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Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast

Health & Wellness Podcasts

Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright offer support, life management strategies, and time and technology tips, dedicated to anyone looking to take control while living with ADHD.

Location:

United States

Description:

Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright offer support, life management strategies, and time and technology tips, dedicated to anyone looking to take control while living with ADHD.

Language:

English


Episodes

ADHD & the Non-ADHD Partner with Dr. Ari Tuckman

3/28/2024
Over the last few weeks, we have been exploring different topics related to our relationships and how we interact with others. Today, we welcome Dr. Ari Tuckman for a conversation about the relationship dynamic with one ADHD partner and one non-ADHD partner. From the ADHD partner who sees their non-ADHD counterpart as a savior to the frustrated couple struggling to bridge the communication gap, Tuckman explores the full spectrum of experiences that define these relationships. He delves into the emotional challenges that both partners face, offering a tantalizing glimpse into the world of resentment, shame, fear, and burnout that can threaten even the strongest of bonds. But Tuckman's exploration is not just a catalogue of challenges; it's a beacon of hope. He teases practical strategies and insights that promise to help couples navigate this complex terrain, hinting at the transformative power of communication, understanding, and compromise. Links & Notes More Attention, Less Deficit - Success Strategies for Adults with ADHDDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:42:47

ADHD 600

3/21/2024
In this special 600th episode of The ADHD Podcast, Nikki and Pete reflect on the show's 14-year journey. What began as a podcast focused on organization has evolved into a what we hope is a valuable resource for the ADHD community. Throughout the years, the show has featured a lineup of incredible and generous guests, including renowned ADHD researchers and experts such as Ned Hallowell, Russell Barkley, and Dr. William Dodson. The podcast's success has also led to the growth of the Taking Control ADHD (TCA) team, with the addition of Melissa, Bryan, and Marian. As the show has grown, so too have Nikki and Pete, both personally and professionally. They've navigated the joys and challenges of raising families, building businesses, and adapting to a changing world. Through it all, the Taking Control Podcast has remained a constant source of support, information, and inspiration for its listeners. As they mark this momentous milestone, Nikki and Pete express their heartfelt gratitude to their listeners and the ADHD community for making the past 600 episodes possible. Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:56:32

The Invisible Tightrope: Navigating Parent/Caregiver-Child Relationships with ADHD

3/14/2024
As we explore the intricate dance between parents, caregivers, and their children, the presence of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can profoundly influence this delicate balance. Parents with ADHD may find solace in shared struggles with their ADHD children, while facing frustration when their symptoms lead to setbacks with neurotypical children. On the other hand, parents without ADHD may struggle to understand the challenges their ADHD child faces, leading to a cycle of punishment and emotional wounds that linger into adulthood. In families with both ADHD and neurotypical children, the specter of favoritism can breed resentment and anger. The neurotypical child may feel neglected, while the child with ADHD may feel unfairly targeted. At the heart of this discord lies a breakdown in communication. Effective communication requires active listening and the recognition of non-verbal cues. Those with ADHD may struggle to articulate their needs and emotions, while those without ADHD may find it challenging to grasp the complexities of the condition. Rebuilding these bridges is no small feat, but progress is possible when all family members are committed to fostering healthier, more open dialogue. The journey towards better communication begins with introspection and asking tough questions about one's own actions, behaviors, and communication style. In times of struggle, seeking the guidance of a trained professional can provide invaluable support. Ultimately, the path to stronger family relationships lies in focusing on personal growth, communication, and understanding. By embracing empathy and compassion, families can begin to mend the invisible tightrope that binds them together. Links & Notes The Explosive ChildThe ADHD Podcast Ep 358: Mindful Listening for ADHD with Rebecca ShafirThe ADHD Podcast Episodes with Tamara RosierDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:35:49

ADHD & Empathy with Dr. Tamara Rosier

3/7/2024
In this week's episode of The ADHD Podcast, hosts Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer explore the nuances of empathy for those with ADHD. Their guest, Dr. Tamara Rosier, recently presented on "The Unexpected Downside of Empathy" at the 2023 International ADHD Conference. Dr. Rosier, founder of the ADHD Center of West Michigan, explains that while empathy is often seen as a virtue, ADHDers may experience it in a more complicated way. Dr. Rosier outlines three main types of empathy: emotional, cognitive, and compassionate. Typically, employing all three types leads to well-regulated empathy. However, she notes that ADHDers frequently operate at extremes, either overly empathetic or non-empathetic. This imbalance leaves them vulnerable to several "downsides" of empathy. First, ADHDers may experience misplaced empathy, making excuses for other's inappropriate behavior. Second, getting stuck in emotional empathy can lead to empathetic distress and fatigue from taking on too many others' burdens. Dr. Rosier hypothesizes this stems from the ADHDer's desire to avoid rejection sensitivity. Third, ADHDers may underfunction by shutting down empathetically. Fourth, they may overfunction by overcompensating for other's lack of empathy. Finally, manipulative people can exploit the ADHDer's emotional empathy to gaslight without triggering their cognitive empathy. ADHD wiring leads to a complicated relationship with empathy. Our great thanks to Dr. Rosier for sharing her insights this week! Links & Notes Dr. Tamara RosierThe ADHD Center of West MichiganDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:51:42

Gaslighting & ADHD

2/29/2024
The popular 1944 film Gaslight brought the insidious behavior known as "gaslighting" into the public consciousness. But what exactly is gaslighting, and what does it have to do with ADHD? We explore this in today's episode of Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast. Dr. Deborah Vinall, author of the book Gaslighting: A Step-By-Step Recovery Guide, describes gaslighting as a pattern of behavior where one person systematically undermines another, typically as a means of gaining control. It goes beyond an occasional contradiction to a consistent effort to erode the other's confidence in their own perception of reality. So, what does this have to do with ADHD? As it turns out, quite a lot. People with ADHD are more vulnerable to gaslighting attempts for several reasons. Their symptoms of inattention, disorganization, and impulsivity are often used by gaslighters as ammunition to undermine their confidence. Being manipulated into questioning one's own memory and perception can then exacerbate ADHD symptoms like confusion, self-doubt, and struggles with focus and recall. At the same time, some behaviors driven by ADHD, like forgetfulness, tardiness, and fidgeting, can be misconstrued by others as deliberate gaslighting rather than unintentional neurological symptoms. It's important for others to understand ADHD is not an intentional or conscious effort to manipulate. Many with ADHD have experienced the painful effects of gaslighting. They describe feeling trivialized when their real daily struggles are dismissed as "dramatic" or something "everyone deals with." They feel overgeneralized and defeated when told they "never" follow through or "always" mess up, ignoring their successes. And they feel bewildered and betrayed when facts about their lives or promises made to them are denied outright by gaslighters insisting "that never happened." The good news is there are effective ways to maintain confidence and counter gaslighting with ADHD. Seeking external validation from professionals, friends, and family who understand the condition can provide reality checks when self-doubt creeps in. Setting boundaries and directly challenging false claims are also important strategies. Ultimately, it comes down to trusting your instincts, focusing on the future, and relying on facts over emotions when it comes to combating gaslighting with ADHD. Links & Notes Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy RelationshipsDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:34:28

ADHD Never Used to Be This Hard

2/22/2024
Do you remember when you were young and carefree, coasting through school assignments at the last minute? Or social engagements flowing effortlessly from one to the next? As an adult with ADHD, those days may feel like a distant memory. Suddenly, responsibilities pile up, work seems endless, and relationships require much more attention. What changed? In this episode, we explore why ADHD symptoms often worsen from childhood to adulthood. Turns out, the structured school environment and malleable young brain provided a protective cocoon. Youthful resilience and novelty-seeking behaviors also naturally complemented ADHD traits. But adult life removes those scaffolds. We're faced with open-ended choices, little external accountability, and increasingly rigid thinking patterns. Stress compounds the challenges. Without school forcing new learning, our minds stagnate. Mental elasticity gives way to knee-jerk reactions. Dopamine-seeking behaviors like substance abuse or gambling frequently emerge. It's no wonder ADHD feels debilitating. The good news? We can recreate youthful advantages through scheduling routines, mindfulness practices, brain training, and lifestyle changes. Structure liberates the ADHD mind from decision fatigue. Meditation and new hobbies boost dopamine. And cognitive exercises build mental agility. By bringing back elements of childhood, we can recapture some of its ease. The path requires diligence and self-compassion. But reclaiming our younger resilience is within reach. Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:36:34

Time Shielding, the Values Calendar, and the Schedule Saboteur

2/15/2024
We're eager to please, but at what cost? For people with ADHD, saying yes to requests from others often means sabotaging our own priorities. Urgency provides a dopamine hit; the instructions are clear. Best of all, we aren't fully responsible for the outcome. But every time we dodge our obligations to take on extra, we chip away at our future. Before automatically agreeing to favors, pause and examine your motives. Are you truly available or just procrastinating? Will you have to sacrifice critical deadlines to accommodate? Respect your time. Invest in your goals, not just other's. Your needs matter too. Stop self-sabotage disguised as service. Prioritize a future fueled by purpose, not avoidance. We talk about some key principles this week including time shielding for protecting our time from distraction, the values calendar to help align time to our values, and margin for interruption in our schedules. Links & Notes Shawn Blanc writing about MarginDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:36:04

Everything’s On Fire. Now What?

2/8/2024
When everything is on fire, how do you escape the flames? For people with ADHD, overwhelm can consume our days in a blazing mess of forgotten tasks, ignored priorities, and competing demands. Like a wildfire swallowing the horizon, the urgent eclipses the important until catastrophe looms. Fortunately, firefighters don't panic in the face of infernos. They methodically suppress the flames by targeting fuels one at a time. We can borrow their approach. Tackle the smallest task first for a quick win. Preserve your critical relationships, health, and finances. Let go of time-wasters that won't devastate. Once the blaze subsides, sift through the ashes and rebuild. Learn from the near-disaster to prepare for the next. With level-headed focus, even the most raging overwhelm can be contained. Don't let the flames consume you. Become the firefighter, armed and ready. It’s possible we’re overdoing the fire metaphor. But that’s what we do on the ADHD podcast... we lean in, even when it’s too hot to handle. Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:31:04

The ADHD Tax

2/1/2024
The ADHD Tax is real—and it's costly. A recent poll found over half of people with ADHD lose over $1000 a year to fees, fines, and forgetfulness. We call them ADHD Taxes: late bill payments, expired food, unpaid subscriptions. Benjamin Franklin said nothing is certain except death and taxes, but ADHD Taxes are optional. With planning and habits, we can eliminate these penalties that drain our time, money, and self-esteem. ADHD may be lifelong, but the taxes don't have to be. Learn to stop the cycle and keep that currency—money and time—in your pocket. The cost of a ADHD Tax? Your peace of mind. The gain from ending it? Priceless! Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:30:31

Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

1/25/2024
This week on Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, Pete and Nikki explore what it means to be uncomfortable and why that's not always a bad thing. The inspiration for this topic came from Melissa reflecting on a step in the GPS process where members review past experiences with strategies and tools from the previous week. She wondered whether it was the tool/strategy that wasn't working or if it just felt uncomfortable because it was new. Melissa asked if we're giving up too quickly on new things by saying they don't work for us when maybe we haven't given them enough time. So, what does it mean to be uncomfortable or outside your comfort zone? Dictionary definitions describe it as feeling unease, awkwardness, distress or lack of confidence. Many ADHDers regularly feel this way, and these are feelings we try to eliminate with new strategies. So why stick with a new system if it brings up the same negative emotions? There’s a bit of a sidetrack around systems with acronyms that can distract from the real effort, all while increasing discomfort, which poses the question: is discomfort important? The bottom line? Don't let initial discomfort lead you to quit on a new strategy too soon. Stick with it, and you might find great benefits once you move past the unease of the unfamiliar. Discomfort doesn't have to last forever. Links & Notes Learning to Learn and the Navigation of Moods: The Meta-Skill for the Acquisition of SkillsDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:26:05

The Antidote • A Book Talk Episode!

1/18/2024
In "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking," you're introduced to the unconventional notion that the pursuit of happiness might actually lie down a 'negative path.' Oliver Burkeman invites you to consider embracing life's uncertainties and insecurities, challenging the prevalent culture of positive thinking. Overly optimistic mindsets, he argues, can lead to a denial of reality and set you up for greater disappointment. The book delves into the idea of "negative capability," encouraging you to become comfortable with ambiguity and resist the urge to hastily resolve doubt. Burkeman guides you through the Stoic philosophy, which emphasizes controlling what you can and accepting what you cannot. He introduces you to the concept of negative visualization, a Stoic practice of contemplating the worst to temper anxiety and build resilience. This conversation also takes you through the paradox of control. Burkeman illustrates how accepting failure can be a conduit to success. He challenges the fixation on goals, advocating instead for a focus on routines, suggesting that happiness is better pursued indirectly as a byproduct of a life lived in alignment with personal values. Lastly, the book beckons you to confront the uncomfortable directly through practices like mindfulness and to appreciate life's fragility through memento mori. Burkeman introduces the concept of antifragility, where you gain strength from stressors. He proposes a balanced life approach, where accepting death, failure, and uncertainty can lead to a more authentic form of happiness. As you reflect on these ideas, you'll find "The Antidote" not just a critique of Western culture's happiness obsession but a practical guide advocating for a more realistic and accepting approach to the inevitable challenges of life. Links & Notes Buy The Antidote: Happiness for People who Can’t Stand Positive ThinkingDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:35:59

Four Thousand ADHD Weeks • A Book Talk Episode!

1/11/2024
In his provocative book Four Thousand Weeks, author Oliver Burkeman confronts our culture's obsession with productivity and efficiency. He makes the case that with a limited lifespan of around 4,000 weeks, our pursuit of packed schedules and perfect work-life balance is ultimately futile. Burkeman urges us to embrace the unchangeable reality that our time is finite. Only by accepting our human limitations, he argues, can we focus on what matters most and live with intention. Rather than desperately trying to find more time, we should recognize that time management is impossible. Every moment we gain elsewhere means a sacrifice of something else. Confronting the brevity of life is daunting but also liberating. It allows us to pare down our priorities, say no to less meaningful activities, and zero in on how we truly want to spend the days we have. Presence becomes more important than productivity. With mortality as a guidepost, we can live each moment more purposefully. The book is an enlightening take on time, work, and what makes life meaningful. Burkeman blends philosophical insights with practical advice to fundamentally reframe how we approach our use of time. Four Thousand Weeks is a compelling invitation to examine our values and construct daily routines that align with what we cherish most. Though our weeks are limited, we have the power to fill them with intentionality. Links & Notes Oliver BurkemanBuy Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for MortalsDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:35:07

ADHD and Our Mental Models for Making Decisions

1/4/2024
It's season 28 and we're kicking it off with a look at how we make decisions. See, we all have models through which we see the choices before us. We decided to start this series with a look at some of the acknowledged mental models around decision-making to help us create a vernacular we can use to discuss how our brains are impacted by choices in our lives and our ADHD. Mental models are bite-sized, condensed views that help us understand ourselves and the world around us. We explore various mental models that can both aid and hinder our decision-making, such as the tendency to want to do something, confirmation bias, hindsight bias, overgeneralizing from small samples, social proof, and opportunity costs. We discuss the importance of using these models with caution and not relying on them entirely for decision-making. Join us as we explore these fascinating concepts and gain insights into how our biases and tendencies can influence our choices. Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:46:50

Falling Back Into Your Systems

12/14/2023
We’re having so much fun talking about planning that we’re sticking with it another week! And this time, it’s all about what happens when we fall off the wagon. How do you stand up with courage and strength and admit you’ve strayed from your system? How do you face the flood of email when you get back from a well-earned vacation? We’re digging into the tools and practices that will help you get back in the saddle and shake the shame of the struggle along the way! Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:41:07

Habits & Routines Vital to Planning: An ADHD Listener Q&A

12/7/2023
We're talking about planning again and we're taking on your questions! Getting started, long-term planning, making transitions, and even AI tools are on deck for this week's show. The big topics: Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:56:17

“Finished, For Now”: Planning, Overwhelm, and Motivation

11/30/2023
Pete’s in the hot seat this week as Nikki walks through a listener question of the motivational variety. For reference, here it is: “When we have a plan of quadrant two tasks, important but not urgent, it is impossible to focus on those at all if there are ANY quadrant one tasks... urgent and important... unresolved. What’s interesting is that you might think, sure ... do those. They’re urgent and important. But the problem is that maybe you’ve done your part on them. You’re waiting for an email response... you are time-blocked from doing anything about it because a store isn’t open... something like that. It’s unresolved, AND you can’t do anything about it, AND you can’t focus on anything else that is on your list that would move other projects forward as a result.” There’s an emotional yo-yo at work here, and you can bet there is a healthy dose of limiting beliefs. But there is also a very real connection between this attachment and the ADHD brain. Nikki walks Pete through an exercise that aims to make this relationship a bit softer. Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:42:18

Why Planning Systems Fail

11/23/2023
On this week’s show, Pete and Nikki break down how to create and implement planning systems that work with the ADHD brain. “There is not a perfect calendar, planner or task manager for ADHD,” notes Nikki. “What matters is that you build trust and consistency with your chosen tools.” They start by addressing common misconceptions about finding the “right” organizational system. As Nikki explains, no one tool determines success - only your willingness to use it consistently builds planning skills. She cautions against getting distracted searching for a flawless system. What matters is finding tools that fit your workflow and building habits around using them daily. What causes so many to abandon their carefully chosen systems? They share the psychological traps that sabotage trust in planning tools, from perfectionism to learned helplessness. They discuss how forgetting to use the system consistently or failing to personalize it to your needs also hinders success. Tune in to gain insight into why your tools may be failing you. The key to results is forming a habit of using your system, not the system itself. They offer tips like starting small, scheduling planning time and allowing flexibility as you build consistency. Nikki emphasizes that mistakes are part of the process - you must persist through frustration to cement reliability. Create order amidst the chaos of ADHD through insights on building planning systems you can trust. Pete and Nikki guide you through myths, pitfalls, and practical strategies for long-term consistency. Discover how small steps create big change. Links & Notes Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:43:22

Overcoming Motivation Challenges with ADHD with Dr. Tamara Rosier

11/16/2023
In this week's episode of Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast, hosts Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright interview Dr. Tamara Rosier about motivation and ADHD. Dr. Rosier, author of "Your Brain's Not Broken," shares insights from her experiences as an ADHD coach and professor to uncover motivation strategies for those with ADHD. As Dr. Rosier explains of those living with ADHD, "There is really no research explaining our success in the modern world." Her book aims to send a "love letter" to those struggling, affirming that "You're okay. And I know it feels hard for you, but you're still okay." The hosts dive into the complicated relationship between ADHD and motivation. Dr. Rosier notes that while ADHD can make people appear self-centered as they struggle to survive, most "are incredibly sensitive" and "heart forward." Pete adds that ADHD allows people to "forget the important things"—like basic needs—while seeking self-actualization. Dr. Rosier agrees this makes success especially difficult, as "easy things are very difficult" for those with ADHD, yet they still accomplish much. To build motivation, Dr. Rosier suggests first assessing your values—why something matters. She coaches Nikki to uncover beliefs like "I should enjoy cooking" that create pressure. Next, acknowledge the difficulty but willingness to do hard things. Tie actions to values, not beliefs that demotivate. Dr. Rosier advises imagining your future self; what actions would serve them well? For her, laying out morning clothes helps future Tamara. Finally, notice existing successes instead of dismissing them. Despite feeling inconsistent, for example, Pete already walks his dog each and every morning. While discussing motivation, Dr. Rosier exposes thought patterns that sabotage us. Beating yourself up rarely helps. Instead, start by naming emotions and difficulties without judgment. Accept dissonance between wants and responsibilities. Motivation takes self-awareness, values exploration, and celebrating every step forward. Here are a few key takeaways: With compassionate insight, Dr. Rosier exposes why motivation is so complex yet possible. This inspiring episode explores practical strategies to overcome motivation challenges. Anyone seeking to understand themselves and build motivation from within will find this a thoughtful listen. Links & Notes Learn more about Dr. Tamara RosierFollow Dr. Tamara Rosier on LinkedInGet the book: “Your Brain's Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD” by Dr. Tamara Rosier ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:58:12

Creating a Joyful Life with ADHD

11/9/2023
Nikki Kinzer and Pete Wright aim to explore the meaning of joy, the differences between joy and happiness, and practical ways to cultivate more joy in daily life living with ADHD. This episode dives into the essence of joy, including surprise moments as well as practices that help align us to experience joy more frequently. Nikki shares insights from a recent retreat focused on sound, music, and vibrations for generating joy and harmony in life. Key points covered: Questions we answer in this episode: Key Takeaways: This is an uplifting episode on aligning ourselves to notice and generate more joy in daily life. Quotes like "the past no longer counts, the future hasn't been written yet" inspire us to be present for fleeting moments of joy. Links & Notes Learning to Learn and the Navigation of Moods: The Meta-Skill for the Acquisition of SkillsThe 5 Second Rule: Transform Your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday CourageDr. Lisa Feldman Barrett: How to Understand Emotions - Huberman LabDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:42:40

On Optimism and Our ADHD

11/2/2023
The world can be a tough place. We know that our ADHD doesn't make that any easier. But our health and well-being depend heavily on the worldview we cultivate in spite of our challenges. This week, we're talking about optimism, how we find it, and how we make it a practice in the face of struggle. We’ll talk about the things that get in the way of our efforts to feel optimistic like emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity, an impulsivity. The thing is, in the face of all those challenges, we’re already wired with our other tools to regain control. We’re generally OK with therapy and strengths-based approaches to wellbeing, for example. So let’s explore mental models that impact us. These include Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset, Cognitive-Behavioral models, and Martin Seligman’s Explanatory Style theory. That’s the one that has impacted Pete the most this month. For the sound of a mind being blown, listen in. This episode is brought to you by Stimara. Get your next favorite fidget and engage your brain with a fidget designed by neurodiverse adults for neurodiverse adults and save 15% along the way. Visit Stimara for yours today, and thank you to Stimara for Sponsoring The ADHD Podcast! Links & Notes StimaraDig into the podcast Shownotes Database ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

Duration:00:33:05