On The Road | A Musician's Guide
Ep6. THE VILLAGE FETE
The ubiquitous village fete are to most a somewhat inoffensive way to spend a Sunday. Procuring homemade jams and three goes at belting fake animals with sticks as they fly down a plastic tube for the cool price of £1 is all part the English genius. For musicians supplying the soundtrack to such events this kind of alfresco performance can really make you rethink your life choices.
Ep5. THE BANDLEADER
There are such a variety of bandleaders. Some of them lovable hooligans and some you’d best keep your head down to avoid being the target of their own bizarre brand of power trip. It’s incredible how an ordinary, reasonably innocuous, individuals can instantly transform into your archetypal sociopath once presented with a shiny new baton.
Ep 4. THE CRUISE SHIP
I have a tough time trying to convince people outside the music business that working on a cruise ship is not, in any way, glamorous. I find myself repelling opinions such as, “the opportunity to play your instrument whilst enjoying a sunny holiday and travelling to far reaching, exotic places, does sound appealing”. Sadly it doesn’t work like that and although you have ample opportunity to murder any unwanted bandmates by shoving them overboard, that’s about the only perk of the gig.
Ep3. THE ROAD TRIP
It’s always nice when you read a job sheet and see that a gig is only 10 minutes from your house, but more often than not your heart sinks as you discover a gig is in fact a terrifying distance. These journeys, although on the surface seem reasonably innocuous, can occasionally throw up some absolute gems.
Ep2. THE SERVICE STATION
A necessary evil, service stations provide a much needed respite during protracted journeys. Like Willy Wonka’s factory these places are filled with endless quantities of sugary snacks, beverages, toilets with unique aromas and of course the one thing every person needs after a long drive, slot machines.
Ep1. THE FUNCTION
Exasperating as they are, functions do come in handy when your cash flow isn’t what you’d hope. Despite surrendering another piece of your soul in the pursuit of such funds, most musicians are blessed with a plethora of stories which are both priceless and disturbing.