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The Potential State Podcast - Enriching Relationships

Science Podcasts

Welcome to the Potential State Podcast with Dr. Assael Romanelli. Here we will explore different ways to enrich your relationships with yourself and others through psychology, psychotherapy, improvisation, spontaneity, art, communication skills, NLP, and more. In every talk, I share experiences, thoughts, realizations, and learnings from my work as a therapist, trainer, and performer. Come join us to enrich your relationships...

Welcome to the Potential State Podcast with Dr. Assael Romanelli. Here we will explore different ways to enrich your relationships with yourself and others through psychology, psychotherapy, improvisation, spontaneity, art, communication skills, NLP, and more. In every talk, I share experiences, thoughts, realizations, and learnings from my work as a therapist, trainer, and performer. Come join us to enrich your relationships...

Location:

Israel

Description:

Welcome to the Potential State Podcast with Dr. Assael Romanelli. Here we will explore different ways to enrich your relationships with yourself and others through psychology, psychotherapy, improvisation, spontaneity, art, communication skills, NLP, and more. In every talk, I share experiences, thoughts, realizations, and learnings from my work as a therapist, trainer, and performer. Come join us to enrich your relationships...

Twitter:

@assael

Language:

English

Contact:

972526048145


Episodes

The Implicit Power struggles in Our (and every) Intimate Relationship

1/17/2021
Every couple has implicit power struggles in the different areas of their relationship (sex, money, parenting, looks, intelligence, and so on...). We call this the 95/70 rule. It has been our experience that this dynamic is inherently present and shapes the couples' mutual functioning. One of the ways we have been renegotiating our 95/70 contract in the past year, is by having Galit join Assael's podcast. Reflecting on our journey toward working together, we show how this power dynamic...

Duration:00:10:38

Precision or Control?

12/27/2020
Many of us insist that feedback be precise or else they won't consider it. Yet often this precision serves more as a block, a defense mechanism that prevents our growth. In this talk, I share how people use precision as a sophisticated defense mechanism to keep them safe and prevent pain. Through examples from the clinic, I show the losses of this mechanism and how to allow yourself to "lower your standards" in order to accept influence. Practical tips will help you let more things land...

Duration:00:07:22

Solving the problem is the problem.

12/20/2020
Often times, we (especially men) prefer to solve our partner's problems instead of actually letting their feelings or pain into our awareness. This often leads to a "report talk" dynamic where intimacy is low and partners avoid leaning on each other. In this talk, Galit and I unpack why do we prefer to solve our partner's problems and how to stop that habit through examples from our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will help you listen more and solve less in your...

Duration:00:09:33

Lose-Lose or Win-Win? You decide.

12/13/2020
Most couples avoid certain unavoidable Topics or decisions. In couples therapy, we call it crucibles, T-junctions, gridlock, 70% unsolvable issues, and more. Yet by avoiding these 'hot' issues, we are stunting our own growth. In this talk, Galit and I offer a fresh view on these lose-lose dilemmas and offer practical advice on how to lean into them in order to grow. Examples are given from the clinic and from our own drama around a drawing that was scotch-taped to the wall in my...

Duration:00:13:17

Stop over-apologizing!

12/6/2020
Are you (or your partner) one of those people who constantly apologize for everything, even for things that no apology is needed (for example, sorry I didn't pick up the paper you dropped)? If so, this is not only a disempowered, defeated stance but also a subconscious passive-aggressive manipulative move. Yes, over apologizing has a "shadow" side. In this talk, Galit and I unpack the science and art of over-apologizing, through examples from the clinic and our lives. Practical examples...

Duration:00:11:30

"It's not that important to me" - The sentence that will set you free

11/29/2020
We've all been in this scenario: Your partner asks or remarks to you on something that you don't want to do. Since we're scared of disappointing them and want to avoid a fight, we "smokescreen" our truth and placate them. This often leads to heaviness, lack of play, mind reading, and tension. The solution? “IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO ME.” In this talk, Galit and I unpack why using this sentence playfully with ownersh!t, can help you become more authentic and open with your...

Duration:00:09:15

How to deal with "You're Too Much!" (Especially for Women)

11/22/2020
How many of you have heard and internalized the feedback that you're "too much"? If so, how has that impacted your life? Every day we work with women (and sometimes men) who have internalized this limiting belief and its negative impact on their lives. In this talk, Galit and I breakdown the gains and losses of this core belief, through examples from Galit's life and the clinic. Practical tips will help you soften this core belief and be your fullest self! Click here to join our mailing...

Duration:00:10:31

The Victim Competition - Where The Winner is the Biggest Loser

11/15/2020
So often couples engage in an unconscious competition who is suffering more in the relationship. This dynamic results in more arguments, less vulnerability, and even a breakup. In this talk, Galit and I describe this dynamic, the reasons behind it, and the damage it creates. Examples are given from our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will help you soften this dynamic in your own relationship. Click here to join our mailing list and get free resources on enriching relationships...

Duration:00:09:42

Why is it hard for us to believe change in our partners? The Natural/Fake Eithor

11/8/2020
Why is it that when our partner tries to change their behavior, we so often shoot it down, claiming its "fake"? Because often we have this dichotomous thinking (Eithor) that if our partner doesn't do it naturally then they're faking it. But every new behavior will feel somewhat fake because if it was natural for us, we would've done it already! What is the solution? To soften our Natural/Fake Eithor. In this talk, Galit and I explain how this Eithor is created and how it prevents...

Duration:00:08:54

How to stop constantly interpreting your partner negatively?

11/1/2020
We all have tense periods where we tend to interpret anything and everything our partner says or does as negative, insulting, hurtful, or aggressive. The Gottman researchers call this dynamic N.S.O - negative sentiment override. This lethal dynamic has a snowball effect that is hard to stop, and can lead to deep resentment and breakup. In this talk, Galit and I explain the reasons and dynamic of NSO through examples from our marriage and the clinic. Practical (somewhat surprising) tips...

Duration:00:12:37

The Potential State's Top Ten Tips for Dating

10/25/2020
Dating today is not easy. Singles are getting tired and confused as to how to date in the 21st century, COVID, apps-filled era. Yet we believe the dating scene should be approached from a completely different angle: instead of going on dates, choose to see them as PLAY DATES, where your goal is to be yourself and fun. In this talk, Galit and I offer our top ten (somewhat surprising) practical dating tips that will help you be more yourself and more vulnerable in your (play) dates. Click...

Duration:00:15:34

Sexual OWNURSH!T 2 - Mediocre (Maintenance) Sex Is Wonderful!

10/11/2020
The media puts a lot of pressure on us to have wonderful, multi-orgasm, wall-socket sex. But in reality, in a committed long-term relationship, mediocre (maintenance) sex is inevitable. This causes many couples (especially men) to avoid sex and even doubt their relationship. In this talk, Galit and I unpack the truth about maintenance sex and share why it is crucial for happy relationships. Practical tips will help you enjoy mediocre sex (while still aiming for great sex). Click here to...

Duration:00:07:36

OWNURSH!T 43 - The Intimacy Queen/King and The Emotionally Handicapped dynamic

10/4/2020
Do you feel like you are more emotionally intelligent and somewhat superior in your intimacy skills than your partner? Do you feel like your partner is nagging you and never happy with the level of communication and feelings you express? If you answered yes, then you might be in the Intimacy Queen/King and Emotionally Handicapped dynamic. This dynamic hides the fact that BOTH of you are essentially avoiding mature intimacy through your specific roles. In this talk, I explain how this...

Duration:00:08:38

OWNURSH!T 42 - Yelling and Being Passionate - What's the difference?

9/27/2020
For many of us yelling is a sensitive issue. We inherit from our families of origin certain beliefs and attitudes about yelling. Yet sometimes, yelling is a sublimatory expression of feelings, frustrations, or even excitement. What is the difference then? How can we distinguish and work with yelling? In this talk, Galit and I unpack this topic through examples from our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will help you better work with yelling in your...

Duration:00:12:00

OWNURSH!T 41 - What Kind of Sorry is This?

8/30/2020
We say sorry all the time (or not enough) in our intimate relationships. But often we confuse between the different types of 'sorry' we use. This often leads to more conflict and stress than forgiveness and closeness. In this talk, Galit and I share the four types of Sorry we've distilled in our life together, using examples from our life. Practical tips will help you distinguish which sorry to use in different scenarios in your...

Duration:00:06:48

OWNURSH!T 40 - Don't Miss the Point of Disappointment.

8/23/2020
People are different and so misunderstandings and ruptures are unavoidable. Therefore, disappointments are natural and unavoidable. Many of us avoid expressing and hearing of our partner's disappointment with us. This usually stems from a fear that disappointment leads to abandonment. Yet disappointment is actually a wonderful tool for individual and relational growth! In this talk, Galit and I unpack disappointment and why it's a crucial feeling in relationships, through examples from...

Duration:00:10:01

Sensory Preferences - Your Idiosyncratic Map of the World

8/16/2020
We all react to our MAP of the world and not the objective world. In NLP we say: The map is not the territory. Our map of the world is shaped by our sensory preference (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, audio-digital). Conflicts and tensions in relationships stem from differences in sensory preferences. Learning to recognize your own and other's maps of the world can help you improve your relationships. In this talk, Galit and I explain the different sensory preferences and how they affect...

Duration:00:13:01

Ambition - The Forbidden Feeling (especially for women)

8/2/2020
A lot of us were taught that "wanting is dangerous" therefore we develop a core belief that "ambition is dangerous" and we either avoid being ambitious or alternatively feel guilty for being ambitious. But Ambition is a healthy feeling that can help you live the life you've always wanted. In this talk, I break down ambition, and through examples from the clinic and my life, show how it can be reclaimed. Practical tips will help you reclaim ambition in your life...

Duration:00:06:20

Curiosity - The Cure for Judgement and Boredom in Your Relationship and Life

7/19/2020
We all get bored and judgmental in our life and our relationship. This is a natural effect of growing older. Yet it is possible to prevent these feelings. How? Curiosity. In this talk, I explain how curiosity can prevent and minimize boredom and judgment, through examples from the clinic and my life. Practical tips will help you increase your curiosity...

Duration:00:08:56

OWNURSH!T 39 - Keeping Score - No One Ever Wins.

7/13/2020
It's natural to keep score in our intimate relationship. Yet if it's too rigid it can limit your personal and relational growth. In this talk, I explain why this happens and how to change it through examples from the clinic and my personal life. Practical tips will help you soften the scorekeeping in your life, so both partners can start...

Duration:00:08:34