Your Mental Breakdown

Doug and Kenzie continue to process thoughts and feelings after the LA fires that destroyed Doug’s house and devastated his neighborhood of Altadena. After a recent visit to the old neighborhood, a lot of emotion came up about the landscape, nature, and support in the community. Kenzie notes it's the dose that makes the poison because anything in the right or wrong amount can be really good or harmful for you. Applying this to therapy: the emotion is always inside, it’s the trigger that sets it off. Our hosts get existential and psychological – I mean, this is a therapy podcast, right? Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug and Kenzie are back after the catastrophic LA fires that destroyed the YMB studio along with Doug’s house and entire neighborhood of Altadena. We are all safe… Meredith and her sister were evacuated from the Palisades, but their houses were spared. Kenzie was evacuated and her home is untouched. Doug and his sister were evacuated from Altadena and they both lost their houses in the fire. For those impacted by the tragedy, our lives are forever changed. We will be processing the devastating loss around us for quite some time, and at YMB we are doing our best to move forward by sharing that process with you. Doug’s home was also home to the YMB recording room including our gear and memory cards. But his voice and resilience are here for you. This episode focuses on processing loss and rebuilding after such a traumatic event. We will temporarily move away from client sessions and breakdowns while we bring you this process in real time. We are grateful for the support of our community and we appreciate your understanding, compassion, and kindness as we rebuild. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Drew is experiencing the oxytocin honeymoon feeling with his partner as they are now brand new parents. He acknowledges the feelings as well as the triggers for how he was parented. Doug challenges Drew to think through his ideas and ideals of what it means to be “the man of the house.” Drew may have baby brain, but he is expressing his emotions well. He is able to sit with them and process them in session with Doug. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug and Kenzie go back in time to Sarah’s 2 session. The breakdown for this episode happens in real time throughout the session. Sarah begins to tell some of her story about growing up in a cult. Doug acknowledges her strength and resilience in the “survival” of her experiences while paving the way to work towards the “thrival” of her life going forward. We explore Sarah’s parenting style and Doug hints at the parallel of how Sarah can heal through re-parenting herself. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Sarah is confronted with her past trauma history after learning that a parent at her child’s school knows about Sarah's upbringing in a cult. She navigates a conversation to clear the air because that parent is reluctant to allow her child over to Sarah’s rumored “cult house.” Doug acknowledges that Sarah handled the situation without going into “justice warrior” mode, even though her emotions were triggered. Sarah says that she’s glad to have had that conversation with a year of therapy under her belt. She’s come a long way and is now embracing being a trauma survivor – without feeling like a victim. Because, “How can you victimize somebody for being victimized?” Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug and Kenzie go back in time to Drew’s first therapy session - and their breakdown happens in real time throughout the session. They have the benefit of listening to him then while knowing where he is now in his therapeutic treatment and progress years later. You can listen along with them to this initial meeting as Drew shares some of his history and Doug lays the groundwork for their future work. We hear the beginnings of some of the analogies that Drew and Doug use throughout his journey in therapy. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Join us for a personal and open conversation with two very special guests: actress and comedian, Maria Bamford, and podcast host extraordinaire, Georgia Hardstark. These amazing women, whose memoirs have each reached the New York Times bestsellers list, chat with Doug and Kenzie in this intimate and vulnerable episode. They discuss their perspectives and experiences as public figures being authentic, transparent, and outspoken about mental health and mental illness. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok Maria Bamford is an actress, comedian, and the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult. She is the star of four hour-long standup specials and the surreal, semi-autobiographical, Lady Dynamite, about a comedian who suffers a nervous breakdown. Georgia Hardstark is the co-host of the true crime-comedy podcast, My Favorite Murder, and the co-founder of the Exactly Right Podcast Network. She and her co-host, Karen Kilgariff, wrote a New York Times bestselling joint memoir, Stay Sexy and Don't Get Murdered: The Definitive How-to Guide.

Doug and Kenzie go back in time to Sarah’s first therapy session - and their breakdown happens in real time throughout the session. They have the benefit of listening to her then while knowing where she is now in her therapeutic treatment and progress one year later. You can listen along with them to this initial meeting as Sarah shares some of her history and Doug lays the groundwork for their future work. Sarah acknowledges that she’s spent a lifetime compartmentalizing, but doesn’t truly have a handle on everything. We hear the beginnings of some of the analogies that Sarah and Doug use throughout her journey in therapy. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

We’re back from our summer break, and getting right back into it with Drew and his brand new baby. We hear a lot in this session that Drew needs to dump out. He is feeling like he’s not enough - as a dad, a partner, and a person not taking care of his own needs. Drew struggles to find balance and expresses feeling uncomfortable in the extremely lukewarm middle. He says he’s done himself dirty over the last week because he let his fears outweigh his courage. He isn’t loving how he’s been present in moments, which is magnified now with a newborn. Being a new dad also helps Drew draw a link to how he was parented by his mom. Doug helps him reevaluate what being effective means. Drew acknowledges that he isn’t free falling the way he used to, and that he is happy to unload in therapy. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug throws a little science and neural linguistic programming at Kenzie to demonstrate how using certain language in session with clients can help in their pursuit of change. Kenzie and Doug highlight Sarah’s progress as it’s becoming more natural and instinctive for her to ask for help when she needs it. Sarah acknowledges the evolution of her relationship to control and boundaries. She continues to explore the idea from her last session about the rigidity of her religion of data. Sarah feels progress, and she still feels stress and anxiety, as she notes, “I don’t feel unrelaxed.” Doug introduces Spoon Theory to help understand our relationship to the energy and bandwidth we have in a given day. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok Mentioned in this Episode: Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino

Kenzie is jacked up on caffeine and we’re getting existential in this one. In the session, Drew emotionally retells the story of the birth of his child and the traumatic experience he went through in the hospital. Along with a new baby boy, comes a heaping dose of existential anxiety. Doug bears witness and helps Drew process an emotional release. He already feels a parental responsibility for his child’s life, and with it, he also feels a real fear of death for the first time in his life. Now more than ever, Drew has a deep appreciation for the preciousness of life and a motivation to be truly present for moments as they happen. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug and Kenzie discuss the hotly debated topic of whether or not repressed memories are real. In the session, Sarah revisits some traumatic memories of growing up in the cult. As she moves towards her own emotional experience, Doug helps explain her dissociation and offers tools with an intellectual understanding of her trauma response. Sarah can see it objectively by looking at a sibling’s rigidity as a similar but different trauma response, then she applies that same lens to herself. It’s a back door therapeutic technique to help build her compassion for self. They are laying the groundwork for making her feel safe and supported before going too deep into the raw emotion. Doug and Kenzie break down taking this route to process complex childhood trauma rather than the direct emotional route. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug and Kenzie discuss the question of whether or not people can actually change. In Drew’s session, his thoughts meander so Doug throws a few things out to see what sticks. They work through Drew’s thoughts about being prepared for fatherhood and his feelings about protecting his son from the bad experiences he had growing up. Drew expresses feeling like he’s missing out on mile markers of having a baby by not being present enough. This leads him to the root of grief for his own childhood, especially in light of going through transitions into adulthood with an unstable relationship with his parents. Doug and Kenzie break down the arc of a session and seeing the forest for the trees, especially when a client comes in talking about lots of trees. Doug shows how progress in therapy is like a river that flows in a forward direction even when it’s a babbling brook. And Beckett finally joins Kenzie on the couch! Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug and Kenzie break down codependence and answer a listener question about having contact with your therapist outside of your regularly scheduled sessions. In Sarah’s session, she processes some family drama involving her ex-husband. She shows progress by not getting drawn into the crisis and by letting her son have his own feelings without going into “fix-it” mode. Doug helps Sarah acknowledge how her current behaviors are more reflective of her own core identity and not the identity that was borne out of the cult. They connect this to last week’s session when Sarah gave a eulogy to her T-shirt with the motto “Keep Calm, Let Sarah Handle It.” She is now embodying a new badge of honor. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Drew gives an update on his medical health and it leads to a discussion about parenting. He is worried about turning into his parents while he is preparing to become a parent himself. Doug explains how we can have traits of a personality type like narcissism or borderline without it being a diagnosable personality disorder. Drew is worried about finding a balance between focusing on himself without being too selfish and focusing on his baby without giving up himself. Kenzie and Doug break down the psychological concept of being a “good enough” parent and how we can course correct along the way. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Doug helps Sarah stay in the moment and allow emotions to come up. She acknowledges being more comfortable in constant motion and hypervigilance mode when she is more focused on “doing” rather than “feeling.” We hear a pivotal moment in her therapy when Sarah reads a poem she wrote as a eulogy for the motto “Keep Calm, Sarah Will Handle It.” It is an emotional goodbye and homage to her old self that embodied the motto she literally wore on a t-shirt that her siblings made for her. Sarah can envision a path ahead as a new version of herself that doesn’t try to handle everything for everyone all the time. As she says, she’ll “Keep calm, then move out of the way.” Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok

Drew digs deeper into his core thought that his self-worth depends on how good of a provider he is to his family. Doug helps Drew explore taking care of himself in a healthy way rather than working so hard to provide that he keeps spinning plates until he gets overloaded and shuts down. Doug reframes the see-saw concept of a work-life balance to it all being under the umbrella of life with a balance of work, rest, and play. Drew draws the link to how the current imbalance is affecting his relationship and intimacy in his life right now. Kenzie breaks down how your individual dreams don’t have to die just because you’re in a relationship. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage The Facebook Group Instagram TikTok

Sarah is interacting with the world around her slightly differently. Doug invites her to experiment with what it’s like to be the observer, especially when interacting with her siblings. Sarah is shifting from the person that tries to fix or correct everyone to the person that can just notice something happening without taking it personally. She realizes that sometimes the most powerful thing she can say is nothing. Kenzie and Doug break down the current progress and process of re-wiring Sarah’s brain without making it overtly clinical. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage The Facebook Group Instagram TikTok

Drew sees progression and growth in his relationship with a friend, but doesn’t see it with his parents. Drew has an epiphany about his relationship with them that he names “conditional love,” as he is more aware of how he people-pleases in order to feel love from them. Doug helps Drew slow down and process his thoughts and feelings about the evolving relationship with his parents. Drew acknowledges feeling embarrassed, frustrated, and disappointed in who they are now, especially as it might reflect on how people see him. Doug validates his feelings and reflects it back to him before helping Drew reframe it. By radically accepting his mom as she is, he can see that she might be showing him love the way she is capable, rather than the way his love language usually recognizes it. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage The Facebook Group Instagram TikTok

Doug and Sarah reflect on how growing up in a cult stripped her of agency and individuality in her own life. She is reclaiming her individuality and feeling strength in her sense of self now. Doug and Sarah make the link from this to the issue she has with control. Sarah walks through a specific example when one of her sisters was driving her car. Sarah processes the anxiety and feelings around letting go of control and spoke up for something selfishly – meaning she was taking care of herself. Doug and Kenzie break down how we can process anxiety when it hits for all of us by staying mindful and present focused instead of going back into our past or future tripping. And they actually go over a couple of tools that we can all take with us. Doug’s Group Therapy Practice YMB Webpage Join Us on Social Media: YMB The Facebook Group YMB on Instagram YMB on TikTok Jennifer Lawrence on Hot Ones – What do you mean? Relax, Nothing’s Under Control – T-Shirt