This Is Actually Happening

“How could I allow myself to mourn what I had lost? Because if I mourned it, then it was like a death, and I couldn’t accept that the me that I knew had died.” Producer: Whit Missildine Editor: Whit Missildine Today’s episode featured Stefan Weiner. As a musician, he goes by Stefan Alexander and you can hear more about his music on his website at www.stefanalxndr.com, on Instagram @stefanalxndr, or look for Stefan Alexander on any music platform. You can now find new and archival...

“All that traumatized people are really looking for is not a fix-it but more like a validation or acknowledgement that it matters.” Producer: Whit Missildine Editor: Nigel Coutinho You can now find new and archival episodes of This Is Actually Happening completely ad-free, on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com/wondery and use promo code WONDERY. thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: Ancestry....

“It’s interesting always having this void, knowing that you have something so wonderful that could love you so much and you could love so much that exists out there.” Producer: Whit Missildine Editor: Nigel Coutinho You can now find new and archival episodes of This Is Actually Happening completely ad-free, on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com/wondery and use promo code WONDERY. thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram:...

“I have a fear every single day am I going crazy and I don’t even know it? I didn’t know the things that I was doing and the things that I was saying were so extreme.” Producer: Whit Missildine Editor: Nigel Coutinho You can now find new and archival episodes of This Is Actually Happening completely ad-free, on Stitcher Premium. For a free month of Stitcher Premium, go to stitcherpremium.com/wondery and use promo code WONDERY. thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram:...

After coming to terms with her identity, a woman develops intrusive thoughts that consume her most important relationships. “People say you should always trust your gut feelings. But I couldn’t trust my gut feeling and I still can’t to this day, because to me a gut feeling is in turn thinking about hurting somebody else.” Producer: Whit Missildine Editor: Nigel Coutinho You can now find new and archival episodes of This Is Actually Happening completely ad-free, on Stitcher Premium. For...

From a divided home with parents of two opposing world views, a girl whose mother becomes enamored with a trance channeler must now make sense of her life in the void of abandonment. “You’ve got to figure out how to go through the world in a way that feels right to you and that you do the least damage, and that you do the most good. But that path is not always clear.” Producer: Whit Missildine Editor: Nigel Coutinho thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode...

Escaping a dysfunctional family background and finally raising a wonderful family of her own, a woman’s son commits a shocking crime that throws everything into chaos. “Human behavior in general is just unpredictable. You can think you know that a person wouldn’t do this or would do this or wouldn’t be capable of it. And then they do it.” Producer: Whit Missildine Editor: Nigel Coutinho thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: ThirdLove, Uber,...

Heading to college as a star athlete from a protective family, a man’s perfectionism and drive for self-control leads to a downward spiral. “After like looking in the mirror saying like wow I fucking like hate myself right now…as I got more upset and as time progressed I would go deeper deeper deeper.” Producer: Whit Missildine Editor: Nigel Coutinho thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: ThirdLove, Uber, CBS/The Good Fight Intro Music: "Illabye"...

Growing up Jehovah’s Witness and then setting out to form an identity of her own, a woman reconciles the silences of her loving and devoted family with an unthinkable act that throws everything into question. “If there was a note…or just anything that would give us a single clue about it…but ultimately I don’t know like I’m never going to know why.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: Poshmark, Uber, Robinhood Intro...

“It came along with this complete obliteration of everything I had ever believed and been taught and every moral that I was that I had within me.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: Third Love, Uber Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negrowww.eldiablobass.com/

“It’s almost as if like I could feel my whole self just changing at this point and just changing in the way that I trust people…and questioning myself and everything.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: Poshmark, Robinhood Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/

“I believe that people like me people that have experienced trauma, I think we’re the ones that need to save the world…we’re the ones that actually know everything about innocence.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: ThirdLove, Care/Of and Poshmark Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: “Cylinder Four” “Cylinder Five” – Chris Zabriskie Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro)...

“If I have to go on based what I found out, I feel like maybe my whole entire relationship was just a fantasy.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Today’s episode features Brittani Louise Taylor whose memoir “A Sucky Love Story” contains deeper details about her experience. You can find her book at: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1642930008 You can also check out her YouTube channel at:...

“I’ve lived long enough existing in that gray area of not really knowing that maybe I will live the rest of my life not really knowing.” Episode Producer, Editor: Nigel Coutinho www.nigelc.info Show Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: Quip www.getquip.com/happening; Care/Of www.takecareof.com/happening Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: Nigel Coutinho Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam...

“I don’t really remember not having different parts…I just thought that everybody had different quote unquote people inside them.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: Quip www.getquip.com Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: “Water” – Johannes Welsch Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/

“It’s like trying to go into like a dark cave with a rope attached to you so that you can find your way back and then losing that the end of the rope.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsors: Quip www.getquip.com and Home Chef www.homechef.com Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: “Cylinder Four” and “Cylinder Five” – Chris Zabriskie Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf...

“The first thing that I felt was invaded, like I physically wanted out of my skin. I didn’t know who the other half of me was….My whole body was crawling and I just wanted out.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Today's episode features Jaclyn Baxter. You can find out more about her story on her blog: https://bit.ly/2xIS2SO Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo...

“Not knowing, not having control over my body, and not having control over the narrative of everyone around me…it’s the worst feeling to have to go through this by yourself.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro www.eldiablobass.com/

“What I feared the most was that these episodes would continue to increase until that’s the world I was living in, in this other nonsensical world completely detached from reality.” Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsor: Daily Harvest: daily-harvest.com Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music Bed: “Wake Up” - Spuntic Outro Music: "The Moon is Down" - El Diablo & Adam Schraft (Rojo y Negro) @eldiablosf @rojo-y-negro...

“It’s not that I understand why this happened, but understanding that you think you know what’s going on, but you don’t. You think you have control but you don’t.” Today's episode features Gina Whalen. If you'd like to help fund her son Izzy's Little Free Libraries, you can donate at https://www.gofundme.com/4t3di48 Producer: Whit Missildine thisisactuallyhappening.com Instagram: @actuallyhappening Episode Sponsor: Daily Harvest: daily-harvest.com Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper Music...