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Gabatron Morning Briefing

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.

Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.
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Chicago, IL


Each morning Keith Conrad will give you a few stories useful for starting conversations around the water cooler at work. Assuming that your office actually has a water cooler.




8-24-15: Strangers On A (French) Train

3 American servicemen tackled a would-be gunman on a train in France. They are obviously being hailed as heroes, and have already gotten a thank you call from President Obama. Authorities say he was an Islamic extremist, but his lawyer says he was just homeless and trying to rob the train. Two Canadian law firms have filed a $578 million class action lawsuit against the people who run Ashley Madison. In technology news, USA Today is reporting that some local police departments are solving...


8-17-15: Parenting Tips From The NFL

Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison was upset because his sons were given “participation” trophies, so he gave them back. New research indicates that women take break-ups harder at the beginning, but men upset about them for a longer period of time. New research indicates that women take break-ups harder at the beginning, but men upset about them for a longer period of time. Plus, George Will told Chris Wallace on Fox News Sunday that people underestimate how fragile Donald Trump...


8-12-15: Vote With Your Selfie Stick

New Hampshire has decided to make “Ballot Selfies” legal. The state of Alabama is facing a $300 million budget shortfall. Rather than just deal with politics as usual, one state Senator took matters into his own hands and created a GoFundMe page to make up the difference. In science news, new data suggests that the universe is very slowly dying. People in the news, Brian Williams suspension from NBC News is officially over. Plus, a couple in France drove 90 miles before they realized they...


8-11-15: The Walking (And Texting) Dead

Pedestrian deaths are on the rise, and people who text and walk at the same time are to blame. The University of Michigan is looking at getting their rowdy fraternities in line by bringing back “House Moms.” A new study by a University of Chicago professor suggests that if you live on a tree-lined street, you’re likely to be healthier and even smarter. In technology news, according to a new report from NBC News, China has been actively targeting the personal email accounts of White House...


8-6-15: Driving With A Short Attention Span

According to a new study, teens texting while driving is actually being driven by FOMO, that would be “Fear Of Missing Out.” The average American CEO earns 216 times more than their average employee. Former President George W. Bush surprised the people at a court house in Dallas when he reported for jury duty. In technology news, Tesla Motors has announced that their new Model X will be hitting the road in September. Plus, HitchBOT’s journey continues despite his brutal murder in the city...


8-5-15: Babytalking Gorillas

New research indicates bonobo chimps have mastered the art of babytalk. The lineup for the first Republican Presidential debate on Thursday has been announced. It turns out the GPS system is vulnerable to hacking attacks. Kermit and Miss Piggy have announced that they have ended their relationship. Plus, Ultimate Frisbee could soon become an Olympic sport.


8-4-15: They Don't Love Hunters, And It Shows

Delta Airlines has decided to ban lion, leopard, elephant, rhino, buffalo trophies on their airplanes. A 103 year old World War II veteran is still reporting for duty at his job five days a week. In technology news, Google has quietly been running its self-driving car program under a subsidiary company called Google Auto LLC. Gawker decided to give out Donald Trump's cell phone number on their website. Plus, a chicken in Massachusetts has been given a $2500 prosthetic leg.


7-31-14: All Of This Has Happened Before

In technology news, the Obama administration has issued an executive order calling for the creating of a supercomputer 30 times faster than anything in existence. The European Space Agency has announced their Philae lander detected several elements essential to life during its landing in November. People in the news, the last time we heard from Jose Canseco, he shot his finger off. Now he’s decided to dress and live as a woman for a week in solidarity with Caitlyn Jenner.


7-30-15: World Mourns Loss Of Beloved Flesh-Eating Killing Machine

The dentist who killed Cecil the Lion has had to close his office in Minnesota. People have turned the area in front of the office into a makeshift memorial for Cecil. A piece of a flaperon washed up on Réunion Island in the Indian Ocean. A school district in Florida started to monitor students’ and teachers’ social media posts. Plus, Rick Perry responded to unending criticism from Donald Trump by challenging him to a pull-up contest.


7-29-15: Attack Of The Drones

Amazon wants the FAA to create a “Drone Zone” to make it a little easier for them to use them to deliver stuff to customers. President Obama told a group of people in Ethiopia that if he ran for a third term, he could win. Tom Brady’s four game suspension has been upheld by the NFL. The players union says they will appeal the decision. In technology news, A new app called “MileHi” lets you search for people interested in meeting up at the airport and maybe even in the air while you’re...


7-28-15: Super Intelligence Robot Overlords

Stephen Hawking and my man crush Elon Musk have signed onto an open letter calling for a ban on artificially intelligent weapons. Chicago Public Schools are increasingly looking at alternative ways of making some extra money to fill in budget gaps. In technology news, A man is suing Conan O’Brien saying that he has been stealing his jokes on Twitter. Plus, scientists studying whales have a new ally. Engineers have developed a new remotely operated vehicle that can easily collect snot...


7-27-15: Morons Have Freedom Of Speech Too

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal was on Face The Nation and said the Westboro Baptist Church shouldn’t try protesting funerals there, and if they do, they’ll be arrested. In Technology news, Twitter has decided to crack down on users who steal other people’s clever tweets. In politics, Someone has created a website where users rank members of the United States Congress by their sexiness. Plus, A Kuwait Airlines pilot decided it was a good idea to invite a porn star into the cockpit.


7-24-15: Nation Mourns Loss Of Alien/Human Hybrid Protector

A California man’s body was found decomposing with $230,000, 1,200 firearms and 6 tons of ammunition. A woman visiting Yellowstone decided it was a good idea to take a selfie with a bison. In science news, NASA's exoplanet-hunting Kepler spacecraft has spotted another Earth-like world.


7-23-15: Unwanted Economics Lecture

A Seattle bartender got a lecture in economics instead of a tip. David Letterman and Jerry Seinfeld have asked that their endorsements of a 2014 biography of Bill Cosby. In technology news, a group of former Apple engineers have created an idiot-proof oven. CBS has ordered a series about a Congressional staffer who discovers that aliens have eaten the brains of everyone on Capitol Hill.


7-22-15: First They Came For The Butt-Dialers

A federal appeals court ruled Tuesday that accidental phone calls aren’t private. Military recruiters are saying ‘thanks but no thanks’ to the armed civilians who have decided to stand guard at recruiting centers. A NASA-funded study suggests that human beings could return to the Moon as early as 2021. A federal appeals court has thrown out five of 18 counts against convicted former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich. Plus, Iowa Cubs outfielder Anthony Giansanti has a little crush on UFC...


7-21-15: Hitchhiking Robot Invasion

A new lawsuit is asking for people to be paid overtime for answering work emails after hours. was the third-highest trafficked government-run domain last week. Russian billionaire Yuri Milner has pledged to give $100 million to the effort to find intelligent life out there in the cosmos. A robot called HitchBOT is hitchhiking across America. Rachael Dolezal is back. Already. Plus, The Backstreet Boys and NSync are making a comeback, this time as movie starts.


7-20-15: Strict Dress Code

A medical center in Ohio has instituted a strict dress code: no unusual hair color, beards must be trimmed, no visible piercings other than two per ear, pantyhose or tights with skirts, and cover tattoos. In other words, look professional. Seems reasonable, right? Well, they’ve also banned employees from going commando. A Los Angeles woman has become an Internet folk hero after she decided to turn the tables on a telemarketer by recording their conversation. The Sun decided it was a good...


7-17-15: Hastening The Inevitable Robot Uprising

Google’s self-driving cars just keep getting into accidents, and none of them are the fault of the cars. A jury convicted Colorado theater shooter James Holmes of first-degree murder and attempted murder for killing 12 people and wounding 70 others. Siri is a great source of information for iPhone users, but now it’s apparently correcting mistakes. People in the news, you’re about to see a lot less of the Duggars. Plus, it’s summer time and that means two things: Shark attacks and kids...


7-16-15: Highly Evolved Stinking Paws

American and Spanish researchers studied the hands of chimps, orangutans, humans, as well as those of human ancestors and ancient apes. President Obama was asked about Bill Cosby during his press conference on Wednesday. Amazon is saying that their birthday sale just surpassed Black Friday in rate of sales. Donald Trump has released his financial particulars. Plus, an online petition is asking that Outkast be added to the Stone Mountain monument.


7-15-15: Technology Addicted Millennials

A new survey says an overwhelming majority of millennials would quit their job if they weren’t allowed to text or use social media. A single dad in Pennsylvania is upset after he walked into a Target store with his daughters and saw an action figure of a scantly clad woman with a chain around her neck. Netflix is expected to announce it has 65 million worldwide subscribers today. A lawsuit is asking Major League Baseball to put up nets along the entire grandstand to protect fans. Plus, the...


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