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The Man Rules

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One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

Was 2017 the year of the woman? It certainly could be seen that way. We watched a presidential election cycle that featured the first female party nominee for president. We watched many women (and some men) come forward about their experiences with discrimination, harassment, sexual assault and abuse at the hands of some of our nation’s most prominent and powerful men. We’ve seen women pointing out injustices from the streets of Washington, D.C. to the stage at the Golden Globes. The times...

Duration: 00:52:31

How to Get Metaphysically Fit

Happy New Year! And welcome to the annual tradition of making resolutions without much resolve. This year, though, could really be your year. Instead of relying on willpower to achieve your goals, rely on a framework for positive change, like our guest Darcy Luoma’s Thoughtfully Fit®. Through her years of experience, Darcy has learned that if you want strong relationships, effective teams, more internal peace, and greater success you need to work from the inside out. She calls this being...

Duration: 00:51:59

Your Presence is a Present

Hurray for the holidays, a time of joy and wonder! You wonder why you put yourself through this shit every year and feel joy when it's finally over. BAH HUMBUG. Okay--so maybe it's not that cut and dried. What most of us feel during the holidays could most likely be described as ambivalence. There is, of course, the stress, and anxiety, and resentment and grief, but there is also the awe and the laughter and feeling of connectedness and purpose that many of us get from gift-giving,...

Duration: 00:42:56

Dueling with Dualities

“Things can be true on one level, and on another, not true at all. Wisdom is to know how to hear and see on different levels at the same time.” - Richard Rohr Let’s think about the typical life cycle of a public sexual misconduct allegation. The conversation that surrounds each accusation tends to center around what’s right and what’s wrong. We want--no, we need--clear answers. Was it a harmless joke? Or, was it a clear violation of sexual boundaries? Is it right to fire him over that? Is...

Duration: 00:49:57

But I'm Not Sexist

Roy Moore. Harvey Weinstein. Bill Cosby. These are "bad guys," right? They represent the extreme end of the sexual misconduct spectrum. Most men can easily say they don't identify with any of these guys. They have never done the things these men have done and never would do the things these men have done. There are bad guys, and there are good guys, and they are good guys. They are not sexist. They have mothers! Sisters! Daughters! They would never mistreat women, or speak about them in a...

Duration: 00:17:29

Men Overboard

Cheryl Sharp is an expert on trauma and resilience and lifelong sailor. So, she knows a thing or two about dealing with rough waters, literally and figuratively. In this episode, she and Dan talk about the stunning cultural tsunami of the #MeToo movement and how it seems to be leveling and rearranging the ways in which men and women are expected to interact with one another. "The Water"--which Dan explains in the very first episode of this podcast--can destroy us, but it can also wash us...

Duration: 00:52:34

Gender Jiu Jitsu

Jiu-Jitsu is a martial art that "promotes the concept that a smaller, weaker person can successfully defend themselves or another against a bigger, stronger, heavier assailant by using proper technique, leverage, and most notably, by taking the fight to the ground." (Wikipedia) As women--and some men--continue to come forward with accusations of sexual assault and sexual harassment against some of our nation's most powerful men through the #metoo movement, we are all being forced to...

Duration: 00:54:26

The Polarity Express

In this episode, speaker and teacher John Wineland defines masculine and feminine polarity (think magnetic fields) and their differing energies and strengths as they relate to intimacy and sex. John talks about how personal awareness of those different energies, which he labels as feminine and masculine, lead to deeper and safer connections with our partners. (We are not sure how much we agree on the labelling of these energies in gendered terms.) Although it all may sound a little...

Duration: 01:04:02

Rollin' with No Homies

When's the last time you talked to another man about something that was going on in your life and how you were feeling about it? Something besides sports, business, or cars--Go ahead. Think about it. We'll wait. If you're like a lot of men, it's a been a while. Loneliness and isolation is an epidemic in the western world in general, but especially among men. When men open up about the reasons they live in isolation, you find that it is often a fear of closeness and a fear of being hurt...

Duration: 00:43:51

Beyond Boobs, Babes, and Bloodsports

Connor Beaton has gone from construction worker to opera singer to guy who lived in his car. Like many of us, he made some bad choices and ruined multiple friendships and relationships. When his despair finally reached a point where he was willing to open up about it with a few of his closest friends, he saw, to his surprise, how his openness and vulnerability allowed them to be vulnerable as well. This made him want to begin to take a deeper look into psychology and the ways that men can...

Duration: 01:01:13

NOT As Seen On TV

If you were a social anthropologist and you wanted to understand the norms and values of some ancient society, you’d likely take a look at their cultural artifacts. You’d closely examine their writings, paintings, sculptures, etc., to look for clues regarding how people within a certain culture were expected to behave and interact with the people around them. 1000 years from now, when anthropologists somehow get their hands on our TV shows, they’re going to learn a thing or two about how...

Duration: 00:52:44

Don't F&#k It Up!

Girls who grow up with fathers who are angry, dismissive, and/or emotionally absent will grow up to be women who take a lot of shit from men. (Generally speaking, of course.) This well-evidenced assumption can be a source of tremendous anxiety for fathers who are raising young women. Rare, indeed, is the father who couldn’t care less about his child’s future. But, unfortunately, rare indeed is also the father who had healthy, egalitarian hetereosexual relationships modeled for him as a...

Duration: 00:50:41

Uncomfortably Numb

When you were a young boy, you were probably very comfortable expressing grief over your losses. When the wheel fell off your favorite choo-choo train, you cried. When you lost your beloved binkie, you cried. If you had a pet that mysteriously disappeared one day, you cried and cried and cried. All of that crying was helping you to process loss in a way that was meant to bring you wisdom about the bittersweet realities of the world around you. Those emotions were meant to help you build...

Duration: 00:59:43

Sex Is A Crisis & An Opportunity

Are we entering into a new age of sexual anxiety? Research shows that younger generations are having less sex these days than you’d think, given the proliferation of internet porn, location-based “dating” sites, and sexting. Instead of making people feel more uninhibited in expressing their sexuality, easy, 24-7, access to sexually explicit material may actually be making us all feel more self-conscious, uncomfortable, and afraid. In this episode, therapist and sex researcher Alexandra...

Duration: 00:52:11

It Ain't Just About Getting Laid

Man Rule #1: Real men have as much sex as possible, whenever possible, with as many hot and different chicks as possible, with as big of a dick as possible. So, if you are a man, and find yourself craving intimacy, feeling attached to one of the women you have sex with, not interested in women, feeling afraid or confused about sex or your sexuality due to past trauma, and/or feeling insecure about your body— SEE MAN RULE #1. For better or worse, sex is often central to men’s...

Duration: 00:46:11

Grow Up, Man

Level 1 of recovery is the struggle to gain sobriety from the substance or behavior that has taken control of your life. Level 2 of recovery is the struggle to gain real emotional maturity and balance by gaining humility in our relationship to ourselves, our relationship to others, and our relationship to a higher power or greater purpose. Wow. For most of us, that’s a pretty steep climb. And you sure don't have to be in recovery in order to benefit from that message, because really, it's...

Duration: 00:59:45

The Gift of Desperation

People in recovery speak a language that makes a lot of us uncomfortable. In a culture where we’re told repeatedly to put only our best foot forward and treat emotion like it’s an inconvenience that only serves to get in the way of maximum productivity and efficiency, all of the earnest talk about self-love and Higher Powers and connection can seem downright weird. Unfortunately, this perception scares many people who need recovery away from the very things that could help them for far too...

Duration: 00:49:22

When Bad Diseases Happen to Good People

In the absence of an answer as to the true cause of the illness, we often invent one. (See Episode 27 with Dr. Kevin McCauley for more on this.) Throughout human history, people have sought to explain illnesses through an individual’s moral or spiritual failings. To this day, we say, “Bless you,” when someone sneezes, which some historians believe is a holdover from medieval times when people believed that the sneeze expelled a demonic spirit from your body. In recent years, AIDS,...

Duration: 01:05:06

All In The Fam Damily

The day that a child raised in addiction finally becomes an adult and sets out into the world on their own, is the day they finally feel free. Free from the chaos and the pressure and the terror that comes with growing up in a place where you never quite felt safe. Many Adult Children of Addiction (ACoAs) even gain tremendous strengths from growing up in such adverse circumstances and become extremely successful in many aspects of their lives. There is a powerful line from the amazing...

Duration: 01:07:14

When You Need Help Getting Help

If you saw that someone you loved was on fire, running wildly down the street, you’d probably chase after them with a bucket of water. But, if you suspected that same loved one was struggling with an addictive disorder, you might be reluctant to intervene. “It’s none of my business,” or “They’ll have to hit rock bottom before they’re ready to get help” you might say. Or— let's be honest, because it happens a lot— the person just pisses you off and alienates you, which makes helping them...

Duration: 00:50:14

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