayal than not For sure. There鈥檚 a reason why we are the way we are. I also believe that you can trust yoruself. There鈥檚 nothing but good inside you. 馃槉 Momma J 路 Sep 21, 2019 at 11:34 am Truth so beautifully written! tcr! 路 Sep 23, 2019 at 1:42 pm Thank you! 馃檶 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:04:33

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Like I'm going to fall over

10/25/2021
content: Apr 17, 2018 路 podcast: Oct 25, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180417 - Like I'm going to fall over I haven鈥檛 been writing as much because I鈥檝e been struggling with my nicotine addiction. All sorts of things happen and don鈥檛 happen when I try to quit. Sometimes I鈥檒l spout off something about quitting on social media or whatever but lately I鈥檝e just been keeping my struggles to myself. Because unless somebody was a daily smoker for over 30 years, they don鈥檛 really get it. I know people are trying to help but move along. Sometimes we just need to vent. And then vaping made my addiction even worse because I could do it anywhere at anytime. I would vape at Maggie鈥檚 school during her recitals and in team meetings at work, too. I would use my vapor in the dentist鈥檚 restroom before I went in to see them. When I go into withdrawal my ears will ring. Ring to the point that I can hear them in the next room. My head will start to hurt. Like I have a vice slowly squeezing my temples. It鈥檚 not a sharp pain but dull and warm and oh so intense. And when it鈥檚 really bad I鈥檒l start to get lightheaded. Like I鈥檓 going to fall over. Detox always makes my stomach bloated and gurgly regardless of which drug it is. My intestines will fill with witches brew and putrid toxins. I鈥檝e not been sleeping that great at night which makes it hard for me to concentrate throughout the day. Concentrate on writing or whatever. And then because I鈥檓 tired I drink more caffeine. In the early evening when I鈥檓 dragging both feet I'll make a couple cups of coffee because I鈥檓 missing my old smoking friend. I鈥檒l jump from one drug to another. Trade this addiction for that one. I didn鈥檛 realize I was even doing it at first with the coffees because when you鈥檙e a drug addict the addiction is sneaky and silent. I've quit smoking probably 20 times and generally end up smoking again because the physical pain gets to be too much. And I know that if I smoke or vape or whatever all that pain goes away. And then I stopped this morning and bought a pack cigarettes because the hellfire withdrawal had been kicking my ass for the better part of two days. I鈥檒l do that every now and then, buy a pack, smoke one or two and then throw the unsmoked away. I never tell anyone when I buy a pack of cigarettes because everybody is always disappointed. Because I鈥檓 the poster child for success or something. ... It was snowing this morning. In the middle of April. And as I was standing outside the gas station smoking, a guy came up to me and asked for a cigarette. He had to be at least 20 years younger and wasn't wearing a winter coat. He was missing half of his index and middle fingers on one hand. He had a plastic grocery sack full of things he hadn鈥檛 bought recently. He seemed reluctant to ask me for a smoke but he still did because nicotine is a powerful bitch. I gave him three cigarettes and he was more than grateful. I could see the look of relief on his face. I treated him with dignity and respect because all people deserve that no matter where they are in life. No matter what really. He reminded me of my 19 year old self when I lived in Cedar Rapids with one of my brothers. No job, no money, and desperately needing something to fill my soul. Standing in the morning snowfall regardless of the cold, feeding my addictions however I could. Somehow I made it out of that era with all my fingers and toes attached. But I easily couldn't have. Somehow I made it out of that life alive and now have my own house, a career, beautiful daughters, a gorgeous girlfriend, and all that. Somehow I made it over the hump and to the place where I have a choice in life. Driving away I wish I would鈥檝e given him the whole pack. I wanted to tell him that he could make it out, too. Make it out of whatever place he was in. That life is bigger than where your next cigarette comes from. But I didn鈥檛 think about any of that until I was driving away. Plus, I鈥檓 suspicious by default. Anyways, never...

Duration:00:04:46

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The notion that I can quit

10/20/2021
content: Sep 19, 2018 路 podcast: Oct 20, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180919 - The notion that I can quit My favorite Freakonomomics[1] podcast is from a few years back. It鈥檚 beautifying titled, The Upside of Quitting. It鈥檚 also the only podcast I鈥檝e listened to more than twice. The episode is one of those things that changed everything. It鈥檚 become part of my spiritual condition. The notion that I can quit has become part of who I am. We鈥檙e all familiar with the dogmatic mantra: Winners never quit. That鈥檚 all fine and good if we play football but not if we鈥檙e dying inside because our life is horrible. Let me give you three examples: aren鈥檛 going to changemowing our yard Suffering isn鈥檛 a badge of honor or something to be proud of. It鈥檚 bullshit. And we won鈥檛 sleep any better until we quit believing that anything but first place will do. There鈥檚 something to be said for loyalty and persistence for sure but quitting when the situation demands it is something that鈥檚 often overlooked or ignored altogether. Sometimes it鈥檚 easier to just stay stuck than revolt. But staying stuck is not something we鈥檒l ever want to tell our grandkids about. Wouldn鈥檛 it be grand to tell them the story of the great revolution that made the world magical again? Quitting is decisive and final. It鈥檚 not fruity, metaphysical, or abstract. It鈥檚 concrete and effective. We feel release when we quit. All the hurt will stop. Sometimes it takes time to quit, especially when we鈥檙e in the middle of something big or entangled in something painful. When I quit drinking it took months.[2] Getting ready and absolutely wanting to quit was most of the battle. The road we walk is ours. Our future is up to us and not our partner, not our boss, and not the dandelions. We don't have to be along for just their ride. And we have to firmly believe that we deserve nice things as well. I鈥檓 telling you now that you do. The moon and the stars are all hanging in the sky just for you. Quit. What it that's making you unhappy. Quit. #photos #flowers #protip #freakonomics #diariespodcast Not familiar with Freakonomics? Don鈥檛 worry it all began when... 鈥淣ew York journalist and author Stephen J. Dubner went to Chicago to write about award-winning economist Steven D. Levitt for The New York Times Magazine.鈥 Find it on your local NPR station. 鈫 I started wanting to quit drinking in June 2011. Needed to in August. Should have in December. And finally did in February. 鈫 jimi hindrance experience 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 8:38 pm Very cool. tcr! 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 8:45 pm Thankies 馃槉 jimi hindrance experience 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 8:56 pm Unreasonable Happiness is your birth right. It鈥檚 been credited to me but I heard it somewhere. Sitting with others of my ilk. tcr! 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 10:04 pm I often hear you say that in my head 馃槉 JJ 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 9:13 pm Thanks for the tip鈥 look forward to listening to on my a.m. drive. tcr! 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 10:05 pm Let me know what you think. Botsford 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 9:42 pm Boy what we do to quit, some of the hardest decisions I have ever made was just that!!! After all the agony the relief is so worth those good choices! Thanks for the reminder 馃槉 tcr! 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 10:05 pm Yep! barberblademaiden 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 9:47 pm Find the NPR This American Life episode about the New York super in the 70s. It鈥檚 the wildest thing I鈥檝e ever heard, listened to it a bunch of times over the years tcr! 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 10:07 pm That sounds vaguely familiar! I鈥檒l investigate. 馃槉 barberblademaiden 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 10:18 pm There are bags of acid and assassinations it was epic jimi hindrance experience 路 Sep 19, 2018 at 10:37 pm You鈥檝e given me reason to live. barberblademaiden 路 Sep 20, 2018 at 10:07 am Found it! https://www.thisamericanlife.org/323/the-super tcr! 路 Sep 20, 2018 at 10:24 am Sweet! I鈥檒l put it on...

Duration:00:04:18

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Crosswalk of Certain Doom

10/18/2021
content: Sep 4, 2018 路 podcast: Oct 18, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180904 - Crosswalk of Certain Doom The scene, of course, is my truck as I鈥檓 headed to work. Driving along Riverside Avenue and following a Toyota Corolla. The speed limit is 35 mph and we鈥檙e both sailing along about 40. There鈥檚 maybe two or three car lengths between us. Other cars are around but they鈥檙e only slightly involved. Up ahead is the Prairie Path crosswalk at the intersection close to Moore Avenue. There are two or three people standing with their bikes waiting to cross. Those crosswalks are always a gamble, as you never know what the other drivers will do if people are waiting. The car in front of me doesn鈥檛 change speed and I look over at the Fox River. Not more than a second later I look back at the Corolla I鈥檝e been following and the taillights are lit up. We were still doing about 40 only moments before and then she comes to a complete stop in about three or four seconds. The cars driving in the opposite direction don鈥檛 bother. I stomp my brakes with both feet. My computer bag, my lunch bag, and my trail mix all fly forward and hit the dashboard. Now then. Let me step up to my soapbox. - - - 1. People out in groups riding their bikes at morning rush hour are most likely out for recreational rides. Maybe not, but with their racing gear I would tend to think so. So... you can鈥檛 bring the whole world to a stop so they can get across the street. They can wait. If anything, don鈥檛 make it a last minute decision. Doing the 鈥渞ight鈥 thing at the 鈥渨rong鈥 time will only get us in trouble. - - - 2. Most of the time people don鈥檛 see us or what we鈥檙e doing in life. I鈥檓 not that important that every other driver is out there thinking, 鈥淭he King of Geneva is headed to work. I better layout the red carpet and be on my absolute best behavior. Did anybody polish the trumpets to announce his trip?鈥 While driving earlier in the morning another lady pulled out in front of me. Her windows were covered in morning dew. She hadn鈥檛 bothered, at the very least, to roll down her windows so she could see. I watched her turn right in front of me, moving at a snail鈥檚 pace, no wind in her sails. Slow going because she had 2% visibility. I kinda wanted to really lay on the horn because she was obviously in the wrong and a hazard to society. But I wasn鈥檛 in a hurry so whatever. I just saluted her as if she were my superior. - - - 3. There鈥檚 a difference between expressing our feelings and getting even. The former is what I鈥檓 doing now. Getting even would鈥檝e been me riding either lady鈥檚 ass until my frustration passed. It would鈥檝e been me roaring around like I was a villain in Mad Max, and then cutting them off and thereby teaching them a lesson.[1] Yes, I did swear like a furloughed drunken admiral at the earlier crosswalk of certain doom. And I would鈥檝e scolded her if we were face to face, but me revenging behind the wheel isn鈥檛 going to prove any points. Nobody鈥檚 gonna throw me a parade, nor will it give me any long-term, deep-down validation that I was right. Revenging is gonna give me a list of all the times other people pissed me off. It鈥檚 gonna keep me angry until I鈥檓 old and dead. More importantly: it鈥檚 okay to be agitated when people step on our toes. Feel that, deal with it, love it. We鈥檒l never get to the point where our only feelings are the ones we want, or to the point when everybody does the 鈥渞ight鈥 thing at the 鈥渞ight鈥 time. What can happen, though, is for us to learn how to be okay with and also becoming highly skilled sailors at navigating life鈥檚 rough waters. We鈥檝e had heavy thunderstorms, lightning, rain, all of that in the Fox Valley the last week or so. We can鈥檛 stop or change nature, it does what it wants. And it鈥檚 our nature to have a full weather system of feelings, too. It鈥檚 natural for us to be annoyed with people just the same as it鈥檚 natural for us to be sleepy come bedtime. Sweet dreams. #trafficnews #advancedsoul...

Duration:00:05:23

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Generous with my humility

10/16/2021
content: Aug 31, 2018 路 podcast: Oct 16, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180831 - Generous with my humility Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. 鈥 Step 8 of Alcoholics Anonymous When I got to the Eighth Step I was kind of disappointed that they use the word 鈥渉armed.鈥 I didn鈥檛 like it because I didn鈥檛 like the thought of me actually hurting people. We get a taste of peace after working the previous steps and then Step Eight comes crashing in like a bowling ball. Announcing we'd done harm. And I felt bad. Like I was supposed to. The other problem I had with Step Eight is that I was pretty timid for much of my life and my drinking. And I felt like others had harmed me just as much, if not more, than I had harmed them. Yeah, I'm sure every alcoholic says that. Anyways, so then I was thinking about Step Seven, and humbly asking God to remove my defects of character. Selfishness was one of my most glaring defects. Selfish with my time. Selfish with my understanding, selfish with my forgiveness. If you hurt me then I had nothing but intolerance for you. But if I want to be rid of that selfishness then I need to practice the opposite as they say. For me to do my part in Step Seven I need to be generous in Step Eight. Generous with my honesty by honestly looking at myself and what I鈥檇 done. Generous in my forgiveness for others and what they鈥檇 done. Generous with my tolerance. I needed to be generous with my humility. The humility that they call for in Step Seven. And once I found those things the willingness came easier. The willingness to make amends. To them all. If I鈥檓 generous then becoming willing to forgive others and to ask for forgiveness, to make those amends wasn鈥檛 so hard. #forgiveness #twelvesteps #beagoodperson #diariespodcast RecipeForIceCubes 路 Aug 31, 2018 at 12:50 pm Very well stated. I was in a cycle of feelings and buried guilt myself. After I made some amends many others became easier and what I received back was mostly positive outcomes. Some people were neutral and others simply had forgotten what I was trying to apologize for. The living amends I have either chosen to have or simply must carry with me due to absenteeism of the the person/people help me daily also. Keep it rolling Friend. One day, hour or minute at a time. AA will always have our backs. tcr! 路 Aug 31, 2018 at 2:10 pm It鈥檚 truly a blessing that we can honestly let go of those cyclical feelings and buried guilt with Steps 8 and 9. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:02:49

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No smoking at the entryways, peeps

9/13/2021
content: Aug 30, 2018 路 podcast: Sep 13, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180830 - No smoking at the entryways, peeps And then there was that one time a few years back when I was standing at the front door of the work building. It was a cool autumn day and I was enjoying a beautiful cigarette. Enjoying the smoke, the solitude, and the cars going by. The side of the building I was on wasn鈥檛 the main entrance but it鈥檚 the public entrance that everybody sees. All the cars in the world drive-by kind of place. And I stood at that specific door because nobody was ever around. I鈥檇 also use myself as a prop to keep the door open because it鈥檒l lock behind you. That particular day the owner of the building happened to walk by. He startled me as I was daydreaming about mannequins or telephone poles or something similar. I felt like a busted teenager when our eyes met. Caught skipping class and smoking on school grounds. Plus, I was obviously violating the 15 feet law. No smoking at the entryways, peeps. Tom looked at me. Then looked at my cigarette. My heartbeat rose slightly as I prepared for an earful, a scolding. A deserved verbal whipping. He looked back at me and said, 鈥測ou need an ashtray here.鈥 I smiled and said, 鈥減robably.鈥 Then he left. And that was the day I learned that, even if people are doing something they aren鈥檛 supposed to, we can still go above and beyond. That we can not only treat them with dignity and respect, we can also go out of our way to make their lives better. #photos #beagoodperson #smokersunite #diariespodcast Momma J 路 Aug 30, 2018 at 10:05 am Look for the good in people! tcr! 路 Aug 30, 2018 at 10:55 am Yep. I try to assume the best in life. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:02:09

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The 5 gallon bottle was empty

9/9/2021
content: Aug 29, 2018 路 podcast: Sep 9, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180829 - The 5 gallon bottle was empty Today when I was driving to work I was thinking about the water cooler there. Yesterday morning when I got in the 5 gallon bottle was empty. At one point in my career I would鈥檝e thought, 鈥渨ho do I have to blow to get somebody to change the water?鈥 Yesterday I didn鈥檛 think that at all. I just changed the water bottle so I could fill my glass. And that, peeps, is how I be happy. Instead of complaining, just doing the next right thing when it鈥檚 in front of me is how my soul stays full. Way back when I cooked in the restaurants it was all young people in the kitchen. The dishwashers were all teenage kids. It wasn鈥檛 uncommon for them to slack off or get behind. And then somebody from the cook鈥檚 line would go back and say, 鈥渨ho do I have to blow to get some plates?鈥 Yeah, that鈥檚 where that all started. And it was all fun and games, that鈥檚 how you were accepted into the tribe. Played in the reindeer games. Because complaining is sociably and professionally acceptable. It鈥檚 okay to tell the world that you鈥檙e miserable. Many people will even cheer you on when recounting your daily struggles. But the interesting thing is that there was never any, 鈥測ou did a great job keeping up today.鈥 Sure, it was a restaurant and nobody really took it as a serious career path but that kind of self-centered mentality of only complaining when other people don鈥檛 do their jobs followed me around for decades. As I鈥檝e said before when I write/post these things, it鈥檚 not that I鈥檓 trying to give you guys a sermon but it鈥檚 more documenting the revelations I鈥檝e had or whatever. When I write them down they stick better in my head. The key point for me here is that I鈥檒l never be happy having the 鈥渨ho do I have to blow鈥 mentality. Regardless of what anybody else is doing, I鈥檇 rather be at *peace. 鈥淲ho do I have to blow鈥 spills over into other areas. That negativity sticks to my shoe like sandy gum and then I鈥檓 tracking that shit into the house. So I just realized that when I write stuff down it鈥檚 easy for me to get creative with the sandy gum when I鈥檓 being my pessimistic self. And then when I鈥檓 being optimistic I feel like a fruit loop. Anyway, back on topic. What鈥檚 even more interesting about the restaurants is that the guys who I really enjoyed cooking with were the ones who stood apart. They took part in the camaraderies but they were also their best selves regardless of how many dirty plates had stacked up. They didn鈥檛 knock people down or flip them shit when it wasn鈥檛 necessary. They walked their own path regardless of what the herd was doing. Those are the kind of people I wanted to stand next to my whole life. In high school and college, at my corporate job, and even when I drag myself out to be sociable today. People like Don and Kris and Jimi. I do my best to be like them in the here and now. Yeah, there鈥檒l always be slackers and no, I won鈥檛 do their job but I do my best to be the kind of person my younger self would want to stand with. At work I change the water bottle now because the water bottle needs change. But really, it鈥檚 not just about getting the job done. It鈥檚 actually about taking care of the other humans I share the world with. And it lets me show off my muscles. 馃槈 #advancedsoul #diariespodcast chrisrich 路 Aug 30, 2018 at 6:39 pm I got sum stuff that needs doing over at my house. tcr! 路 Aug 30, 2018 at 7:37 pm As long as it鈥檚 not more than 50 pounds. Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:04:25

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I only fought with the police once

9/8/2021
content: Aug 22, 2018 路 podcast: Sep 8, 2021 Audio (MP3): 20180822 - I only fought with the police once I only fought with the police once and there was only one of them. And it was 3 in the afternoon. And I was drunk and feisty. And then he tackled my 19 year old self in an alley and one side of my face ended up in some gravel. And then I went to jail with a swollen eye. And got to spend the rest of the evening sobering up. About 9pm or so and no longer drunk, I decided I would never fight with the police again. #realhorrorshow #thepolice #diariespodcast Momma J 路 Aug 22, 2018 at 10:42 am Wise decision! tcr! 路 Aug 22, 2018 at 12:21 pm I think so, too. 馃槉 marney0160 路 Aug 22, 2018 at 8:57 pm I鈥檓 right there with ya dude! 馃槣 tcr! 路 Aug 22, 2018 at 9:39 pm My only regret is that I wasn鈥檛 wearing a leprechaun outfit. marney0160 路 Aug 23, 2018 at 6:16 am Bahahaha! 馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ馃ぃ Irene 路 Aug 25, 2018 at 10:20 am Great decision! At least it only took you one time鈥 Add a comment! Got 30 seconds? Take the super duper, quick and easy podcast survey! Please. 馃槉 Love the show? Make a donation! Because you're the best. 馃挅 tcrbang.com 路 Instagram 路 Facebook 路 YouTube View original

Duration:00:04:57