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Episode 36 :: Boob Food

Behold: the on-going nightmare of “SONIC HIGH SCHOOL” by DarkDoomFireMaster. The plot dissolves into nothingness and vague recollections leaving us questioning the essentials: why are people giving other people their baby teeth, why are there fuel gauges on breasts, and... Knuckles Jr. ​Why? Readers: Stevo, David, Shawn, Val, Scout, Waffle For links and more info, head to the main episode page:

Duration: 01:42:17

Episode 35 :: You Need to Rub Some Poutine on Your Junk, Logan

With Stevo and Valerie out sick with the flu, the remaining three hosts and gaggle of guests run amok (not really), break several laws (not even close), and read some terrible fanfiction (there we go). We're back to the world of “SONIC HIGH SCHOOL” by DarkDoomFireMaster where apparently there are now Trump supporters. As if everything else wasn't already terrible about this story! Questionable familiar relations abound in this exciting installment! Readers: David, Logan, Shawn, Lack of...

Duration: 02:08:32

Episode 34 :: I Fix Cars and Poop Angrily

"SONIC HIGH SCHOOL" by DarkDoomFireMaster is making us question the basis of most organic processes, like birth and pooping. Alas, we soldier on into another romp back to high school times with our favorite blue blur. This story is so good, in fact, that it ruined two weeks worth of episodes after this with hardware issues! YAY SONIC!​ Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Mirri, Afrohawk For links and more info, head to the main episode page:...

Duration: 01:44:49

Episode 33 :: Now I Gotta Be Your Dad

We're finally on the other side of the tunnel and back into the fun stuff. Well, mostly fun stuff. I guess it depends on your definition of fun. In this episode we start reading "SONIC HIGH SCHOOL" by DarkDoomFireMaster. I don't want to spoil anything but there's a lot of drama that anyone who's been through high school can most definitely, probably, potentially - okay probably actually can't relate to. Watch out for fast poops.​ Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Tehmsu, Zak For...

Duration: 02:11:49

Episode 32 :: Mugman

FINALLY! We finished it. Link’s Queen’s Zelda fanfic, “My Inner Life” is DONE. Holy shit, that was awful. So many cat noises. So many quotes that weren't separated by paragraphs for different people. "My Inner Life" was freaking awful top to bottom. Join us as we celebrate the end of one of the most infamously bad Mary Sue stories in the fanficverse. We cleanse our pallets with some Cuphead (yes) fanfiction - "The Hand You're Dealt" by lacrimalis. It's so well written that Stevo almost...

Duration: 01:44:28

Episode 31 :: Cloaca Shake

Somewhere, out in the horizon, a silver lining is beginning to take shape. The end of Link’s Queen’s repugnant Zelda fanfic, “My Inner Life” is nearing. In the meantime... WE WANT THIS RIDE TO BE OVER. PLEASE LET US OFF. WE DO NOT WANT TO LIVE IN HYRULE ANYMORE. THIS STORY IS CRIMINALLY BAD. THE SUFFERING IS REAL. Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Shawn, Asterol, Swiss For links and more info, head to the main episode page:

Duration: 01:45:18


HOORAY FOR JAZZ! JAZZ HAS SAVED US! GARFIELD HAS SAVED US! LASAGNA IS LIFE! We bask in the glory of a story that isn't Link’s Queen’s "My Inner Life". Then, unfortunately, we had to go back to "My Inner Life". Everyone was sad. But we got by, because it's what we do. Fortunately "Garfield Land” by Shakespear Hemmingway warms our souls for a moment as the meat, cheese, and noodles of that famous fat cat's favorite Italian treat warms his cynical cockles. Yes, just about anything is better...

Duration: 02:01:53

Episode 29:: I Didn't Give You Handy Because We Were Watching Space Dandy

That's it. We've had enough! Too many weeks of this drek lucid dreaming Hyrule Mary Sue bull. We finally reach our limit and take a reprieve from Link’s Queen’s Zelda fanfic: “My Inner Life”. We read through a few pages but then switch gears to a much more enjoyable story from a much better author, with much more well developed characters and funnier lines and everything: "Garfield Land" by the aptly-named Shakespear Hemmingway It was great. Maybe you do really need to go through hell to...

Duration: 01:45:46

Episode 28 :: Cat Noises

Link’s Queen’s Zelda fanfic: “My Inner Life” continues. We have no words anymore. Only cat noises. There's no hope. Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Mana, Jared For links and more info, head to the main episode page:

Duration: 02:11:19

Episode 27 :: L-Ron Boots

The following message was found in a large glass jar, next to the remains of a fairy of some sort: "If you're reading this then I am likely already beyond help. It feels like I've been wandering these lands for a millennia already, yet I am no closer to my goal. I don't remember who I am anymore, or how I'm able to write this. This realm, this entire reality, was created just for me by her. And she will not leave me alone. She says my blue eyes are eternal, and then I am able to see the...

Duration: 01:38:55

Episode 26 :: Cucoos and Cocksters

WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! The liberal media of Hyrule is brainwashing you! Okay, no, they're really not, we just went a bit off the rails with right-wing conspiracy theories this episode. Another week, another pointless session of lucid dream self-indulgence from Link’s Queen’s “My Inner Life”, and her dreamworld of Hyrule. Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Cyril, Sollux For links and more info, head to the main episode page:...

Duration: 01:56:01

Episode 25 :: Some People Had Good Dads

This is the stuff of nightmares. Our Season 5 longfic reading, Link’s Queen's “My Inner Life”, is so bad that our computer hardware stopped working properly. Yes, we had to re-record this episode on a Sunday because we had technical issues. May the memory forever stain us. In this episode we finally get to the bonding ceremony (not the good kind of bonding either) - plus pizza burps and general malaise ahoy! Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn For links and more info, head to the main...

Duration: 01:30:44

Episode 24 :: Don't Eat Them Grapes

Our second foray into the world of Hyrule as lucidly dreamed by Link’s Queen in our Season 5 lognfic reading: “My Inner Life”. For reals, it gets a bit hot and heavy right up until Dracula shows up (our Dracula, not Dracula in the story). Laughs were had, tears were shed, and we definitely ruined a few legacies. Now if you'll excuse us, we've got to go commission some Carl on Carl erotic art.​ Readers: Stevo, David, Logan, Val, Shawn, Moguta For links and more info, head to the main...

Duration: 02:12:07

Episode 23 :: American Splits

Behold the cosmic horror that is "American Splits" a story by Heisanevilgenius, aka Peter Chimera, aka Tom White who joins the fantastic fivesome in this very episode! We named it right at the start of our show, even, for no apparent reason! Game of Thrones will never be the same again. Following that, we finally get started on our longfic for the season: "My Inner Life" by Link's Queen. This thing almost predates the internet, people. It was made in the late 90's as part of someone's...

Duration: 02:13:24

Episode 22 :: HGTV Satan

Two "titillating" tales to terrify! The first, "Masturbation for Dummies (Gold Edition)" by Redtana is a My Little Pony fic featuring magical self-pleasuring. It'll make you ask profound questions like: "does mutual masturbation counts as the 'friendship' part of 'Friendship is Magic'." The second story, "Tension Relief" by TrainMaster64, will remind you just how creepy Thomas the Tank Engine is and then crank that creep up to 11 with eerie erotica. Toot-toot!​ Readers: Stevo, David, Val,...

Duration: 01:18:59

Episode 21 :: I Married a Lie

We return to conclude the confusing and thoroughly inappropriate real-life celebrity fanfic, "Ghost Riding Fergus Riordan" by JakeB, which includes camera angles and confusing genitals. It left a pretty nasty taste in our mouths so we decided to dive right into a My Little Pony story guaranteed to offend with "Rainbow and Sonic have a Religious Experience" by Flutterpriest. It's awesome to confirm that Jesus not only vapes but also can do sick tricks with a fidget spinner. The smut in that...

Duration: 01:59:46

Episode 20 :: Angus Gaped

Nerdy Show's Tony and Cap us team up with us to read some truly outrageously bad fanfic. Jem and the Holograms is a property that should have been ripe for the plucking when it comes to weird erotica, but author Tira Ravenwing shows us that no - the sexual adventures of The Holograms and The Misfits are off-key and boring. Submitted for your disapproval: "Island Interlude" and "Tangled Web Flattery". But don't worry fam, we've got some toxic fic to wash it all down with: "Ghost Riding...

Duration: 02:01:16

Episode 19 :: 'a'he'er U'i'ed

Mmm, British sexiness. In this episode it's not just our upper lips we're keeping stiff. We finally get the chance to touch The Doctor in "Dirty Laundry" by emeraldeyedirishdaughter. For many, David Tennant is sexy. For us... this was pretty freaking unsexy. Behold as rookie readers get riotous and try to pick apart plot and logic which isn't there. The alcohol will teach them, and teach them well. We chase the Whovian smut with a My Little Pony story, because this year Friday Night...

Duration: 01:25:46

Episode 18 :: Charlie Browm

Dust off your best-worn Vans, friends! In this episode we read the pro-skateboarder slashfic you never knew you wanted: "Tony, Cindy and Bam make a Porno" by "Mann Rice" and Nodachie. Yup. Wax your boards, folks. And by "boards" we mean both your skateboard as well as whatever phallic object you're sporting... because Tony Hawk and Bam Margera are about to "grind". Next we read "A Charlie Brown Christmas" by Author Obscure. We thought it was going to be whimsical. Well, it's only really...

Duration: 01:42:27

Episode 17 :: Time and Lube Heal All Wounds

Start your Friday off right with some breakfast. How about some toast? But... "by start "right" we mean start very, very wrong. This is Friday Night Fanfiction after all. In "Toaster Face" by Eerosama Lady Gaga gets fresh with a cooking toaster. Yeah. It was pretty awful. Then we move on to indie game sensation, Undertale. It's a first for us here on the show and in "THE WORST FUCKING UNDERTALE FANFICTION" by TerribleWriterWithTerribleStories we get quite the introduction. Join us on a...

Duration: 01:51:42

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