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The Unwritable Rant-logo

The Unwritable Rant

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United States




Ep 116 - A reluctant friend, junkie scratching, and hammered resolutions

On this episode, Juliette meets Crabapple, becomes grossly restless, falls into a safety net, fears car explosion, tests friendship limits, dances with the beer tub girl, goes on a hair band renaissance tour, connects with Shapeshifter, has her room violated, is offered cocaine, rages at a desert sky, allows a When Harry Met Sally indulgence, and hammers out a resolution… All while drinking Basil Hayden Dark Rye whiskey.

Duration: 00:31:06

Ep 115 - The town crank, accidental chaos, and neighbor retaliation

On this episode, Juliette does preemptive damage control, enters the laboratory, explains a weird neon glow, contemplates best brain time, gets interrogated, meets the neighbors, launches a counterattack, calls the band, and revels in the Hokey Pokey… all while drinking Wild Turkey Kentucky Spirit bourbon.

Duration: 00:27:57

Ep 114 - Possum problems, poisonous dating, and a green-tinted Adonis

On this episode, Juliette recovers from a woodland weekend, feels edgy, hears aggressive scratching, finds a dirty scavenging rodent, witnesses boozy genius, rolls away, manipulates Adonis, makes chicken parm, longs for a plunger, debates poison clean-up and considers a reassuring hug… All while drinking Barrell Bourbon batch 5.

Duration: 00:27:24

Ep 113 - Cemetery surprises, voodoo rituals, and a Crazytown Halloween adventure

On this episode, Juliette visits St. Louis Cemetery No. 1, finds uncommon energy, leaves something behind, ups her bet, contemplates sexy cards, redefines trick or treating, engages in childish behavior, gets lost with Crazytown and heckles a potential murderer… All while drinking Michter’s single barrel rye whiskey.

Duration: 00:30:58

Ep 112 - Facing fears, the butterfly effect, and introducing Catnip

On this episode, Juliette identifies her biggest fear, finds a mass of hair, fends off jointed legs, visits a house of winged horrors, introduces Catnip, receives manhandled gifts. avoids grimy fingertips, and blows her nose... all while drinking Rabbit Hole sherry cask bourbon

Duration: 00:27:58

Ep 111 - Nastygrams, the devil’s china, and Ouija board fears

On this episode, Juliette receives a nastygram, wishes for a plague of frogs, recounts a book tour failure, angers wingnuts, is dismissed by a hobgoblin, feels satisfied, ignores a request, finds a Ouija board, contemplates dead things, fears The Exorcist, and channels white light… all while drinking Noah’s Mill small batch bourbon.

Duration: 00:27:10

Ep 110 - A Playboy tribute, going natural, and contested fire

On this episode, Juliette has total sensory recall, layers her neons, discovers a box of unexpected treasure, licks her fingers, raises a glass to Hugh Hefner, tells a two-sided story, takes abysmal steps, hears a whoosh of gas, contemplates oozing wax, and reveals scorch marks... all while drinking Willet Pot Still Reserve Bourbon.

Duration: 00:29:01

Ep 109 - Word thieves, broken promises, and clown fear

On this episode, Juliette fields an unwanted invitation, puts words on paper, meets a blonde competitor, unleashes a smear campaign, shuts down a thief, contemplates clowns, remembers Bozo, deals with judgment, develops skills, engages in a dating game, and stuns a clown... all while drinking Michter’s Small Batch Bourbon.

Duration: 00:31:15

Ep 108 - Interview with Jim Norton

On this special bonus interview episode, Juliette interviews Jim Norton. Jim is currently on his worldwide "Kneeling Room Only" tour. He also has a Netflix special currently airing "Mouthful of Shame." Jim is a comedian, broadcaster on SiriusXM, actor, and podcaster. Juliette learns the deepest, darkest tales thanks to fellow comedian and friend of the show, Bob Levy. Juliette also dips into a special reserve Town Branch rye on this show.

Duration: 00:27:40

Ep 107 - Sex shops, perverted beacons, and a golf cart getaway

On this episode, Juliette discovers an incongruous sex shop, examines a dirty aquarium, works on the seedy side of sleaze, caters to creeps, watches the PT Barnum of sex toys, creates a false identity, avoids death by antlers, and combats a tragic folk act... all while drinking Brixton Mash Destroyer bourbon and rum hybrid.

Duration: 00:29:57

Ep 106 - Maniacal mechanic, Loopy relationships, and the death of Jon Bon Jovi

On this episode, Juliette ignores sage advice, finds a non-rapey spot to park, introduces you to Loopy, discusses a one-dimensional relationship, and ultimately kills Jon Bon Jovi... all while drinking 23-year-old Rhetoric bourbon.

Duration: 00:24:48

Ep 105 - Back to school, perfect failure, and first times

On this back to school special, Juliette discusses her firsts, has certain expectations, admits her lack of smarts, serenades her class, writes a fable, earns her grade, reveals her musical education, interviews Drummer Boy, resorts to subterfuge, loses more than her mind, and learns a harsh lesson… all while drinking (and LOVING) Redemption Wheated Bourbon.

Duration: 00:29:48

Ep 104 - Ice expeditions, speakeasy error, and a Russian West Side Story

On this episode, Juliette visits her own Overlook, admires gilding, encounters a crossroad of doom, sees the other side, rides down fast, smells something burning, knows where to drink well, tangles with potential mobsters, does the jitterbug, and plays dame to a Russian West Side Story… all while drinking Four Roses Straight Bourbon Whiskey

Duration: 00:27:29

Ep 103 - Balcony negotiations, bad party ideas, and Butterbean

On this episode, Juliette encounters travel trouble, finds herself held captive, experiences a not-so-helpful assistant, does a bit of barking, debates jumping overboard, finds a few pesky poltergeist, relates her first drunk, abuses her freedom, swills beer, meets Butterbean, and is rescued from an unhinged jaw … All while drinking Barrell Whiskey Batch 001.

Duration: 00:27:56

Ep 102 - The Best of Stories - New Orleans special

On this best of episode, Juliette shares her favorite past stories about New Orleans, including Paxton’s great love, the Red Dress Run, Bourbon Street brawling, and doing a bang bang, plus a bonus outtake of her conversation with actor Eric Roberts... all while drinking a sazerac.

Duration: 00:26:17

Ep 101 - Wrecking balls, parking rebellion, and a silk-clad demon

On this episode, Juliette watches a community break down, is forced to get involved, raises the red flag, battles The Commando, leads a parade, is visited by a demon, longs for manatees, makes a mess of things, spars with a wedding wench, and remains married… All while drinking Joseph Magnus bourbon.

Duration: 00:27:43

Ep 100 - Unspeakable stories, funeral fun, and switchblade corsets

On this episode, Juliette shares two unspeakable stories she never thought she’d tell, finds a ball of contradictions, goes on a pity date, explores manners, urns a break-up, makes a confession, starts a new summer job, attends a bachelor party gone wrong, and dodges a trident … all while drinking Wyoming Whiskey Double Cask bourbon. Happy 100, y’all!

Duration: 00:31:37

Ep 99 - Crawfish chaos, perverted genius, and Crazytown bingo

On this episode, Juliette battles a new kind of monster, gets a box of dirty little lobsters, cooks up catastrophe, revisits a bayou, seeks out the criminal element, is disappointed by a carnival, invites Crazytown over, finds a treasure trove of sex toys, and redefines bingo … all while drinking Knob Creek Single Barrel Binny’s Private Select bourbon batch #4782C.

Duration: 00:28:05

Ep 98 - Thunder drinking, security issues, and stripper scissor kicks

On this episode, Juliette finds a good storm, makes unlikely friends, gets unruly in Disney World, is treated to a police escort, evades zip ties, mourns the loss of The Gem, takes her guy to a strip club, contemplates roofies, participates in stripper MMA, and dismisses lacking menu items … all while drinking Makers Mark Private Select Binny’s Beverage Depot choice #5.

Duration: 00:25:35

Ep 97 - Clubhouse demolition, the Unicorn Couple, and a charades nightmare

On this episode, Juliette survives Michigan, discovers the Howler Monkey bar, contemplates construction, makes a good partner in crime, stocks up on summertime goodies, finds a new clubhouse, divides the world, meets the Unicorn Couple, steps in it, cracks a crusty code, engages in charades, and treasures her friendships … all while drinking WhistlePig Rye Whiskey.

Duration: 00:25:51

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