Every time you hear a beatles song, your head will be smaller than your face for an hour.
Every time you hear Paul Rudd’s name somebody around you fully believes you're a cannibal.
Every Time someone sneezes you have to run at them full sprint and plug their nostrils with your fingers.
Amazon has free porn. You ever spend over $5,000 on a one star rubber duck? If we made a movie about a Brooklyn stalker, the soundbite at the start of this episode would be the soundtrack. What's up with bird knees?
You ever look at a handicap parking space and start crying? Trey does. Erry tim. You see, Trey is a man filled to the brim with compassion. You show him a rusting piece of metal and he’ll be sobbing for months. You show him a retarded goat being hand fed Life Cereal and he’ll cut his wrists. “It’s just not fair!” he’d exclaim. Bark! Woof!
You boys ever bleed on another man in an industrial refrigerator? How many frogs can you kill in 60 seconds? What’s the point of being in a video chat during an audio podcast recording? So many questions, so few answers; only on the Too Soon Podcast.
This week the Too Soon boys are putting up some fists in the form of discussion. Trenton is back, but is he really? We’re not even sure. Also emails are read, so milestone (sorta). Ever listen to smooth jazz?
Have you ever snorted a lifetime supply of cocaine, given toilet paper to homeless people, and then have your dog stolen by your ex girlfriend? This week the Too Soon Crew is one man down because he had to run away from his grandmother. Don't stand up too fast!
In a time period later know as “Post Irma Pre Jose”, another episode of the famed Too Soon Podcast was recorded. This week the crew tells heroic survival stories following the devastation caused by Hurricane Irma. Stories including, but not limited to, power outages, plants in places they shouldn’t be, and mild inconveniences. Liam also becomes akin to the genius that is the Too Soon Podcast episode descriptions. If a fortune teller informs you that you will eat a slice of cake in your near...
This week the crew contemplates new parenting styles. Who knows, maybe we’ll make a Too Soon Crew’s Guide to Parenting book. Having kids isn’t a necessary prerequisite for writing a parenting book, is it? Maybe it will end up on Audible. Did I mention we are now officially sponsored? I know right, It’s almost like we’re a legitimate podcast now.
After a one week hiatus caused by Tre- I mean Audacity, the boys are back with significantly less technical difficulties and newfound knowledge. Do you only ever truly feel like a man when causing the death of a defenseless animal? Than Monster Hunter World is the perfect game for you! Don’t let the poor beast’s limp turn you into a sympathetic BITCH! Just keep attacking. Hit it with a hammer, shoot it, fuck it’s offspring. Who cares right? It’s a fucking “monster”.
Restart your router before listening to this episode. Terry Crews’ Nips are making it into Overwatch! “Alexa, tell me a lizard fact.” “Sorry, I am still learning about lizard facts.” Will Trey ever find out if there are lizards in gay bars?
If a mugger came up to you and demanded your eyelids, do you give in? How? Where can I go to buy spurs? The crew also has an actual conversation about the value of time spent watching a movie, compared to time playing a video game? Oh, and we have a new host, Triple B.
Ooooooh boy! You got that milk I asked for? Then what the hell are you good for?! I can ride my bike with no handlebars, while on the phone, while turned completely around, while yelling obscenities at traffic.
Auric’s back and if you don’t like him, you won’t like this episode. He (I) talked a lot, that’s what I’m getting at. Aside from my incessant talking, the crew discussed the age old question of “Is a hotdog a sandwich?”. We also discussed our childhood memories of Heely’s, our experiences with hurricanes, and horse-sized animals. You ever wish humans were at war with hawks?
This week Auric dies and leaves his episode title and description duties to Liam, who is doing a shit job. In the meantime, Liam, Trenton and Trey talk about net neutrality, star wars and even talk speedrunning! Is Trenton always wrong or is minecraft actually cool? You decide!!