Day 96. As the day draws near for my first official non-spouse date in over 14 years, my nervousness starts to rear its ugly head again and a pre-phone call with the unlucky victim tells me this should be treated as casual friends spending time together and nothing more, but I feel like an ass about it.
Day 95. The day was uneventful but not bad. I was actually in a pretty good mood at the end of the day...until my ex showed up and pulled one of her classic I-know-more-than-you-do moves and tried to convince me that my attorney was an immoral person. After following up on her accusations, the person I do not trust more than ever is my ex.
Day 95.0. An early teaser of the day episode. I just woke up and day 95 is just beginning, but I wanted to document the dream that I just had. It was a good dream. Heck, it was a great dream and a part of me wishes it really did happen. Knowing that I wish the dream were real makes it obvious I still have some resentment to work through.
Day 94. Upon realizing that I had failed to hide my Facebook feed from a close friend of my ex's, I reach out to that friend to ask if I could trust her to not tell my ex anything about my life that she sees on Facebook. Her condescending and haughty response prompted an immediate UNfriending and has me thinking about why blind loyalty can be just as infuriating as betrayal, if not worse.
Day 93. Today, I stray from the regular format to try and get my listeners to be more engaged. This is your opportunity to tell me whether you love the podcast or you absolutely HATE it. Be honest, I have tough skin and can take it.
Day 93. I did not realize that this was my 100th episode, so sadly I did not plan on anything super cool for a 100th episode. So instead, I talk about choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, doing the one-man tango. Yes, let's talk about masturbation again.
Day 91. The advancement in technology and the rise of social networking has made it easier for me to stay connected with many good friends and acquaintances and I do appreciate that ability. What I don't like is how I believe my ex has been using it to keep tabs on me. And not just by herself. She has a posse who are quick to run to her when they see me saying anything that could be an indicator of ill-will against her. And because of that, I have been busy severing ties with those...
Day 90. Although I had vowed to remain single for a while, it doesn't necessarily mean I am not open to dating people during this time. In fact, my confidence since 15 years ago has improved and for the first time in 15-16 years, I asked someone out on a date today and, surprisingly, she said, "Yes."
Day 88. Since my ex moved out, my house has been in order -- metaphorically and literally. But in 45 minutes time, while she stops by to see the kids, she manages to put a wrench into the system in a way to makes it very clear that the chaos in my life for the past 14 years was attributed to mostly her.
Day 87. After learning that a friend who was suffering through a recent separation has been able to reconcile with her unfaithful husband for the sake of their children, I ponder the rights and wrongs of my own divorce and come to the conclusion that although I would have had it differently, the outcome is an unexpected blessing for myself.
Day 86.B. This bonus episode will be a sermon of sorts. I go into deeper detail about why the conflict between my lost soulmate and myself has been a challenge. I use the story of Adam and Eve to demonstrate why I cannot give into her wishes in order to have her be my forever mate, but in order to do that, I have to reveal a detail about our relationship I had kept secret from my listeners until now.
Day 86. What should have been a smooth transition in my wife's opinion has not been so. And besides the pains of adjusting to a new divorced life, she is seeing how her actions are overlapping into other areas of her life and I am relieved to know that these frustrations have nothing to do with me.
Day 85. I have learned that love should be experienced in three stages. Alas, this concept is merely a template based on life and reality and there is no guarantee everyone will go through all these stages and those that do may can spend more time than they should in the second stage, if not patient.
Day 84. The results of my physical fitness routine has begun showing itself more prominently to the point that I have gotten a lot more compliments about how good I look now. But for some reason, this makes me uncomfortable and I feel like a jerk to even complain about too many people telling me I look "hot".
Day 83. An emotional day having to go back to my attorney to deal with my ex's request for alimony. On top of that stress, my ex turns to me to help her with her ailing dog, and I visit an old location that brings me to tears.
Day 82. Just as I finished recording today's episode about how my ex is able to make a situation about myself and my struggles into another focus on her instead, I get a notification from my attorney with some bad news that hit me from out of nowhere.
Day 81. One of the stages of healing after a divorce is retracing your steps to further understand what went wrong. This can eventually lead down the road of wondering how things would have turned out had you done things differently, even to the point of marrying someone other than your ex. Is fate an inevitable outcome we cannot control? Or do we have a say in how our relationships would have ended up?
Day 80. One of the things that has driven me to the decision to try and accept the idea of being single for the remainder of my life is the difficulty I have had most of my life finding someone who shared the same interests that I had, on the level that my ex and I had. The outlook doesn't look good and unless God has a bigger plan for me, I need to relearn how to enjoy movies and television on my own again.
Day 79. Off and on I get a text from my Lost Soulmate and up until now I had been ignoring them and not responding but when I get a phone call from her, I decide to pick up and am now worried that I may have opened a Pandora's Box for myself.
Day 78. As I adjust the the joys of living single (with kids) I am finding that I am already getting comfortable with this lifestyle. But something about the way my ex has been behaving tells me things may change for her and if and when it does, am I to be the one to be responsible for picking her back up?