The Onion Radio News
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Burundi Beef Council: 'Please Send Beef'
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New Mommy A Lot Prettier
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New Crispy Snack Cracker To Ease Crushing Pain Of Modern...
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Jerry Lewis Undergoes Emergency Gefloigel Surgery
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'Everything's $10,000' Chain Goes Out Of Business
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Joe Biden's 7 Techniques For Enlarging Your Member
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National Pork Council: Many Americans Suffer From Pork...
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What Should Have Been Waffles Eaten For Breakfast
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An Airport Security Pig Finds Concealed Truffles
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NASA Is Baffled By The Failure Of Its Straw Shuttle
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Scientists Discover The Gene That Makes You Eat The...
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Richard Simmons Fighting For Life In Estrogen Tent
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A Dead Werewolf Was Apparently Allergic To Peanuts
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Pea Farmers Say They Alone Keep Peas From Overrunning...
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Picture At Party Comes Out Great
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Area Bassist Fellated
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Deadly New Virus Found To Be 'Real Squiggly'
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Raccoon Leaders Call For Loosening Of Garbage-Can Lids
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Kentucky Legislature Bans Gay Pet Weddings
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Unicycling Bear's Agent Has Long List Of Demands
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Lord Answers Bible-Camp Counselor's Prayer For Safe And...
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Abusive Obsessive-Compulsive Has To Punch Wife Exactly...
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Scientists Combine 20 Tiny Dogs To Make Reasonably Sized...
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Relaxation Tape Can't Play Any Louder
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Farm Subsidy Blown On Farming
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Nation's Grandparents Voice Concern Over Reading-Light...
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Dream About Walking Around With No Pants In Supermarket...
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Convenience Of E-Mail Takes Up 30 Percent Of Area Man's...
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U.S. Department Of Corruption Denies Right-Doing
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Christian Porn Film Climaxes With Birth Of Child
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Wife's Shortcomings Laid Bare By Female Sportscaster
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Local Man Can Finally Take 'Buy Socks' Off To-Do List
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U.S. Teens Lead World In Pregnancy-Test Scores
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Clothing Catalog Creates Unrealistic Expectations For...
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God Worried Apocalypse May Not Live Up To Expectations
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Knife Fight Rope-A-Dope Strategy Immediately Regretted
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Parent Company Hasn't Talked To Sister Corporation In...
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Scientists Say Venom Taken From Politicians Could...
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Long-Time Recreational Eater Turns Pro
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New Hubble Peephole Can See Into Women's Showers
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Pressure Of Sustaining Most Of The World Taking Its Toll...
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CEO Needs $30 Million Aspen Home To Recharge Batteries
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Attempted Murderer Gave It His Best Shot
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Doctor-Patient Relationship Getting Serious
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Party Guy Finds Party Wife
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New Senate Bill Tests Through The Roof
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Multi-Vitamin Snubs Magnesium
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Cleric Issues Self-Serving Fatwa
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Despite Lack Of Natural Disaster, Thousands Flee Des...
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97th Birthday Celebrated With Nurses Who Just Happened...
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Animal-Control Officer In Way Over His Head
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Can Of Reddi-Wip Audibly Consumed In Next Cubicle
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Faith-Based TV-Repair Shop Severely Backed Up
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Area Man Thinks His Insurance Company Is Awesome
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Jesus Questioned For Accepting Tithes From Lobbyists
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Roommate Eats Emergency Preparedness Kit
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Off-Duty Weatherman Delights Seniors With Impromptu...
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Highest Blender Setting Successfully Drowns Out Angry...
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Eric Being A Real Dick Lately
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Extra-Extra-Large Man Finds T-Shirt
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Burger King Unveils New Trudge-Through Window
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Childless Couple Seriously Thinking About Abducting
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Community Comes Together To Paint Over Ugly Mural
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Pea Farmers Say They Alone Keep Peas From Overrunning...
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Love Affair Not Torrid Enough For Area Man
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Bonsai Tree Finally Dies After Four-Year Battle With...
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Johnny Depp's Indentured Servitude To Tim Burton Ends
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Michael Bay Makes High Octane Trip To Grocery Store
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Ghost Of Ted Knight Signs On As New Voice Of God
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Veteran Who Stormed Beach At Normandy Still Getting Laid...
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Catholic Nutritionists Warn Of Transubstantiating Fats
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New Robot Salesman Practically Sells Itself
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Area Man Goaded Into Climbing Mt. Everest
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New Movie From Pixar Will Totally Fuck With Kids' Minds
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Lost Nature Guide Completely Blanks On What's Edible
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Weather Channel Opens Las Vegas Casino
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Kentucky Legislature Bans Gay Pet Weddings
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Aroma Therapist Fails To Factor In Own Falafel Breath
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Native American Realtor Doesn't Believe In Job
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Jerry Lewis Telethon Loses Record $30 Million Dollars
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Romantic Hostage Negotiator Offers Bank Robbers Moon,...
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Bufferin Sought In Series Of Pain Killings
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God Returns From Two-Millenium-Long Vacation
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Florida Residents Pull Together To Plead For More...
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New Desperate Poverty Video Game Blamed For Urban...
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NASA Shuttle Bus Delayed
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Local Man Gets Stabbing Right On 47th Try
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Nation's Cotton Candy Crop Ravaged By Carnival Weevils
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14 Feelings Hurt In Local Teasing Incident
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Computer Hacker Denied Access To Social Life
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Meth Lab Tests Confirm Dealer's Hypothesis
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Local Man Shot With Girly Pistol
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German Luftwaffle Chain Offers Waffles, Overwhelming Air...
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County Fair Judges Blown Away By Local Heifer
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Bicycle-Riding Circus Bear Pedals Back To Natural Habitat
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New Homeowner Suddenly Fascinated By Molding
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91-Year-Old Woman An Expert At Outliving
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Dog Experiences Best Day Of His Life For 400th Straight...
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Detroit Tourism Board's 'Hidden Detroit' Campaign Leaves...
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Area Mom Freaking Out For No Reason Again
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Long-Lost Jules Verne Short Story ‘The Camera Phone’...
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Hopes, Dreams Crushed By Panel Of D-List Celebrities
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Boss's Going-Away Party A Little Too Jubilant
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Procrastinating Catholic 20 Rosaries Behind
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Area Man Too Busy For His Buddy Phil, Eh?
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'Phantom Of The Opera' Viewers Treated For...
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Scientific Journal Releases List Of Year's Top 100...
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Authority Figures Call For Closing Of Area Rough House
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Rapidly Swelling Man May Contain Traces Of Peanuts
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U.S. Mint Gears Up To Release Commemorative Penny For...
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Aviator's Marriage On Autopilot
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Environment-Friendly Hollywood Achieves 91 Percent...
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Stigmatic Teen Says His Miracle Is Gross
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FDA Approves Napalm Breast Implants
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Study: 72 Percent Of All High-Fives Unwarranted
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Scientists Discover 6,000-Year-Old Stain
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Scientists Discover 6,000-Year-Old Stain
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Popular 'Dad' Character Will Leave Next Season
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Popular 'Dad' Character Will Leave Next Season
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Cat General Says War On String May Be Unwinnable
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Cat General Says War On String May Be Unwinnable
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Man Being Dragged By Bus Leaves Hilarious Phone Message
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Man Being Dragged By Bus Leaves Hilarious Phone Message
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Photographic Evidence Shows Local Mom Used To Be...
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Photographic Evidence Shows Local Mom Used To Be...
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Mosquito's Life Cut Short
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Mosquito's Life Cut Short
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Reverend Blessed With Nine-Inch Penis
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Reverend Blessed With Nine-Inch Penis
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Cancer Victim Given Second Chance At Death
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Cancer Victim Given Second Chance At Death
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Pope Lays Off 20 Cardinals
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Pope Lays Off 20 Cardinals
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Cocky Attempt To Operate ATM In Spanish Backfires
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Vatican Tightens Nocturnal Emissions Standards
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Supermodel Really Interested In Meeting Creator Of Fan...
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New Gas Bill Designed By Some Kind Of Freaking Maniac
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Palmolive Attacks Dawn For Coddling Grease
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Pentagon Gets 12 Weapons For Only A Penny From Columbia...
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Bomb Sniffing Dog Humps Bomb Defusing Robot
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General Mills Pulls Nitroglycerin Chex From Store Shelves
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Vatican Gives Popular Jesus Character Whole New Look
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Scientists Discover Delicious New Species
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God's Plan For Area Man Involves Kidnapping CEO Of Ford
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Pony Lent To Dying Girl
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Investigators Blame Stupidity For Area Death
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Archaeologists Report Recently Uncovered Tomb Sure...
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Assistant Manager Accused Of Sexual Indiscrimination
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Ascending Soul Already Misses Possessions
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Ascending Soul Already Misses Possessions
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Stock Analysts Confused, Frightened By Boar Market
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Everyone On Campus Afraid Of That One Bar
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Guy From Pringles Ad Convicted Of Murder On 'Law And...
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Rick Steves Cleaned Out By Gypsies
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FDA Okays Every Drug Pending Approval, Takes Rest Of...
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World Bank Forecloses On World Farm
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George Foreman Grill Retires To Promote Its Own Grill
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American Robot's Job Outsourced To Overseas Robot
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Loft Apartments Converted Back To Mayonnaise Factory
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Many Animals Harmed In Catering For New Film
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Area Man Somehow Less Popular Than He Was In High School
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Green Bay Taxi Driver Has Seen 'Whole Heck Of A Lot'
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Crush Lasts Nearly Entire Bus Ride
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Ducks Only Interested In Area Man's Bread
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Terry Gilliam's Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays
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Local Child Amuses Caf Patrons—But For How Long?
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Deadbeat Dads March On Las Vegas
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Smoker Inspired By Sight Of Elderly Smoker
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Shiny, Wriggling Object Attracting Interest Among Fish...
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Girlfriend Acting All Clingy After Getting Pregnant
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Local Man Miscast In Role As Father
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Junior Building Inspector Closes Down Area Tree House
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Camera Crew Discreetly Trails Overweight Woman For...
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Man In International Airport Only Speaks Business
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Area Woman Recalls Days When She Resented Being Hit On
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Traveler Amazed By Sheer Number Of Mexicans
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Internet Collapses Under Sheer Weight Of Baby Pictures
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Bloodthirsty Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate Cereal...
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Area Man Forces Himself To Drink Free Refill
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Area Child Baffled By Stationary, Nonviolent Images
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Bill's Friends From Work Calling Him 'William'
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Virulent Strain Of Soy Flu Traced To Single Tofurky
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ExxonMobil Swears It's Going To Start Taxes Early This...
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Women Now Empowered By Everything A Woman Does
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Idiot Man-Child Destroys The Set Of Jeopardy
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Sheepish Secret Service Agent Can't Explain How Vacuum...
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Nation's Substitute Teachers Would Like To Know Who...
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Series Of Serial Killer Killings Rocks Serial Killer...
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Local Woman Dies Of Lost Cell Phone
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98 Percent Of Americans Are Afraid Of 98 Percent Of...
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Cryptozoologist Falls For It Again
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Mischievous Raccoon Wreaks Havoc On International Space...
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PROGRAM INFORMATION
- New York, NY
- Comedy
- English
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212 W. Superior St., #200
Chicago, IL
60654312-751-0503 -
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