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Important If True

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Episodes

Important If True 41: A Very Happy Cow

12/16/2017
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There are certain pieces of knowledge, things one has observed or learned, that become like a single grain of sand in the folds of the brain. An itch you can't scratch, can't make go away. Something you know to be true but no one else sees, or the tiniest word out of place, a colloquial phrase misused by a friend. For you and your itchy brain, we are here. Rub your face up against this podcast and we'll grind those grains of mental sand away (while only adding a few new ones in the...

Duration: 01:03:00


Important If True 40: Tactical Turtle and the Songsmith

12/10/2017
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Sorry for the late episode—it took us a bit of work to figure out how to record Nick remotely without a quality hit, but we're happy with where we ended up! With Nick Breckon now contained within the computerized realm, this week's Important If True takes an algorithmic bent as we soldier on to discuss the issues that matter most. For instance: If you blast Billy Idol from a boombox while covering your body in memes, will the Terminator let you in the front door? If DeepMind doesn't know...

Duration: 01:14:42


Important If True ?!: No Podcast This Week

12/1/2017
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Nick Breckon is somewhere on the West Coast of North America, and that's all we know. Unfortunately we don't have an episode for you this week, as we're still sorting this all out. Listen in as we fumble our way towards that conclusion, and stick around for future episodes of Important If True!

Duration: 00:03:13


Important If True 39: Organoids and the Human Mini-Brains

11/23/2017
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Join us for a very special Important If True, as we celebrate the season by giving thanks. Thanks for treasured relics from childhoods long passed, for new creations from Boston Dynamics, and for the gift of humanity itself—at least for a little while longer. Along the way, we'll answer pressing questions, like: Is a clumsy and dubiously-sentient cube of metal your friend, your enemy, or a citizen of Saudi Arabia? Who will triumph in the inevitable conflict between backflipping robots and...

Duration: 01:05:22


Important If True 38: The Terrible Power of Knowledge

11/17/2017
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Things are starting to come together. Everything is clicking into place. But somehow…it's not adding up. The more you understand, the less sense it all makes. Fortunately, we're here to help, so ask away. For instance: Why is the number 314 omnipresent, and what does it have to do with Stephen Hawking? Can anything stop honey magnate Ray Liotta's dogged pursuit of fast food endorsement deals? And how do you convince the Taco Bell drive-through guy that you're secretly a lascivious...

Duration: 01:04:13


Important If True 37: Uncharacteristically Cursed

11/9/2017
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We're not sure what your friend told you when they handed you this podcast, but you might not want to press play. Not because it's bad or something (we're pretty proud of it actually), but because, let's just say, it's incredibly cursed. If you dare listen, it may not turn out well for you in the long term. That said, no risk is without its rewards. In this case, you can listen to us puzzle through some crucial questions of the ages, like: Is Walt Whitman alive? Who is the Ketchup King,...

Duration: 01:02:49


Important If True 36: Never Say Goodbye

11/2/2017
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Nothing is permanent, especially not these days. You look away for a second and look back, and the world around you has changed, subtly. A TV you swear wasn't there a moment before is yelling at you about something that doesn't exist yet. Your friend turns to you, his shirt changed to a logo you've never seen before, and you think you know what he's going to say - he's going to ask you important questions about the world around him, questions like "How can you best maintain the integrity...

Duration: 01:00:58


Important If True 35: Hammacher, Schlemmer, and You

10/27/2017
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When we walked into your living room, and our eyes fell on your fine imported Brazilian Eucalyptis Coffee Table With Integrated Aquarium, we couldn't help but notice that the smartphone, tablet, or other in-home electronic device that signifies your wealth and worldliness was left open to Important If True. "How captivating you must be," we thought, as we leafed through the episode and wondered which of life's biggest conundrums you'd be puzzling through with us, what advice you sought and...

Duration: 00:57:57


Important If True 34: This is Celebrity Explainer

10/19/2017
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Can cold spaghetti enable your rise as a charismatic cult leader? How do you outrun your own 17-hour-tape-delayed ghost? How do you fight your homeowner's association? The world is confusing. Fortunately, each week, there's one source to which you can turn: WikiHow. Discussed: Botnik Writer, Celebrity Explainer, eating cold spaghetti, mundane perception-alternate events, becoming a highly captivating charismatic cult leader, Roy Batty in Blade Runner, modern technology enabling you to...

Duration: 00:57:46


Important If True 33: The Meme Scream

10/13/2017
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AAAAAAaahhhHHGHhggg! Oh, excuse us, that was just our podcasting equipment warming up. When you taste something gross, what compels you to tell your friend to try it? Or worse, to keep eating it? If we hear someone has wished for something, why the compulsion to wish it away? If something great is on TV, why violate it? In short: Why do we do things we know are bad for us? If we knew, we wouldn't be here. Join us! Discussed: the trash kids love to eat, Jake's dark compulsion, Jake's...

Duration: 01:02:40


Important If True 32: A Wish Upon a Star

10/5/2017
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Your dreams have come true, assuming you dream of a podcast in which we do our best to work through the world's biggest questions, starting with these: Why are twentysomething Canadian robots putting septuagenarian Canadian humans out of work? Is Google Street View less creepy or more creepy if you're the one taking the photos? And, when Clifford got big we know it came from love, but was that love tainted by science gone wrong, or the touch of some malevolent wizard? These truths and more...

Duration: 01:09:59


Important If True 31: The Illusion of Control

9/28/2017
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We're going on a trip through the world's most bizarre mysteries, unanswerable conundrums, and dumb news, and it's going to take a while, so pack something healthy. No, we said healthy. Okay, fine if that's what you want. This week: If you have to babysit a ten year old version of yourself for the weekend, do you both get paid? What do ants see in you anyway? And, when you push a button that you know does nothing, has the satisfaction you felt when pushing it given that button a purpose?...

Duration: 01:01:00


Important If True 30: The Octopus Affair

9/21/2017
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While we grapple with the mysteries of the world around us, while we do our best to solve your conundrums, provide you with advice, and tease out your bizarre hypothetical situations, we are being watched. Watched, judged, and pitied, by beings beyond our perception, hovering outside our senses on the edges of our reality. These beings fear for us, not for the damage we might do to them, but for the damage we might do to ourselves. And for our part, we barely know when they're there. In...

Duration: 01:08:59


Important If True 29: Untethered From Reality

9/14/2017
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Each week we do our best to take your deeply important questions, distill them down to their essence, and find the truth within. Or something we make up. But sometimes, once in a big moon, the truth hits too close to home, burns too hot, is too real. Sometimes something so unbelievably perfect happens, the universe itself tries to erase it. Before it can get there, we'll tell you all about it. Discussed: popcorn, the number you call that tells you what time it is, a regrettable news...

Duration: 01:00:52


Important If True 28: It Will Not Be Reused

9/7/2017
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You probably think you're pretty smart. Well, Einstein, chew on this: If a tree falls in an empty forest in an empty universe, does it make a virtual sound? Is Colonel Sanders really a powerful sorcerer? And, if so, can he bid Chuck E. Cheese robots carry out his every whim? Open your mind, and destroy all your preconceptions. They will not be reused. Discussed: KFC virtual reality training program, Burger King Subservient Chicken, "Keep fucking that chicken", real magic, Chuck E. Cheese...

Duration: 01:03:31


Important If True 27: Join and Undermine

8/31/2017
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Careful listeners might detect a hidden message in this podcast. Are you attuned to our frequency? Keep that in mind as you ponder these eternal mysteries: Is it better to smell a rose, or is it better to get your ass going? Are sneeze sabotage strategies all in your imagination? What's the deal with fidget spinners anyway? And does any of this matter? One thing is clear. At the end of the day, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and undermine 'em. Discussed: fidget spinner, FÏDGT™, German...

Duration: 01:04:53


Important If True 26: Get Hype

8/24/2017
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U mad? Yeah, u mad. Look, get a hold of yourself, and consider these conundrums. If a driverless car has a driver, but the driver is dressed as a car seat, is Tom Cruise a passenger? If your DNA gets hacked by teens, which memes will you use to plug the holes? And what passive-aggressive slogan should you print on the jigsaw puzzle you give to your pharmacist? Get hype for this episode of "You May Be Retired, But You'll Always Be a Dentist." Discussed: man dressed as car seat, dressing...

Duration: 01:06:16


Important If True 25: The Fresno Experiment

8/10/2017
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Our weekly attempt to decipher greater truths from the bustle and hum of the world gets sidetracked, by the loudest hum ever heard. As we listen to what sounds like the vibration of a tens of thousands of tiny wings amplify with urgency, we ask ourselves these questions: Why would scientists release tens of thousands of mosquitoes into the town of Fresno, California? Why did economists flood Fresno with the world's first credit cards sixty years before they filled it with mosquitos? What...

Duration: 01:05:58


Important If True 24: Eye Explodes, Brain Expands

7/26/2017
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If a podcast could answer all your deepest questions about existence, would you listen to it? Before you answer, consider this week's conundrums: Does an Amazon shopping algorithm know your own home better than you do? Are meme GIFs contagious, and if so, can they give your hard drive a cold? When a security robot drowns in a mall fountain, is the robot played by Mel Gibson or Joe Pesci? Now, choose. (If you choose incorrectly, a robot will put you in a dumpster.) Discussed: Resin...

Duration: 01:06:57


Important If True 23: To Me, To Me, To Me

7/20/2017
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A podcast of deeply important questions, asked by you, answered by us as truthfully as we can. This week: What is Jeff Goldblum doing in hundreds of the world's bathrooms? If an artificial intelligence is forced to speak English, are its civil rights being compromised? Could the government turn your mother into a ringtone? If this episode is found by an Amazon resale bot, we grant you permission to reprint a transcript of its contents on a smartphone case or shower curtain. Discussed:...

Duration: 01:00:19

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