"It put everything that I thought about myself into question...I didn't know what I believed. I didn't know what was real, what was fake." Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: "Cylinder Four" "Cylinder Five" - Chris Zabriskie This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/

"It was absolutely like a nightmare. At the same time you're realizing you're never going to wake up from this nightmare because this is real life." Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: "Union Flow" - Spuntic This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/

"I didn't know what the real world was. I wasn't quite oriented...I can't describe it." Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: "Re-Entry" - Lee Rosevere This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/

"When the people that are doing this to you look as scared as you are it kind of adds to the fear and to the chaos and to the 'you don't know how this is going to end' feeling." Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: "Cylinder Four" - Chris Zabriskie This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Sponsor: HelloFresh.com. Listeners to This Is Actually Happening get $30 off at HelloFresh.com when you enter...

“If I had thought that life was good and good things happened and things were happy, I would have been crushed into the ground. It would have killed me.” Producers: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: “To Speak of Solitude” - Brambles This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/

"We don't have growth unless there's pain, and I needed that time to hit rockbottom, so that I could look for a solution." Producer: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening You can follow today's guest, Patricio Manuel, on Instagram @team_pat_manuel Music: "Union Flow" - Spuntic This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf...

"Those weird moments of tension...that moment of uncertainty but impending doom...I don't think anything really ever matched that." Producers: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: "Re-Entry" - Lee Rosevere Featured Guest: Dick Wound You can find Dick's Podcast "Off the Cuffs: A Kink and BDSM podcast" on your podcast app. You can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram @OCPKINK. You can also follow Dick on Twitter @DickWound This Is...

This fall I conducted a poll on our Instagram page (actuallyhappening) asking fans of the show to vote on their favorite episodes. As promised I have been releasing the top 5 episodes over the holiday break until we resume with new episodes in mid January. We finish up the countdown today, coming at #1 "What if the happiest place on earth was your worst nightmare?" “It’s almost like you can’t stand the meaninglessness of the situation, and so you justify it by saying ‘well this must be...

This fall I conducted a poll on our Instagram page (actuallyhappening) asking fans of the show to vote on their favorite episodes. As promised I will be releasing the top 5 episodes over the holiday break until we resume with new episodes in mid January. We continue the countdown today, coming at #2 "What if you woke up in the morgue?" "Only thing I knew was blackness, that's all I saw. Cuz everything went dark and I was in a whole new world." Producer: Whit Missildine -...

This fall I conducted a poll on our Instagram page (actuallyhappening) asking fans of the show to vote on their favorite episodes. As promised I will be releasing the top 5 episodes over the holiday break until we resume with new episodes in mid January. We continue the countdown today, coming at #3, "What if another realm moved through you? "I was completely lost in, I don't even know what the realm is called, this other spiritual realm, and I was grasping to be grounded." Producer:...

This fall I conducted a poll on our Instagram page (@actuallyhappening) asking fans of the show to vote on their favorite episodes. As promised I will be releasing the top 5 episodes over the holiday break until we resume with new episodes in mid January. We continue the countdown today, coming at #4 "What if your sister had five personalities?" "I walked on eggshells every day....the only way I could survive was to be able to detect which one of these personalities I would be dealing...

This fall I conducted a poll on our Instagram page asking fans of the show to vote on their favorite episodes. As promised I will be releasing the top 5 episodes over the holiday break until we resume with new episodes in midJanuary. Without further ado, we begin the countdown today, coming at #5 "what if you spent 15 hours on the edge of sanity?" "The rules of reality were changing, and I was trying to get acquainted with these new rules." Producer: Whit Missildine -...

“There is no answer, I’ll never get my apology…I’ll never get my closure.” Producers: Whit Missildine and Lisa Zaid - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: “Cylinder Four” – Chris Zabriskie This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black To help Lisa Zaid rebuild her home after the Thomas Fire in California, please donate at: www.gofundme.com/help-the-zaid-family-rebuild Sponsor: BarkBox. Listeners to This Is Actually Happening...

"The hardest part is that I still don't have any answers...what came into my house that night?" Producers: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Original Score & Sound Design: Ryan Black - ryanblack.io This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro)@eldiablosf@rojo-y-negrowww.eldiablobass.com/

"I walk around and there's still kind of like an emptiness. For all I know I could be a government experiment....but part of it is kind of exciting because I think, my father could be anyone." Producers: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Original Score & Sound Design: Ryan Black - ryanblack.io This episode features Jeremy Krupp (Aka, Hugh's Beaumont). You can find his music on Soundcloud at: https://soundcloud.com/hughsbeaumont This Is...

"When you're on deployment, your body's in a different place. So when I got back home my body knew I was safe, so that's when my body shut down on me." Producer: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Original Score & Sound Design: Ryan Black - ryanblack.io This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro)@eldiablosf@rojo-y-negrowww.eldiablobass.com/

"I just didn't feel like a person, I didn't feel like I was a being walking on this planet a lot of the time." Producers: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Original Score & Sound Design: Ryan Black - ryanblack.io This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Sponsor: BarkBox. Listeners to This Is Actually Happening get a free month of BarkBox deliveries when you go to BarkBox.com/actually. Outro Music: "The Moon...

"Life will try to take you out itself...When I look back at this situation, people don't even know that I go through the s**t that I go through." Producers: Whit Missildine & Lisa Zaid - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: "Wake Up" - Spuntic This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Sponsor: HelloFresh.com. Listeners to This Is Actually Happening get $30 off at HelloFresh.com when you enter the promo code: actually30. Outro...

“How can you know who you really are when from your earliest memories you have just been a vessel for someone else’s needs and desires and control and violence?” Producer: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Music: "Union Flow" - Spuntic This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Music Bed: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro)@eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/

"I look around at my life and how it is sort of a metaphor for what I think the future could be for the American people." Producer: Whit Missildine - thisisactuallyhappening.org Instagram: @actuallyhappening Original Score & Sound Design: Ryan Black - ryanblack.io This Is Actually Happening Team: Whit Missildine, Lisa Zaid and Ryan Black Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro)@eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/