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Uncyclopedia: Radio Free Pub-Lunch

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United States

Description:

The UnNews Radio Free Pub-Lunch - bringing all the latest news to your computer, from our news stations around the globe

Language:

English


Episodes

US Army to toughen tests, ignore results

3/23/2011
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FORT SCHRODER, Colorado -- The United States Army plans to toughen its fitness tests for the first time in 30 years--before discarding the results of those tests to ensure that its enlistees have the right demographic mix of victim groups.

Duration: 00:03:15


Pork farmers pick new slogan

3/23/2011
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DES MOINES, Iowa -- "The Other White Meat" has picked the other slogan. Twenty-five years into the motto comparing pork to chicken so that consumers would think it is somehow healthy, America's pork producers are going to start using "Be Inspired," to make consumers think it is somehow--what? Thought-provoking?

Duration: 00:02:55


Huckabee steps in it again

3/23/2011
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BUGTUSTLE, Arkansas -- Mike Huckabee has done put his foot in it again, according to all the objective national wire services.

Duration: 00:03:35


Prankster hits NPR, heads roll

3/23/2011
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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's madcap prankster is still on the loose and has struck again--this time at National Public Radio.

Duration: 00:03:29


France recognizes American rebels

3/23/2011
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ST. TROPEZ, France -- France has recognized the American rebel force, which is headquartered in Washington, D.C., as the legitimate government of the United States.

Duration: 00:02:49


US gives up NFL for Lent

3/23/2011
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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Both sides have made their selections during this traditional Catholic season of abstinence. The National Football League (NFL) is going to give up playing football; while the Players Association (NFLPA) is going to give up existing.

Duration: 00:04:25


Obama goes strong to the hoop, scores on Libya

3/23/2011
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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Barack stayed far away from the goal, but as the shot clock was running down, he swiftly shifted gears, penetrated, staged an air attack, and dropped da bomb on Libya.

Duration: 00:02:38


NFL changes rules for safety

3/23/2011
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NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana -- The National Football League has moved the kick-off to the 35-yard line, again changing the rulebook to show that the primary concern in a sport where uneducated, 300-pound players collide with one another at full speed is player safety.

Duration: 00:02:59


Pittsburgh Pirates forfeit season

3/2/2011
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PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania -- In a surprise move, the front office of the Pittsburgh Pirates announced today that they were going to forfeit their entire 2011 season.

Duration: 00:03:33


Wainwright to undergo Tommy Gun surgery

2/28/2011
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JUPITER, Florida -- The St. Louis Cardinals got bad news today, as Adam Wainwright, their first-string starting pitcher, will need to undergo reconstructive surgery on his elbow.

Duration: 00:02:31


Taco Bell defends its beef

2/28/2011
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NEW YORK, New York -- Taco Bell has begun a $3 million TV advertising campaign in the wake of the lawsuit over its taco filling.

Duration: 00:02:42


Seven other state legislatures walk out

2/21/2011
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INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana -- Democratic Party legislators here have followed suit with their counterparts in Wisconsin and have fled to Illinois to prevent bills they oppose from coming to a vote.

Duration: 00:02:42


US on top of turmoil in Egypt

2/15/2011
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CAIRO, Egypt -- As the crisis in Egypt enters its third week (at which point any crisis should stop being called a crisis and start being called a soap opera), the United States remains in firm control of events on the ground.

Duration: 00:03:16


Obama springs 2012 budget on Congress

2/15/2011
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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Car dealers are still trying to move 2010 vehicles off the lots, but President Obama has already moved on to a budget for fiscal year 2012.

Duration: 00:03:47


Egypt looks ahead, doesn't see anything

2/15/2011
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CAIRO, Egypt -- Like pissing in a business suit, the nice warm feeling that the common man overthrew a dictator in Egypt is cooling off and becoming uncomfortable.

Duration: 00:03:23


Aguilera flubs National Anthem

2/8/2011
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ARLINGTON, Texas -- Christina Aguilera flubbed a line of the national anthem at the start of the Super Bowl.

Duration: 00:02:45


New country secedes from The Sedan

2/4/2011
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JUBA, Sedan -- The newest nation on Earth will celebrate its independence this summer.

Duration: 00:03:25


Muslim Brotherhood set to govern Egypt

2/3/2011
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CAIRO, Egypt -- The Muslim Brotherhood appears to be set to rescue Egypt from the period of instability under Hosni Mubarak.

Duration: 00:03:16


Mummies vandalize Cairo museum

1/31/2011
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CAIRO, Egypt -- Mummies joined nationwide protests by vandalizing Cairo's Egyptian Museum.

Duration: 00:02:19


Hurricane Karl slams into Delaware

1/26/2011
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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Tuesday's big Republican Party primary elections are complete, and the results are clear. Sarah Palin endorsed conservatives in Alaska and Delaware, moderates in Arizona and New Hampshire, some of her picks won, and some of them lost--In all, a veritable grand slam that prompted the incisive Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts to sniff, "The Tea Party is Sarah Palin's personal pet," speaking from his new yacht, which is berthed out-of-state.

Duration: 00:02:53

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