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The Glengarry Glen Ross Minute

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Minute 34: Dickies, Doduts and Jack Lemonade

This week’s show is piping hot and fresh off the presses. Matt can live without an eclipse. Bill loves a good segue. Matt shouts out “The Truth” and very much wants to cast Lee Majors. We all figuratively get banished from the Spannel household in this minute, but not before the fellas, at long last, break down dickies. Larry just can’t shake the machine, despite his best efforts. Premier Properties is in the process of converting all their analog files to digital. Barkeep, I’ll have a Jack...

Duration: 01:00:40

Minute 33: Lemmon Wetters Become Hair Setters

Get on board or GTFO! Matt is thrilled to dedicate this episode to his favorite basketball player. Speculation about the furnishings in Larry Spanell’s home leads, somehow, to the fellas ruminating over the film “Boss Baby” and the size of the Spanell family’s baby. Matt tries to teach Bill proper Instagram etiquette. Things get a little uncomfortable on Shelly’s sit despite his best efforts. Bruce Altman’s hair and basketball trash-talking prowess are nonpareil. The elephant in the room...

Duration: 00:54:50

Minute 32: The Turtleneck that Just Won’t Quit

Why does Bill have seemingly zero confidence? ‘Cause apparently he doesn’t really know what confidence is. The fellas discuss two of the oddest looking white guys to ever lace up the high-tops. Finally, we arrive at the house of Altman. Lemon is wet and ready to get-down. The fellas break down the questionable “decor” of the Spannel living room right down to the Navaho loveseat. Shelly wastes no time at all in throwing Larry’s fishing rod into the corner like it owes him money. The fellas...

Duration: 00:56:36

Minute 31: Heads is Roma, Tails is Moss

So… Matt has tasted his own urine. Bill seems to no longer be interested in playing the casting game. Matt thinks Bill appears squirrelly and untrustworthy. Aaranow is especially wound up this minute. After the fellas dip their toes back in the racism pool, they look to cast Carol O’Conner and Sidney Poitier. If you need to know how this epidode is going, all you need to know is “Heads is Roma, Tails is Moss.” Bill’s hetero-normative take on Adam and Eve is awkward at best. Nippsy Russel...

Duration: 01:00:38

Minute 30: Hamper-Shame, Doughnut-Shame, and Racism

Bill starts us off this week by ONCE AGAIN, feigning interest but this time he does it with a thumb up his ass. Car purchases aside, Matt considers himself more of a lesbian-lady than a straight man. Bill proves to be an even bigger Aaranow than first estimated. Matt takes Steph Curry to the mat unnecessarily. Bill despises Matt’s new opening, jersey-number, segment. “We work too hard,” said everyone who ever had a job. The boys wanna set Glengarry in Philly just for the regional dialect....

Duration: 01:09:10

Minute 29: I’ll Have Lunch, Before I’m Back From Lunch or No One Wants to Be the Lemon Wetter

To start Episode 29, we learn that Bill was not sure about following thru on the entirety of the film. Social media handles get some discussion this week. Sure Pervis was never nervous, but maybe not for the reasons you’d imagine. We’re still in the car and 2 minutes in the Buick “middle manager” feels like a goddamned eternity. Shelly ain’t got money in his wallet or anywhere else. The fellas wonder what exactly is in Shellys wallet? Shelly employs the last bastion of the outmoded guy....

Duration: 01:04:14

Minute 28: Adjacent to a Cuddle

The fellas aim to create a master villain called Barbosa. Bill is a giant sieve with diminishing capabilities. Shelly is invigorated in this minute. The fellas opine on How does one spell stuff that dumb white guys pronounce incorrekly? Which of the salesmen matriculated in higher education? What did Shelly go through to get his nickname “The Machine?” Which of the salesman was a college burnout? Bill has no idea how to refer to drug usage or mid-century monetary denominations. Mamet...

Duration: 01:03:54

Minute 27: Third Act Problems

Bill does one of his more disturbing characters ever to start the ep and his foibles are as far as Matt is concerned, akin to pedophilia. Nipsy Russel gets some attention this week. Ricky Roma is overheard using the king of pop’s favorite, in-song expression, “Shamón.” Shelly makes a guttural noise of dissatisfaction that would have lost him an election about a decade ago. The fellas wonder if anyone has ever started their car to insinuate that they should GTFO. You can’t get all evil and...

Duration: 01:05:44

Minute 26: Shelly’s Transformative Moment and a Shit-Dick

Bill couldn’t even plug in a microphone for his pal, despite the fact that it was mere inches away. Bill is not only tired this week, but he is also a shit-dick. We witness, at Bill’s urging, Shelly’s cinematic conversion into a world unfamiliar. Matt vehemently hates a hearty “yeah, no.” It’s like Bill is getting paid per Star Wars reference and Matt thinks Uncle Owen was NOT a bad guy. Bill lobbies to cast Mark Hamill this week. The guys talk about their old cars in a very “top-gear”...

Duration: 00:50:09

Minute 25: Handjob Overtures

Discussions of ear buds and versatile ear canals start us off this week. Matt loves achievable expectations, and hates being called “mama.” The idiots talk about 30 year old Phillies infielders. Shelly, like the rest of us, is dubious of Williamson’s assertion that he will “marshall his sales force.” The fellas wonder what the job posting of the office manager would look like today. Bill spends entirely too much time on YouTube for a sober guy. The boys talk about how Pacino now makes all...

Duration: 00:53:24

Minute 24: The Saboteur

This week Matt has nothing to bring, and Bill brought a jingle which amounts to nothing. The role of the saboteur will once again be played by Bill. Phil Jackson is the one that really wanted the Cadillac. But what happens when Wallace Shaun wants to drive it? Shelly gets all “Bruce Lee” on Williamson. Matt wants to cast Jack Pallance this week and he also takes a huge stand against motivational wall-hangings. Bill likes them, but lacks the motivation to hang any. The boys have to wrestle...

Duration: 00:59:54

Minute 23: Maps and Other Crap

Bill figuratively punches his friends in the schnoz and seems to have oodles of domestic fun quoting the film around the house. The fellas are back to descriptions of the set. If you work in a place that is occupied mostly by men, it’ll get smelly in 7.4 seconds. If there were a Glenngarry themed ice-cream shop, one thing is certain, these two morons wouldn’t have a clue what to call any of the flavors. Listen in horror as Bill does the speaking equivalent of a fumble on the 5 yard line....

Duration: 01:05:10

Minute 22: I Get Nothing for “Fuck-Bucket?”

Welcome to our new podcast, “two idiots who can’t remember how to count in other languages.” Bill loves to make up French words cause hey, we’re all just here killing time, this life. Jack Lemmon is conducting a goddamn acting master class over this minute. He is one of the greatest film actors of our time and the boys give him a nice shine. Matt thinks Bill has completely stopped listening to him, and there truly isn’t any evidence to the contrary. Williamson itinerizes his evening for...

Duration: 01:08:21

Minute 21: We Had Made a Pact, a Solemn, Sovereign Pact

Bill’s worst episode yet kicks off with him swearing up and down that he found David Mamet on Twitter. Matt is appropriately skeptical. More praise from the fellas for Shelly the Machine and his sweet sales style. Back to Moss and Aaranow in the car for a bit where we learn a soggy George is among the saddest things ever to be witnessed. Roma and Shelly are playing two different sales games. The fellas rehash the difference between the Hollywood way and the Theater way. How many chocolate...

Duration: 00:54:26

Minute 20: I Thought What I Was Doing Was Good

Bill and Matt are making substantial upgrades to the audio rig this week. Matt is looking for a way to mute Bill, who has offered up a first draft of a housekeeping jingle. Zumbo judges it harshly but Hemingway and Paul Shaffer hate it too. Matt loves the word cunt. The boys crack open significant problems in the medical industry. Bill and Matt finally recognize that they are nothing more than developmentally arrested children, incessantly quoting their favorite movie. Is Moss the most...

Duration: 00:57:46

Minute 19: Ricky Roma Takes a Cruise

The fellas get Bill’s tombstone epitaph all worked out to lead things off. Matt asks an age-old Roma question. Tarantino comes up again and makes the boys wonder if Mamet’s shoulders are sore from having Quentin standing them. The boys continue to break down the “crackling” dialogue. Bill decides that skydiving might be a good way to go out. Mamet doesn’t have to explain himself or what a list of nurses is, to you or anyone else. The boys get into the nitty-gritty reality that language is...

Duration: 01:02:20

Minute 18: Fuck or Wok

Bill’s possessive nature is infuriating to Matt who describes himself as the less-disappointing one. Pacino’s presence on set seemed to make Lemon a little more southern lilty. Harris and Arkin delight the boys with their excellence in the execution of the Mamet dialogue. Matt wants Moss to retire, for Moss’s sake. The fellas break down Moss’s evil intentions and Aaranow’s deeply rooted ineptitude. Matt’s brownies are, for the record, not fucking dry. George would love to make sailboats in...

Duration: 00:51:40

Minute 17: Toast and Sequins

Warren Beaty got old, huh? Some Oscar faux pas discussion gets the fellas going this week. Matt wants more Roma and less “my pet” from Bill, who almost immediately, ruins the podcast. Shelly gets the salesman operating system up and running in this minute. Nobody wants Moss in their kitchen. Salesmen are sadly, obsolete in 2017. Bill had a far superior Cutco home-demo than Matt had. Bill bought some Gordon Gartrell suits and has no clue who that means. “The People vs. OJ Simpson” gets some...

Duration: 00:56:40

Minute 16: Define “Nice” or Wading Thru the Talmud-y Waters?

Rocky starts are getting more and more common on the GGGR minute. Shorts at the theater makes you a deplorable. Making faces is good for podcasting. Dave Moss not only hits for average, but his slugging percentage is also very impressive. Aaranow is at his worst just after the sales conference. Matt wants to gouge his eyes out at the thought of a well oiled “Machine.” Bill compares his moobs with a septuagenarian. If there were a gym-class style foot race to the Glenngarry leads, who would...

Duration: 00:52:12

Minute 15: Talk about Childishness

This one gets off to a bit of a rocky start. Mostly cause Bill’s a jerk. A human jerk, but still a jerk and he doesn’t need YOUR note paper!! What’s Williamson doing in that back office there? The boys try to unpack why the sales force gets two leads tonight and two tomorrow. Bill compliments Matt’s mic technique! Matt has a gripe with Bill’s persistent obsession with the laptop countdown display. The fellas talk about how most of Moss’ lines are Mametian perfection. Don’t use a verb as a...

Duration: 00:47:48

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