A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice

This new series of podcast parent tips aims to help you reduce conflict and better connect with your teen. In the fifth episode, I talk about problem solving options. When we encounter problems in life, we have choices about how to respond. 1. You can solve the problem. 2. You can change how you feel about the problem. 3. You can tolerate the problem. 4. Stay miserable or make the situation worse. DBT is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a model of therapy created by Dr. Marsha Linehan, that has been proven effective at helping people learn to tolerate stress, regulate emotions, improve communication and create a happier more contented life. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups When you’re ready we can take about feeling better about the problem. Checking the facts and figuring out what you might be telling yourself that is not based in fact. But here’s what I know. I good friend of mine is a high school English teacher. Every year he has students who don’t get into their dream schools, and they catastrophize that their lives are ruined as a result. Inevitably they come back a year later after being in what every college they go to, and they tell him how happy they are. This rejection is not the end of the world. Its understandably painful. And it won’t destroy you. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

This new series of podcast parent tips aims to help you reduce conflict and better connect with your teen. In the fourth episode, learn to create a self-soothing kit to ease emotional intensity and get through a meltdown without making the situation worse. DBT is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a model of therapy created by Dr. Marsha Linehan, that has been proven effective at helping people learn to tolerate stress, regulate emotions, improve communication and create a happier more contented life. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

This new series of podcast parent tips aims to help you reduce conflict and better connect with your teen. In the third episode, learn to empathize with your teen even when you don't agree with them with the DBT Validation Skill. DBT is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a model of therapy created by Dr. Marsha Linehan, that has been proven effective at helping people learn to tolerate stress, regulate emotions, improve communication and create a happier more contented life. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

This new series of podcast parent tips aims to help you reduce conflict and better connect with your teen. In the second episode, learn to change your perspective on your teen's behavior with The DBT THINK Skill. THINK is an acronym that can help you change how you see your teen's behavior. THINK stands for: The THINK Skill is just one of the many DBT Skills I teach my clients to help them communicate more effectively and reduce suffering for both themselves and their teens. DBT is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a model of therapy created by Dr. Marsha Linehan, that has been proven effective at helping people learn to tolerate stress, regulate emotions, improve communication and create a happier more contented life. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

This new series of podcast parent tips aims to help you reduce conflict and better connect with your teen. In the first episode, learn to stop conversations from becoming fights with the DBT STOP Skill. The STOP Skill can help you Stop a conflict in its tracks by encouraging you to The Stop Skill is just one of the many DBT Skills I teach my clients to help them communicate more effectively and reduce suffering for both themselves and their teens. DBT is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a model of therapy created by Dr. Marsha Linehan, that has been proven effective at helping people learn to tolerate stress, regulate emotions, improve communication and create a happier more contented life. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

In the last episode I told a story illustrating the DBT concept of the three states of mind, emotion mind, reasonable mind and wise mind. In this episode, I offer a guided meditation that will help you access wise mind when you need to make an important decision. As a reminder, wise mind is when you are thinking and behaving wisely. Seeing things as they are. Wise mind is in alignment with values and goals where you can access both reason and emotion. When you in wise mind you are moving through the world mindfully. Seeing reality as it is and making decisions make sense and feel right. We all have a wise mind, and we just need to learn to access it and listen to it. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

In this episode, I tell a personal story that illustrates the DBT concept of the three states of mind, emotion mind, reasonable mind and wise mind. Emotion mind is when you’re thinking and behaving emotionally, treating feelings as facts about the world and letting your emotions rule your behavior. Emotion mind decisions disregards reason and pragmatics. They are pressured and desperate, you feel as if you must do it now or your life will be over. Reasonable mind decisions are logical and pragmatic…they are the know it all of decisions. They are the choices your parents want you to make, but they don’t necessarily make your heart sing because they ignore feelings. Wise mind is when you are thinking and behaving wisely. Seeing things as they are. Wise mind is in alignment with values and goals where you can access both reason and emotion. When you in wise mind you are moving through the world mindfully. Seeing reality as it is and making decisions make sense and feel right. We all have a wise mind, and we just need to learn to access it and listen to it. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

This episode offers a paced breathing guided meditation to help reduce emotional pain quickly and allow you to get through a difficult moment without making the situation worse. When emotional arousal is high the body goes into fight or flight mode. The adrenaline pumps and blood flows to the extremities to prepare the body to face danger. This process works well if you're in real danger, but it's uncomfortable and can lead to problems when you're not. Paced breathing is a Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skill that rapidly sends a message to your mind and body to stop the fight or flight process and move into rest and digest by triggering your parasympathetic nervous system. This skill is DBT TIPP Skill and used as a first line of defense when emotional intensity is at it's highest. Other skills in the category are Temperature — By placing icepacks on your face and neck or dunking your face in a bowl of ice (not lower than 50 degrees), you can rapidly lessen emotional intensity. Hold your breath and put your face in the ice-water for 30-60 seconds. This skill shouldn't be attempted if you have a heart condition. Intense exercise – Intense cardio exercise for 15-20 minutes can decrease intense emotions for up to an hour. Go for a run or run in place, punch a punching bag or pillow, or do a You Tube workout. Here are a couple to try: 20 minute Home HIIT Workout and The Fitness Marshall (Short fun dance workouts, do 2-3 for optimal effect). Paced breathing – This breathing exercise triggers the parasympathetic nervous system by slowing the breath and making the inhale shorter than the exhale. In this meditation, we breathed in for 4 and out for 6. Paired muscle relaxation – In this exercise you tense and relax one muscle group at a time. When you first tense muscles before relaxing them, your muscles release more deeply than with relaxing alone. This was demonstrated on a previous episode of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. TIPP Skills work quickly and easily to reduce emotional intensity. However, the effects are not often long lasting. If you are not read to face your day after completing your TIPP Skill, try another, or try another skills. Self-soothe by triggering the 5 senses. I recommend creating a crisis survival kit for this purpose. You can also distract with activity: playing video games, doing a puzzle, walking your dog, calling a friend, watching TV or YouTube, listening to music, baking a cake, taking a shower, going for a drive. Do not engage with the source of your emotional intensity until you're in a wise mind place. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

For years I’ve told new meditators to allow themselves to begin again without judgement. When you realize the mind has drifted away just begin again. And, yet, until now, I didn’t connect this powerful concept to the rest of life. I didn’t really allow myself to fail without judgement. In this episode, I will discuss beginning again and offer a guided meditation to practice the concept. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

As we celebrate the New Year and a New Moon, I invite you to practice this guided meditation that asks you to go of what no longer serves you and make room for new intentions and new dreams for the year ahead. Together lets examine the previous 12 months and decide what’s been working for us and what hasn’t. Then we can make the choice to say goodbye to the old and invite in the new. We can let go of old thoughts, behaviors, habits, relationships, etc. that no longer serve us. In doing so we create space for all that we want to expand on. THIS NEW YEAR IS PARTICULARLY SPECIAL AS IT’S ALSO A NEW MOON, A DOUBLE RENEWAL. In a lot of ways, it may feel like we are back where we were last year at this time. With COVID numbers up and the looming fear of another shutdown it might feel like we are just spinning our wheels, it can feel scary and anxiety provoking. You might tense up around all that is out of your control, or you can go within. Choose to focus on what you have control over, allow yourself to let go of all that does not serve you…. fear, grasping, blaming, anger, longing for reality to be different. Invite in grace, peace, compassion, and love for yourself and for others. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

Do you feel like your emotions control you? Like they come on quickly and intensely taking you by surprise? Or Have you ever felt stuck in an uncomfortable emotion? When our lizard brain senses pain or discomfort our natural instinct is to try and suppress it or avoid it. That impulse to suppress painful feelings is understandable but avoiding emotions is not effective. It’s like trying to sink a ping pong ball in water...no matter how hard you try to push it down it keeps popping up. Similarly, when you push away painful emotions they keep floating back to the surface. This mindfulness exercise is a guided meditation that allows you to build awareness of your emotions. By observing emotions you separate yourself from your emotions, you notice how the intensity ebbs and flows and most importantly you notice that even the most painful emotions eventually dissipate. The truth is nothing that enters your consciousness, no thought no feeling no sensation stays forever. With practice you will see that you are separate from your emotions and you can tolerate your emotions without acting on them. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

In this episode, I’m speaking with Maya Benattar, musician, vocalist and music therapist. She talks about how her parents inspired her to become a music therapist and how she uses music to help clients connect with their emotions and deepen their therapeutic experience. She invites clients to let loose, get messy and fully participate and reclaim their rhythm. Maya Benattar, MA, MT-BC, LCAT is a music therapist and psychotherapist in private practice in Midtown Manhattan and online throughout NY state. Her specialties include anxiety, developmental/intergenerational trauma and highly sensitive people (HSP). In addition to her clinical work, Maya offers supervision/consultation for other therapists, provides professional development and wellness workshops, and offers restorative workshops for helpers and healers. Maya received her master’s degree from New York University, and has completed extensive postgraduate training in vocal psychotherapy, creative arts therapies in trauma treatment, and music and imagery. For more information about Maya and her work, visit her website at www.mayabenattar.com Thanks so much for listening to A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

In this episode, we practice the DBT Mindfulness Skill Observe. It’s one of the three What Skills David and I discussed a few weeks ago. As a reminder, Observe is noticing without pushing away or clinging to anything. We observe our external environment through our 5 senses: sight, smell, sound, taste and touch. We observe our internal world by noticing thoughts, emotions and sensations in the body. We will practice observing by observing thoughts. So why do this? In my experience the majority of our suffering occurs when we make interpretations. When we add to reality. And often when you struggle with anxiety and depression those interpretations are negative. I’m an idiot rather than I made a mistake. observing thoughts lets us notice our thoughts and let them go instead of mindlessly grasping onto them. Just because a thought pops into our head does not mean it’s true and yet we so often believe our thoughts and it leads to increased suffering. This skill allows us to to simply notice our thoughts and let them go. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

With stress levels through the roof, we could all benefit from a little mindfulness. This season of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice is all about making mindfulness understandable and accessible to everyone. In this episode, David and I are talking about the DBT How Skills. These skills outline how to practice mindfulness. The How Skills are Nonjudgmentally, One-mindfully and Effectively. Nonjudgmentally is noticing without adding opinions, interpretations or evaluations. The goal is to see reality as it is. One-mindfully means being in the moment and doing one thing at a time. It’s the opposite of multi-tasking which divides attention, and only gives you the illusion of being more productive. Effectively means cting as skillfully as possible to achieve the goal at hand. Focus on the situation at hand, not the situation you wish you were in or what is fair or unfair. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

With stress levels through the roof, we could all benefit from mindfulness. This season of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice is all about making mindfulness understandable and accessible to everyone. In today's episode, David and I are talking about the DBT What Skills. These skills outline what to do to become more mindful. They are Observe, Describe and Participate. Observe is noticing without pushing away or clinging to anything. We observe our external environment through our 5 senses: sight, smell, sound, taste and touch. We observe our internal world by noticing thoughts, emotions and sensations in the body. Describing is simply adding words to what we observe. If we can't observe it we can't describe it. We describe without criticism or adding to reality. We can't observe the thoughts, feelings, interpretations or motivations of other people so we can't describe them. Participating is entering into an activity wholeheartedly without self-consciousness. When we participate we are one with what we are doing. If observing and describing are the rehearsal, participating is the performance. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

Mindfulness is a word that you hear thrown around a lot these days, but is often misunderstood. It does everything from decrease depression to improve relationships to making pain more manageable… but how? This season of ATTHO, going is all about demystifying mindfulness, what is it? How is it helpful? And how exactly do you use it in your daily life? I’ll break it down into manageable steps and I’ll interview people with interesting perspectives on mindfulness. Hopefully along the way we can all become more mindful. I spend my days teaching my clients mindfulness skills, and trying to stay mindful myself but mindfulness is an ever- evolving practice and like everyone else, I’m trying to do better. This is ATTHA. In today’s episode David and I discuss how mindfulness is defined from a DBT perspective. What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is paying attention on purpose to the present moment. To mindfully experience your internal world you notice thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. To mindfully experiencing the external world use your five senses, sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. Notice without judgment and without criticism or pushing away. How does mindfulness help? 1. Mindfulness changes the experience of pain, emotional as well as physical by teaching acceptance of uncomfortable sensations and stimulating the relaxation response. 2. Mindfulness gets you out of your head and into your life. So much suffering is caused by thoughts, judgments and interpretations playing on repeat without awareness. Mindfulness helps reduce repetitive thinking. 3. Mindfulness helps increase compassion for self and others. What is mindfulness practice? Mindfulness can be practiced many ways. Mindfulness can be practiced with meditation. You can sit and notice your breath or the sensations in your body. Mindfulness can be practiced in everyday life. You can eat mindfully, you can brush your teeth mindfully or wash the dishes mindfully. Mindfulness practice with movement. Yoga, martial arts, Tai Chi, dancing, taking a nature walk are all excellent mindfulness activities. PRACTICE IDEAS: Connecting to Wise Mind There are a number of different activities or exercises that help to connect you to wise mind. One of my favorites is closing your eyes and breathing and asking wise mind a question. This works when you’ve got a decision to make. Start your own business or take that job? Remain in a relationship or breakup? Stay or move? Whatever the question is, you can close your eyes, focus on your breath and imagine accessing the center of wise mind just sitting and calmly breathing. When you are relaxed and calm ask the question and allow the answer to come into your consciousness. You may have to do this exercise a few times, but I’ve found it to be an effective practice when there’s a question to be answered. Notice yourself in the 3 States of mind Another more basic practice is to notice yourself in different states of mind. Notice when you're in reasonable mind, emotion mind and wise mind.Think about how it feels and how do you behave in each state of mind. If you connected with what you read here and you want to work with me, send me a message through my contact page. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

In this week’s episode, I’m speaking with Lauren Selfridge, therapist, creative vision consultant and host of the podcast This is not what I ordered. She talks about everything from how Conan O’Brien and a rowing machine figure into her self-care routine to the silver lining of living with multiple sclerosis. Her version of full-hearted living means meeting herself where she is in each moment, allowing whatever feelings arise and encouraging others to do the same. In addition to being a couple's psychotherapist, Lauren is a Creative Vision Consultant, podcast host, portrait photographer, living-room-dance-partier, watercolor artist, and a big fan laughing so hard that she winds up on the floor. After an MS diagnosis in 2015, she experienced a shift in her priorities and her definition of fulfillment. As a result, she's way more focused on joy and connection, and she's passionate about helping other people live their most fulfilled lives now. INFO AND LINKS: Receive a free copy of Lauren's Creative Joy Workbook at redreamyourlife.com Listen to the This Is Not What I Ordered podcast at thisisnotwhatiordered.com To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

As we move into month 7 of the pandemic, with school starting, stress levels continue to rise, tempers are flaring and everyone seems to be at the end of their rope. We could all use some loving kindness. This powerful mindfulness is the perfect antidote for the anxiety and tension so prevalent in society, as it allows us to tap into our capacity for love, gratitude and compassion toward ourselves and others. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

Money is a taboo word that can bring up so many uncomfortable feelings. And this discomfort effects our relationships, our livelihoods and our futures. My guest, Jelisha Gatling, is a couples therapist and money mindset coach. She tackled her own maladaptive believes about money and turned her finances and her life around with the help of money mindset guru, Tiffany McLain, Jen Sincero's book, You Are a Badass at Making Money and Linzy Bonham's Money Nuts and Bolts. Now she teaches others to do the same. Jelisha Gatling is a couples therapist who has branched into providing money mindset coaching to therapists helping them work through their money blocks and rewrite the stories that are keeping them on the brink of burnout and broke. She thrives off of helping therapists to see a reality where they can help others while also thriving financially. She is working on her first book, “The Closet Wreck Therapist: Saving the Saver”, a humorous recounting of her journey transforming from “broke to woke” while giving a step-by-step guide to abundance for therapists who struggle to practice what they preach. If you'd like to work with Jelisha Gatling contact her at the links below: Website for Therapy Clients: letsunpacktherapy.com Website for Therapists: savingthesaver.com Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups

This episode features, Jessica Hulett. She and thousands like her are called COVID long-haulers. They continue to have debilitating symptoms months after initially contracting the virus. Doctors don’t yet have many answers leaving these patients in search of relief and support. Jessica Hulett is a freelance writer, editor, and marketing strategist in Ossining, NY. She moved to Westchester after more than 15 years in Manhattan and Brooklyn, where she worked for a lot of dot-coms that no longer exist. She lives with her husband Evan, 6-year-old son Colter, and two cats named Jack Black and Leslie Knope who hate each other. My hobbies include starting novels and not finishing them, hiking, and figuring out how to make healthy food taste good. Thanks so much for your support of A Therapist Takes Her Own Advice. If you connected with what you heard here, and you want to work with me, go to my website, rebekahshackney.com and send a message through my contact page. And if you have enjoyed what you’ve heard here, please subscribe, rate and review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts. To learn more about DBT group therapy with Rebekah Shackney LCSW, go to https://rebekahshackney.com/groups