A Jaded Gay

In past episodes, we've talked about how some gay men try to curate the illusion of a "perfect life" to compensate for feelings of shame and rejection. As such, we develop a false sense of confidence through others' validation. In this episode, my friend, Tillie Lee, joins us to discuss how our upbringing impacted how we practice mindfulness, be more confident, and love ourselves better. Additional Resources: Raising Low Self-EsteemTillie Lee PhotosInstagram - Tillie LeeSupport the show

There is a longstanding stereotype that gay men have a disposable income to fund an extravagant lifestyle. However, recent data has found that there is a gay wealth gap, with the average LGBTQ+ worker earning 90 cents for every dollar a typical worker earns. In this episode, we’re taking a look at recent data regarding this wealth gap, how workplace discrimination and “early choices” impact this disparity, and what employers and policymakers can do to promote pay equality. Additional...

Over the past few years, there’s been an uptick in millennials’ obsession with houseplants. And with 10.5% of millennials identifying as being LGBTQ+, which is much higher than older generations, it’s no surprise that there has been an increase in plant gays. In this episode, we’re taking a look at this millennial trend, the positive health effects houseplants have, and how they can teach gay men to live mindfully. Additional Resources: Why Millennials Are Suddenly So Obsessed With...

As gay men, many of us have feared being rejected by our friends and family as part of our coming out process. It’s no surprise that grappling with this fear can result in struggling with intimacy, attachment, and emotional availability. In this episode, we’re talking about how our fear of rejection can lead to developing abandonment issues, the negative impact this can have on romantic relationships, and how we can overcome these struggles. Additional Resources: Abandonment Issues: Signs...

Correction: The U.S. Supreme Court's landmark decision for Obergefell v. Hodges came on June 26, 2015. It was incorrectly/accidentally stated as January 26, 2015 at the 15:25 time mark. In the United States, the fight for marriage equality dates back to 1987. But between 2012 and 2014, significant challenges to state laws prohibiting same-sex marriage arose. In this episode, we’re taking a look at the origins of Obergefell v. Hodges, its landmark decision and legacy, and potential threats...

Many of us have experienced “gay loneliness” from growing up gay in a straight society. We can feel isolated from our straight peers and even members of our community. But what happens when we feel that same sense of loneliness in a romantic relationship? In this episode, my friend, Jordan Nofziger, joins us to discuss overcoming loneliness in a relationship and recognizing our inner strength to make our own happiness. Support the show

It’s the most dreaded time of the year for single people. In this episode, we’re talking through the pressures of Valentine’s Day and how we can celebrate the holiday by loving ourselves. Support the show

In previous episodes, we discussed how being vulnerable in a relationship can trigger feelings of anxiety since it threatens longstanding psychological defenses formed to avoid emotional pain and rejection. So if we go through a breakup, we can feel alone and lose ourselves. In this episode, Sara Sabatino joins us to talk through the realization of a relationship's end, moving on from a breakup, and finding yourself. Support the show

Previously, we discussed how growing up gay can impact our attachment styles when it comes to dating. Unsurprisingly, gay men who were denied affection and emotional support from their caregivers may develop an avoidant attachment type in adulthood and have a harder time getting intimate with others. In this episode, we’re taking a look at how our upbringing affects our emotional availability as gay men, identifying signs of emotional unavailability in a partner, and how we can allow...

Previously, we discussed our iconic pop queens and how their songs typically fit into distinct categories that hit an emotional button that appeals to gay men. In this episode, we continue our Gay Icons series with none other than…Donna Summer. Known as the Queen of Disco, Donna is the fourteenth greatest female soloist of all time (according to Billboard) and certainly left her mark on the disco scene. Additional Resources: 19. The Queer History of DiscoWhy Disco Should Be Taken...

Even though we may have had similar upbringings compared to our straight peers, members of the LGBTQ+ community still tend to carry trauma from growing up differently. In this encore episode, my sister, Amy Loveless, joins us to discuss how our upbringing impacted how we date, generational differences regarding LGBTQ+ visibility, and dating intentionally. Support the show

Even though we may have had similar upbringings compared to our straight peers, members of the LGBTQ+ community still tend to carry trauma from growing up differently. In this episode, my sister, Michelle Loveless, joins us to discuss how our upbringing impacted how we date, generational differences regarding LGBTQ+ visibility, and living authentically. Support the show

As gay men, many of us have had to repress our authentic selves and hide our emotions because of negativity we may have experienced growing up differently. Among the myriad of issues this can cause, some of us may not trust acts of kindness from others. In this episode, we’re discussing why we may be guarded when it comes to receiving acts of kindness, the struggles this can cause when forming a romantic relationship, and how we can ultimately learn to begin accepting kindness. Additional...

As we approach the end of another year, we may reflect on the past – from relationships to career pursuits to personal matters. And while we may look to a new beginning, we must learn to let go so that we don’t carry negative situations with us. In this episode, we’re discussing the motivating factors for obtaining closure, how we can give others closure, and how we can create our own. Additional Resources: Defining Closure PsychologyThe Need For Closure Scale (NFCS)The Need for Closure...

In previous episodes, we discussed the importance of LGBTQ+ characters in TV and film and how being our authentic selves can manifest true representation in the media. As part of this increase in LGBTQ+ portrayals, Christmas movies have begun featuring gay characters and storylines. In this episode, we’re taking a look at some of my favorite gay Christmas movies, which include furry handcuffs, awkward family dynamics, and holiday setups. Support the show

While the holiday season is typically viewed as a joyful time, the pressure of gift-giving, traveling, and spending time with loved ones can cause stress. For the LGBTQ+ community, this time of year can also serve as a reminder of their strained relationships with family, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. In this episode, we’re navigating the LGBTQ+ community’s complicated relationship with the holidays and discussing tips to get through these difficult...

Since 1984, the gay best friend has been a staple character in movies and TV, often being portrayed as sexless and sassy. However, this stereotype—while often thought to be innocent—can actually be harmful and damaging. In this episode, we discuss the origins of the gay best friend trope and cover the negative impact it can have on gay men. Additional Resources: Gay Best Friend (Urban Dictionary)A History of the Gay Best Friend in Film and TVGay Best Friend: A Letter to Straight People...

For gay men, humor has played a central role in their resiliency and helped get them through tough times. However, one form of humor, self-deprecating, can become a problem and may actually signify deeper issues. In this episode, we’re discussing the role self-esteem and humor play as a coping mechanism for stressful emotions, signs that our self-deprecating jokes may be negatively impacting how we view ourselves, and how we can break this cycle. Additional Resources: Self-Deprecating...

From social media to cover models, society has an obsession with body image, which we all struggle with. But for gay men, our bodies tend to be objectified and labeled to define our worth. In this episode, we’re discussing why gay men tend to obsess over their bodies, the negative impacts this has had on our physical and mental health, and how we can treat ourselves and our bodies with kindness. Additional Resources: What are Eating Disorders?Eating Disorder StatisticsGay Men and Body...

The term gaydar, a colloquialism referring to the intuitive ability of a person to assess another’s sexual orientation, has been thrown around casually in the media and among the gay community. However, is there any truth to this concept? In this episode, we take a look at the early origins of gaydar, the science behind the phenomenon, and how advancements in technology may be able to identify a person’s sexual orientation from a photo. Additional Resources Gaydar Definition (Urban...