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The Unwritable Rant

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Ep 102 - The Best of Stories - New Orleans special

On this best of episode, Juliette shares her favorite past stories about New Orleans, including Paxton’s great love, the Red Dress Run, Bourbon Street brawling, and doing a bang bang, plus a bonus outtake of her conversation with actor Eric Roberts... all while drinking a sazerac.

Duration: 00:26:17

Ep 101 - Wrecking balls, parking rebellion, and a silk-clad demon

On this episode, Juliette watches a community break down, is forced to get involved, raises the red flag, battles The Commando, leads a parade, is visited by a demon, longs for manatees, makes a mess of things, spars with a wedding wench, and remains married… All while drinking Joseph Magnus bourbon.

Duration: 00:27:43

Ep 100 - Unspeakable stories, funeral fun, and switchblade corsets

On this episode, Juliette shares two unspeakable stories she never thought she’d tell, finds a ball of contradictions, goes on a pity date, explores manners, urns a break-up, makes a confession, starts a new summer job, attends a bachelor party gone wrong, and dodges a trident … all while drinking Wyoming Whiskey Double Cask bourbon. Happy 100, y’all!

Duration: 00:31:37

Ep 99 - Crawfish chaos, perverted genius, and Crazytown bingo

On this episode, Juliette battles a new kind of monster, gets a box of dirty little lobsters, cooks up catastrophe, revisits a bayou, seeks out the criminal element, is disappointed by a carnival, invites Crazytown over, finds a treasure trove of sex toys, and redefines bingo … all while drinking Knob Creek Single Barrel Binny’s Private Select bourbon batch #4782C.

Duration: 00:28:05

Ep 98 - Thunder drinking, security issues, and stripper scissor kicks

On this episode, Juliette finds a good storm, makes unlikely friends, gets unruly in Disney World, is treated to a police escort, evades zip ties, mourns the loss of The Gem, takes her guy to a strip club, contemplates roofies, participates in stripper MMA, and dismisses lacking menu items … all while drinking Makers Mark Private Select Binny’s Beverage Depot choice #5.

Duration: 00:25:35

Ep 97 - Clubhouse demolition, the Unicorn Couple, and a charades nightmare

On this episode, Juliette survives Michigan, discovers the Howler Monkey bar, contemplates construction, makes a good partner in crime, stocks up on summertime goodies, finds a new clubhouse, divides the world, meets the Unicorn Couple, steps in it, cracks a crusty code, engages in charades, and treasures her friendships … all while drinking WhistlePig Rye Whiskey.

Duration: 00:25:51

EP 96 - Dirty secrets, squirrel wars, and the tale of fire island

On this episode, Juliette gets into some relationship baggage, shows off a tacky monument, is failed by magic elves, gets given away, avoids jail time, dodges a storm of walnuts, find bloody bits, watches fireworks, and ends a family tradition in flames… all while drinking Town Branch bourbon whiskey. This episode is dedicated to Juliette’s dad, who knows the value of a good story.

Duration: 00:27:27

Ep 95 - Summer love, deer urine, and the Kentucky Bourbon Trail

On this episode, Juliette revels in summer loving, reveals her stunted standards, rides off in a white ’78 Camaro, takes a stand against injustice, finds herself elbow-deep in deer urine, learns a lesson, gets lost on the Kentucky Bourbon Trail, winds up in the land of make believe, and investigates suspicious file cabinets … All while drinking Elijah Craig Barrel Proof Bourbon Whiskey.

Duration: 00:30:48

Ep 94 - Interview with Lea Thompson and Jim Hemphill

On this interview episode, Juliette is joined by actress Lea Thompson. They discuss some of her recent projects, including movies The Trouble with the Truth and The Year of Spectacular Men. Lea also talks about making the transition from acting to directing and gives insight into movies like Back To the Future and Howard the Duck. In a bonus second interview, Juliette is joined by director and film journalist Jim Hemphill to talk behind-the-scenes moments in The Trouble with the Truth and...

Duration: 00:51:47

Ep 93 - Suburban games, goose venom, and introducing The Dreamcatcher

On this episode, Juliette trades her driveway for a rooftop, gets a four-hour sangria buzz, plays a spirited game, confronts a gang of winged demons, introduces The Dreamcatcher, makes a terrible decision, bakes a cake for no one, sniffs around the wrong guy, and gets into her own mess… all while drinking Jefferson’s Ridiculously Small Batch Bourbon.

Duration: 00:27:55

Ep 92 - 7 Shelves of Crazy, Flashing Panties, and 144 Condoms

On this episode, Juliette delves into her collection of nonsense, unleashes a tidal wave of insanity, reveals her first crush, gets picked last, does her damage, jumps through skill test hoops, visits hallowed Hollywood, meets a vampire call girl, and debates her career options … All while drinking Blade and Bow Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey.

Duration: 00:31:18

Ep 91 - Trash battle, girl-on-girl crime, and introducing Danger Zone

On this episode, Juliette submits to your wellness checks, flames a tortilla, endangers her guy, allows trash to pile up, attracts the attention of beady eyes, visits a landfill, introduces Danger Zone, lives in a dingbat, dreads her doorstep, and shudders at pink lemonade Snapple… All while drinking Orphan Barrel Forged Oak 15-year bourbon

Duration: 00:26:45

Ep 90 - Above the law, bacteria coupons, and dinner with Jerry Lewis

On this episode, Juliette takes her little red wagon out of hibernation, sees flashing red lights, attempts innocence, learns the worth of Rosie, takes her chances on steak, watches appetizers slither, and enjoys the company of Jerry Lewis ... all while drinking Bernheim Kentucky Straight Wheat Whiskey.

Duration: 00:23:31

Ep 89 - Behind the velvet rope, faking it, and The Closer

On this episode, Juliette dives head first into festival season, shares the value of quality toilet paper, drinks her way backstage, contemplates drummers, tours the midwest with a national act, heeds the advice of a famous singer, and introduces The Closer ... all while drinking Bib & Tucker bourbon.

Duration: 00:24:39

Ep 88 - An arranged marriage, building an ark, and burning down the house

On this episode, Juliette realizes she is lacking in certain areas, beats boredom in creative ways, finds unusual uses for a garbage bag, falls victim to the rain, heads down to the basement, taunts lightning, experiences Tesla coil chaos, and conceals a fire … all while drinking Barrell Bourbon Batch 11.

Duration: 00:22:53

Ep 87 - House rules, victory frogs, and hillbilly medicine

On this episode, Juliette establishes the rules of the house, encounters a writing nightmare, vacuums naked, rejects Kermit, connects with her garage, admits a medical fear, laughs off chest pains, watches a disturbing game of kickball, realizes she won’t be resuscitated, and performs driveway surgery … All while drinking Woodford Reserve Distiller’s Select.

Duration: 00:23:15

Ep 86 - The Pick-Up Artist, champagne compliments, and a topless revolution

On this episode, Juliette assimilates into reality after Aruba, heads to 22 happy hours, examines The Pick-Up Artist, sees a failed Vaudeville routine, teaches a lesson, celebrates a purse thumping, relishes adult-only advantages, is interrupted by an obnoxious parade, allows karma to do the job, and inspires a topless revolution… All while drinking Redemption Bourbon Whiskey.

Duration: 00:23:14

Ep 85 - A Little Red Wagon, Etiquette Lessons, and The Locksmith

On this episode, Juliette reveals her impractical relationship with her car, finds trouble at the gas station, gets all screwed up, dirties her knees, defends chivalry to a crippled conclusion, introduces The Locksmith, has many firsts, attempts a five-step recovery program, and gets over it… all while drinking Copper Fiddle bourbon whiskey.

Duration: 00:22:25

Ep 84 - The Best of Stories - Part 1 2017

On this best of episode, Juliette shares two of her favorite stories from previous episodes. In the first story, she confronts a real-life Heisenberg in Aruba and needs to make a hasty getaway. The second story is an epic Easter tale of bullies, bunnies and brutal truth. The drink of choice on this episode is Smooth Ambler Contradiction bourbon whiskey.

Duration: 00:35:29

Ep 83 - Heated words, cockroach races, and a Lithuanian curse

On this episode, Juliette comes to terms with an unfortunate reality, engages in word play, loses big, wrangles a Madagascar hissing cockroach, quotes Chicago mayor Richard M. Daley, admits her roots, introduces The Harpy, and reveals a centuries-old curse… All while drinking David Nicholson Reserve bourbon.

Duration: 00:22:52

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