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Pitney & Amelia's Bitchen Boutique

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Superfluous Ethnic joke

As we hung out on New Year's Eve, awaiting the frustration of neighborhood fireworks, we talked about how our holidays went, since we hadn't seen each other since our families spent Thanksgiving together! Neither of our Christmases went as planned, but they were still reasonably okay. Hear about Pitney's new obsession and Amelia's Christmas win! Then we fantasized about the best lives we could imagine, pretending that at midnight we could flip a switch and live exactly the life we wanted....

Duration: 01:41:10

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound of Chafing

Did you ever regret not buying something that you never saw again? We reminisce about some really good stuff that got away. Then a quick Hatin' on Satan that goes easy on the hatin'! And finally, we talk about genetics vs history. Nature vs nurture. Your DNA vs your family tree. Which is most important? And why do people get them confused? And shouldn't Ben Affleck just nut up and let people hear about how his family had slaveowners in it? And should Pitney get some lederhosen? They ARE...

Duration: 01:08:59

Jackin in a Winter Wonderland pt 2

Don’t assume that because we don’t agree with you or because you think we’re being callous that we haven’t experienced assault. Because we both have. Multiple times. We share some of those stories in this episode to illustrate various points. TRIGGER WARNING, because we do go into detail. We talk about the difference between men and women, in particular the difference between how gay men approach men vs how straight men approach women. And Pitney even tells a story of the former Doctor Who...

Duration: 00:33:06

Jackin' in a Winter Wonderland pt 1

There’s a lot of talk, pretty much everywhere you look, about sexual assault, sexual harassment, pedophilia, and general creepiness. We can’t seem to stop talking about it either. This turned into a two-part discussion about all of that, the way it’s being handled in the media, the different ways of looking at the different types of incidents, and the danger of seeing the world in black and white. We touch on (eww) Weinstein, CK, Spacey, Franken, and Roy Moore. (You’ll notice this was...

Duration: 00:56:51

Fudgin' Fudgey Fudge!

Some of those conversations we had for the last episode went on for so long we haven't stopped talking yet! First, a little more about Walking Dead, Xena, and Star Trek. Then dumb people who get offended by cussing. (Fuck them.) The time Pitney called hotel security on his own party, and that other time his bare ass upset a sensitive soul. "A little drag, a little Star Trek." Then we can't help but break into some really old Doctor Who filk songs. Also, Amelia loves Jeff Goldblum and the...

Duration: 01:07:01

Thankful 2: Electric Boogaloo

It's Thanksgiving time again, and we've got some new tales of gratitude for you! Amelia talks about the radio program that's been inspiring her for almost a quarter century, and a TV show that finally lived up to its potential. Pitney talks about how being fabulous enriches his life and how his friends are the most supportive family anyone could ask for. And we give huge props to the #PodernFamily. They know why! And then somehow there's a story about partying with the Soviet track...

Duration: 00:55:44

Losing My Head

This week is a bit of a mishmash. First, Pitney tells Amelia about the new Kingsmen movie and how the theater he went to was also a church begging for congregants. Creepy. Then Amelia unloads about the new kind of stupid people she's been dealing with at work and how they make her stabbity. And Pitney had a dream so strange it freaked out his therapist! what do YOU think it means? All that and a quickie about Verity Noslen? It feels like Christmas! We love you for listening! Please take...

Duration: 01:02:34

Danse Macabre - A Halloween Special!

Happy Halloween and a Blessed Samhain to you all! Get ready for an episode jam-packed with Halloween goodies! Amelia teaches you about why stereotypical witches wear pointy black hats, have brooms and cats, and boil things in cauldrons! And Pitney teaches us all sorts of crazy things about bats! Plus we debut two new semi regular segments: Hatin' on Satan (a look at people who blame Satan for everything they don't like) and Bitchen in the Kitchen (an exploration of recipes and cooking...

Duration: 01:18:16


It's Friday the 13th! Are you superstitious? Even a little bit? Pitney and Amelia discuss all the weird superstitious things they do, even if they have no idea why. Knocking on wood, not stepping on a crack, praying to st Anthony, not opening umbrellas indoors, and some really goofy ones. And then, in honor of Friday the 13th, Pitney shares a Jason Voorhees find with Amelia that makes her jump up and run around the room for a bit. You will be disgusted, but you'll laugh, we promise. And...

Duration: 00:49:15

Period. Movies.

Did you hear about the woman who lost her job because she got her period at work? Amelia is pissed off, and thinks if women talked about their periods more often and with more people, someday men wouldn't be so scared and dumb about such a basic biological reality. And guess who else lost her job because of her period? (Well, sorta.) Verity. You'll love it. And Pitney hates seeing movies in public. Movie theaters infuriate him. Mostly because of people who think they have the right to...

Duration: 01:16:51

Scum and Villainy

Amelia realized that Pitney's dog Joxer had been in several episodes (barking and snuffling and squeaky toys and whatnot) so she decided to bring her dog Spike into the room. Not necessarily the best idea, but it's his turn to be famous. Star Wars. We love it. Really we do. But it can stand to be criticized and picked apart. You might be surprised which episodes are Pitney's favorites and which he can do without. Why Amelia actually likes a lot of The Phantom Menace. And what Verity...

Duration: 00:56:56

More Than Music

The death of Chester Bennington affected Pitney more profoundly than he expected. He's attended memorials all over Texas (at the time of this recording, he had only gone to one) and has found the outpouring of love and support inspiring. We talk about Chester and Linkin Park and what their music means to Pitney. And we talk about other artists, such as David Bowie, Michael Jackson, Joni Mitchell, Prince, and George Harrison, and how some music becomes a part of your soul and changes your...

Duration: 01:05:56

Towels, Ticks, and a Tosser

Pitney and Amelia discuss the proper way to fold a bath towel and make a bed. Do you go longways or crossways? Do your nice sides touch? Do you throw sixteen pillows on the floor every night? These things are important! Tick talk. We talk ticks. And fleas. And sing about them. And it's all Tricia's fault. Then Amelia tells the story of what clogged an 80 year old sewer pipe. And just what DID happen to that broom handle? We love you for listening! Please take a moment to rate and review...

Duration: 00:54:55

Too Weird For The Ranch!

Pitney interviews Kerrville “Kerrverts” Iris and Marie. The joys of face and body painting (and the sorrows of using the wrong kind of paint), what gets you attached to certain events and draws you back year after year, and their weirdest memories of this pretty-weird festival. Amelia has comments and questions, and the answer to one question makes her scream in horror. (Here’s some hints: vampires and werewolves and TOO WEIRD FOR THE RANCH.) You KNOW you want to know what that’s...

Duration: 01:00:42

Too Woo for You!

Sometimes little things can set off the strangest conversations! Amelia read an article to Pitney about Breatharians (idiots who think we're going to believe they never eat food and live instead off of "cosmic energy"), and then the discussion turned to the crazy woo-woo things some people believe. And a woman who is a bit too close to her wolf pelts. And how Tricia Von Lichtenstein used to draw rather wolf-themed erotic art, featuring herself and Blackie Lawless, the lead singer of WASP....

Duration: 01:08:11

Ain't No Douchebags Here!

Pitney is back from the Kerrville Folk Festival, where he had a marvelous time and interviewed a bunch of crazy Kerrverts! He shares his interview with Joel and Jordan, while he and Amelia interject from time to time with comments that take them off into their typical tangents! Renfaire, the douchebags of Coachella, multi-hole latrines, Paris Hilton, you name it! And we didn't get permission in time to use this awesome song about the festival by Neale Eckstein (@fxrn), but we want you...

Duration: 01:02:51

The Airport Report

Sometimes hip and happening means old-school and over. Why would Austin decide its airport needed to go back in time? And do the super-cool lack sweat glands? Pitney and Amelia question the sanity behind some weird new developments at ABIA. Then we kvetch about how Austin has changed over the years, and how you can't still claim you're a city for artists and musicians when none of them can afford to live here. Not to mention the detrimental affect the lack of trashy slackers has on one's...

Duration: 00:46:18

Inside the Bitchen Studio

What's Pitney's favorite word? What's Amelia's least favorite sound? This week, we took the Bernard Pivot Questionnaire, better known as that thing James Lipton does at the end of Inside the Actors' Studio. We learned some stuff about ourselves and each other! Then we peruse the Photo Gallery on the Mar-A-Lago website ( and make comments about what we see. You would not believe how furious Amelia gets looking at Trump's curtains. Or maybe you would! We...

Duration: 01:19:31

Smashes Thrashes and Hits - Our First Anniversary!

IT'S OUR ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY, YOU GUYS! :partyhorn: This is amazing. We can't thank you all enough for the support. So we decided to make you something: it's a clip show! If you're new to us, this episode is a bit of a sampler platter. If you've been listening for a while, we hope this features some of your favorite moments from our first year! A list of clips and the episodes from whence they came: 00:02:54 1 Welcome To Our World! 00:04:09 2 Pros and Cons of Cons 00:06:45 3...

Duration: 01:41:31

Texas Frightmare Weekend Special

It's our Texas Frightmare Weekend Special! Come with us to the Hyatt Regency hotel in the DFW airport (seriously!) as we celebrate one of our favorite nerdy pleasures! HORROR MOVIES! First, as we enjoy delicious pints of beer in the hotel bar, we sit down with a friend to discuss what distinguishes horror from other types of movies. Is Silence of the Lambs a horror film? Is Psycho? What about the Hellraiser series? THE ANSWERS MAY SURPRISE YOU! Then we jump forward in time to the...

Duration: 00:58:48

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