The Citizen Twelve Podcast

* Nuanced refrain – Personal variation in what it is to be sober and in what sequence* Desirability of abstinence – inherent and tacit Host: Paige R. Hulsey Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.c12pod.com Music from Elijah: www.instagram.com/elijah_seattle Written, engineered, and edited by Paige R. Hulsey

Q&A conclusion to this miniseries! The beginning, middle and not end of amending. * What about when a direct amend isn’t appropriate (or possible)? * What about when the person I’ve harmed has also harmed me? * Do I have to do whatever they say about ‘making it right’? * What about mid-course corrections versus fresh start amending? * Why is the temptation so strong to skip right to the ninth step? * Please remind us again why we bother with all of this? Host: Paige R....

Miniseries! The beginning, middle and not end of amending. * Staying amended * Loose ends and anxiety * Why amending doesn’t end – step ten Host | Paige R. Hulsey Recovery Patterns of Codependence: http://coda.org/index.cfm/meeting-materials1/patterns-of-recovery/ Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.c12pod.com Music from Elijah: www.instagram.com/elijah_seattle Written, recorded, and edited by Paige R. Hulsey

Miniseries! The beginning, middle and not end of amending. * More on making the approach * The talk Host: Paige R. Hulsey Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.c12pod.com Music from Elijah: www.instagram.com/elijah_seattle Written, engineered, and edited by Paige R. Hulsey

Miniseries! The beginning, middle and not end of amending. * Methods of preparation – the letter, the card * The approach Host: Paige R. Hulsey Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.c12pod.com Music from Elijah: www.instagram.com/elijah_seattle Written, engineered, and edited by Paige R. Hulsey

Miniseries! The beginning, middle and not end of amending. * Why is amending so scary? Facing consequences in direct opposition to getting away with something and dealing with that picture we get in our minds * Why does amending feel so weird? Addressing contexts and meta communications * How do I find the willingness? Use of will and willpower Host: Paige R. Hulsey Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.c12pod.com Music from Elijah:...

Miniseries! The beginning, middle and not end of amending. * Why even do this part of the work? * Being our ideals * Restoration, reintegration Host: Paige R. Hulsey Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.c12pod.com Music from Elijah: www.instagram.com/elijah_seattle

Miniseries! The beginning, middle and not end of amending. * Empowering context for self-reflection: freckles not cancer * What the list is: I did the wrong thing and was harm caused. * What the list isn’t: people whose feelings I hurt or people I didn’t do the right thing by but didn’t actually harm, only people I’m looking to continue a relationship with or willing or able to go and see, only people who didn’t also harm me Host: Paige R. Hulsey Dr. Death Podcast:...

* When we’ve lied – false equivalencies, a meditation to support staying lightly attached, the perils of desensitization, isolation, and defensiveness * General traps and pitfalls – being discerning versus judgemental, or uncommunicative versus prudent, secretive versus private * When we’ve been lied to – being responsible for not remaining in harm’s way and being free to assess risk Host: Paige R. Hulsey | Cohost: Emily R. Bogen The NW Network: https://www.nwnetwork.org and their...

* Different types of lies – outright, lies of omission, lies to self (delusion), and dishonest behaviors * Hidden harms of lying – stress, exhaustion, loneliness, pain, delay of growth, distorted relationship with self and others, and dehumanization * What it takes to live without lying – being interested and present, practicing other principles (giving up managing and selfish attachment, treating outsized fears and our reactions to those fears, not living hidden, self-reflection, being in...

* Risks of ignoring the reality of harm * Reasons harm is ignored or denied, including, ‘if I’m hurt, there’s something wrong with me’ and ‘if I caused harm, I’ll have to amend it’. Note: In this recording we say the show will be about lying (again) and it isn’t. We apologize for being unclear. Our next episode, seventeen, will indeed be about lying. Thank you for hanging in with us! Host: Paige R. Hulsey | Cohost: Emily R. Bogen Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our...

* Why it’s useful to address behaviours rather than character defects * Fear as motive for behaviour * The (disproportionate) fear cycle * Fear motivated habits * Barriers to new ways of being * Why it’s the actions that count * Complexity around damage Note: We are not hiding that our understanding of today’s content continued to unfold during recording more than usual. We invite you to join us in growing through these matters. Host: Paige R. Hulsey | Cohost: Emily R. Bogen Real...

Unpacking common prayers: * The Serenity Prayer * The Lord’s Prayer * The Saint Francis Prayer * The Set Aside Prayer * Emily’s childhood prayer * I love you, I trust you, I smile * God, please direct my attention to something useful Host: Paige R. Hulsey | Cohost: Emily R. Bogen The Work of Byron Katie: thework.com Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.complexiphy.org/c12 Music from Elijah: www.instagram.com/elijah_seattle

* The following common questions – ‘Don’t I need to know what I’m praying to?’, ‘Why am I embarrassed about praying?’, ‘What about when I get bored with praying?’, ‘I pray but it isn’t working, what’s the deal?’ * Our experience over time with prayer including using set prayers, praying in gratitude, for others, for ourselves, and how we strive to pray honestly, with humility, how desperation can make an adequate stand in for humility, conversational prayer, and making prayers as...

Three common pitfalls around meditation: Trap # 1: Rigidity Trap # 2: Feeling bad about how we meditate! Trap # 3: Complex consequences Host: Paige R. Hulsey | Cohost: Emily R. Bogen Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.complexiphy.org/c12 Music from Elijah: www.instagram.com/elijah_seattle Two Way Prayer: https://www.twowayprayer.org

* Common Contexts Incomplete Conceptions Rigidity and perfectionism Focus is on the the sitting It has to be the same every day, day after day, forever Our Additions Gentleness It’s all about when we’re not sitting Whatever it takes to make sure there’s space to get more coming through * Our experience * Why we began meditating Practice ups and downs Creativity – listening for what’s appropriate Current practices * Benefits * Living meditatively – the...

Five common decision making pitfalls or traps: Trap # 1: (Disproportionate) aversion to discomfort Trap # 2: Outsized attachment Trap # 3: Habit Trap # 4: Confusion Trap # 5: That pesky pendulum – extreme dualism Host: Paige R. Hulsey | Cohost: Emily R. Bogen Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.complexiphy.org/c12 Music from Elijah: www.instagram.com/elijah_seattle

How making choices goes hand in hand with practicing the third step, “Surrender how we live to what we trust to guide us” Barriers to responsible choosing – both internal and external Emily discusses how she has found balance regarding diet and eating Barrier workarounds – prayer, meditation, and a simple exercise for determining our own degree of willingness – structured self-talk Host: Paige R. Hulsey | Cohost: Emily R. Bogen Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our...

“I did my best” and other excuses How protecting my innocence backfires Victim as a way of being versus having been victimized The gift of acknowledgment Timing Responsibility as access to new opportunities for action Overshooting and overcompensation in the pursuit of finding our right path Host: Paige R. Hulsey | Cohost: Emily R. Bogen Real Rent: https://www.realrentduwamish.org Link to our steps: http://www.complexiphy.org/c12 Music from Elijah:...

How being humble is not necessarily the same as being submissive, compliant, or humiliated; how pressure from others alters how we hear our conscience; cussing; some ways we navigate external pressures; when talking about people is not gossiping; the miracle of making requests, ways to notice when we’re pressuring people; telling people what to do; avoiding responsibility; self-determination and coercion; how knowing ourselves includes discernment and views and opinions. Host: Paige R....